reflections on Buddhist Modernism

Pat Robertson says don't work with Buddhists. How can you tell, they're so sneaky?!

In unrelated news, been reflecting on The Making of Buddhist Modernism:

By arguing that developments are Buddhism don’t occur in the original Pali cannon, makes me wonder if McMahan is Theravada Buddhist. The idea that there could be developments outside the Buddha—well, maybe they’re not enlightened developments, who knows. Great sages like Milarepa and others seem have great spiritual depth. 

The fear is that any old thing could be added in? Imagine the devote chanting for a big screen TV (that happens in a sect, but it’s because they value authenticity, and the hope is that eventually you will turn towards spiritual things, though I’m just speculating).

There are layers and layers of code in computers. The original layer is often seen as elegant, whereas later accretions give more functionality, but they lose the elegance.

The Boddhisattva idea—is that a new creation, or just an articulation of a reading of the Buddha’s life? Freud wrote a bunch of pregnant statements that have been developed by the community of psychoanalysts. There are many that have gone by the wayside. There was actually a book on the techniques involved in sleeping with your patient. That one fell by the wayside because the community of psychoanalyst decided it was misguided. Maybe Thich Nhat Hanh has developed “interbeing” in a way that really wasn’t in the early texts, but his bona fides as a monk are pretty good, he's connected to his community and friends, and maybe it's a useful modern Buddhist idea. 

Are we adapting Buddhism to the modern world? It seems like it would be artificial not to. The Buddha didn’t say to be Luddites. Of course he couldn’t because they came after his lifetime by a long shot, but you get my point.

McMahan could say, no no no, I’m just saying these ideas are modernist ideas grafted onto Buddhism, I don’t comment whether they’re good grafts are not. Just to be conscious of grafting is the point. That I can get on board with. And knowing what's origional and what's a later development can't hurt.

New book out

Alan Lokos has a new book out: Through the Flames: Overcoming Disaster Through Compassion, Patience, and Determination. I enjoyed Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living. He's got a YouTube channel. There's an article in the NY Times about him and his new book. Lokos is a New Yorker, a city Buddhist.

Mindfulness of the Buddha

(Udumvara flower)

This is a book review of The Life of the Buddha (Penguin Classics). As noted in a previous blog, the book was written by Tenzin Chogyel in Bhuttan about 250 plus years ago. He's in the Kagyu sect of Buddhism, so the Buddha taught the Mahayana ideals and the tantric spells. This new translation is a blessing. I think it's the first one of this text. It makes me wonder how many other great texts are out there untranslated.

The literature of Buddhism is vast and it can take a long time to read it even with what is already translated. There is even the phenomenon of book buddhists, people who read Buddhist books and find them quite enjoyable and in harmony with their aspirations. I have a similarly modern approach to Buddhism that at the beginning involved a lot of books before I took the plunge into sangha and meditation. There are also tattoo Buddhists, people who put a Buddha on their body, but don't really know much about Buddhism. There are Buddhist who think it's presumptuous to read these texts and meditate, because they've been told it's only for the monks. There's all kinds of Buddhism and there is also a unique form blossoming in America and other countries that where not traditionally Buddhist.

My experience is that Karen Armstrong's biography of the Buddha is a fair place to start. Even though she's not a Buddhist, she's a great spiritual writer. The best book is the collection of biographical elements, by Nanamoli. (The Life of the Buddha: According to the Pali Canon). There is a bibliography of recommended books that include Nanamoli and some other books I'm hoping to get to. It's fun to see the differences in this version. Like he had 32 nursemaids as a baby. Vivshpani Blomfeeld's book on the Buddha wasn't on the list, but that's a deep meditation on the Buddha that included stuff I didn't see elsewhere. Unfortunately it's not in print in America, so you can buy a used copy or an electronic version.

I can't remember the scriptures that talk about a fellow who's meditation practice was just to recall his experiences with the buddha, and thinking about the Buddha. Recollecting the Buddha is a positive thing. When I hit on a theme, I chant a mantra that is most appropriate throughout the day. I chant the Buddha mantra. You can also imagine him with you during you day.

There are issues with the miracles. As a modern skeptical person, sometimes it's not clear for me how to translate things from literal to mythical. What does it mean to be born out of the side of someone, instead of coming out the vagina? Do they think women are dirty? Is that misogyny? At the very least it signals him as someone unique who begins talking right after birth. I take it that he has done so much work in his previous lives, that he really hits the ground running.

I don't really have to make sense of it, I can just enjoy it. I've been writing about re-enchanting life, and this account of the Buddha's life certainly does that from a Bhutanese Kagyu perspective 250 plus years ago. There are some interesting little sketches: Mara doodles in the dirt after the Buddha moves past him. There are sections where the devotional writing is inspirational.

If you're looking for your first biography or even second, I might miss this one because you might get some sectarian impressions of the Buddha's life (unless that is your school, of course, or you're considering that school). But if you've read a few biographies and wish to contemplate the Buddha in a new translation, this is a pretty good little book. 

Tenzin Chogyel

No much can be found about Tenzin Chogyel on line. There's a living musician with a similar name. Tenzin Chogyel lived from 1701-1767, two hundred years before I was born. He wrote a version of the Buddha's life that Penguin thought to publish a new translation. Maybe Kurtis R Schaeffer translated it, and then looked for a publisher. Either way, I'm glad they both extended the effort. This is a beautiful text that I have not read before.

There is a beautiful rupa on the cover. I took a picture of the opening.

I got frustrated with the introduction but I read most of it. The first few chapters are very inspiration, it's inspired writing. I could imagine chanting the whole book over a night, like I have read the Diamond Sutra passing the book around the shrine room.

