the path

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I haven't meditated in yonks. I asked myself why I haven't been. My answer was that I had lost the habit. How would I refind the habit? A commitment. How does one go about following through with a commitment? Thinking about it is my first thought. Why do I want to meditate? I hope to be more aware for the sake of others.

My standby meditation is mindfulness of breathing the TBC way, with 4 stages. I've done the 16 stage anapanasati on retreat, but it's just so involved. Not that I don't like a little insight even when I'm calming myself.

I take a look inside, and it's a foul rag and bone shop. And yet, to look at that a little, it dusts the shop a little, it doesn't look as bad. Perhaps one of the reason why people don't meditate and do therapy is that when they tune in, they don't particularly like what they see. For me, that's the whole point. You drag stuff out into the daylight and it loses it power. It's a painful process and I accept my resistance to it, forgive my foibles, weakness, imperfections. I'm a middle aged man with the same old problems, but then I tell myself about the spiral. The upward spiral. It's all to a point. Even if I'm knocking at the door of the spiral staircase, that is worth it.

They say spiritual traditions make sense of suffering. Nietzsche suggests you get too comfortable with suffering, but I think he misses the point. The grace to accept what is happening isn't easy to come by. We stick the second arrow in. One is enough. Pin down the demons and stair at them. They don't go away, but they lose their power.

So to confirm why I meditate, I reflect on the path. Meditation is the path. 

Walking prayer

With beauty before me, may I walk

With beauty behind me, may I walk

With beauty above me, may I walk

With beauty below me, may I walk

With beauty all around me, may I walk

Wandering on the trail of beauty, may I walk

- Navajo: Walking Meditation

quote

From page 45 of The Path To Awakening: How Buddhism's Seven Points of Mind Training Can Lead You to a Life of Enlightenment and Happiness:

"It takes enormous will-power to think positively and no effort at all to let the mind dwell in negativity."

digital intelligence

From an essay: When The Factory Turns Cold:

"The French revolutionary (and Karl Marx’ son in law) Paul Lafargue wrote “The Right to be Lazy” in 1883 that the “proletariat has allowed itself to be seduced by the dogma of work.” In his provocative tribute to the merits of laziness, Lafargue refuses to privilege work over all other pursuits (Lafargue). No, this is not a call for a population of couch potatoes; it is rather a refusal of the configuration of the work society. Kathi Weeks, a Duke University professor, explains that Lafargue’s extravagant refusal of work is not a refusal of productive activity. Lafargue speaks out against the ideology of work as highest calling. Weeks points to the autonomist Marxist critique that does not only focus on alienation and exploitation but also on the overvaluation of work itself (Hoegsberg and Fisher 151).

At first, such demand may sound outlandishly elitist. How could we possibly unlearn our extreme work habits, our overvaluation of work? Who’d pay the bills. Really, who can afford this? In her excellent book The Problem with Work, Kathi Weeks supports demands for basic income and shorter work hours.

For Weeks, the problem with work would not disappear if invisible labor would be more visible and appropriately compensated. The problem is not only about the degradation of skill, low wages/exploitation, and discrimination. It’s about “securing not only better work, but also the time and money necessary to have a life outside of work.”(Weeks 13) Do you remember the times when people still had hobbies and knew how to take a vacation?

The refusal of work is really a refusal of the way work is organized. Concretely, proposals for unconditional basic income, discussed intensely and for a long time in Europe, would make that possible."

I quoted my favorite part of the essay but it's so much more than that section. It questions our use of the internet in smart ways, and brings a kind of mindfulness in digital interactions. Wonderful essay.

Preciousness of life

From page 42 of The Path To Awakening: How Buddhism's Seven Points of Mind Training Can Lead You to a Life of Enlightenment and Happiness:

"The dharma teachings explain in detail what a precious human life is. It is by no means a mere generalization. Rather, the precious human life means precisely you. You can practice the dharma and so your life is precious: you have the freedom to pursue the dharma; you have time to attend dharma lectures, you have the intellect to understand the meaning: and you hare physically able to do the practice. It makes you realize how lucky you are."

quote

"It must be mentioned here that even today some things are kept hidden from all but the most serious practitioners. Here, wit it comes to the teachings on ultimate bodhicitta, much will remain unwritten." p. 28 The Path to Awakening.

I don't think that should keep one from addressing the seven point mind training, but it could make one wish to study them within a tradition.

I think some writings make one meditate. Some writings make one seek sangha.

Sunday thoughts

So I've begun to read The Path To Awakening: How Buddhism's Seven Points of Mind Training Can Lead You to a Life of Enlightenment and Happiness.

There is a 6 page introduction to the teachings of the Buddha. I have not heard the teaching about the various turnings of the wheels. I have heard the teaching the three lakshanas.

In the introduction by Shamar Rinpoche he says he doesn't want his teaching to be secetarian, but then the first paragraph of the explication of the root text he says this is the primary teaching in the Kadam School. I think he can have it both ways, I don't get so caught up on contradictions, I see it more as a dialectic. There is something good about understanding what your tradition really is.

