Saturday, April 25, 2009

Meditation and children: update

My eldest (5) went to his t-ball game with my wife. So I had the younger one (3.5). I asked him if he would mind if I meditated.

I used to get up early before everyone and meditate. But now I have a job where I don't get home until 10, so it's hard to get up at 6am when you don't get home till 10 and you still need to eat. So I've wanted to switch my meditation to the evening. I love love love meditating first thing in the morning, but alas, that's not what my life suggests. So I try to switch it. But I also try to meditate in the morning when I get a chance. Like if the kids go off to school and I don't have to go into school, and I have time before work.

Then there are weekends. I could wake up early and blow myself out with tiredness. But today presented a unique opportunity with one child. From my perspective, two is much more than one. They come together and challenge more. Anyway, Andres played in the room, and then was playing behind me with lego. But then I heard him grunting, some elimination communication. I got up after 20 minutes, but I think I got something, some integration and absorption and concentration, from a distracted 20 minute meditation.

I kept my meditation until recently, 6 years, 5 years with a child and 3.5 years with two children. But school, a new job and family finally ground me down and I would go weeks without meditating. Part of my practice is to accept the circumstances I created, and not be violently out of harmony by insisting on meditating or blow myself out with tiredness.

In my early essay on Wildmind
, I spoke of the struggles of trying to maintain a meditation practice with children. I read it recently to reconnect myself with the intensity I had for meditation. I've been ground down lately, and lost it a little.

Luckily school is ending soon, from the perspective of my meditation practice, and I can work to reignite my passion for meditation, as my circumstances change, and opportunities present themselves.

I have this fantasy that my meditation practice would not face any adversity, that it would be unbroken. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't have to try and get it back.

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