Tenzin Chogyel was from Bhutan, and was the head man of religious affairs for a while. It's suggested that this work was meant for new students. He's part of the Kagyu sect, which is  a red hat sect, along with Gelug and Sakya. The Kagyu sect has many sub-sects.

I went on line to see if there are any flights to The Eagle's Nest, and I couldn't get a flight to Bhutan after looking at about 20 websites, but then I realized I was only looking at American flight. It looks more complicated to find flights though. Looks like they have similar seasons to the US, July is the hottest month, January is their coldest month. They're supposedly making the biggest statue of the Buddha. Wish I could just fly there now, if it was just to update Wikipedia.

quote

The Life of the Buddha (Penguin Classics) p. 4

"Proud fools rest ever in their errors
Saying senseless things in greed hatred and ignorance."

Re-enchantment

Walking by a beautiful statue of the Virgin Mary, I didn't have that enchanted feeling. I've been asking myself do I need to re-enchant life? There was a time when I saw a Buddhist rupa, that I wanted to bow down and prostrate to the spiritual ideals. The reverence for the wise ones had an enchanting spell. That was when I was meditating a lot, when I was reading a lot, when I was spending a lot of time with spiritual friends. I've worked myself into very alert states. But inevitably the retreat would end and I would go back to my workaday life. There were times when I would meditate at lunch, so excited from a retreat, that I ended up meditating 2 times a day, sometimes three. I have done pujas, where I felt a kind of bliss and the mantras felt magical. I can begin to approach those things. But my question is whether that is necessary. Do I need that spiritual high to sustain my life, or can I do a kind of "nothing special" approach. One of the aspects of Buddhist modernity is that I'm aware of all the choices. I don't go to the local guy and learn what he learns. In an modern open source Buddhism, I can see all the options, try them on. People will say you lose something by not committing to one tradition, and I'm sure there is more truth there than just the branding and the sectarian thinking. Any good tradition guards the deeper practices to protect the spiritual aspirant from spiritual indigestion, from eating too many rich practices. There is a system of practice. To flit from system to system, you don't get deep into the system. On the other hand some people have said it's easier to get enlightened than to get ordained into some systems, but each sect has a right to control who is teaching that sect. There are slick teachers, who turned out to be sleeping with everyone, and that shows a kind of disconnect from the ideals. Honest and sincere isn't always the slickest. Some movements don't have a charismatic leader. The system is more important than any individual teacher, which reminds me of the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA. The system is the star, not the individual players on the team, the team is the star. It's quite possible the best teacher for you isn't some famous person, or even advanced person, maybe someone closer to your level who has struggled like you, and can say it was worth it, could be a better teacher.

Back to my question, does my spiritual life need to be re-enchanted? What would it give me? Would it add power and focus to my meditation? Would it help me to study more? Would it help me to find sangha? What is it about an enchanted spiritual life would be useful?

The Life of the Buddha (Penguin Classics) came in the mail today. Looking forward to dipping into this, back to basics.

the positive side of dreams

I found this post amongst my drafts and I thought I would post it....



Felt I should follow up on yesterday's post about escapism with further meditations and thoughts.

Dreaminess isn't all bad, and it's part of the process of developing your vision, reaching for am much as you can. I watched the updated Walter Mitty, based on the Thurber story yesterday with my sons, and in this version Walter Mitty changes his core personality in the end and is a doer and not just a dreamer. I think that evolution is possible for everyone.

I read a book about daydream interpretation, the point being you can interpret those as well, and that thinking about them can be really useful.

The negotiation between dreams, limited resources, planning ahead and accepting opportunity costs is all very important.

I'll end with Langston Hughes' famous poem.

Harlem BY LANGSTON HUGHES

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

the positive side of dreams

Felt I should follow up on yesterday's post about escapism with further meditations and thoughts.

Dreaminess isn't all bad, and it's part of the process of developing your vision, reaching for am much as you can. I watched the updated Walter Mitty, based on the Thurber story yesterday with my sons, and in this version Walter Mitty changes his core personality in the end and is a doer and not just a dreamer. I think that evolution is possible for everyone.

I read a book about daydream interpretation, the point being you can interpret those as well, and that thinking about them can be really useful.

The negotiation between dreams, limited resources, planning ahead and accepting opportunity costs is all very important.

I'll end with Langston Hughes' famous poem.

Harlem BY LANGSTON HUGHES

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Escapism

source

One time on retreat, a woman suggested that sport talk radio was escapism. I was surprised at how quick the denial came out of my mouth, and I say today that sports fandom is escapism. As a person working hard to squeeze out the most meaningful life, I ended up in social work, and this has been a challenge because I can be a sensitive person. Even worse, now I'm in child welfare, which is for the thickest of the skins. No Rogerian unconditional positive regard. There are systems of condescension and blame. I thought I heard the worst stories of abuse in the female prison I worked in. Well, child welfare has them too. The secondary trauma of listening to trauma is perhaps what the social worker hopes to master as the wounded healer.

I sat down to read a book about one my new escapist subjects (How Soccer Explains the World: An Unlikely Theory of Globalization ), soccer, and walked into grim descriptions of hooliganism in Serbia and Croatia. At least I had been warned the book started out negative and then got progressively more positive as it went along.

And then there's the entitlement of compensatory indulgences, the feeling that I dislike being put upon so much to work, that I have the right to gork out on light ensemble friendship sitcoms while playing video games.

And then there's the pure laziness, the immaturity of only wanting to do what I want to do. There are times when I subjugate myself so much for others, that I go on strike. I actually love giving to others, but sometimes I feel needy.