With Buddhism hitting the wide world, with the invasion of Tibet in 1950, culminating in the Dali Lama fleeing in 1959, you get the teachings going into a lot of different cultures, and that process can be like sifting for the gold. With Tibetan Buddhism spreading over the world, other traditions have found the west to be more open. Zen, Theravada and other traditions have seen an opening of receptivity and curiosity in the west. The dirt of culture drops out. Actually, I don't see culture as dirt, but it is important to see what is culture and what dharma transcends culture, and what culture does to the dharma. And dirt is a positive association for me, live rich soil is so important. This whole interplay between culture and dharma is interesting and important.

One of the things in America is that secular mindfulness is about denuding Buddhism of all the various sort of religious aspects. No foreign chanting, no weird drawings, no foreign rituals.

One of my facebook friends noted a study that showed meditation did not help with stress relief as much as therapy and medication. I'm OK with that, because to make meditation into stress relief is not really the Buddha's intention. That might be one of the things that's needed to progress on the spiritual path, and that might just be trying to curb some of the negative aspects of materialism, the idea that life is all about amassing the most possessions possible. People torque themselves up to a high pitch to succeed, and then need a way of winding down, when they realize alcohol or drugs come at a price. You can turn to meditation for that, and that might help, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just not particularly Buddhism, we have to be frank about that. You can use meditation to enhance your materialistic quests for security, housing, exquisite experiences, and status. This is why the military and the business world like secular mindfulness.

Phil Jackson can be the Zen basketball coach, and make millions and millions of dollars. And I am happy for him, and I'm really glad the Knicks are looking into him running the Knicks. But I don't see him as particularly Buddhist, and all the stuff about Zen and him is really overblown. Just like the Zen of Steven Jobs. I'm happy for people to be open to outside influences, but Steven Jobs doesn't really need to be co-opted by Zen to make Zen any better. I don't want Buddhism to become a kind of Scientology where it's really about making it in Hollywood. It's not some in club that is exciting because it's an in club.

People need a lot of metta though. I could use more. My partner was saying that the other day, people just need to try and be a little nicer. She thinks that would make our world a better place. There's nothing wrong with meditation making you nicer to people. Lets just be clear what our intension is. Are we meditating to be nicer so we can make more money or are we just meditating to be nicer. Are we meditating to move towards enlightenment, not matter how far off that might be? In the acceptance verses in the ordination ceremony of the TBC, you accept ordination for the sake of enlightenment. I've heard people disavow enlightenment, it seems to far off, it's said you can't know what it is until you are that. I personally see that as a denial of what the Buddha did as being special, that you can do it, and that it's worth aiming for.

Seven Point Mind Training

The Path To Awakening: How Buddhism's Seven Points of Mind Training Can Lead You to a Life of Enlightenment and Happiness arrived in the mail today. This is by Shamar Rinpoche. The Shamar Rinpoche version is translated and edited by Lara Braitstein.

I've read Becoming a Child of the Buddhas: A Simple Clarification of the Root Verses of Seven Point Mind Training a number of times and have studied it in study groups. This is by Gomo Tulku, translated by Joan Nicell. When you google Gomo Tulku, you get the rapping lama, which I think might be another incarnation. It's hard to untangle the thicket of lineages and teachers. But the one thing to know is that the Seven Point Mind Training might not be a standardized text, and might have different version in different traditions. The whole point of it is to have pithy short verses that pack big punches, so they are changed over time, and each lineage will see various versions as the best one. And then someone translates them into English.

The Seven Point Mind Training goes back to teachings of Atisa, through Checkawa Yeshe Dorje. So the various versions will be based on these. So we're reaching back to Atisa through a number of teachers and a translators.

This one by Shamar Rinpoche, is from the Kadampa tradition of Tibetan Buddhism, though the teachings reach out into the modern movements, and other traditions. If you were in that tradition, you'd probably read this version first. I read the Gomo Tulku version as recommended by the TBC. I have no idea why or how that came to be the one to read at that time.

I've listened to talks from FBA on it. I don't know what's going on with their search engine, but I can't find the specific talks.

What strikes me in my memory is that all this stuff has to be critically evaluated, and made sense of. But if you spend time on them, they can come to have great meaning. And that is why I'm excited to read this new version of the teachings. I will check back with you when I get into the book.

The shortness of life

Why do we forget about death? Forgetting is an important human function. We could be plagued by existential crisis at an early age, without the resources to combat the crisis. Forgetting trauma is only temporary, it bubbles up later when we are strong enough to address it, process it, metabolize it better. The defenses are truly wonderful things even if we rail against our limitations.

We shall die soon, but we wish to face it when it's more obvious. You can read Crap! I've Got Cancer. The author of How We Die: Reflections of Life's Final Chapter, New Edition just died. You can read his obituary.

You can read the obit section of the Times every day, and somehow it doesn't sink in. The death clock tells me I will die on February 25th 2041, but that's just an estimate based on whether I smoke and what my BMI is. Optimistically I could live to 2065. Pessimistically I could live 6 more years. All of these things are estimates. It is unknown when we die.

As you get older, you know more and more people in the obit section. Long life is also interesting. One of the comments in one of my classes wasn't that death was so bad, it was the trajectory into death that was the hard part. It was in Montaigne's essays that I read about how death is actually a release from suffering at the end, and not be feared.

