How do I spiritually bypass?

I've made mistakes in my life, and when I feel bad about myself, I don't think I have the self esteem to look at my mistakes. But any self esteem ebb is never permanent, and underestimating myself isn't permanent either. When my mind allows me, I can reflect in a kind and useful way.

In what ways have I used the "spiritual practice" to avoid growth? Kevin Griffith (One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps) pointed out one, and that's that I don't always talk about what is going on with me with my close ones. I have to have a sense of what I need to talk about. I can't endless hope for an archaeologist to be digging to find them for me. I am that archaeologist.

Mistakes are fruit that helps you see that you're missing something. Wishing things were otherwise just doesn't work. Not allowing yourself to see your shortcomings is a mistake.

On problem with putting the petal to the metal, "going for it", really trying hard, is if you take your foot off the petal and coast. You can try to hard, get exhausted, and coast. That's the whole lute strings lesson. Pressing as much as you can consistently is a skill, not binging in effort, but being consistent day after day.

Spiritual bypassing implies that you've missed something along the way.

Reflecting today I got an appreciation for vigilance and constancy. I think of Charlotte Joko Beck's idea of "nothing special"(Nothing Special). Not getting too excited by the peak meditation experiences, the sangha highs, the pleasures of intellectual discourse. Theoretical pyrotechnics can be pleasing, but do they really help you to be more aware and kind to others? It can be an intoxication of sorts for me. Sangharakshita warns about spiritual indigestion from eating such rich teachings. We have an open source Buddhism now, to some extent, but we need a teacher who points us to the teachings we need at that moment, or we need to just be mindful of this phenomenon, be our own best teacher. My spiritual heroes often had to do so much themselves, there were no good teachers. The Buddha spent time with two teachers whom he learned as much as he could from, and they had very high attainments. It's so amazing that he somehow knew there was more.

I can get through a lot of meditation on the high of thoughts. Other ground me, and help me see when I've walked over towards a ledge. The sense pleasure hinderance of thinking is a real hinderance for me. (Wet cat noses are not too much of a hinderance.)

Another thing that excites me is buildings, real estate, space. Every "for rent" sign I see, I wonder if I could set up a Dharma center. I need to be grounded in reality and know when I am ready for that. The desire to share the dharma outstrips my ability to effectively communicate it, and really embody the teachings. It's my narcissistic grandiosity to think I could do so, but it's always a huge leap to think one could lead, and yet we need leaders in the world. Pointing oneself in a direction is what is needed. You launch yourself out there, and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

I've binged on the teachings, and I'm not doing that any more. I'm digesting them and not projectile vomiting them back out. Patience is required, you can only eat some much. Being in tune with your body helps you to not abuse yourself, to not try too hard. So looking at past mistakes can make you get a sense of progress. I'm no longer doing that any more.

The forever dilemma of a latch key child (me) is wanting more support, and then being too isolated and "independent". Working with others the right amount is a challenge. Even the story that I'm a latch key child is something I can loosen my grip on, that was so long ago. Growing up is such a challenge. I don't like it when people shout "grow up!" at others, but others can be frustrating. Even said gently and sweetly it's not easy to grow up.

I am grateful for the people who care enough to point me in the right direction, even if they have given up on me in the present. Actions from the past linger and nourish one. I think of all the lessons I've learned along the way and I am grateful. Thanks to all my teachers and all my mistakes and all the awareness and self esteem in myself that allows me to recognize and plot a course. I am grateful for catching mistakes, and seeing things I've missed in my attempt to bypass. It teaches me what short cuts don't work. Reading one's actions and not just fickle intensions is important. Seeing oneself clearly can be difficult for different people in different ways. I hope to have the grace to embrace my real journey.

perceptual healing

The Fruitful Darkness: A Journey Through Buddhist Practice and Tribal Wisdom is like a sutra to me.

Last time I thought a book could be a future sutra was when I was reading The Essential Sangharakshita: A Half-Century of Writings from the Founder of the Friends of the Western Buddhist Order.