My flawed human approach to Buddhism was a reflection of my own personality and sometimes what I presented gave people the impression of escapism. That should have been a sign. Life teaches you the same lessons over and over until you get it. Don't imagine my escapism tinged Buddhism is the real Buddhism, I think it's counter to that actually. Meditation is about facing your experience, instead of running after the various escapist sticks, turning to the stick thrower. Engaged Buddhism is about facing problems in society and yourself. Not escapist at all.

So like this family the father sees his face in everyone, I see myself in my escapism. It is everywhere.

source

Billy Collins poem

Shoveling Snow with the Buddha (Billy Collins)

In the usual iconography of the temple or the local Wok
you would never see him doing such a thing,
tossing the dry snow over a mountain
of his bare, round shoulder,
his hair tied in a knot,
a model of concentration.

Sitting is more his speed, if that is the word
for what he does, or does not do.

Even the season is wrong for him.
In all his manifestations, is it not warm or slightly humid?
Is this not implied by his serene expression,
that smile so wide it wraps itself around the waist of the universe?

But here we are, working our way down the driveway,
one shovelful at a time.
We toss the light powder into the clear air.
We feel the cold mist on our faces.
And with every heave we disappear
and become lost to each other
in these sudden clouds of our own making,
these fountain-bursts of snow.

This is so much better than a sermon in church,
I say out loud, but Buddha keeps on shoveling.
This is the true religion, the religion of snow,
and sunlight and winter geese barking in the sky,
I say, but he is too busy to hear me.

He has thrown himself into shoveling snow
as if it were the purpose of existence,
as if the sign of a perfect life were a clear driveway
you could back the car down easily
and drive off into the vanities of the world
with a broken heater fan and a song on the radio.

All morning long we work side by side,
me with my commentary
and he inside his generous pocket of silence,
until the hour is nearly noon
and the snow is piled high all around us;
then, I hear him speak.

After this, he asks,
can we go inside and play cards?

Certainly, I reply, and I will heat some milk
and bring cups of hot chocolate to the table
while you shuffle the deck.
and our boots stand dripping by the door.

Aaah, says the Buddha, lifting his eyes
and leaning for a moment on his shovel
before he drives the thin blade again
deep into the glittering white snow.

Free Will

"Just as a ball of string that is thrown, will run away always unwinding, even so the fool and the wise running on, circling around, will eventually make an end of suffering." DN i.53-55

Jayarava has a great blog about free will, and he really reads the texts closely. Optimistic determinism of sorts as far as I can tell.

Free will and addiction

(Source)

In the disease model of addiction, it is nice in that it counters some of the heaping moral blame. Blame the victim is fairly standard in the good old USA, another self defeating philosophy amongst many. You can find a few articles on line about the disease model of addiction and free will.

The good old USA, we have a kind of wacky political bifurcation, either you follow that party line or this party line, and neither the twain shall meet. Either you believe in personal responsibility and ignore other social factors, or you look at other social factors, and you don't harp on personal choice. I feel like you can do both, and we don't need to entrench into partisan sniping.

The physiological element to addiction makes it very rewarding, and to quit is hard, mere exertion of will doesn't really make it so.

In Buddhism, we work to transcend our conditioning and not be reactive, to be creative. There's probably a percentage of free will, creativity, and we're looking to increase the percentage.

There's a lot emphasis on improving condition, creating the conditions that will lead to enlightenment. Improving conditions is an important way of working towards moving toward enlightenment.

Once someone is addicted, and you have the cycle where more and more is required to get the high as you habituate to the drug. Moral judgements don't stop people from using, it contributes to feeling bad about yourself and that leads to more use. Recovery has to be a choice, moving out of attraction and not just avoidance.

There's also a generic element in our genome. Before for water treatment, putting wine into your water killed bacteria and having the gene helped you to survive.

Addiction is very complicated. Free will and blame are in an interesting dance with the issues of addiction.

My first philosophy class was about free will. The Christians who want it because they need it to solve the problem of evil were heavily invested in it. How can an all knowing and all powerful god make something bad happen. The answer is free will. But if you don't have that commitment, the need to have it is less. On the other side, the materialists, who think only the stuff of physics exists, they have a need to defer to physicist, which is a much more muddy picture at this point, but could be an anti-free will position, determinism.

I like the idea of free will, even if it's not true, at least psychologically. Focusing people on their choices can help one to actually reflect on them, and in error analysis. If determinism is true, then I can't help but like the idea of free will.

The magical thinking involved in substance abuse is amazing. Working with substance abuse is interesting in that often times mental health professionals want to ceed that territory to substance abuse counselors. There are some that cross over, and the MICA tradition addresses both issues.

BTW, my sons interrupted me a million times while I was writing this post, so I apologize for any incoherence. 

Hotai in a frump hat

McMahan on Suzuki

P. 133 of The Making of Buddhist Modernism:

"Suzuki's insistence that the enlightened person transcends social conventions and prescribed morality, realizing intuitive action as the vehicle of nature, reconfigures and radicalizes Rousseau's primitivism."

Once In A Lifetime

"Once In A Lifetime"

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack

And you may find yourself in another part of the world

And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful

wife

And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down

Letting the days go by/water flowing underground

Into the blue again/after the money's gone

Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself

How do I work this?

And you may ask yourself

Where is that large automobile?

And you may tell yourself

This is not my beautiful house!

And you may tell yourself

This is not my beautiful wife!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down

Letting the days go by/water flowing underground

Into the blue again/after the money's gone

Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Water dissolving...and water removing

There is water at the bottom of the ocean

Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean

Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down

Letting the days go by/water flowing underground

Into the blue again/in the silent water

Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down

Letting the days go by/water flowing underground

Into the blue again/after the money's gone

Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself

What is that beautiful house?