I began thinking about death when I read The Denial of Death. The professor who assigned me the book is surely dead by now. I remember the book blowing my mind. I'm kind of afraid to read it again. In a way it helped me on my journey into deep psychology.

In social work school I took a class on death, dying and mourning. I read Intoxicated by My Illness and Other Writings on Life and Death, and had to write a paper on a movie. I think I wrote my paper on Antonia's Line (1995) (Import All Region). I say I think because I lent it to someone and never got it back.

One of the themes of Buddhism, is that life is impermanent. Life is short. One of the reflections used in Buddhism is to reflect on the shortness of life, to try and goose out your real priorities, and drop some of the superficial stuff.

My most frequented blog posts are entitled How Can I Die? I read an article about how you can increase your blog traffic and it actually works. I wrote a blog post that ended with the suicide hotline number. At times we feel overwhelmed with negativity, but rarely are things so hopeless that suicide is warranted just based on those feelings, so people should seek help. I believe a law against suicide is stupid, and I do feel people own their own lives, and they can rationally choose suicide, like at the very end of a well known terminal illness progression. But often in depression we feel was a in a bad place and that it will never improve. That is usually untrue.

I read a science fiction book about a future where people's consciousness is backed up and if they die, you can just download the consciousness. No wait, the book was a future that promised medicine had advanced to such a point that people just didn't die any more. And at the end, it had a bit about how you could freeze your body or freeze your head. (I think that's why Futurama has all those heads in jars. I love that show.) Reflecting on the idea of living forever, you realize that the shortness of life is what gives it such meaning, and yet the subjective experience of life can be that it goes on and on forever. I certainly feel that way sometimes.

We don't live through our children, but we do live on in people's consciousness, for a short while anyway. I still think about all the dead people in my life, and all the dead relationships. People are with us as kind of psychological ghosts. We think about people in history as well. What would the Buddha do?

I'm agnostic about the afterlife, rebirth, because while it doesn't make sense to me, I think there are strong cultural factors that make it dismissed, like science. One friend said, "it's hard to imagine all this energy goes to nothing." I don't really have a hard time seeing that.

As I say we live on in the tendrils of consequences and other's consciousness. I think while our consciousness is unique because no two circumstances are similar, I think personalities are fairly similar, and it's possible that reincarnation is just seeing lines of karma in personalities; I can imagine what it was like to be this person in those circumstances. I think when you understand conditionality in a truly deep way,  all sorts of interesting things are seen, that are not part of normal consciousness.

Reflections on death are important and good, but I also think preoccupation with death, from a depressive standpoint, is a warning sign and needs to be addressed.

the monastic code

In all the books I've read, the Vinaya is something I have not read about beyond The Ten Pillars of Buddhism (Sangharakshita Classics). (You can hear the talk on line if you don't wish to read the book at Free Buddhist Audio. When I search "ten pillars", I can't find it, but I know it's there.)

In the TBC, the order is neither monastic nor lay. I think that comes from Sangharakshita's observation that "good monks" who followed the rules could be rather uninspired, and "bad monks" who didn't exactly follow the rules could be very inspiring and do lots of good in the name of the dharma.

Literalism is also seen as a big hinderance in the spiritual life, and the rules seem all about literalism.

Finally, the idea that all 5 monks who ordain a monk are pure in their observance all the way back to the Buddha is absurd. Someone in there has to have done something unpure, and therefore the idea of purity back to the Buddha can't be true. Anyway, maybe it's more of an aspiration than an actualization, but even so, the language is not true.

Along comes a free updated version by Thanissaro Bhikkhu free on their lovely website.

There is a kind of scholasticism that feels more academic than spiritual, but I appreciate the Theravadans for their translations of the primary texts, and their commitment to the early cannon.

Supposedly the Vinaya came about because a monk named Sudinna, was asked by his family to provide an heir because they were afraid their lands would be taken away. Even though he had renounced the worldly life and become a monk, where sexual intercourse is forbidden, he chose to sleep with his wife 3 times to try and provide an heir. Perhaps he thought it was a kindness to give his family an heir.

In the legend of the Buddha he hangs around until he's given his father an heir, then he goes off on his journey. I wonder if he's expressing his feeling that he shouldn't have done that. Some people think the legend of the Buddha's life is a story, and that the Buddha was always a spiritual monk.

The Buddha tells him a list of negative places it would be better to put his penis. You can find the list for yourself. He expresses himself strongly.

Sona

I was reading Encounters with Enlightenment: Stories from the Life of the Buddha, and I read the story of Sona to my sons. He's the lute strings guy. He was too intent on the spiritual life and was pacing back and forth and it made his feet bloody. I didn't know that at the start of the story, he's famous for having hair on the soles of his feet. Anyway, the Buddha tells him when his feet are all bloody that he's thinking about going home. Having a balance in the spiritual life helps you not to quit. The Buddha remembers that Sona played the lute string and made an analogy about keeping the strings not too tight and not too loose. The point is applying the right amount of pressure in the spiritual life makes sweet music.

tantric sex magic

Just kidding. I want to write about redemption. Even so this is one of my most popular posts.