Halifax has so many interesting concepts that you just don't hear every day. Or I don't anyway. "Perceptual healing" made me think how when I meditate a lot, my smelling comes back. I think smell is a sense I sacrifice to cope with the onslaught of input. There are so many unpleasant smells in the city. I used to pride myself that I could work with smelly clients because it didn't bother me so much.

Fruitful Darkness is so beautiful. It is poetic. I think my eyes and mind gobble up the words hungrily, I have been starved for this kind of thinking, experiences and writing. Halifax is quite the traveler.

A Zen Life: DVD review

When A Zen Life, came out I asked the Sangha if everyone wanted to pitch in and buy it. Nobody responded to my e-mail. Crickets. Finally got it on Netflix. It's not bad. There are many talking heads and good historical footage, and interesting bits from his history that was filmed, many photos. File under history of Buddhism coming to America. It is How the Swans Came to the Lake type stuff. He really influenced a lot of people, lots of artists and psychotherapists, and if you can imagine a time when it was hard to get information about Buddhism, he was an initial popularizer with over one hundred books in English.

Of course now, there are so many different presentation of Buddhism and Zen, and they can be more precise, or easier to digest, or tied to a movement. I'm not sure how much his books are read these days, but I they aren't things I go back to reread.

The movie has Suzuki as against the war, when we know from Zen at War (2nd Edition) that Suzuki also said things supporting the militarization of Japan. I tend to think that he was probably against the war, but said pro-war things just to get along in that climate, before he felt confident enough express his real opinion. But I could be wrong, and I might be whitewashing it like the film does.

D.T Suzuki was a great writer, and I most appreciate his translation of Lankavatara Sutra: A Mahayana Text (Buddhist Tradition) (Vol 40). I read a lot of his books and got confused while I was in college. But later on when I found a sangha and learned the tradition, Zen makes sense to me. It is a tradition that focuses on the perfection of wisdom aspect of the tradition, and emphasizes meditation. But Suzuki taught at a Shin university for a time, and wrote some books on Shin Buddhism.

He felt at one with nature, and felt he was the trees, experienced satori. I have had that experience, but I also felt I was the wind and the leaves and the trees. It was an amazing experience, and I hope to get back to a place where I can approach that kind of awareness. To be on a retreat for many days after building up to a retreat with lots of meditation and reading and spending time with friends. These peak experiences can't be one's only guide though, you have to keep on plodding along and doing the work even when it isn't glamorous, exciting.

I didn't even really talk about it because I have the two book title slogans rattling around my head: Nothing special and after the ecstasy, the laundry. It's not easy to sustain that kind of awareness for me, and I'm far from that today. Glimpses of what could be can entice one and inspire one, but there is also the dark night of the soul as well, and other times that are not so rewarding. And then life can sweep you up and take you into other areas. Keeping up the circumstances that sustain deeper practice are not that easy in our times.

D.T. Suzuki was someone who wrote books, but did not found a movement. When a friend asked to meditate, he sent him to another friend to teach him meditation. Of all the talking heads in the video only one person asked to meditate with him. My favorite talking head is Snyder. I'm also fascinated by his secretary Mihoko Okamura.

Watching this DVD has been on my list of things to do, and I would urge you my Buddhist friend to put it on your list, if you haven't seen it, even if you're not into Zen, because there are not that many movies about Buddhism. This is an essential one about the history of Buddhism in America. It's on Netflix, so put it towards the top of your queue. There are some used copies on Amazon, but they're pretty expensive. I wouldn't be surprised if this DVD became unavailable soon, life is so transient.

The film also leaves one question (at least). What happened to his son? He adopts a child, and when his wife dies, the movie doesn't follow up and say what happened to him. 

John Cage is interviewed, and I've read a book about how Zen influenced the avant-garde art in America, the name escapes me at the moment.