And you may ask yourself

Where does that highway go?

And you may ask yourself

Am I right?...Am I wrong?

And you may tell yourself

MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down

Letting the days go by/water flowing underground

Into the blue again/in the silent water

Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down

Letting the days go by/water flowing underground

Into the blue again/after the money's gone

Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...



 

Sutta Nipata 4.15

Seeing people floundering
     like fish in small puddles,
     competing with one another — 
               as I saw this,
               fear came into me.
     The world was entirely
               without substance.
     All the directions
                                    were knocked out of line.
     Wanting a haven for myself,
     I saw nothing that wasn’t laid claim to.
     Seeing nothing in the end
     but competition,
     I felt discontent.
              —Sutta Nipata 4.15, trans. Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Meditating with a new cat

Anandi enjoys cats, and she waited an appropriate time after Oscar died, and then she decided she wanted rescue cats from the shelter. She adopted Ella and Lulu (originally Booboo and Cupcake). They were fixed free of charge, and their first vet visit is free if done within a certain time limit. We got the cats the next day, because they don't perform an operation on a cat that they will eventually put down. They used the phrase "no longer available" to describe one cat. There are no snuff shelters but the city one is not one of those. Here's the search site if you're looking for a cat in NYC. The place is pretty disturbing but it feels good to snatch a cat from the jaws of extinction. I wanted to adopt them all. Talking to one of the workers there, we asked her how she does it. She said she'd avoided it for quite a while, but finally she was able to accept the situation. You can volunteer there if you like animals. And I guess that's where you can go if you have to get rid of an animal and you can't find someone to take it. Luckily my aunt took my cats when I moved and couldn't take my cats. And she got someone to take the cats when she moved.

They are obviously traumatized from living in the shelter, and who knows what before that. I call them scairdy cats sometimes. Each day they relax their vigilance brought on by the traumas of their past.

We sat down to meditate for the first time since getting them today, and Ella was clawing at Anandi's foot.

Ella proceeded to snuggle in, head butt her. She brushed by me. We laughed. And that was all after chasing the bird off the air conditioner near our shrine.

As always, you focus on the breath. The cats will learn we don't pet them when we're meditating. But they did like it when we finished.

Perennialism

The Making of Buddhist Modernism is really eye opening in that it discusses how other ideas are used to articulate Buddhism in the modern world, as a reaction to imperialism, as the first wave of western converts articulate what they like about it. What does it mean when traditionalists can see meditating as presumptuous, and the plethora of printed English Buddhism that has created a kind of western bookish Buddhist? I'm going to riff, with my thoughts from reading the book, but in no way are my thoughts either a review of the book or some scholarly paper themselves. This is a personal blog post.

Perennialism is the idea that all religions participate in the ultimate truths. This contrasts with perhaps the Buddhist who feels that it's the Buddha's experience that matters, and that there isn't some universal kind of truth it participates in.

As I delve into the book, I'm don't think I want to be a traditionalist, and I think it's OK to blend modern ideas with Buddhism. I don't necessarily think science has the best truths, or that Buddhism is more scientific than other religions. But I do believe in pluralism and multiculturalism instead of separatism or the importance of erasing differences.

Perennialism really helps in the exclusive truth wars. I've written in the past about friends who think religion necessarily leads to people feeling closer to the truth and that leads people towards conflict. A modern mindset is inclined to think that truth is more of a function of a system, learning the lessons from Godel's Incompleteness theorem. That you can't prove the truth of a system without referring to the system, and that just makes it all a kind of game. There is no super system that explains it all. That points to a kind of pragmatism, just noticing what each system does, and resisting reduction or assimilation into other systems. Perennialism functions to promote harmony, and not discord, and whether it's true or not. Nobody needs to be colonized or converted, we're all on the same journey. The only danger could be to ignore differences and history.

The modern world has allowed for more open source Buddhism, that teachings are available. We don't need a system that concentrates the information into the powerful hands of a central authority. We don't need to have an allegiance to one kind of Buddhism, we can love the variety and appreciate the spirit of certain teachers, even if we don't believe in the system they created. We own our own spirituality and have the responsibility of finding out what works for us. Now you can lose some depth by not committing to one tradition and there will be people that will tell you you should only shop exclusively in their bookshop, but most people see through that. They see it as branding, a sales pitch.

The lack of a cohesive system and community can be an outgrowth of open source Buddhism. The real living traditions that actually exist are more traditional.

I like to be around other people of different traditions, and I get the feeling I sometimes get when I'm with sangha. Even outside of Buddhism.

So it think the trick is to have a community, with a tradition, but that also allows for independent thinking. And being aware what is Buddhism and what is not Buddhism. What does our modern culture add in to adapt Buddhism to our times, and what do we gain and lose by doing that? I don't like sectarianism, but loosey goosey doesn't always work either. Buddhism without beliefs is wonderful, but Stephen Batchelor has not founded a sangha. He visits other sanghas and organizations. People come to hear him teach, but he does not present a system for spiritual development.

I think perennialism, which would be hard to prove, does function in a harmonizing multicultural way.

what is a Buddhist?

McMahan talked about modern existence, and being disenchanted, and that we are looking for re-enchantment.

I'm not sure which I want. There were times in my life when I saw a rupa and had a visceral desire to prostrate myself to it, even though I was in a museum. I have done the prostration practice to the TBC refuge tree. On the other hand I would also like to just tolerate not knowing and not necessarily multiply entities beyond their necessity. I like the idea of Padmasambhava pinning down demons, but I also interpret that psychologically. I see great psychological benefit in thinking archetypically, but don't think there are unseen spirits beyond my mind.

