There is a kind of person who comes onto r/Buddhism and complains about weird results in meditation. I go right to the Meghiya Sutta:
Spiritual friendship--you have to build a base of connections to others on the path to report into regularly, who monitor and support you. That is community power. You can't do it without other power, community power and self power. To go onto Reddit for spiritual advice, you're not building a solid foundation. Being willing and open to it, taking concrete steps by visiting a sangha regularly, meditating with others.
Ethical conduct: Follow the Vinaya. There are highly enlightened people who have not followed the rules, so people think they can just skip the rules like them.
Dharma talks, study. Most westerners like to read, but reading with others is quite important too. Listening to talks is great. There's an ocean of Dharma on the internet.
Avoiding unethical conduct, revulsion for it, making it impossible. Cultivating disgust for substance abuse is what AA is all about for me.
reflection on the path--Rantaguna wrote a really lovely book on the importance of the practice of reflection on the spiritual life. Doing the legwork about personal barriers in friendships and in grasping the dharma, being honest and real, not just posturing and show.
I would add: puja. Chanting is a excellent way for the ideas to burrow into your non-permanent soul. It's a great activity. Ideally you do it mindfully, but doing it unmindfully isn't bad either. Of course rites and rituals as ends in themselves is to be avoided. You get less points if it's unmindful.
Confession to a spiritual friend is good for ethical development. Really making it challenging and making it hurt.
Getting right with the people around you is important. AA has people making amends, and the upshot of that is that you can't really make amends and undo the past, but being willing to be more ethical is the point, and not just in theory but taking it to people you have harmed. My experience with amends is that you really shouldn't approach some people, and others will forgive you too easily or minimize what you did. It's really weird hard work. How much of it really was alcoholism or substance abuse? Much of my ethical breaches feel like they were done sober, though surrounded by substance abuse. What do I do with that? I read that being ethical is the one thing you can learn. You can't become a great athlete, or math genius, those are sort of things you figure out in your teens and early twenties. But you can become an ethical person, kind and thoughtful, through the course of your life. Just being there, recognizing what people are going through is quite an amazing thing. This is yet another reason why friendship is so important. And yet trying to make a new friend in this day and age isn't easy.
Chastity isn't something Buddhist start with, I think Buddhism would die if it was sold that way, and I feel a bit like an up tight fuddy duddy by suggesting it, but the chase for connections takes up quite a lot of energy and resources. Having longer periods of being alone between relationships is a prime suggestion.
Spiritual bypassism is often discussed, and doing the work with a psychotherapist, and trying out all the technologies of change are recommended: Hiking in nature, yoga, making art, artistic appreciation, tai chi, public speaking, recovery programs, journaling, volunteering, feldenchrist, coaching and on and on and on. If it helps the world, and it helps you get out of yourself in a positive way, then it's going to be good. Life is short, some say it's a race for maturity before senility. Try to expand who you are and be honest about what works and doesn't work.
Work on your communication skills ala Non-violent communication.
Can you think of anything to add here?
Then when you're ready:
develop good will (Brahma Viharas). The development of good will and equanimity is an important foundation.
mindfulness through anapanasati. Mindfulness will guide the insights in a positive way, and help you cope with the slings and arrows, but more importantly help you find joy. It is on this base that insight can develop. You can feel in your body the interconnections, not just agree intellectually. In community with others. Anapanasati can help integrate one's mind with the body, and the mindfulness of the body is very important. You want the insight to radiate throughout your body. Alienated awareness can't happen if you're connecting your awareness to the body. The body is where the trauma is stored, and the body is where some insights can come from. Tune into your body ala Focusing and tap into a new form of your wisdom.
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