I remember back in 2010, Brit Hume suggested that Tiger Woods convert from Buddhism to Christianity because Christianity has redemption. I remember at the time a flummoxed Buddhist going on TV to respond to this charge. At the time I was unclear. I wish to muse further on this situation.

Buddhism doesn't have redemption in the sense that Jesus Christ died for our sins, in the sense that we've been kicked out of the garden because Eve gave the apple to Adam. The whole metaphysical contraption of Christianity isn't, obviously, part of Buddhism.

But were there great comeback stories in Buddhism. Of course there were. Did the Buddha think anyone could stage a great comeback? He did hesitate with allowing women into the order, and he gave them more rules, but many think that was quite revolutionary and feminist given the historical context. Of course the story of Angulimala comes to mind. He had a necklace made out of the fingers of the people he killed. When he turned to Buddhism the people stoned him and didn't give him food because they could remember him as a murderer. But that eventually died down and the Buddha taught that you don't run from your problems.

It's not Darth Vader finally acknowledging his son and saving his life type of redemption, but then again no two redemptions are alike.

Thinking about the Tiger Wood situation, obviously he's lost his wife, and by extension full time with his children. I'm sure he visits his children and whatnot, but it's never the same after a divorce. He's been linked to Linsey Vaughn, the great female skier who is injured during these olympics, so his love life has bounced back. He hasn't really won a major since the incident, and the impact on his golfing life has been quite significant. I'm sure he's lost millions and millions of dollars. I don't really know what it's like when you're super rich, what it's like to see some money drift away from you. I'm not sure how bad that really hurts. I don't know his social context, whether people treat him differently or whether he lost any friends. I suppose a real friend sticks by your side even in the bad times, so I guess he lost a lot of friendly acquaintances.

What ever your motivation for "doing good", I would say if it's a kind of redemption motivation, to make up for the bad you've done, well, there's nothing wrong with that. You might realize that it's not easy to tighten things up and "act good". Our lives are a bunch of habits and when we dig a hole, we often find that it wasn't worth it when we start digging out of it. I think that's one of the themes of My Name Is Earl. I think that's the whole point of ethics. It's not to turn you into a sheep, or to flip pleasure upside down and call it bad. The whole point of ethics is that you get hurt by not choosing the best path in life at times, and you really suffer through not being ethical. And that kind of insight is worth all the tantric sex magic in the world.

Five Hinderances

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One of the first things I learned in meditation, after the object of focus and the posture, was the five hinderances. They are sensual desire, ill will, sloth and torpor, restlessness and doubt.

I think at the moment, doubt is my biggest hinderance. I doubt that I can progress enough to be meaningful. I doubt that I have to fortitude to sit and advance. I doubt that I can take the content of what comes up. I've got troubling throughs I am afraid to face. But that's just another story, and sitting helps me to see that.

One of my favorite bits is from Milarepa, where he talks about the lion. The dog chases the stick, but the lion turns and faces the stick thrower.

Sense desire is tricky. I get intoxicated with ideas sometimes, dreams and fantasies. I can also have sexual thoughts.

Ill will is the least strongest, but I can become obsessed with what I experience is wrongs others have done to me.

Sloth and torpor usually hit me on a long retreat, after I've worked through a lot of sense desire and the others.

Restlessness, worry flurry, hit me when I'm not on retreat, when I do my daily meditation. I think about my todo list, all the things that "need to get done". In a positive way, my mind somehow winnows my todo list, or rediscovers important things that have escaped my list. But worry flurry is also more than just the todo list. It plays a part in doubt. The only good thing about it is that it's sort of the opposite of sloth and torpor.

I started reading The Purpose and Practice of Buddhist Meditation: A Source Book of Teachings. Sangharakshita is my teacher, and I learned to meditate in his tradition, so I really appreciate this book. He's got such a vast mind and he's written about so much. Living with Awareness: A Guide to the Satipatthana Sutta and Living with Kindness are both meditation books, but they are more recent. I suppose in a way, learning to meditate is something you get outside of books. But as the book claims, it's a source book, a collection of Sangharakshita's writings on meditation. In fact, Buddhist Meditation: Tranquillity, Imagination and Insight is the standard book on meditation in the order. And there are other good ones that enhance the two basic practices of metta and mindfulness of breathing. I particularly liked the book on the body.

Karma

The premise of My Name Is Earl, is that Earl hears Carson Daily discuss karma, and he begins to think about the consequences of his actions. Here is the premise:

You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things and then wonders why his life sucks? Well, that was me. Every time something good happened to me, something bad was always waiting round the corner: karma. That's when I realized that I had to change, so I made a list of everything bad I've ever done and one by one I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. I'm just trying to be a better person. My name is Earl.

The show is like Enlightenment. It starts out making fun of the simple spiritual notions, but it also takes us into spirituality, where inevitably not everything is simple.

The humor is low brow, and silly. It's a combination of Shameless and any half hour ensemble sitcom. I'm almost embarrassed to say I like the show because it's a little too much of an adult Spongebob Squarepants.