I am deeply suspicious of "organized religion". I do feel the differences between myself and other Buddhists. One time a waitress had a Buddhist necklace on. I asked her if she was a Buddhist. She said yes. I asked her if she meditated, and she said no. I didn't even know at the time if she could have considered it presumptuous for me to meditate. I did not even know that.

I sat at a Wesak celebration onces, where Sri Lankan children played out various aspects of the Buddha's life in play. It felt weird to see that because the children were kind of being force, and the parents were so proud of their children for doing this thing they seemed to feel put upon. For me Buddhism is a choice that goes counter to the dominant culture I am surrounded by. To be sure in New York City, there is multiculturalism, but outside of NYC, there is a kind of Christian fog hanging over America.

At one point I was exploring various centers. I went to one where I was talking to a monk outside. I thought we were having an interesting conversation until he abruptly stopped the conversation to open the door for a Chinese woman to enter the temple. I got the message. This is for Chinese people. I have no problem with his commitment to cultural Buddhism. I even wish for an American Buddhism, though that's going to take hundreds and hundreds of years. I tried to read a memoir by a guy who grew up in a Zen family. I didn't really detect much that was Buddhist about it, it was more about how his journey was impacted by having Buddhist parents. He seemed to be into Buddhism, but it also seemed to be going with the flow, and not something he committed to. Perhaps he did later in the book, I honest could not finish the book, not much was happening and "hey look I grew up in a Zen family" wasn't enough for me.

McMahan has a term called Buddhist sympathizer, which he got from Thomas Tweed. I had a Buddhist t-shirt that said, "I am a Buddhist" and it was shouting it out loud. I remember once time in a cafe in Santa Fe someone laughed at the idea. I suppose they wondered why would someone have to shout that. I feel the need to distinguish myself from Christians, and to raise the profile of American Buddhists. Coming from NYC I feel as though what ever my religion is, that is fine, and that it won't hinder me to be Buddhist.

When I was a therapist I had a few patients that followed Soka Gakki. I didn't really feel like we had a common ground. My understanding is that they hoped, that by chanting a mantra about their devotion to the Lotus Sutra, to be reborn in a pure land where they could then become enlightened.  I was hoping to move towards enlightenment through my own personal efforts. I do think we need other power to help us, why not, but for me there's more of a personal responsibility.

In discussion with a friend on retreat, he thought it was pretty controversial to feel like you had to do it in one life time. Another friend says that it's hard to imagine the life force energy doesn't go somewhere after they die. Another friend suggested to me that the only important thing about reincarnation was that I kept an open mind to it, and I later read how Sangharakshita asserted that there was no Buddhist movement that didn't include reincarnation. There are various books about reincarnation in the movement that as far as I can tell, debunk the popular notion, and water down into something inoffensive. It's just conditionality. Who knows. I find the work of Stephen Batchelor refreshing.

There is a part of me that makes me think I can't just make it all up for myself. That there should be some bite to the spiritual life, the bending of my will.

On another hand I want to guard myself against the social control aspects of being manipulated by religion, for other people's goals. I'm individualistic in a way that will not jive with the more socially oriented versions of Buddhism.

I have been enchanted at times, loved puja, mantra, ritual, felt strong feelings towards the sangha. I wondered why someone wouldn't get a visualization practice at ordination, that was the final step in Sangharakshita's system of meditation. I like the idea of having a visualization practice about ideals, the embodiment of ideals. I like all that Jungian kind of thinking, but I do not so much think about these things literally, and put a modernist twist on what others take literally.

What Buddhism is, is a question for the scholars. What is my spiritual journey, is another question, and it's good to realize the modern/traditional split in Buddhism. I think of thesis, antithesis and synthesis. I'm ok with importing modern psychology and theoretical understandings into ancient Buddhism, making it my own. And that is a very modern idea, I have come to learn.

off to the opera

Reading the Visuddhimagga really gets you into the word tangle. Disentangling the entanglements is perhaps one of the missions of Buddhism. One of my teachers was reading that book when he used that word a lot. This is the kind of book where I'm probably going to read a page a day and finish in a few years.

I got The Making of Buddhist Modernism in the mail yesterday. It came out in 2008. It's one of those complex books that has a million references you want to read like The Saturated Self or Courtesans and Fishcakes. A tour de force. I read the introduction and the section on Sangharakshita's The Art of Religion. That's one I haven't read. Guess I need to read that one.

The book basically traces the various ideas and synthesis of modernity and Buddhism. I was writing about that in my review of Daughters of Dolma. It makes me wonder if there is anything wrong with adding in ideas and whatnot to the original tradition? Is there any virtue in not adding in modern ideas? McMahan asks a few times what is it about Buddhism that you can say you're "into Buddhism"? Do people say they are "into Protestantism"? I guess people don't brag about it anyway. Also there is a plethora of published books in English, which makes reading about Buddhism a new phenomenon. Forget about blogs.

Last night after I listened to a talk about the 5th precept, last night, I still hadn't fallen asleep, so I was listening to an audio version of The Varieties of Religious Experience by William James, and I heard the phrase "unbarrowed experience". I'm not sure if I could read that book, but I can certainly fall asleep to it. I got an audio version off one of those free read book websites. But I digress. Unbarrowed experience means something that not someone else's formulation, it's your own formulation. Can you actually do that?

I almost didn't break my position for the 40 minute sit this morning. I've decided to meditate every day again. I've taken some time off. I'm ready to get back. As I'm getting back into meditation I'm aware that I kind of control the breath when paying attention to it. The third stage I focus on my posture, and think about wanting to read Will Johnson's book about posture.

I'm hoping to meditate for 20 minutes every day and longer on work free days when I don't have my children.

