End of times

I used the phrase, "End of times," casually, but been looking into it.

Supposedly Buddhism doesn't really use the phrase, but in the year 4300 Maitreya might be returning (Wikipedia), (Source) and (Digha Nikaya, 26).

The text then foretells the birth of Maitreya Buddha in the city of Ketumatī, in present-day Benares perhaps. Ketumati is associated with the city of Banaras in Uttar Pradesh, India. Looking, there are 20 temples in Benares on the Ganges River, often with national names like Tibet, Chinese, Sri Lankan, Bengal. Many are not nationally named, the 2 inside the city aren't, and one has a famous stupa. Varanasi is one of the world's oldest continually inhabited cities. India's oldest Sanskrit college, the Benares Sanskrit College, was founded during East India Company rule in 1791.

Dhamek Stupa is supposedly where the Buddha gave his first sermon and teachings to the 5 disciples Kaundinya, Assaji, Bhaddiya, Vappa and Mahanama. 

While visiting Sarnath in 640 CE, Xuanzang recorded that the colony had over 1,500 priests and the main stupa was nearly 300 feet (91 m) high (Wikipedia).

Wikipedia lists the mean high temperature over 100 for April, May and June in Benares. Looks like the coldest month January is the time to visit Varanasi or Benares, goes by 2 names.

"Note that no description of Maitreya occurs in any other sutta in the canon, casting doubt as to the authenticity of the scripture. In addition, sermons of the Buddha normally are in response to a question, or in a specific context, but this sutta has a beginning and an ending, and its content is quite different from the others. This has led some to conclude that the whole sutta is apocryphal, or tampered with." (Wikipedia)

The sutta that predicts 7 suns and holocaust: Aňguttara-Nikăya, VII 6.2 isn't easy to find, it's not included on online Pali Canon, probably rightly so. 

I looked in on the conditions of end of times in the Bible, and it seems like with war, earthquakes, duplicitous leaders, breakdown of order that we are indeed in the end of times. The article says end of times started around WW1. A Pew Research Center study found in 2022 that over 60 percent of evangelical Christians in the US believe we are living in the end times.

I haven't seen what the end of times means in Christianity, seems just like it's a motivation to get right with God. Difficult times call for increased spiritual effort perhaps. If you can really believe that belief and surrender to God makes you happy, then it's a self fulfilling prophecy, and if you can achieve that, more power to you. 

This subject is called Eschatology. The prediction of the end of the world. I feel like things are pretty chaotic with hurricanes, earthquakes, eclipses, social chaos and disorder, but I don't imagine my subjective feeling of the end of the world is the literal end of the world. It should more accurately be described as feeling uncertain and unsettled in chaos and change.

12 Nidanas

Rereading How Karma Works: The Twelve Links of Dependent Arising by Geshe Sonan Rinchen. The moon is symbol of the cessation of suffering the 3rd Noble Truth. I get excited when I see the moon when I sit down to meditate. 

Of course there is the great art that is the wheel of life:

Fundamental ignorance (Pali: avidya)
Formation (sankhara)
Consciousness (vinnana)
Name and form (namarupa)
Sense faculties (salayatana)
Contact (phassa)
Feeling or sensation (vedana)
Craving or thirst (tanha)
Clinging or grasping (upadana)
Becoming or worldly existence (bhava)
Birth or becoming (jati)
Old age and death (jaramarana)

Links:

24 Nidana meditation on Free Buddhist Audio. 

This contains the 12 positive nidanas. AN 11.2 is considered a source of the 12 positive nidanas. Jayarava Atwood has written about it.

Sangharakshita on the 24 Nidanas.

Sangharakshita: The Psychology of Spiritual Development

Nimitta

Buddhadasa talks about nimitta, a pleasing and calming image, in the context of calming the breath. 

In metta, one of my goto images is children sledding, because I loved sledding as a little kid. 

It's also an option to visualize a sadhana during the anapanasati if that is supportive. 

Green Tara is popping up my visualizations. My sadhana is Green Tara, and some of the items in the visualization is the crown of the colors of the 5 jinas. It starts out with a lotus moon mat, out of the void. Tara was born out of a lake of tears, seeing the world's cries. There are also parallels with the 5 elements. She holds a lotus that blooms next to her right ear (source). 

You can chant the Green Tara mantra: Om Tare Tuttare Ture Svaha.

Her right foot is extended to step off the mediation pad, to launch into action.

Sartre was a philosopher but he was also active during the resistance when Germany occupied France. I honestly don't know what he did besides join a writers resistance group. I'm reading Sarah Bakewell's fun book on existentialism.

Sartre also emphasized freedom, a theme in Buddhism.

 

inyeon and wall facers

More and more Buddhist concepts are coming into movies and shows. After 2500 years, Buddhism, which is transferred through highly personal relationships, has finally reached the entire world.  If you consider the Chinese sailors reaching North America roughly 250 years ago, Buddhism has touched North American after 1/10 of it's history. It's only recently that monks and others have began to build sanghas in North America. Now that the internet connects the world it seems like all the ideas are available to us, and that the world is quite small, but we are still divided by languages. English might turn out to be the lingua franca of earth, but it might be another language. Maybe there will be several languages that everyone speaks. Maybe it will be a patois. English is made out of several languages, that's why it's almost impossible to really spell.

Past Lives (2023) has a romantic Korean concept of inyeon (인연), where people are connected over a number of lifetimes. Conditionality might include rough ideas of reincarnation where something is transfered, or it might not, maybe it's more like the memories in brains still influencing real life. Like my photos of my grandparents who have been gone for a long time, but I still think about them, and they influence my in known and unknown ways. Whatever the notions, the romantic notion is quaint, and could be traced to Buddhism, Hinduism and Jainism. 

I'm watching 3 Body Problem (2024) on Netflix, and they talk about wall facers. That I know of it was Dogen (1200-1253) that liked to meditate facing a wall. He was a Japanese Buddhist who went to China for more teachings and had some powerful writings he left us. He wanted to put all his eggs into the meditation basket instead of the traditions of reciting sutras and mantras, he chose a less devotional path. Most westerners really emphasize meditation in Buddhism, but there is Pure Land Buddhism which focuses more on devotion and other power.

Dogen might have not invented facing the wall, it's unlikely the actual person who chose that first is credited. The Buddha taught anapanasati and brahma viharas, and those were already present in the culture probably, he just tailored them to Buddhism to lead towards the insights he discovered.

There are other shows and movies that have Buddhist influence. There is an anime movie where Jesus and Buddha go on a holiday as teenagers. And then there are straight on, Buddhist movies like Little Buddha (1993), Kundun (1997), Seven Years In Tibet (1997), The Cup (1999), Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... and Spring (2003).