There is an element of AA in the show because he wants to make amends. The first lesson is that you can't undo things. It's like the surprisingly good Madona children's book: Mr. Peabody's Apples. And yet the effort to make amends is a kind of kindness, that always wins over people who are wronged. At times, people take advantage of his desire to do right, but most often people are grateful of his efforts. In the end whether things go right or wrong, causality is complicated, and things are not simple. There are unintended consequences you can't see. Our efforts often can achieve the opposite results we're aiming for.

There's an absurdist quality that is reminiscent of Futurama and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It's absurdist humor without the intelligence of Monty Python. Again it's low brow.

It also has the humor of nihilism that I don't like, but mostly it's heavy on meaning.

I'm for any exploration of conditionality. Reminds me of the wheel of life.

Ayya Khema quote

"If we want to be loved, we are looking for a support system. If we want to love, we are looking for spiritual growth. "

- Ayya Khema, "What Love Is"

Tony Schwartz article in NY Times

Tony Schwartz wrote an article in the New York Times entitled "More Mindfulness, Less Meditation". His conclusion that with the law of diminishing returns, and because meditation is so hard, maybe you don't have to do it so much:

"I’ve also found that it’s more practical to truly focus and relax for a minute or two several times a day than to meditate for a long period and constantly battle with distraction along the way."

He's meditating to get the most out of meditation, and as the years have gone by, he's not getting as much from it, so he's adjusted his practice.

I'm all for "practical mindfulness". What actually happens matters, and putting mindfulness into practice is very important. I was on retreat and someone asked me how I thought I would do that. My answer was that just being aware of the issue of putting mindfulness into practice, is a kind of mindfulness itself. You have to live the questions.

I think what Mr. Schwarts is really saying in a secular meditation has it's limits and that for all the people who pick it up and wants specific results, it's not that easy. The practice divorced from it's religious roots, traditions and community, is perhaps of limited value.

He writes:

"What I haven’t seen is much evidence that meditating leads people to behave better, improves their relationships or makes them happier."

Meditating is unpredictable. You sit and tune into yourself. People find all kinds of different things when they tune into themselves. Maybe just underneath the surface they are deeply unhappy and they have been hiding that from themselves. I would argue that it's better to confront that fact, and dig deeper into it, and gain insight from that. But there's no guarantee you're going to gain insight, it's quite possible you get swamped and don't have the resources to dig yourself out. You risk getting to a place of resourcelessness. That is why it's so important to meditate in the context of a community. The community often has advice, suggestions and sometimes it might be to take the foot off the petal, and not try as hard. There's a kind of go for it mentality, and there are communities that really focus on that.

To move towards enlightenment in the context of a Buddhist spiritual community is another things. Getting past the dark night of the soul means you push past when it doesn't seem to be giving back. There is a context of ethics, meditation and insight. The Buddhist practice isn't just about meditation. The Pure Land tradition de-emphasizes meditation.

Maybe Schwartz is connected to a spiritual community and maybe he has spiritual friendships and at certain stages others things are emphasized. In a way he's giving himself permission to explore other routes of developing mindfulness beyond meditation.

I suppose the thing I'm reacting to is pulling away from dogging it out. The truth is I'm not meditating much these days, but that's because I'm avoiding something. I know I will get better and better at facing something and that it's in my own best interest to face things. He quotes Kornfield saying that meditation doesn't cure everything, and I'm not sure if anyone said it would. Sometimes you have to do other kinds of work. Meditation isn't for everyone, nor is it for everyone their entire lives. And intense practice is hard to maintain.

The other thing I have feelings about is my fantasy that in a deep spiritual community there will be people around to advice when practice is stale or stuck. I've overheard comments to the effect that that is a real issue in the spiritual life, and negotiating that is pretty important.

I resist taking the foot off the petal, slowing down, and yet that is exactly what I have done and what I have seen others do. I've know people who are in it for the long haul and things wax and wane. I have the belief that meditation is good, and more is better, but like everything there's no one answer.

Finally, so sell mindfulness in connection with happiness. I the lesson of insight is that basing happiness on conditionality makes you unhappy, and it's quite possible you will experience the first noble truth more acutely, and thus be aware of dukkha. I think people sell Buddhism by suggesting you will be more happy, but the happiness comes from enlightenment. So what do you do if you don't get there? The answer for me is that progressing on the path feels right for me, and that, you know, what spiritual ideals work for you is important, and you should really look into whether things are working for you or not.

Powerful essay by Bhikku Bodhi

Bhikku Bodhi wrote a powerful essay called The Price of Dignity.

Here is a quote:

We have the resources to overcome poverty. The big question, as always, is whether we have the will to do so. Looking at the persistence of poverty from a Buddhist perspective, we can detect beneath the policy debates a contest between two contrary conceptions of human nature, each entailing a distinct moral vision. One sees people as essentially separate, responsible only for their personal interests and their narrow circle of family and friends. From this perspective, we are all locked into unavoidable competition against one another for the good things of life, and the best way to ensure our success is to enhance our power and influence to shape public policy to our advantage. This point of view sees the poor as failures, as castoffs who must patiently endure their pitiable fate. We’re entitled to help them, of course, but our help should be considered an act of private charity, not a plank of policy—and, therefore, not our collective responsibility.