Doing a retreat at home was interesting. I'd hoped to be more disciplined, but it's good that I pushed myself to do what I did. Doing a retreat with someone else, gets you more intimate with them. Anandi and I did a lot of talking.

And now it's off to the opera!

Here is a picture of the calzones Cori made last night--squash, onion and mushroom.

'body scan meditation' by vidyamala

free buddhist audio : : 'body scan meditation' by vidyamala

Retreat update: We did a body scan, which is wonderful. Vidyamala really does an excellent one and it takes 40 minutes. There are some phrases I like, like "back breathing" and "soft hands". She really zooms in on some interesting places. We had a lot of thoughts and feelings about our bodies and shared them in our check in.

Before that we read another intense section of The Essential Sangharakshita. That guy gets me every time.

We slept late. I think there are a few things about having a retreat in the home with two people. One is that it's harder to push yourself to conform to a schedule. We created an intense schedule and we've done about half of it. And I've broken all the rules. But I'm proud I meditated twice for 40 minutes yesterday and read a lot of Dharma, and cooked.

We just made a smoothie, that I'm going to write about on my other blog.

metta bhavana - full lead-through' by kamalashila

free buddhist audio : : 'metta bhavana - full lead-through' by kamalashila

Forgive me if I'm a little precious about my experience, that happens at the beginning of a retreat, as I tune in.

Anandi wanted to do a lead meditation (link above) because it's been a while, so we played the full lead through by Kamalashila. Unfortunately the computer went to sleep and we probably did more than we were supposed to in the final stage, but that's not bad.

I started to get that head feeling that is hard to describe, when you're meditating a bit for the first time in a while. Someone once called it the feeling of coming out of warp speed, a reference perhaps to Star Trek. I also go hot, which sometimes happens when I meditate. I feel like I'm burning off the impurities.

I used to think about myself sledding as a child to evoke metta, and I recently went sledding and had a weirdly full feeling of metta while doing it, the sledding was infused with metta because I connect that as a time when I was happy as a child, simple happiness. Passing that on to my sons, there was a kind of fatherly love involved. There was sympathetic joy in others joy. There was compassion when people got into problems. And all the while I was not overwhelmed, just right.

We went grocery shopping. We got some flowers for the shrine.

You can see my main rupa, with Kwan Yin on the left and Manjushri on the right, and some butterflies for color and beauty. The Buddha wears the awesome mala Anandi bought me, that I wear sometimes.

We made pizza dough for our pizza tonight.

It looks a little crumbly, but we put more water in it, and she didn't think we should put any more in. My first pizza dough.

I cut up some onions and got a good cathartic onion cry. I was glad to spend time in the kitchen with Anandi, she really is fun to be with in the kitchen.

She made a ginger drink with orange juice, lime juice and lemon juice. She's so creative!

Food

Anandi reports another vegan blog just stopped being vegan. She thought the comments were very harsh, the vegan community is often very hard on people who leave it. Is that one of the traits of being a cult? When people are punished for leaving? Perhaps people were just expressing their own feelings about another's actions. Such a strong reaction means there's a lot of meaning in there. I'm all for exploring what is important to people.

I asked he why the person stopped being vegan. It was health reasons, but supposedly they are never specific. Which makes me think they stopped feeling good, and listened to their body. They never get specific. Was it cheese? Was it meat?

Reading section 5.2.4 of The Essential Sangharakshita, he talks about moving away from harm to others. Whether that's not eating veal, to veganism, the point is to exert effort to reduce the harm done to others by providing ourselves nourishment. What I admire about Anandi is that she's not an angry vegan, she is OK with others not being vegan. She works very hard to make yummy vegan food. My mouth waters when I read her blog, because I remember those lovely meals. I'm a semi-vegetarian with aspirations. I feel lucky to live with such a good cook.

Anandi should really write this blog because she's the food expert. Yesterday we made curried chick pea salad, that was awesome. For dinner we had the tofu, broccoli and peanut sauce with rice. We haven't really had that here at home, that's more of an Aryaloka meal. I was so honored that she included that meal in our retreat eating.

(photo by Anandi)

Update on retreat: We moved the beginning time from 6 to 7 and only I got up. Anandi stayed up till midnight last night, and decided she doesn't like doing new year's alone. I slept. Instead of getting to meditation after 30 minutes, I took 75 minutes to read and write, and then sat down to do a mindfulness of breathing. Anandi woke up and ground some coffee. I heard her padding around and making noise. I did not resent it, but I was thinking about how we were not in harmony. I felt guilty that I didn't stay up with her. I've always been in relationships with people who wanted to celebrate New Year's Eve, and I don't particularly like staying up that late, it throws everything out of whack.

So we through out our rigid schedule of meditation and just wrote a list of essentials we'd like to do today. So that's how the retreat is going to go today. No Netflix or video games for me. I think that's something I'd like to do in my regular life. No non-Dharma books. We are talking about our life visions and the blocks towards achieving those goals and ideas. And cleaning becomes important. I'm not very good about cleaning, and I'm hoping the retreat helps me to clean and organize the house. It already has.

I'd say the challenge of an in-home retreat is that it's harder to step out of your usual patterns in your own home, going off to a retreat center makes it easier. And yet it's in the home where it really counts, so maybe it's good to fight that fight.

Reading

I only read one book this year that was published in 2014, so I don't feel like it's fair to give out my yearly best book award. I did read The Path to Awakening: How Buddhism's Seven Points of Mind Training Can Lead You to a Life of Enlightenment and Happiness. I did find it worth reading, and I like the seven point mind training.

My dharma practice has moved away from reading. But I am looking forward to Stephen Batchelor's book After Buddhism, which I read about on Facebook, coming out next year. I also saw a video that if Subhuti can get enough money to publish his next book, that it will be out next year, and it will be about the mental events. These are two books I am very much looking forward to reading.