Equanimity

So I devoted myself to anapanasati for 4 months, but I've brought back in the Brahmaviharas. I still sit with K sometimes on zoom and radiate qualities of the sublime abodes. 

How to proceed? Do I radiate the quality, or do I pick specific people in a 5 stage version from Buddhaghosa? You radiate the quality in the last stage, so I guess if you do that quite well, you could just radiate when you feel confident, but I'm not confident yet, so I fall back on the 5 stages. 

Metta, karuna, mudita are more straightforward. 

Upekṣā, Upekshā, or Upekkhā is equanimity. 

Building up metta, karuna, and mudita, equanimity also can build on anapanasati. In anapanasati you're relaxing the body, relaxing the emotions, gladdening the mind, steadying the mind, liberating the mind. How do you liberate the mind? Through insight into conditionality, disentangling, letting go of the conditions for suffering, relinquishing. Follow the breath. 

When it feels too complicated, I have a simple visualization. A circle touching a line. You are the circle, and you're not remote, and your not engulfed, you're aware of suffering through your compassion. You've coped with horrified anxiety, and you're not remote or pitying. You see others but it doesn't sink your ship, their problems. You wish them well, with a friendly smile. You appreciate virtue. 

For me, going to the breath is the door to piti, or joy. I wish joy on everyone, in general, and in meditative states. The good qualities of your friends who meditate deeply, and just the joy of seeing a stranger find a dollar on the street. Any kind of joy, and meditative joy.

I meditate on the two bodies, my physical body and the truth body (or the 3 bodies). Rooted in my body, in all it's glory and injuries and aging. All the mindfulness of the body work I have done, as part of the satipatthana sutta. I go for enlightenment with my body, feelings, mind and insight. 

I have worked on the 6 element meditation. I have taken my body apart, also in the 32 parts meditation. I have meditated on corpses. Life is so short, fragile. We must make use of our given time. 

I think about the beauty of it all. The devotional pujas, mantras and mythology that excites me, energizes me. 

All the work culminates on working through the 4 stages to the 5th stage and radiating equanimity out into the world. It feels kind of abstract to say it, but the embodiment and culmination of meditation cycles means it's something. Radiating upeksha. 

Radiating upeksha is all the metta, karuna, mudita, plus all the gladdening and steadying and insight, including the 6 element tearing down, and the resulting build up of a sadhana if you get that too with a guru, or without a guru, or no build up, just letting it sit there and stand, beaming out upeksha into the world, beyond the world, out into the universe and everything. 

All the friendships, past and present. All your study of the Dharma. All the ethical striving, all the simplifying to create the conditions. All the devotion. All the support you have received. All the conditions that allowed for your will to evoke in yourself to radiate upeksha, beaming it in all the directions. 

It is the culmination of hard work, circumstances, seeming luck and the will to enlightenment. 

This thing I call myself feel the fruits of the practice.

The wisdom of equality is embodied in Ratnasambhava (seen below).

In the insight tetrad of anapanasati, you contemplate impermanence, disentangling, cessation and relinquishment. These contemplations are supported by equanimity. 

In some sense a base of equanimity is freedom from the hindrances.

In DN9, the discussion of the jhana. In the first jhana there is no lust. In the second jhana there is no thought. In the third jhana there is equanimity. Delight in concentration vanishes too. The fourth jhana is beyond pleasure and pain and equanimity refines the state, neither happiness nor non-happiness. Passing beyond the infinite (5), into infinite consciousness (6) and into no-thingness (7), and cessation (8). The end is beyond perception.

I see Equanimity meditation as a culmination meditation. I've grinded on metta, karuna, upeksha, and now I'm putting it all together. I'm also utilizing the disentangling, cessation and relinquishment in the anapanasati. This is really trying to carry it across the finish line, no matter how basic I struggle. 

Last updated 4/19/24.

Cultish by Amanda Montell & Wild Wild Country

I'm reading Cultish by Amanda Montell, and Dionysus: Myth and Cult by Walter F. Otto, and thinking about Buddhism, and being a soccer fan. 

On the one hand, I think the hype language of Buddhism is about doing the hard work of meditating a lot. I can see why there are sects that de-emphasize meditation because it is so hard and time consuming. I tend to go in the direction of Dogen, who see it as the most important part. Other traditions use meditation, but meditation is at the heart of Buddhism in my opinion. I don't scoff at Buddhists who don't meditate as I did in my early zeal, to me it's essential. There are Buddhists who don't meditate, and that is an acceptable path.

Humans don't live up to their ideals and that can lead to cynicism and nihilism. I'm working to use ideals positively and avoid misuse and negative use. 

Somehow being a soccer fan is a weird cult of sorts. It's worship of others playing an athletic game, and there's all kinds of spin off into kit collecting, travel, and policing how others should talk about the team on social media. Montell writes about cancer fundraising, which uses benign cultish language. What a cult is actually hard to define, thus a focus on Cultish language. I suppose being a part of a benign cult helps one to do more. The power of a cult is too much for humans to weild. 

On the other hand, I get the feeling that Otto wants to look at Dionysus worship from the inside, to really give it the best representation, the benefit of the doubt, not to look at it as superficial and just some old craziness. 

Montell uses an interesting phrase. Bespoke spirituality, where you taylor everything for your needs like a well cut suit, regardless of the tradition. I've met a few people like that that don't mind taking from Hinduism or Christianity, Taoism, Islam, Judaism, Aztec, Paganism, science or psychology. 

The Rajneesh community seems to have embraced the Dionysian cult of rapture to some extent, with the Human Potential Movement, and many other complementary therapies.

"No man prays to a concept," is a quoted by Otto, and it makes sense. When I talk about how beautiful the mythology of Tibetan Buddhism, I get downvoted on Reddit, because they're not evoking concepts, they're evoking deities. I think the concepts are beautiful and I can pray to personifications of them. Tara is overcoming obstacles. Avalokita is compassion. Amitabha is love. I like that line of the jinas.

You can see why capitalism uses cultish behavior, language and psychology, and wants you to really believe in work, to squeeze the maximum out of the workers who just want to eat, housing and clothes. Whipping up motivation is important in life, but you own your own motivations, you don't have to become a tool of someone else, except to survive! That's why housing, food, gas need to go up, the struggle for existence has to be hard, make you really bust ass. That's why no benefits, no insurance, no safety net. Make schools subsistence level. Make public hospitals undesirable. Make public transport yucky. No rail, everyone needs a car.