I would put this movie up there with Crazy Wisdom, about Chogyam Trungpa, who was also a huge chapter in Buddhism coming to America, and early Buddhism in America. Like Trungpa, Suzuki was an imperfect human being, and time has helped us to flesh out the biography and explore the dark sides. Beware the guru that denies the dark side.

What I'm reading

I finally got around to The Fruitful Darkness: A Journey Through Buddhist Practice and Tribal Wisdom. Halifax combines Buddhism with Shamanism, deep ecology and Jungian dream psychology. I was particularly interested in the concept of world wound.

I'm also reading The Noodle Maker of Kalimpong: The Untold Story of My Struggle for Tibet. This book is the memoir of the brother of the Dali Lama, and fills in the picture more of what happened over there in Tibet.

Photo

Book Review: Through The Flames

Through the Flames: Overcoming Disaster Through Compassion, Patience, and Determination is a book in two parts. The first half is about Mr. Lokos' recovery from severe burns in a plane crash, and the second is about the dharma that helped him recover. There is an interesting post script where a nurse tells him him that he is "so kind", which Buddhists will remember Ananada as saying about the Buddha as he passed. Mr. Lokos has a kind of determination and commitment to the Dharma that helps him to organize his experience and chart his course for recovery. He looks at things in the most positive way and keeps his extra stress to a minimum. The extra stress comes from unhelpful stories we tell ourselves. Like putting a second arrow after a first one goes in. He handles  a very challenging recovery very well, and survives despite doctor's predictions that he wouldn't. There is a section where he follows up with his first book, Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living. He sees patience as just not over reacting to things, having the insight to not add on. I have read so many dharma books, but this one doesn't overload me with basic instructions, but is also written in a simple practical way that is not overly complex. I read the book while on a camping trip and quite enjoyed it. Now I need to go and visit the Community Meditation Center, which Lokos founded.

Sacred illness

from Through the Flames: Overcoming Disaster Through Compassion, Patience, and Determination  

MYOB

P.26 in Dhammapada: The Way of Truth  

“One should pay no heed to the faults of others, what they have done and not done. Rather should one consider the things that one has oneself done and not done.”

That's not how I pictured it

Ted Seth Jacobs is an American painter.

The only way this photo makes sense to me is if these are Mara's daughters, but supposedly there were three. I guess it could have been more. And I thought he was under a tree. Oh well, maybe this is what Pat Robertson was talking about when he said not to work with Buddhists.

reflections on Buddhist Modernism

Pat Robertson says don't work with Buddhists. How can you tell, they're so sneaky?!

In unrelated news, been reflecting on The Making of Buddhist Modernism:

By arguing that developments are Buddhism don’t occur in the original Pali cannon, makes me wonder if McMahan is Theravada Buddhist. The idea that there could be developments outside the Buddha—well, maybe they’re not enlightened developments, who knows. Great sages like Milarepa and others seem have great spiritual depth. 

The fear is that any old thing could be added in? Imagine the devote chanting for a big screen TV (that happens in a sect, but it’s because they value authenticity, and the hope is that eventually you will turn towards spiritual things, though I’m just speculating).

There are layers and layers of code in computers. The original layer is often seen as elegant, whereas later accretions give more functionality, but they lose the elegance.

The Boddhisattva idea—is that a new creation, or just an articulation of a reading of the Buddha’s life? Freud wrote a bunch of pregnant statements that have been developed by the community of psychoanalysts. There are many that have gone by the wayside. There was actually a book on the techniques involved in sleeping with your patient. That one fell by the wayside because the community of psychoanalyst decided it was misguided. Maybe Thich Nhat Hanh has developed “interbeing” in a way that really wasn’t in the early texts, but his bona fides as a monk are pretty good, he's connected to his community and friends, and maybe it's a useful modern Buddhist idea. 

Are we adapting Buddhism to the modern world? It seems like it would be artificial not to. The Buddha didn’t say to be Luddites. Of course he couldn’t because they came after his lifetime by a long shot, but you get my point.