Sisters of Dolma (Film Review)

Just watched Daughters of Dolma. It is a kind of profile of some young female Buddhists. The way women are treated in the society is the way the women are treated as nuns. They have to fight for equal status, they discuss sexism in their society.

What struck me about the movie was that the young woman struggled like young women, forget that they were nuns. They fight and argue, and they like to watch romance movies. Feels almost like a career decision. But it's not even a decision it seems, at times. The eldest son is supposed to be a monk and the youngest daughter is supposed to be a monk. Anandi kept asking, how does that help the society? I got the feeling that a few of the women did not really fit in to regular life, and did not want conventional lives, and so they just chose being a nun as the path of greatest freedom. I could see that.

My experience is different. I came to it middle age. I could really feel the youth of the students, the pull of the world. I'm kind of sick of the world, so it's easy for me to retreat from it. They had their whole lives ahead of them, and they wondered if they were doing the right thing.

They have a culture where this is an option. I suppose it's an option in my culture. America is supposed to be multicultural. But the fact it that it's mostly a Christian nation. So most Buddhists are in some way a non-conformist. I get the feeling that the women were trying to please others, were conforming.

The interviews with older men in power were politically correct. I want them to interview a sexist monk. In fact, if there was a defect in the movie, it felt like with the language barrier, that they were mostly speaking in slogans, saying what they thought people wanted to hear. The movie admitted as much in the end, that it was superficial.

There's a part of increasing nunneries, that is feminist revolutionary. They talked about how the modern world was impacting their traditional ways, and I felt like expanding the nunneries was one way of modernizing. But I also got the feeling that they were kind of like orphanages. I wondered if one mother was projecting her own spiritual wishes onto her daughter. She said her daughter was naughty like a boy so many times, it was kind of weird.

Sometimes I yearn for a culture in which to embed my spiritual practice, and sometimes I think I create my own world in my home, and that it doesn't matter what is outside the home so much, as long as there is stuff in the world somewhere that promotes it. I don't believe in the lay/monastic split, but I see how it functions to carry the tradition and in some ways I am very grateful. In some ways it seems cultural and superficial. The children are learning to read and write in a Buddhist context, but like any kind of education, it's a process that helps one to develop.

I certainly appreciate documentaries in that they present experience, but we also need to critically evaluate what we see. I saw a changing world of young female Buddhists. It's no easy to convey the spiritual life, less so in the movies. There was some interesting footage, and cultural information. I would have liked more geographical information. I would have liked more depth. Even so, it was an interesting movie. There's only one review of it on Netflix. It appreciates their honesty, that they don't try and sugar coat things, but I kind of felt they did. I mean a documentary does present raw experience, in a way, but if you don't think there were filters there, well, that seems naive.

There is another movie about Buddhist nuns: Blessings: Tsoknyi Nangchen Nuns of Tibet.

transition day into a home retreat

(photo by Anandi)

We got in late last night, and were pretty wiped out from the travel, so decided to make today a rolling into the retreat day, and not the rigorous and structured schedule we planned out. We're going to flow with how we feel. But we are having retreat oatmeal. Had to move the car so I didn't get a ticket.

Part of the duo home retreat is that we read to each other. When Anandi woke up I read her a Noah Levine interview from Tricycle. He started Refuge Recovery, which has a meeting in NYC. I should probably go to support my recovery, and working with people in recovery. I read his book Dharma Punx. Anandi read his second one, I could read that one. I recently got Eight Step Recovery: Using the Buddha's Teachings to Overcome Addiction. I stalled pretty quickly on that one, but I need to charge up my kindle so I can read that and The Purpose and Practice of Buddhist Meditation: A Source Book of Teachings.

I read section 5.2.4 of The Essential Sangharakshita about natural versus conventional morality, and how the mental states behind actions is a focus of Buddhist ethics. It's an excerpt from The Bodhisattva Ideal: Wisdom and Compassion in Buddhism, which is an awesome book in it's own right. I think that was the first book we were reading when I originally started mitra study in the FWBO.

Hearing the words aloud helps to connect to the tradition that was originally oral.

We sat for 20 minutes of mindfulness of breathing. I had monkey mind of course, and my legs were not used to sitting.

I love talking about meditation experience with Anandi. I had a hard time not rearranging the books on my book shelf, they're all out of order.

I'm calling this the Hansel and Gretel retreat, because we're going to see the opera on DVD and live at the Met.

We're not strict yet about not watching TV or using technology for anything other than writing and reading. I feel a strong urge to clean the house strangely. I'm like space, I abhor a vacuum. I'll read non-Dharma today. Since we're doing this retreat with both of us we can have any form we want. I want structure and scheduling tomorrow and after that. We get more done that way. But with the travel I really need a transition day. Must be kind to ourselves.

We're going to have curried chick pea salad for lunch. Last time I went backpacking and totally bonked, when we were done I remember eating chick peas from a can I left in the car. That was really yummy. First few bites anyway.

Mural in Santa Fe

Tibet House Santa Fe

Wrong intension.

Source

Right intension is a very important aspect of Buddhism.

Yesterday I woke up and did a puja. While I was doing it, my son woke up. He is old enough to read quietly, and he did. I continued my puja. I think an old me would have been annoyed at the interruption, but I went with it. I handled the situation fine. I meditated for 10 minutes, but I heard my girlfriend creeping around, so I didn't meditate longer.

I'm working to build up my meditation endurance for a home retreat I'm going to have. Going places costs money, so I'm going to try an in home retreat for 3.5 days with my girlfriend, ending in the Opera Hansel and Gretel. I've started an opera blog.