Montell's repudiation of the term cult is to avoid judgment that assumes people don't have independence to participate in these groups. It makes me think how some on r/Buddhism use it quite quickly for sects they don't like. I have a different line and allow Triratna and NKT to exist without judgement in my mind, but I still wish to reserve the right to judge Shambhala after some of things I've read. I'm on the fence about SGI. I note how Pierce on Community was in a fictional Buddhist cult. "Cult" and "Brainwash" close down conversation. 

Jonestown happened in 1978 when 918 people died, and people used that to judge the Rajneesh community. The community was confused because Jonestown was a Christian community and they were a new religion, based off of Hinduism, but it was also eclectic and inclusive. They used some Buddhist language.

Charles Manson had 35 people killed, and was convicted in 1971 (source). 39 people died part of Heaven's Gate in 1997. Order of the Solar Temple claimed 77 lives in Switzerland, France, and Canada in 1994, 1995 and 1997. Statistically, you have to understand that there are a lot of human social organizations and that these murderous events are very very rare.

I'm watching Wild Wild Country, a 6 part documentary on Bhagwan Rajneesh's time in America. I actually don't even know anything about him, besides he was later rebranded as Osho. I had a psychiatrist recommend a book on meditation by him. I've met a fellow who does the dynamic meditation. I've never read anything by him or tried anything like dynamic meditation.

I love learning about American history and historical characters. Bill Bowerman supposedly negotiated the surrender of some German forces, won 4 championships in college track and field, and founded Nike. And he was a big person against the Oregon compound of the Rajneeshpuram. 

I'm learning this all from the documentary and reading Wikipedia. I find this interesting from the Rajneesh wikipedia: "Price is alleged to have exited the Pune ashram with a broken arm following a period of eight hours locked in a room with participants armed with wooden weapons. Bernard Gunther, his Esalen colleague, fared better in Pune and wrote a book, Dying for Enlightenment, featuring photographs and lyrical descriptions of the meditations and therapy groups. Violence in the therapy groups eventually ended in January 1979, when the ashram issued a press release stating that violence "had fulfilled its function within the overall context of the ashram as an evolving spiritual commune"."

Every force has a counter force. When the Sanyassins bought up all the houses in Antelope, people got a little more nervous, imagine they're going to take over the world, they were taking over their world. They tried to dissolve the city. I'm not sure what that would have gotten them, does the county take over and then those laws are more favorable to the people who lived there before the Sanyassins. There's a real culture war that includes the hotel they own in Portland being bombed. America where peaceful people are forced to militarized.

It's kind of chilling to see them using the concentration of meditation to help them aim a gun. They also alienate the residents who were there before by having loud sex all night. They took over the police force. This is like a square community nightmare, but it's also quite obnoxious in a way, seems like an over reaction and deliberately provocative. 

Ma Anand Sheela emerges as an interesting person. She defends the community vigorously in the media. I want to watch Searching for Sheela. Her work raised sales of the Rajneesh's books. They had 500,000 followers. They seem to be hugging each other all the time, and joyful. Looks like they had an awesome party in 1983. There's also a German film called Ashram in Poona (1979).

Every good party is followed by lawyers. The district attorney goes after them with the separation of church and state thing. The school doesn't seem particularly secular. The lawyer who was a Sanyassin is pretty persuasive that if you look at the history of America, Catholics rule Boston, Mormons rule Salt Lake, and on and on about how America was founded on religious freedom. 

Then at some point they began busing in homeless people, giving them food and shelter, and just asking them to vote, so they could take over the county they lived in. Part of the motivation was compassion. I'm finding this as a fascinating study on American politics, because you've got a kind of nominal Christian rural retirement community and a hippy commune in Rajneeshpuram, and Sheela is an intelligent assertive leader who vigorously advocates for her community. It becomes a documentary about Democracy. 

Then the mental health issues come to the fore, a raging man is sedated and driven away. They decide to sedate all the homeless population that moved there. They put Haldol into the beer.

Then there was a salmonella outbreak. They accused the Sanyassins of doing it, and the Sanyassins deny it, and in a kind of way they threaten to infect the world with love and their values.

Then Hollywood gets involved, the wife of the producer of Godfather is head of the Hollywood people embracing Rajneesh. The Hollywood people tempt Rajneesh with material goods, fancy watches, catalogues of things to want. A million dollar diamond watch is what he starts wearing. The spiritual movement has a bunch of corporations and the Hollywood crowd gets a corporation under the wing of the community. Is there are power struggle between Sheela and others. Sheela sees this as a kind of turning point in him losing spiritual momentum. He began taking laughing gas and valium. 

The accumulated government response goes federal, and begins to focus on immigration. The Sanyassin get involved, and fight them back a little. There were a bunch of marriages to allow some people to stay in America. The government went after that as fraud. They traveled all around America to try and disguise the pattern. They used that conspiracy to get Rajneesh deported. The Sanyassin developed assassination plans, to target the people targeting them. They don't say why they didn't follow through with it, or if anything thwarted them.

Sheela starts evicting people from the community. The locals who hated them have a certain glee at the problems managing the homeless crowd. This creates more negativity towards the community. They send out a box of poisoned chocolates. Government officials who visited became ill. 

Lots of rumors without proof circulated. The community experiences a kind of stress they're not really used to. Sheela seems to demonstrate stress. Sheela wiretaps the Rajneesh's room. Rajneesh acquired poisons which he stored. Rajneesh asked Sheela to build a crematorium. He said he would die on the 6th of July, "Masters Day". He was going to commit suicide maybe. Jane Stork stepped forward to assassinate the doctor who would euthanize Rajneesh. She stuck the doctor with a syringe, pretended it didn't happen, someone was set to pick up the syringe she threw. She tried to murder the doctor with a syringe and felt she cross a barrier, she became disillusioned. She did not succeed in killing him. 

Sheela decided to leave in 1985. Many left with her. Rajneesh was angry to find out she left. He breaks his 3.5 year silence. He said Sheela and her group tried to kill 3 people, he found the bug, called them inhuman, fascist, didn't face him and say goodbye, stole money.

Rajneesh and Sheela feud. He says he made a point of never having sex with a secretary, and he accused her of being on drugs. Jane Stork goes to Sheela, as a substitute guru. The Hollywood producer Ma Prem Hasya becomes Rajneesh's secretary. Swami Prem Niren becomes the new mayor. He would go on to write a legal history of the movement. He says it's a Gurdjieff test for everyone. Philip Toelkes (Ma Prem Hasya) writing a book about his experiences. 

Rajneesh extends the accusations. Said she stole 43 million dollars, was planning to bomb the community. That got the FBI onto the ranch investigating crimes. Law enforcement talks about public sex they witness frequently. The find tunnels and tapping equipment and dredge the pond. 