McMahan could say, no no no, I’m just saying these ideas are modernist ideas grafted onto Buddhism, I don’t comment whether they’re good grafts are not. Just to be conscious of grafting is the point. That I can get on board with. And knowing what's origional and what's a later development can't hurt.

New book out

Alan Lokos has a new book out: Through the Flames: Overcoming Disaster Through Compassion, Patience, and Determination. I enjoyed Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living. He's got a YouTube channel. There's an article in the NY Times about him and his new book. Lokos is a New Yorker, a city Buddhist.

Mindfulness of the Buddha

(Udumvara flower)

This is a book review of The Life of the Buddha (Penguin Classics). As noted in a previous blog, the book was written by Tenzin Chogyel in Bhuttan about 250 plus years ago. He's in the Kagyu sect of Buddhism, so the Buddha taught the Mahayana ideals and the tantric spells. This new translation is a blessing. I think it's the first one of this text. It makes me wonder how many other great texts are out there untranslated.

The literature of Buddhism is vast and it can take a long time to read it even with what is already translated. There is even the phenomenon of book buddhists, people who read Buddhist books and find them quite enjoyable and in harmony with their aspirations. I have a similarly modern approach to Buddhism that at the beginning involved a lot of books before I took the plunge into sangha and meditation. There are also tattoo Buddhists, people who put a Buddha on their body, but don't really know much about Buddhism. There are Buddhist who think it's presumptuous to read these texts and meditate, because they've been told it's only for the monks. There's all kinds of Buddhism and there is also a unique form blossoming in America and other countries that where not traditionally Buddhist.

My experience is that Karen Armstrong's biography of the Buddha is a fair place to start. Even though she's not a Buddhist, she's a great spiritual writer. The best book is the collection of biographical elements, by Nanamoli. (The Life of the Buddha: According to the Pali Canon). There is a bibliography of recommended books that include Nanamoli and some other books I'm hoping to get to. It's fun to see the differences in this version. Like he had 32 nursemaids as a baby. Vivshpani Blomfeeld's book on the Buddha wasn't on the list, but that's a deep meditation on the Buddha that included stuff I didn't see elsewhere. Unfortunately it's not in print in America, so you can buy a used copy or an electronic version.

I can't remember the scriptures that talk about a fellow who's meditation practice was just to recall his experiences with the buddha, and thinking about the Buddha. Recollecting the Buddha is a positive thing. When I hit on a theme, I chant a mantra that is most appropriate throughout the day. I chant the Buddha mantra. You can also imagine him with you during you day.

There are issues with the miracles. As a modern skeptical person, sometimes it's not clear for me how to translate things from literal to mythical. What does it mean to be born out of the side of someone, instead of coming out the vagina? Do they think women are dirty? Is that misogyny? At the very least it signals him as someone unique who begins talking right after birth. I take it that he has done so much work in his previous lives, that he really hits the ground running.

I don't really have to make sense of it, I can just enjoy it. I've been writing about re-enchanting life, and this account of the Buddha's life certainly does that from a Bhutanese Kagyu perspective 250 plus years ago. There are some interesting little sketches: Mara doodles in the dirt after the Buddha moves past him. There are sections where the devotional writing is inspirational.

If you're looking for your first biography or even second, I might miss this one because you might get some sectarian impressions of the Buddha's life (unless that is your school, of course, or you're considering that school). But if you've read a few biographies and wish to contemplate the Buddha in a new translation, this is a pretty good little book. 

Tenzin Chogyel

No much can be found about Tenzin Chogyel on line. There's a living musician with a similar name. Tenzin Chogyel lived from 1701-1767, two hundred years before I was born. He wrote a version of the Buddha's life that Penguin thought to publish a new translation. Maybe Kurtis R Schaeffer translated it, and then looked for a publisher. Either way, I'm glad they both extended the effort. This is a beautiful text that I have not read before.

There is a beautiful rupa on the cover. I took a picture of the opening.

I got frustrated with the introduction but I read most of it. The first few chapters are very inspiration, it's inspired writing. I could imagine chanting the whole book over a night, like I have read the Diamond Sutra passing the book around the shrine room.