This morning I started meditating. I didn't look at the time. My sons needed to get up for church. I was cranky because I hadn't understood my circumstances. Part of being a Buddhist in my opinion is trying to make circumstances conducive to practicing and understanding your circumstances. I didn't really pay attention to my circumstances, and then I reacted negatively emotionally because the "world wasn't going my way." Not very Buddhist of me.

what is spirituality?

What is spirituality?

Source

I’ve heard so many people say they don’t like that word. I used to think spirituality was other worldly, but now I think that can be escapism, or spiritual bypassism. Still, I want to use the word. I feel like I opened up a file in my head when I found Buddhism, and filled it in with something that wasn’t there before. Maybe that’s an illusion. I’m not sure donating time to the local sangha is somehow inherently more spiritual than doing other things.

A part of spirituality is about striving for equanimity and not getting flustered and flummoxed so easily. There is a kind of emotional transcendence, not numb, still present and feeling, but somehow not fully embroiled and overwhelmed with horrified anxiety. The half-smile. I can do the facial expression, but are there corresponding thoughts? The guys that serve me food at the Sri Chimnoy restaurants have a goofy smile that feels forced. I’m very concerned about aping spirituality, pretending to be spiritually evolved. And yet, even trying is a good thing I think sometimes. It’s a balance. Authenticity is very important.

One sense in which spirituality makes sense to me, is that it’s non-materialistic, it’s not about your personal gain. But then again, people like to brag about how giving they are. There is nothing wrong with being proud about helping others. So doing things for others because that makes you feel good and proud of yourself is OK. But is there anything inherently “spiritual” about that. Is spirituality just not being egotistical? Thinking about others? Realizing our interconnectivity? I’m inclined to say that’s a piece of it, but it’s in conjunction with clarity of mind, with deep insight.

I would say there is an inner/outer journey to connect to something larger, a higher power. That includes being less egotistical and having equanimity, but it’s also true and authentic, not pretend. Does it matter what your higher power is? People will tell you absolutely, and fight wars over it, but that feels very worldly, materialistic, exploitative, and egotistical. I’m not prepared to say any spirituality is OK, cults are bad by definition, and you hear of religious practices that you don’t feel like they will stand the test of time. People could go on a journey, and not just join a group to enhance status. Secular humanism is a fine higher power, in my opinion.

Can I drive to work in a spiritual way? I don’t know. When I listened to talks all the time, I felt a little more spiritual. But now I don’t listen to those talks or read the books so much. I do feel less spiritual, but I also feel more independent, and filled with stuff. I think spirituality sometimes is about unfilling, emptying.

I still want to somehow progress. What does progress mean? You can get ordained, that makes people feel like they have achieved something. You can work for your community, build community, build a building. You can reach deeper states of meditation. You can be less ethically messy. You can be kinder. You can relate to people better. You can communicate better. You can feel a continuity of purpose, feel certain kinds of confusion less. Does the number of blog posts make me more spiritual. I think not, but I am at that moment trying to do something spiritual, so in a way it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Being spiritual depends on what you mean by it, but if you’re not clear about what it means. People say they know it when they see it.

The religions will tell you what to do if that’s what you’re looking for. I find connecting and giving to others very fulfilling. I like to read and learn. I’m curious about psychology and how people work. I like to study great people, I liked watching a documentary on Thomas Merton and reading his books and journals, I like spiritual giants. I feel like some people throw themselves at spirituality, but they’re not very spiritual. There have been times in my life when I felt very reverential towards the Buddha, the Dharma and the community. There were times when my gung ho attitude pushed people away.

The people standing on the street just waiting to talk to you about something, the evangelists are really trying hard. I feel like they’re also pushing some rigidity, so I don’t like to engage, I feel like helping them, and that feels presumptuous, so I just don’t.

What about the dark night of the soul when you don’t get any reinforcement for being spiritual? Is that the true test, or is just how people open others up to manipulation? That’s the other thing. With so much exploitation through religion, you really have to watch out for that. Nobody sees being exploited as being spiritual. Sacrifice yes, but exploited, no.

I like the phrase “open handed generosity” because it conveys giving that has no regret or qualms, but is not just indifference or aping behaviors. I remember after my first retreat, I just felt like putting money in the dana bowl. I wonder if it was exuberance that was misplaced, but I was just so grateful and I wanted to try it out.

The complications of an organization can be confusing, the human and non-spiritual motives. Giving without regrets and qualms can sometimes be a hard ideal to reach. I think there are spiritual ideals that guide people, but what are the best ones for you? That’s to be discovered, I wouldn’t say there were necessarily universal ones for each religion. I find the differences between the many kinds of Buddhists in the word pretty amazing. There is something of an extreme in some spiritual approaches, but I think balance can be very spiritual.

So balance, generosity, energy, community, relationship, equanimity. The answers I tried to just pour forth could easily be put into the 7 noble truths. How would I know if I’m aping another’s ideas? Is originality important? I don't think in this case. Authenticity is important, “start where you are,” and all that. Becoming an individual, personal development seems an important aspect of it, regardless of spiritual development.

Religious organizations will give you a format to understand your spiritual experience. The Buddha is notorious for saying, "check it out in your experience." I believe in experience, that is non-denominational. The advice to Bahiya is about putting your experience into the right place, and thinking into the thinking category. Thinking is wonderful, I often have quite a lot of joy with my thoughts. But Keats' negative capability, not hankering after facts and theories, helps one to keep open to the information instead of quickly categorizing and taming it by boxing it. A better program for assimilating experience into the whole. I believe in experience, including the thinking that tries to make sense of it, and the negative capability that allows things to flower without quickly trying to control it.