The nurse who was head of the medical section seems like she might have done some shady stuff, including doing the salmonella outbreak. They tried to subvert the election by making people sick. They thought about poisoning the water.

Then Rajneesh blows everything up, says it's not a religion, he's not the guru, stop wearing the color clothes and carrying malas. He ends the religion. The movement literally commits suicide, burns his books and clothes. But he still calls them his Sanyassin and doesn't pack it up, they continue to fight for their existence.

So bizzare, Sheela poses nude for a German magazine. She has 25 of her own disciples in an island off Germany. Search warrants are issued. Nobody was willing to talk, except David Berry Knapp, or Krishna Deva as he was known in the movement. The national guard surrounds the compound, and two jets load up and take off. Rajneesh left. But he landed in Charlotte, and was arrested. Around the same time Sheela was arrested in Germany. 

They fly Rajneesh in short hops all over America, in a weird time wasting drama of perp walks for 3 weeks. Sheela gets 4 years, fines and export. Jane Stork gets 10 years for attempted murder, but they don't explain why she's in Germany and comes back to ask to go visit her sick son in Australia. Rajneesh makes a deal to leave the country. 

The people leaving were crushed. It was 1981-1985. I was in high school, and I don't remember seeing it on the news at the time. Antelope is back to its old name, and they replace the street names. The party for the anti-Rajneesh people's party was a bunch of smug old ladies. Nothing wrong with older women, but it's not the party I want to go to. I have sympathy for their desire to not have things change so drastically and the drama of those 4 years. I'm not on any side, I just wondered what was preventing them all from understanding each others, not escalating things.

Rajneesh goes back to India where he still has lots of followers. He rebrands of Osho, a Japanese honorarium of a teacher. When he dies it's the final party, maybe they still party. The ecstatic dancing, the permission to be free. They discuss the freedom and feelings about the ending of things.

Jane Stork could have stayed in Germany, but wanted to go visit her son who had brain cancer in Australia, but she had to go to America to resolve the case for the freedom to go to Australia. She was allowed to go to Australia, she got time served, she was free. She expresses gratitude for being allowed the mercy of going to see her son. 

Sheela is still a fiery person who works with the sick elderly.

The ranch is now a Christian resort. 

The Sanyassin are surprised America didn't embrace him the way they did.

The 6 part movie is pretty amazing, I was really resistant to watching it, but I felt quite a lot like, why didn't I know this happened.

The dancing and lack of asceticism is an interesting antidote to the usual spiritual community. 

Now back to reading Montell and Otto.

Links and references:

Rajneesh building for sale in Antelope, Oregon includes relics of Rajneeshpuram made famous in ‘Wild Wild Country’ (Oregonian Nov. 29, 2021)

Ma Prem Nirvano (Sanyas.wiki)

Rajneesh (Wikipedia)

Breaking the Spell by Jane Stork

Afterthoughts: I had trouble focusing on the breath this morning, thinking about the documentary. 

I really like Morell's not wanting to judge these spiritual movements harshly. Seems like labeling a community a cult leads to suspending people their rights. Maybe there can be more gentle checks to some wayward behavior. People get so irritated they have to do things, they over correct. That's one thing I try to do with parenting, is to not to get too bent out of shape and over react. The paternalism of government should be similar. 

Montell writes about the escalation of the Branch Davidians that led to 8 deaths.

“In an attempt to find a less judgy way to discuss non-mainstream spiritual communities, many scholars have used neutral-sounding labels like "new religious movements," "emergent religions," and "marginalized religions." But while these phrases work in an academic context, I find they don't quite capture the CrossFits, multi level marketing companies, college theater programs, and other hard-to-categorize points along the influence continuum. We need a more versatile way to talk about communities that are cult-like in one way or another but not necessarily connected to the supernatural. Which is why I like the word "cultish." (p. 39).

I'm not sure if that solves the problem. I think also you can use cult in a positive sense to make it a less negative word, actually use the word without accepting the negative judgement. 

Montell's father grew up in the Synanon community. I'm learning about that.

Finished the book. What a wild ride. I think I'll recommend the book to my sons. I've found a meditation cult 4 miles away that is the new scientology of meditation, where they give increasingly more and more expensive courses to attain spiritual development. They work the internet to not have too many negative instances. Slick. 

I'm not an influencer, if I want to influence anyone it's to write a blog and express their truths. I'm more inclined to suggest people go on a spiritual journey, than prescribe or wish for followers. 

"The internet scammeth and the internet fact checketh away."

Anālayo quotes

“Liberation by wisdom”, paññāvimutti, stands for the irreversible type of freedom reached by progressing through the four stages of awakening recognized in early Buddhist thought. This type of freedom is irreversible because certain fetters are abandoned for good and have no scope to manifest again. With such liberation by wisdom, the freed condition of the mind has in turn become unshakeable. Liberating the mind from defilements and fetters is the supreme and overarching goal in early Buddhist thought.

-Mindfulness of Breathing 

“ Having formulated an aspiration or reverential invitation for the absorption factors to manifest with full strength, we then wait in a receptive manner for the invited factor to do so. Once all five factors are fully manifest in the mind, we could then formulate an aspiration for the first absorption to manifest, for example: paṭhamaṃ jhānaṃ upasampajja vihareyyaṃ, “may I dwell having attained the first absorption.””

Worshipping Bodhisattva, cave 285, Wei dynasty.

Mogao Caves

Stonehouse

From The Mountain Poems of Stonehouse translated and commentary by Red Pine, poems by Shiwu (1272–1352). He wrote 184 poems in Mountain Poems, written in Chinese, while he lived in the Zhongnan Mountains. He was in Tiger Hill Zen lineage. Online it says Zibo Zhenke is one of the teachers. In the book it says Chi-an is the teacher. 

3 

Grave upon grave buried beneath weeds 

before their funerals they carried gold seals 

but desire is no match for detachment 

and how can ambition compete with restraint 

lured by bait golden fish end up in kettles 

uncaged magic wings fly high 

worldly affairs don't concern a hermit 

I weave my robe from homegrown hemp

9 

Don't think a mountain home means you're free 

a day doesn't pass without its cares 

old ladies steal my bamboo shoots 

boys lead oxen into the wheat g

rubs and beetles destroy my greens 

boars and squirrels devour the rice 

things don't always go my way 

what can I do but turn to myself

32 

I saw through my worldly concerns of the past

I welcome old age and enjoy being free 

rope shoes a bamboo staff the last month of spring

paper curtains plum blossoms and daybreak dreams

immortality and buddhahood are merely fantasies

freedom from worry and care is my practice

last night what the pine wind roared

that was a language the deaf can't hear

Some past posts on Stonehouse that include poems plus links:

Shiwu (9&10)

Stonehouse (51)

External poems (Unnumbered) (another)

Buddhadasa

Buddhadasa's, a famous Thai monk lived from 1908-1993.