He goes on to contrast it with a view of interconnectivity and morality. He points out that it's really up to us whether poverty exists in America. It's not a long essay, but it's very succinct. I highly recommend it.

Books for 2013

Historically I've read a lot more Buddhist books, so that I could do a best book of 2013 post. But I didn't read as many Buddhist books this year, and most of them were not from 2013. I will say that I did quite enjoy Living Wisely, the second book by Sangharakshita on the Precious Garland.

Recent thoughts

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I was once on a training where the presenter asked, "what stories are working on you?"

I've been thinking a lot about the following quote of David McMahan from Tricycle. He's talking about thinking our practice is like the practice of ancients, that practice is timeless, and then comparing an ancient monk and a modern person:

"He has left his family behind; he is celibate; he doesn't eat after noon; he studies texts that give him a skeptical view of the phenomenal world and its value. Is his practice really exactly the same, as that of a contemporary secular mindfulness practitioner who is meditating to excel at work or to be more compassionate to her children?"

I think I use meditation to be more mindful, work better, be more kind to my children. This comment stung me a bit.

I read an essay where a woman didn't react to her husband saying he didn't love her, that she just didn't take it personally, and realized it was his problem, and let him work it through. She saw the problem as inside him, not her, and she did that because she saw happiness as coming from inside, not externally. Now I don't know if that's a really good insight, or whether that is Buddhism, but who cares. What struck me was that she was not blow around by the worldly winds, she wasn't reactive.

The idea that happiness comes from the inside, and not outside, is quite intriguing. That's a similar point to the idea in the first quote that the ancient monk avoided sensual pleasures. It was more ascetic than most people's modern experience, where we feel entitled to compensatory indulgences after a hard day of work. Maybe we would see ancient monks as masochistic today. I think that is what is transcendent in spirituality, not the repudiation of the world, but not getting reactive about the external word. Is enlightenment just a really awesome equilibrium, lack of reactivity?

The point is to not react so strongly to negative things, or positive things, to seek the middle way. You could use the middle way to justify anything, but I think it was the idea that you don't seek pleasure, and you don't court pain, you use other criteria, like the impact on others, and the impact on your spiritual life. Wings and a football game might be quite fun, but will that advance your spiritual life? Listening to the wise counsel of your elders who have progressed on the path is an important aspect of the path.

The work/recreation split is something that trips me up. I feel overwhelmed, don't have much fortitude capital these days, just keeping it together. I've struggled with maintaining my positivity. I need to do more metta, work on the basics. What amazes me so much about the Buddha is that he was not distracted, he kept his focus on finding out about enlightenment, and he didn't even know what he would find.

So after I read that last paragraph, I decided to just imagine I was on retreat. It worked for a little while and shifted things a little bit. There's no easy solutions though.

Musings

Accountability is something you don’t see in the media too often. Politicians and celebrities tend to see themselves as the exception because they are successful.

Then you see people like Wesley Autrey, the subway hero who jumped down to save someone, couldn’t get them up, so he laid on top of him, and risked getting run over. The story ended well. When asked about it, he said he’d do what anyone else would do. I wish that were true. What he did have was humility in that moment. I don’t know how much he got swept up into his fame, but in that moment he was not into self-promotion. He spoke of a kind of honest humanity he hopes everyone has.

Now think about publicity whores who think any publicity is good, whether the story is good or bad.

The media has twisted our values in favor of titillation, materialism, youth worship. The media would not use these things if they were not inside us, so the good fight is to fight against diversion, superficiality. You’d be surprised how many times, when I meet someone I like, they say they don’t own a TV. Then you think about people all the people you know suckling at the boob tube.

In meditation you gain a little insight into self promotion. You see through it for the ruse that it is. That’s why psychotherapist are so keen on it. Psychotherapist tend to see narcissistic people—they tend to like the direct attention of psychotherapy, in a distracted world. Another symptom of the loss of relationships through fragmentation.

Holding people accountable is not easy. People are often offended, they feel like you’re empathizing enough with them. They had their reasons for not being accountable. They get defensive, like their self esteem is challenged by accountability.

On the other hand, some people hold up accountability beyond the relationship. One of the things I like about Republicans is that they talk about personal responsibility and accountability. And yet they hold it up at the cost of truly helping people out. Tough love isn’t always the answer. We can do things that truly do help people without fostering dependence, which by the way in their mouths, lose all meaning. They make it seem like we’re not all interconnected.

A very difficult relational thing is to hold people accountable, without being confrontational, but coming from the place where you want to stay in relationship with people. Sometimes people get angry when people are not accountable and use the relationship to reject them, and dramatize their point of accountability. It is easier for them not to be around people who do not take responsibility. To me, that is the easy way out. To feel disgust for how someone has behaved is fine, but to keep in relationship with someone, chooses the person over the action, and holds out the hope that people will evolve and learn their lessons. I think we’re quick to withdraw second chances from people in our society, because of black and white thinking. I think like the the Tick, that life is a battle between good and less good, not evil. Evil posits a maliciousness inside someone, a kind of ethical cancer that can not be operated on. To be sure sometimes people take advantage of compassion, but then it’s the person’s responsibility not to have idiot compassion, the term Chogyam Trungpa coined. We evolve in our compassion, but I think withholding empathy is not the right course in the dialectic. We can see circumstances, and try to improve them for others. People tend to have a kind of momentum, but they also have the urge to improve that momentum, and I want to be on the side of people working to improve momentum, intelligently and wisely. And that includes keeping accountability while also maintaining the relationship.