Tenzin Chogyel was from Bhutan, and was the head man of religious affairs for a while. It's suggested that this work was meant for new students. He's part of the Kagyu sect, which is  a red hat sect, along with Gelug and Sakya. The Kagyu sect has many sub-sects.

I went on line to see if there are any flights to The Eagle's Nest, and I couldn't get a flight to Bhutan after looking at about 20 websites, but then I realized I was only looking at American flight. It looks more complicated to find flights though. Looks like they have similar seasons to the US, July is the hottest month, January is their coldest month. They're supposedly making the biggest statue of the Buddha. Wish I could just fly there now, if it was just to update Wikipedia.

quote

The Life of the Buddha (Penguin Classics) p. 4

"Proud fools rest ever in their errors
Saying senseless things in greed hatred and ignorance."

Re-enchantment

Walking by a beautiful statue of the Virgin Mary, I didn't have that enchanted feeling. I've been asking myself do I need to re-enchant life? There was a time when I saw a Buddhist rupa, that I wanted to bow down and prostrate to the spiritual ideals. The reverence for the wise ones had an enchanting spell. That was when I was meditating a lot, when I was reading a lot, when I was spending a lot of time with spiritual friends. I've worked myself into very alert states. But inevitably the retreat would end and I would go back to my workaday life. There were times when I would meditate at lunch, so excited from a retreat, that I ended up meditating 2 times a day, sometimes three. I have done pujas, where I felt a kind of bliss and the mantras felt magical. I can begin to approach those things. But my question is whether that is necessary. Do I need that spiritual high to sustain my life, or can I do a kind of "nothing special" approach. One of the aspects of Buddhist modernity is that I'm aware of all the choices. I don't go to the local guy and learn what he learns. In an modern open source Buddhism, I can see all the options, try them on. People will say you lose something by not committing to one tradition, and I'm sure there is more truth there than just the branding and the sectarian thinking. Any good tradition guards the deeper practices to protect the spiritual aspirant from spiritual indigestion, from eating too many rich practices. There is a system of practice. To flit from system to system, you don't get deep into the system. On the other hand some people have said it's easier to get enlightened than to get ordained into some systems, but each sect has a right to control who is teaching that sect. There are slick teachers, who turned out to be sleeping with everyone, and that shows a kind of disconnect from the ideals. Honest and sincere isn't always the slickest. Some movements don't have a charismatic leader. The system is more important than any individual teacher, which reminds me of the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA. The system is the star, not the individual players on the team, the team is the star. It's quite possible the best teacher for you isn't some famous person, or even advanced person, maybe someone closer to your level who has struggled like you, and can say it was worth it, could be a better teacher.

Back to my question, does my spiritual life need to be re-enchanted? What would it give me? Would it add power and focus to my meditation? Would it help me to study more? Would it help me to find sangha? What is it about an enchanted spiritual life would be useful?

The Life of the Buddha (Penguin Classics) came in the mail today. Looking forward to dipping into this, back to basics.

the positive side of dreams

I found this post amongst my drafts and I thought I would post it....



Felt I should follow up on yesterday's post about escapism with further meditations and thoughts.

Dreaminess isn't all bad, and it's part of the process of developing your vision, reaching for am much as you can. I watched the updated Walter Mitty, based on the Thurber story yesterday with my sons, and in this version Walter Mitty changes his core personality in the end and is a doer and not just a dreamer. I think that evolution is possible for everyone.

I read a book about daydream interpretation, the point being you can interpret those as well, and that thinking about them can be really useful.

The negotiation between dreams, limited resources, planning ahead and accepting opportunity costs is all very important.

I'll end with Langston Hughes' famous poem.

Harlem BY LANGSTON HUGHES

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

the positive side of dreams

Felt I should follow up on yesterday's post about escapism with further meditations and thoughts.