Wikipedia: “Buddhadasa renounced civilian life in 1926. Typical of young monks during the time, he traveled to the capital, Bangkok, for doctrinal training but found the wats there dirty, crowded, and, most troubling to him, the sangha corrupt, "preoccupied with prestige, position, and comfort with little interest in the highest ideals of Buddhism. Buddhadasa rejected the traditional rebirth and karma doctrine, since he thought it to be incompatible with sunyata, and not conducive to the extinction of dukkha.”

Buddhadasa: "Take the question of whether or not there. is rebirth. What is reborn? How is it reborn? What is its kammic inheritance? These questions are not aimed at the extinction of Dukkha. That being so they are not Buddhist teaching and they are not connected with it. They do not lie in the sphere of Buddhism. Also, the one who asks about such matters has no choice but to indis­criminately believe the answer he's given, because the one who answers is not going to be able to produce any proofs, he's just going to speak according to his memory and feeling. The listener can't see for himself and so has to blindly believe "the other's words. Little by little the matter strays from Dhamma until it's something else altogether, unconnected with the extinction of Dukkha." (Heart Wood From The Bo Tree)

Chinese New Year

Or as they say in China, New Year. They actually call it the spring festival. 

My daughter had activities and food in her class on Thursday but it's Saturday. But like any good holiday there's lots of activity before, during and after. It's a 15 day festival, with traditions set for each day of the festival. The 15th day is the Lantern Festival.

Saturday is the new moon, when no sun shine on the moon is visible. I couldn't even try to see the outline of the moon because it was overcast this morning where I live.

This is the year of the Dragon. Following: Snake, horse, goat, monkey, rooster, dog, pig, rat, ox, tiger, rabbit. 

"It evolved into the practice of cleaning one's house thoroughly in the days preceding Chinese New Year." Ancestor worship is part of the tradition, gathering the family. Fireworks can be part of it. Greeting cards can be sent. Sometimes people put poems at people's doors. Special foods can be made. 

During the Cultural Revolution the celebration was banned from 1967-1980.

Links:

Amazing drone dragon among fireworks.

Ruben Is Closing It's Physical Space October 6th.

My friend sent me a video of him doing immersive virtual reality with a headset over his eyes. I don't really see the appeal, personally. I saw videos of people in self driving cars playing VR with their hands off the wheel. It's a brave new world if you can afford it. 

I don't know if Ruben is closing in favor of immersive virtual reality and other online stuff.

articles:

Time Out

CNN

Art Forum "The remaining staff’s roles will include originating and traveling new exhibitions; providing curatorial and collection resources to other cultural organizations; and developing educational resources in the field of Himalayan art."

"... the Tibetan Buddhist shrine room, is expected to be housed elsewhere in the city following the institution’s closure."

Buddhist Door

Ramagrama Stupa

I'm studying the Ramagrama Stupa today. Located in Nepal it is said to contain relics of the Buddha. It is 83 km north northwest of Kusinagara, where the Buddha died.

Supposedly this is the only stupa that hasn't been excavated by Ashoka. Ashoka dug up a bunch of them to spread them even further and create more, but this one the legend says was left alone. This was 300 years later, but prior to that 8 stupas were created. Three of them are presently lost, their whereabouts unknown or disputed.

In the 5th century Faxian visited them the 8 stupas, and in the 7th century Xuanzang visited them (source).

The stupa has been subjected to floods and has been rebuilt. 

A controversial politician/bureaucrat has developed a plan but it's unclear if he has the power to bring it about. 

Links:

Video on YouTube.

Video with Nepali narrator on YouTube

Lumbini Development Trust 

An architect's vision to develop.

Peepul Tree Stories

Academic articles

Shrestha, SS (1999). "Ramagrama excavation" (PDF). Ancient Nepal: Journal of the Department of Archaeology. 142: 1–12. Retrieved 30 November 2014.

Buddhadasa Bhikkhu quote

"Let us start with the first material necessity-food. We should eat food that is food. Do not eat food that is "bait." We should understand the crucial distinction between "food" and "bait." We eat food for the proper nourishment of life. We eat bait for the sake of deli-ciousness. Bait makes us unwise and causes us to eat foolishly, just like the bait on the hook that snags foolish fish. We must eat the kinds of food that are genuinely beneficial for the body, and we must eat in moderation. "Eating bait" means eating for the sake of deliciousness and fun. It is also usually expensive. We must stop swallowing bait and learn to eat only food that is proper and whole-some. This is especially important while staying in Dhamma centers.

If you are eating bait, you will be constantly hungry all day and night. You will always be sneaking off to eat yet more bait. Eating bait impairs our mental abilities. The mind surrenders to the bait and is not fit for the study and practice of Dhamma. On the other hand, when you eat food, it will be at appropriate times and in moderation. There will be little waste and no danger."

(P.41 Mindfulness with Breathing (1996))

The first time I read this book, I read through it fast, and I found it to be a little old fashioned. But this time through I find it profound and I'm reading it slowly. He talks about the 5th paccaya as entertainment. I've always thought there was a part to entertainment of the Dharma as a replacement for the energy that sexuality used to used on. In a way, that's what this blog is about, exploring the culture and teachings as a wholesome pastime. 

Watching the watcher

Mark Edwards 2012

Evoking the classical god of religious ecstasy.

Come blessed Dionysos,

 bull-faced god conceived in fire,

 Bassareus and Bacchos,

 many-named master of all.

 You delight in bloody swords,

you delight in the holy Maenads,

 as you howl throughout Olympos,

 all-roaring and frenzied Bacchos.

 Armed with the thyrsos, wrathful in the extreme,

 you are honored

 by all gods and all men

who dwell upon the earth.

 Come, blessed and leaping god,

 bring abundant joy to all.

Excerpt From The Orphic Hymns Apostolos N. Athanassakis

A Roman fresco depicting Bacchus, Boscoreale, c. 30 BC

Maybe it's a stretch. If I've learned anything studying Dionysus, it's that he's amorphous and can serve many purposes.

"Ein begriffener Gott ist kein Gott" (A god who is understood is no god).

I no longer party, but I feel amazed during and after meditation often. I'm no pagan, but I respect the love of nature, and psychology, and I'm Jungian enough to appreciate mythology. I read slowly now, but there's a book I'm reading, here's the beginning of it.

The ecstacy makes me think about Amitabha, and the non-dual discriminating wisdom he evokes.