Celebration for the 25th

I celebrate all religions, and true spirituality, not the worldly use of religion for worldly ends. I celebrate how spirituality brings us together, including secular humanism, pagans and non-theistic religions and the beautiful Abrahamic religions. I celebrate the earthiness and grounded spirituality that isn't seemingly transcendent but is mindful. I celebrate the kindness, non-judgementalism, acceptance and empathy, support of others, and feel the interconnectedness that makes the least of us, connected to us, and not separate. I celebrate the days getting longer, this glorious earth and the celestial seasons. I celebrate family, loves, friends, strangers and my solitude. I celebrate connecting to the real and the best in me and others.

Food Pantries for the borough of Queens, New York City, New York

QUEENS

Allen A.M.E. Cathedral
110-31 Merrick Blvd, Jamaica
718-206-4600
Monday and Thursday, 11 am to 1 pm.

Bethany Baptist Church of Jamaica
110-47 157th St, Jamaica
718-659-6099
Tuesday, 11 am to 1 pm.

Bethel of America Food Pantry
26-02 4th St., Astoria
718-204 2813
Saturday, 11 am to 12 noon.
ID preferred.

Bethel Gospel Tabernacle Church
110-25 Guy R. Brewer Blvd., Jamaica
718-291-2676
Wednesday, 11 am to 12 noon.
ID preferred

Bethesda Mission Baptist Church
179-09 Jamaica Ave., Jamaica
718-297-5908
Wednesday, 8:30 to 10:30 am.

Calvary Baptist Church
111-10 Guy R. Brewer Blvd., Jamaica 718-297-2301
Wednesday, 10 am to 12 noon;
Thursday, 11 am to 1:30 pm
ID preferred.

Center of Hope International – Bread of Life Food Pantry
38-49 12th St., L.I.C.
718-784-4673
Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday: 12 noon to 2:30 pm.

Church of Christ the King
145-39 Farmers Blvd., Springfield Gardens
718-528-6010
Tuesday, 2 to 3 pm.
Must live in community; bring ID.

Cladagh Inn
316 Beach 73rd St., Rockaway Beach
718-945-2897
Tuesday and Thursday, 9 to 10 am.
Bring ID for all in household.
Donations accepted.

Community Bible Evangelical Free Church
102-16 89th Avenue, Ozone Park
718-849-0311
Saturday, 9:00 to 10 am.

Elmcor Youth and Adult Activities
107-20 Northern Blvd., Corona
718-651-0096
Wednesday, 9 am pick up ticket; 12 noon food given out.
Bring ID for all in household.

First Church of God in Christ
187-10 Baisley Blvd., St. Albans
718-712-4831
Friday, 12 noon to 3 pm.
Bring ID with address.

First Presbyterian Church of Jamaica Ave.
89-60 164th St.
718) 526-4775 Tuesday 10 am to 12 noon or until finished
Bring photo ID for all in household.

CONT’D FOOD PANTRIES

Goodwill Feeding Program
4-21 27th Avenue Apt. 4N, Astoria
718) 721-0825
Tuesday 2 pm until finished
Friday 2 pm until finished

Hollis Ave. Congregational Church
211-04 Hollis Ave., Queens Village
718-468-1498
Tuesday, 12 to 2 pm.
Bring ID.

Hour Children Food Pantry
36-49 11th Street
718-482-8226
Monday 2 to 6 pm. Thursday 4 to 7 pm.
Bring ID and proof of address.

Leviticus Church
114-12 Van Wyck Expressway
718-322-1095 Wednesday, 1 pm to 2 pm.
Saturday 12 noon to 1 pm.
Bring ID.

Macedonia AME Church
37-22 Union St., Flushing
718-353-5870
Wednesday, 2 pm to 4 pm.
Sunday hot meals at 1 pm.

Mt. Calvary Church of God in Christ
194-59 Murdock Ave., St. Albans
Saturday, 9 to 10 am.
No referral needed / no phone.

Mt. Olivet Gospel Church
33-27 97th St., Corona
718-478-0780
Wednesday, 5:30 to 6:30 pm.
Bring ID.

Our Lady of Grace Ministry of Care & Ser-vice
158-10 115th St., Howard Beach
718-845-6635
Monday and Thursday, 10 am to 1 pm.

Peoples United Methodist Church
14-54 31st Road, Astoria
718-729-6013
Call for times and dates.

St. Margaret Mary Church
9-18 27th Avenue, Astoria
718-721-9020
For families, Tuesday and Wednesday 11 am until finished.
For seniors, Thursday 11 am until finished.