Dreaminess isn't all bad, and it's part of the process of developing your vision, reaching for am much as you can. I watched the updated Walter Mitty, based on the Thurber story yesterday with my sons, and in this version Walter Mitty changes his core personality in the end and is a doer and not just a dreamer. I think that evolution is possible for everyone.

I read a book about daydream interpretation, the point being you can interpret those as well, and that thinking about them can be really useful.

The negotiation between dreams, limited resources, planning ahead and accepting opportunity costs is all very important.

I'll end with Langston Hughes' famous poem.

Harlem BY LANGSTON HUGHES

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Escapism

source

One time on retreat, a woman suggested that sport talk radio was escapism. I was surprised at how quick the denial came out of my mouth, and I say today that sports fandom is escapism. As a person working hard to squeeze out the most meaningful life, I ended up in social work, and this has been a challenge because I can be a sensitive person. Even worse, now I'm in child welfare, which is for the thickest of the skins. No Rogerian unconditional positive regard. There are systems of condescension and blame. I thought I heard the worst stories of abuse in the female prison I worked in. Well, child welfare has them too. The secondary trauma of listening to trauma is perhaps what the social worker hopes to master as the wounded healer.

I sat down to read a book about one my new escapist subjects (How Soccer Explains the World: An Unlikely Theory of Globalization ), soccer, and walked into grim descriptions of hooliganism in Serbia and Croatia. At least I had been warned the book started out negative and then got progressively more positive as it went along.

And then there's the entitlement of compensatory indulgences, the feeling that I dislike being put upon so much to work, that I have the right to gork out on light ensemble friendship sitcoms while playing video games.

And then there's the pure laziness, the immaturity of only wanting to do what I want to do. There are times when I subjugate myself so much for others, that I go on strike. I actually love giving to others, but sometimes I feel needy.

My flawed human approach to Buddhism was a reflection of my own personality and sometimes what I presented gave people the impression of escapism. That should have been a sign. Life teaches you the same lessons over and over until you get it. Don't imagine my escapism tinged Buddhism is the real Buddhism, I think it's counter to that actually. Meditation is about facing your experience, instead of running after the various escapist sticks, turning to the stick thrower. Engaged Buddhism is about facing problems in society and yourself. Not escapist at all.

So like this family the father sees his face in everyone, I see myself in my escapism. It is everywhere.

source

Billy Collins poem

Shoveling Snow with the Buddha (Billy Collins)

In the usual iconography of the temple or the local Wok
you would never see him doing such a thing,
tossing the dry snow over a mountain
of his bare, round shoulder,
his hair tied in a knot,
a model of concentration.

Sitting is more his speed, if that is the word
for what he does, or does not do.

Even the season is wrong for him.
In all his manifestations, is it not warm or slightly humid?
Is this not implied by his serene expression,
that smile so wide it wraps itself around the waist of the universe?

But here we are, working our way down the driveway,
one shovelful at a time.
We toss the light powder into the clear air.
We feel the cold mist on our faces.
And with every heave we disappear
and become lost to each other
in these sudden clouds of our own making,
these fountain-bursts of snow.

This is so much better than a sermon in church,
I say out loud, but Buddha keeps on shoveling.
This is the true religion, the religion of snow,
and sunlight and winter geese barking in the sky,
I say, but he is too busy to hear me.

He has thrown himself into shoveling snow
as if it were the purpose of existence,
as if the sign of a perfect life were a clear driveway
you could back the car down easily
and drive off into the vanities of the world
with a broken heater fan and a song on the radio.

All morning long we work side by side,
me with my commentary
and he inside his generous pocket of silence,
until the hour is nearly noon
and the snow is piled high all around us;
then, I hear him speak.

After this, he asks,
can we go inside and play cards?

Certainly, I reply, and I will heat some milk
and bring cups of hot chocolate to the table
while you shuffle the deck.
and our boots stand dripping by the door.

Aaah, says the Buddha, lifting his eyes
and leaning for a moment on his shovel
before he drives the thin blade again
deep into the glittering white snow.