Here's another I like from The Orphic Hymns:

50. To Lysios Lenaios

Hear, O blessed son of Zeus and of two mothers,

 Bacchos of the vintage,

unforgettable seed,

 many-named and redeeming daimōn,

holy offspring of the gods,

 reveling Bacchos, born of secrecy,

plump giver of many joys,

 of fruits which grow well.

Mighty and many-shaped god,

 you burst forth from the earth to reach the wine press,

to become a healer for men’s pain,

 O sacred blossom!

A sorrow-hating joy to mortals,

 O lovely-haired …,

a redeemer and a reveler you are,

 your thyrsos drives to frenzy,

you are kind-hearted to all

 gods and mortals who see your light.

I call upon you now,

 come, O sweet bringer of fruit.

The homeric hymn to Dionysus. 

Poem

Laughter, crying

The room is illuminated by the street lights

finding the notebook

after picking my way between

toys

art supplies

children’s books.

The full moon

and venus

are behind

soggy clouds

She sleeps next to me

she rises her head up

like a weird sleepy pondering

(like her mother)

who wore makeup

and went to a work party

so I get her tonight

our shared custody

While reading Louise Gluck

I imagine a Civil War battlefield 

full of corpses

past selves, 

past relationships

Who am I now, alone

meditating myself towards

enlightenment

Dismantling 

the poor but time rich,

I squander my wealth

so much

but not on this

Can poetry save 

this thing I call

me?

The meditation doesn't works like this:

now relax! or happiness now!

but what relaxation can I observe

following the breath

what does my happiness consist of?

There’s no steam rolling

military orders

or classroom time outs

It’s seeing with prejudice

the rill of rapture

trickling

direction my mind

You watch how feelings

launch an armada of thoughts

how thoughts flavor 

and perfume the mind

How insight is noticed

(not frog marched)

and invades the whole body

How frightened I am

by letting go 

of the accompaniment 

of my neurosis

how insight is like a 

space walk

Dogen made fun of space flowers

theories to tide one over

while not meditating

How much of the mind is 

wurvival mind

trying to save

the unsavable?

The subtle breath

really is exquisite

ready for purpose

the deepening absorption

on the breath

rapture breaks the dam

gushing

gushing

out of control

it settles a little

The limpid waters

you notice a spring

replenishing

without causing 

a ripple

My whole body

what is happening?

what is happening?

I can’t write

unconditioned words

I direct this absorption

to disentangling

cessation

relinquishment

I clap my fist and let it go.

More Dogen Shōbōgenzō quotes

Past post

Quotes from Gudo Wafu Nishijima and Chodo Cross edition (book 1 of 8) BDK English Tripiṭaka Series version of Shōbōgenzō (2007). Chapter 1: Bendōwa p. 13-16

Someone asks (supposedly Senika in Avatamsaka Sutra), “It has been said that we should not regret our life and death, for there is a very quick way to get free of life and death. That is, to know the truth that the mental essence is eternal. In other words, this physical body, having been born, necessarily moves toward death; but this mental essence never dies at all. Once we have been able to recognize that the mental essence which is unmoved by birth and decay exists in our own body, we see this as the original essence. Therefore the body is just a temporary form; it dies here and is born there, never remaining constant. But the mind is eternal; it is unchangeable in the past, future, or present. To know this is called ‘to have become free of life and death.’ Those who know this principle stop the past cycle of life and death forever and, when this body passes, they enter the spirit world. When they present themselves in the spirit world, they gain wondrous virtues like those of the buddha-tathāgatas. Even if we know this principle now, our body is still the body that has been shaped by deluded behavior in past ages, and so we are not the same as the saints. Those who do not know this principle will forever turn in the cycle of life and death. Therefore we should just hasten to understand the principle that the mental essence is eternal. Even if we passed our whole life in idle sitting, what could we expect to gain? The doctrine I have expressed like this is truly in accord with the truth of the buddhas and the patriarchs, is it not?”

I say: The view expressed now is absolutely not the Buddha’s Dharma; it is the view of the non-Buddhist Senika. According to that non-Buddhist view, there is one spiritual intelligence existing within our body. When this intelligence meets conditions, it can discriminate between pleasant and unpleasant and discriminate between right and wrong, and it can know pain and irritation and know suffering and pleasure—all these are abilities of the spiritual intelligence. When this body dies, however, the spirit casts off the skin and is reborn on the other side; so even though it seems to die here it lives on there. Therefore we call it immortal and eternal. The view of that non-Buddhist is like this. But if we learn this view as the Buddha’s Dharma, we are even more foolish than the person who grasps a tile or a pebble thinking it to be a golden treasure; the delusion would be too shameful for comparison. National Master Echū of great Tang China strongly cautioned against such thinking. If we equate the present wrong view that “mind is eternal but forms perish” with the splendid Dharma of the buddhas, thinking that we have escaped life and death when we are promoting the original cause of life and death, are we not being stupid? That would be most pitiful. Knowing that this wrong view is just the wrong view of non-Buddhists, we should not touch it with our ears. Nevertheless, I cannot help wanting to save you from this wrong view and it is only compassionate for me now to try. So remember, in the Buddha-Dharma, because the body and mind are originally one reality, the saying that essence and form are not two has been understood equally in the Western Heavens and the Eastern Lands, and we should never dare to go against it. Further, in the lineages that discuss eternal existence, the myriad dharmas are all eternal existence: body and mind are not divided. And in the lineages that discuss extinction, all dharmas are extinction: essence and form are not divided. How could we say, on the contrary, that the body is mortal but the mind is eternal? Does that not violate right reason? Furthermore, we should realize that living-and-dying is just nirvana; Buddhists have never discussed nirvana outside of living-and-dying. Moreover, even if we wrongly imagine the understanding that “mind becomes eternal by getting free of the body” to be the same as the buddha-wisdom that is free of life and death, the mind that is conscious of this understanding still appears and disappears momentarily, and so it is not eternal at all. Then isn’t this understanding unreliable? We should taste and reflect. The principle that body and mind are one reality is being constantly spoken by the Buddha-Dharma. So how could it be, on the contrary, that while this body appears and disappears, the mind independently leaves the body and does not appear or disappear? If there is a time when body and mind are one reality, and another time when they are not one reality, then it might naturally follow that the Buddha’s preaching has been false. Further, if we think that life and death are something to get rid of, we will commit the sin of hating the Buddha-Dharma. How could we not guard against this? Remember, the lineage of the Dharma which asserts that “in the Buddha-Dharma the essential state of mind universally includes all forms,” describes the whole great world of Dharma inclusively, without dividing essence and form, and without discussing appearance and disappearance. There is no state—not even bodhi or nirvana—that is different from the essential state of mind. All dharmas, myriad phenomena and accumulated things, are totally just the one mind, without exclusion or disunion. All these various lineages of the Dharma assert that myriad things and phenomena are the even and balanced undivided mind, other than which there is nothing; and this is just how Buddhists have understood the essence of mind. That being so, how could we divide this one reality into body and mind, or into life-and-death and nirvana? We are already the Buddha’s disciples. Let us not touch with our ears those noises from the tongues of madmen who speak non-Buddhist views.

