I've been listening to two talks in my car as I drive. The first is an excellent talk by Kulananda called Mindfulness of Reality. I know mindfulness can be broken into 4 parts, the last and most slippery one being about reality. This clear talk is just the kind of talk that I tend to think, "and that's the heart of the Dharma." Until I find the next one.

To develop friendship with Vajramati, is to also deepen one's knowledge of Padmasambhava. There happens to be an excellent talk on Padmasambhava by Davavira It is at once very personal and architypal. A very authentic talk that evoke authenticity. It's very poetic, and forecefully given at times. It has me chanting the mantra at work, where I'm a little in the closet about being a Buddhist out of consideration of my clients and my role as being there for them--my usual mistake. I hide myself out of misguided projected rationalization on others--probably out of fear of rejection and difficulty.

Everything--my psychoanlaytic training at ICP, the people that support me in the GFR process, all my spiritual friends, my friends period, scream out to me "BE AUTHENTIC!!!" It's weird that at age 40, that is what I'm hearing. Am I so artificial. Can I even be natural around my own lovely children? I hope so, and that is the ideal to which I lovingly strive for and lovingly accept when I fall short.

I saw a great/disturbing video on you tube, about animal fur. I'm starting to gather momentum toward reducing the use of milk products, egg products, I don't think vegetarianism is enough for me. I need to move towards being a vegan. Meanwhile I get more and more out of step from my fellow Americans and the intensely meat eating culture.

I found the video on a new blog I'm checking out call "no impact man." File under taking the not given envirnmentally. What world will I be leaving my kids?