renewing inspiriation

Reading Inconceivable Emancipation, chapter 4, based on this talk, seemed to be saying that focusing on remorse isn't so much helpful and that's where the Christians get it wrong (psychologically, though of course, you must judge for yourself).

What Bhante seems to be saying to me is that you really need to ask why you've lost the inspiration in your spiritual life, such that you made such a mistake.  As though inspiration in the spiritual life is what keeps you from making ethical errors.  And that while the ethical errors hurt someone else, you're really hurting your own practice, which is what keeps one out of the negative place that creates errors.  So when you make an ethical mistake, the most important question is:  How can I renew my inspiration?  (And for me, how can I move away from the negative self attack and self loathing?)

So I'm reflecting on that today, letting it simmer, percolate.  Please feel free to put your answers in the comments section.

My first thought it to go on retreat.  That is good use of the retreat as triage for life.

I think applying the mindfulness spotlight to problem areas helps one to define the problem, and observe for potential solutions.

It's a good practice question:  what inspires me?  I like to be positively challenged to grow.

I get positively challenged by the readings of Bhante, talks, friendships, meditation, sangha gatherings.

I'm inspired by the positivity of the spiritual life.  I recently realized that I am a bit demoralized by crime and that's why I'm not really into the mystery genera.  No matter how interesting the trappings around a crime, that is the spark of a mystery.

I'm inspired by action, and not just being the hot house flower I can be.  The liberation movement of the dalits in India.  Sanghas flourishing throughout the world.  Good works, innovative programs, and festivals I hope to connect with in the future.

And then I suppose a solution is to look at what's demoralizing me, and dampening inspiration or blocking it.  What am I doing to block inspiration?  There's plenty there, which I won't go into now.

A major problem for me is how I can work for the good of the Dharma.  I just don't see that clearly.  I yearn to put my shoulder to the wheel of the movement, but my actions say otherwise.  What is holding me back?  Like always I'll just have to live the questions.

May you be happy, may you be well!

Practice Day

We had a lovely practice day today, and there was the question--what turned me on to the Dharma when I first got involved? What's my root of inspiration? I can use that to remind me in the difficult times.

I think a week long retreat on the Brahmaviharas, over the winter holidays of 2002 at Aryaloka. That much meditation really changed me in a way that I hope to changed the rest of my life. I'm not sure if I could write anything brief about why meditation is so revolutionary and important to me.

On the retreat, I read Bante's book on the puja, Ritual and Devotion, and for the first time entered into the devotional practices of Buddhism, which was a revolutionary thing for me. Hitherto I was an atheist (still am on that regard) who saw any organize spirituality as generally a way for ripping people off. To be chanting was a scary thing for me, to offer an offering and bow to the Buddha was very scary to me at first. Now it's quite natural and I love a good puja. I've collected alternate pujas as well.

I didn't really connect with anyone who is still a great friend, but I met some people who are spiritual friends and had an intense retreat friendship with someone who was a bit unstable and struggled. I think that's the weakness of that retreat, when I review it, that has deepened on subsequent retreats.

I remember being so tired one day, that I fell asleep on the couch in public. I remember the silence being challenging, so I went on a walk with the troubled teen and listened to her ventilate. I remember just feeling so very mindful and alive, the devotional and intellectual elements coming together. The food was really health and tasty. There were some people who were not so positive, and I myself wasn't always positive and harmonious.

There was also interviews with meditation teachers, and I remember that being supportive, and got me to talk with other order members, got very specific meditations support.

For New Year's Eve we chanted the Vajrasatva mantra (you can get it here), and like the puja I began to see the power of mantra. Driving home I could not help but chant the Padmasambhava mantra.

So on one level I really discovered the revolutionary power of meditation, but I also began to see the pieces come together (not quite all) and begin to see the whole program, including the devotional aspects to support practice.

From that retreat, I built on various GFR retreats, and feel like I have learned quite a lot over the years, and there's a lot more to learn. I think going on a week long solitary retreat was another deep meditative experience that is another root of inspiration. Feeling the power of deep meditation is one of my roots of inspiration in Dharma practice.

So what's the roots of your inspiration?