 

Wikipedia on the skandhas

The five aggregates or heaps of clinging are:

form (or material image, impression) (rupa)

sensations (or feelings, received from form) (vedana)

perceptions (samjna)

mental activity or formations or influences of a previous life (sanskara)

consciousness (vijnana).

In the Theravada tradition, suffering arises when one identifies with or clings to the aggregates. This suffering is extinguished by relinquishing attachments to aggregates. The Mahayana tradition asserts that the nature of all aggregates is intrinsically empty of independent existence.

Dogen Shōbōgenzō quotes

Dogen Zenji (1200-1253)

All quotes from Gudo Wafu Nishijima and Chodo Cross edition (book 1 of 8) BDK English Tripiṭaka Series version of Shōbōgenzō. Chapter 1: Bendōwa

"This Dharma is abundantly present in each human being, but if we do not practice it, it does not man- ifest itself, and if we do not experience it, it cannot be realized." (p. 3)

"After the initial meeting with a [good] counselor we never again need to burn incense, to do prostrations, to recite Buddha’s name, to practice confession, or to read sutras. Just sit and get the state that is free of body and mind." (p. 5)

"The grass, trees, soil, and earth reached by this guiding influence all radiate great brightness, and their preaching of the deep and fine Dharma is without end. Grass, trees, fences, and walls become able to preach for all souls, [both] common people and saints; and conversely, all souls, [both] common people and saints, preach for grass, trees, fences, and walls." (p. 7)

"Those who chant endlessly are like frogs in a spring paddy field, croaking day and night. In the end it is all useless." (p. 9)

"The mind that craves gain is very deep, and so it must have been present in the ancient past." (p. 9)

"Just remember, when a practitioner directly follows a master who has attained the truth and clarified the mind, and when the practitioner matches that mind and experiences and understands it, and thus receives the authentic transmission of the subtle Dharma of the Seven Buddhas, then the exact teaching appears clearly and is received and maintained. This is beyond the comprehension of Dharma teachers who study words." (p.9)

"Remember, among Buddhists we do not argue about superiority and inferiority of philosophies, or choose between shallowness and profundity in the Dharma; we need only know whether the practice is genuine or artificial." (p. 9)

"...we are prone to beget random intellectual ideas, and because we chase after these as if they were real things, we vainly pass by the great state of truth." (p. 10)

"At the same time, because we cannot perceive it directly,60 we are prone to beget random intellectual ideas, and because we chase after these as if they were real things, we vainly pass by the great state of truth. From these intellectual ideas emerge all sorts of flowers in space: we think about the twelvefold cycle62 and the twenty-five spheres of existence; and ideas of the three vehicles and the five vehicles or of having buddha[-nature] and not having buddha[-nature] are endless." (p. 10)

If you google "flowers in space" you get a picture of all the flowers they have grown in space. In 1253 when Dogen died and Shobogenzo was published, I wonder how much they imagined space travel. 

I think about space when I read "holding to nothing whatever," when I'm reading the Heart Sutra. I could get getting anxious when there's no gravity, but you evolve past that disorienting feelings in the spiritual life.

Another fun fact is that the Sobogenzo was written in Japanese, not Chinese, which most of the texts, even in Japan, were written in at the time. 

Dogen seems to be against chanting, reciting sutras, studying abstruse or fanciful doctrines. He's just for sitting endlessly in meditation. So far, 10 pages in.

Buddhadasa quote

According to Lord Buddha, the causes of everything in the world are rooted in the vedana. All activities occur because the vedana force us to desire and then to act out those desires. Even the rounds of rebirth within the cycle of samsara the cycles of birth and death, of heaven and hell-are themselves conditioned by the vedana. Everything originates in the feelings. To master the vedana is to master the origin, the source, the birthplace of all things. Thus, it is absolutely necessary to understand these feelings correctly and com-prehensively. Then we shall be able to master our feelings, and their secrets will never again deceive us into behaving foolishly.

Once we master the highest and most sublime vedana, we can also master the lower, cruder, more petty vedana. When we learn to control the most difficult feelings, we can control the easy, simple, childish feelings as well. For this reason we should strive to achieve the highest level of vedana; namely, the feelings that are born from samadhi. If we can conquer the most pleasant vedana, we can be victorious over all vedana. Should you bother to give it a try? Should you endure any difficulties that might arise? Should you spend your precious time on this practice? Let us consider wisely.

It may seem curious that in striving to realize the highest vedanà our aim is to control and eliminate these feelings rather than to enjoy and indulge in them. Some people might think it strange to search for the highest vedanà only to master and control them. It is important to understand this point correctly. By eliminating these pleasant feelings we obtain something even better in return. We receive another kind of vedana, a higher order of vedana one that perhaps should not even be called vedana something more like nibbana or emancipation. So it is not so unusual or strange that we wish to achieve the best vedana in order to eliminate the pleasant feelings.

From p. 34 of Mindfulness with Breathing (1988/96) by Buddhadasa Bhikkhu

Patikulamanasikara

Also called Asubha (not beautiful and neutral) meditation. I think it's the most mentioned meditation in the Pali Canon. 

"Just as if a sack with openings at both ends were full of various kinds of grain – wheat, rice, mung beans, kidney beans, sesame seeds, husked rice – and a man with good eyesight, pouring it out, were to reflect, 'This is wheat. This is rice. These are mung beans. These are kidney beans. These are sesame seeds. This is husked rice'; in the same way, the monk reflects on this very body from the soles of the feet on up, from the crown of the head on down, surrounded by skin and full of various kinds of unclean things [as identified in the above enumeration of bodily organs and fluids]" (Wikipedia)

The parts of the body according to 2500 years ago (32 parts): head hairs (Pali: kesā), body hairs (lomā), nails (nakhā), teeth (dantā), skin (taco), flesh (maṃsaṃ), tendons (nahāru), bones (aṭṭhi), bone marrow (aṭṭhimiñjaṃ), kidneys (vakkaṃ), heart (hadayaṃ), liver (yakanaṃ), pleura (kilomakaṃ), spleen (pihakaṃ), lungs (papphāsaṃ), entrails (antaṃ), mesentery (antaguṇaṃ), undigested food (udariyaṃ), feces (karīsaṃ), bile (pittaṃ), phlegm (semhaṃ), pus (pubbo), blood (lohitaṃ), sweat (sedo), fat (medo), tears (assu), skin-oil (vasā), saliva (kheḷo), mucus (siṅghānikā), fluid in the joints (lasikā), urine (muttaṃ).

