Friday, February 01, 2013
I haven't meditated in a while. I sat today with my partner in front of our shrine, with incense lit. It was a pretty dreamy meditation, my mind launches projects. I am better now at not berating myself for where my mind is, and comforted myself with the thought that I was doing something now to work in a positive way. What should I expect, I've not been meditating. It's great to tune in and begin the work again, whatever comes up. I don't want to be a stranger to myself. I noted the doubt, that this was to small an effort, didn't try to counteract it, except to not buy into that thought. I tried to not get fascinated with my thoughts, even though the newfound mindfulness in meditation made life more interesting. I am not meditating to interest myself, but for the benefit of everyone. When I came back to myself and the task at hand, I just gently and kindly returned to the breath. I accepted the leg discomfort, told myself the meditation would be over soon anyway, just sit still. The leg discomfort is just a weird kind of resistance, and I know what pains to listen to and what pains to ignore. At one point, I realized that I hadn't really committed to doing mindfulness of breathing and I asked myself gently to commit to the task at hand. I reminded myself that I'm doing this for everyone, everything. At the end, I felt and observed the fruits of my effort.