St. Nicholas of Tolentine Church 150-75 Goethals Ave., Jamaica
718-969-3226
Monday to Friday, 9 am to 12 noon,
1 to 4 pm, with referral.
Thursday for everyone, 9 am to 12 noon, without referral.
St. Rafael R.C. Church
35-20 Greenpoint Avenue, 4C
718-729-8957
Thursday 10:30 am to 12 noon.
Bring ID.

Salvation Army/Astoria Corps
45-18 Broadway LIC, Astoria
718-721-9046 Wednesday 9:30 to 11:30 am.
Bring photo ID.

Salvation Army/Queens Temple
86-07 35th Ave., Jackson Heights
718-335-3693
Wednesday 9 am to 11:30 am.
Bring photo ID.

Salvation Army/Jamaica Citadel
90-23 161st St., Jamaica
718-297-4860
Thursday; 10 am to 11 am.
Bring photo ID.

Salvation Army/Ridgewood Citadel
69-23 Cyprus Hill St., Ridgewood
718-497-4356
Monday, Wednesday and Friday,
9 am to 3 pm.
Bring photo ID.

Solid Rock SDA Church
52-05 Rockaway Beach Blvd., Far Rockaway
718) 474-9306
Tuesday 10 am to 11 am or until finished

Tabernacle of Prayer
90 –07 Merrick Blvd, Jamaica
718-657-4210
Friday 10 am to 12 noon.
Bring ID.

Listen up old bad-karma steve

From Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening

An excerpt, which I found in Tricycle Magazine. 

sacred and the profane

Everything is spiritual and nothing is spiritual.

I used to wonder why people didn't like the term spiritual. For them it meant an artificial and inauthentic rising above, where as true spirituality is rooted in the body, in reality, where you really are, and not about aping behaviors. Trying to be spiritual can be taking the moto "fake it till you make it" too far. For me true spirituality isn't just trying to go deeper, it's connecting with the transcendental, in the world I experience. Transcendental can sound above and beyond, but is not.

Overflowing with a feeling of reverence, I just had a feeling to bow down in the courtyard, next to where the laundry room (After the ecstasy, the laundry). Something about the trees and the bigness of the buildings. Freud talks about an "oceanic" feeling. For me it's a move towards purity and vastness. Some friends get anxious when I talk about purity. When I meditate, I see better lines of action. When I'm not as mindful, when I choose not to formulate and investigate my experience, is when I get into trouble.

I put a football on my shrine and I felt for a second that that was blasphemous. I put it there just as a place to put it, not that I wanted to take refuge in football. Everything is sacred, everything is profane. It's all about the attitude.

Remembering this Israeli movie Kadosh, at one point in the movie a pious man is pleading with god to bring him closer. It was an interesting kind of dramatization of the desire to go deeper. I wondered if it really worked.

Devotional chanting is called a puja, and that makes me go deeper, connects me with what is really important. Today at 1015am in NYC, the moon is full. In ancient times, the sangha would get together when it was a full moon and chant, meditate and talk about the Dharma, connect in spiritual friendship. Now sometimes a Buddhist community isn't true sangha, but a Buddhist without sangha is also a lost Buddhist. You can treat everyone as if they are a Buddha, and when you do that you see more of that in the world.

Life is a self fulfilling prophecy. We choose where we go, or we just drift along. I don't want to drift along, I want to move towards enlightenment.

This is a picture of Milarepa's last teaching--he pulled up his clothes to show off the calluses on his butt from meditating all the time. That's my kind of spiritual hero.

  

am I a tool?

"Whether you like it or not, we book bloggers are marketers."

I do get books here, but I don't review a book when I don't like it, or just can't generate the interest in finishing a book. Most of my quotes and reviews are books that I have bought. I often turn down books I'm not interested in, or just don't actually have the time at the moment. I feel kind of guilty about not reading some books that look interesting, but I just haven't gotten to them, and the window of a timely review is gone.

In the end, this is my blog, and if I ignore it, or write a lot, it all comes from my heart.

I do like to say positive things about things I enjoy. I love love loved going to the opera and seeing Philip Glass' Satyagraha.

I get a lot of press releases for Christian content. It often looks interesting, and as time goes on, I lessen my antipathy for a religion that was shoved down my throat my for much of my life. I really like Thomas Merton. I sometimes think it would be easier to just go to the local church and secretly see it as sangha.

I like what transcends all religions. I like it that spirituality counters the materialism that is rampant in myself and the society I exist in. Getting a book free in the mail does make it more likely for me to read it. When I choose a book I have paid for it, and it is therefore more interesting to me.

I do really enjoy Tibetan and Zen culture, and I find these traditions endlessly fascinating. I think Sangharakshita's syncretic, inclusive and ecumenical approach to be the one that speaks to me most. His approach includes the Tibetan and Zen traditions. On the refuge tree there are Chan teachers as well. I imagine he sees a spiritual depth even if he doesn't so much wish us to exactly follow their leads. I think he changed the wording to refuge and inspiration. If you tried to blend all the ideas together of all the inspiration, you might not be able to make it coherent. What underlies all that though is what he's pointing to, I think. So that's what I want this blog to be about, and my efforts to connect with that.