It's not quite a body scan, and it's not quite a 6 elements meditation. "In addition to developing sati (mindfulness) and samādhi (concentration), this form of meditation is considered conducive to overcoming desire and lust." (op cit)

It supposedly conquers lust, and I'm skeptical, and I've had a few lustful meditations, so I'm going to try it, and report back. I don't like the language of "impurity" either, misses out the wisdom of equality. Honestly I think everything my body I am grateful for. The calling it of ugly rubs me the wrong way. Maybe that's my conditioning. Maybe I could recognize my conditioning around the attractiveness of the body. 

I once did a meditation at the Bodies exhibit at South Street Seaport, where Chinese prisoners donated their bodies that were rubberized and cut in all sorts of interesting ways so you could see inside. You don't really need to do the corpse meditation too many times, once might be enough, but doing it once is perhaps good. Most people don't have charnel grounds to go to, so the Bodies Exhibit was the best approximation.

It's about bringing balance.

Links:

Written meditation instructions.

Lead through on YouTube (BuddhaDhamma Foundation) by Ajahn Asoko. He meditates, then talks about the meditation before it begins at 25 to talk about the meditation, prior to that he does a little meditation. Supposedly Ajahn Chah would do a walking meditation where you can put a bit down when you turn, and then when you get back put another part down, and then all these parts of the body are scattered all over the ground. All that goop is yucky. Then Ajahn Chah suggests you put it all back together. 1:05:00 begins questions. Do you have to keep the order of the list? Probably best, but of course you are free to do what you want. It's a really good suggestion to do this in walking meditation, I've been wanting to juice up and refresh my walking meditation. 

Chant

8 page pamphlet on Asubha meditation.

(The above is a goddess of fruitfulness and fecundity, from early Buddhist times in India at a recent exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC.)

Not sure how to express what I'm trying to express

I'm reading Kristin Neff's Self Compassion, and on page 93-94 she discusses what I consider to be reduced secular Buddhism. It's about not putting the second arrow in, preventing mind made suffering. It's the creativity over reactivity. Enlightenment as overcoming trauma and conditioning.

Devotion takes you past that, and perhaps is mysticism. Seeking unconditioned happiness. The unconditioned, the transcendental is a black hole of meaning, because language is conditional. You can't talk about the unconditioned. Merging with an archetypal Buddha. Depth psychology. Wisdom inaccessible to the intellect. 

Sex scandals in Buddhist sanghas are caused by nihilism and despair. Human sexuality undercuts most projects except hedonism. Containing sexuality is part of Christianity. The Buddha saw no connection to supporting the spiritual life, and banned sexuality for monks.

Narratives that really juice you up to do the hard work, to keep the discipline. Meditate 2 hours a day, vigilance with ethics, pushing yourself to study the culture, the ideas, the tradition. Pushing yourself to interact with other, develop friendships which are mercurial at best. Sangha is like politics, you have to really tolerate your ideals being violated by the reality of messy humans. Most sanghas are grandma sanghas who press eject at the smallest problems or power plays meant to build buildings. There's nothing wrong with trying to control your environment. Creating good conditions for practice, but wait, how do we get to the unconditioned? Devotion? I love devotional practices, but I don't know if they get you beyond the conditioned. 

The perfection of wisdom tries to express. It’s hard not to see quibbles with doctrine minutiae that isn’t yet common knowledge. I suppose this blurb is a kind of playing with simplified and more than Buddhism. Hyperbolic versus plain Buddhism.

equanimity

There's an article saying, "don't forget equanimity," in Tricycle. 

Something clarified seemingly in my mind. Some people get nervous when they get concentrated and the chatter that makes them feel accompanied and not so alone, like a TV on in the background, an external world exists, so to, we find comfort in the internal world. When the internal world is relatively blank, it can be like being in the wilderness. Even in the lack of others, people can feel vulnerable. What can happen? Walking down a crowded street, you're pushing past others at times, people bump into your, you have to alter you vector, take others into account. It's annoying maybe at times, but it's also comforting in that you know others exist and you're not all alone. Some people really don't like feeling alone. I've come to enjoy feeling alone. In some periods of my life all I wanted was to be left alone, there were so many people, I had a rather rich life. There are other periods of time where nobody calls, nobody emails, nobody visits. I'm all alone. When you sit down and the chatter settles, that can be scary in a way. It's also quite a relief and can be gladdening too. This is a state you will have to become comfortable and open to in the practice.

Doing the 16 steps of anapanasati has been interesting, contemplating things I don't naturally contemplate. I don't really contemplate equanimity directly. I often think like many of the contemplations in anapanasati that equanimity gets short shift, and could stand some actual meditation time.

Sitting with K on zoom, he's abandoned the think of a person in metta, in favor of locating that quality and then just radiating it, amplifying. I suppose if you can't find it, you explore the barriers. I've been surprised to come across a rill I hadn't seen before. That style of meditation lends, in my mind, to a 4 stage Sublime Abodes meditation that doesn't give equanimity short shrift. You can do a 4 stage Sublime abodes practice, 40 minutes, 10 minutes for universal loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. 

One image for equanimity is a circle that just touches a horizon. You don't want the circle away from the line, not touching the world. And you don't want to be engulfed with the world, such that you're overwhelmed. It's a fairly simple image, but a powerful one to explain equanimity. 

Where you go there, if it gets sidetracked or too complicated, you can always reset with that. Just like when I get lost in metta, I think, "may you be happy, may you be well," like a sheep herder that gathers the herd. The whole point of meditation to me isn't to stop thinking or calm the mind, though that can happen in spurts, it's more to notice what the mind is doing and apply various things to funnel it towards the meditative focus. (Also tune into the body and feelings and indeed insights.) In equanimity there will be questions of what equanimity really is, how does one get it, what is false equanimity, what are acceptable methods of striving for it? So many questions. Sometimes it's about the questions and not pat answers. It's similar to the insight tetrad, indeed, it might be the insight quadrant of the sublime abodes. 

Thoreau quote

"But it sometimes happens that I cannot easily shake off the village. The thought of some work will run in my head, and I am not where my body is, - I am out of my senses. In my walks I would fain return to my senses. 'What business have I in the woods, if I am thinking of something out of the woods? I suspect myself, and cannot help a shudder, when I find myself so implicated even in what are called good works, - for this may sometimes happen."

-Henry David Thoreau in Walking