equanimity

There's an article saying, "don't forget equanimity," in Tricycle. 

Something clarified seemingly in my mind. Some people get nervous when they get concentrated and the chatter that makes them feel accompanied and not so alone, like a TV on in the background, an external world exists, so to, we find comfort in the internal world. When the internal world is relatively blank, it can be like being in the wilderness. Even in the lack of others, people can feel vulnerable. What can happen? Walking down a crowded street, you're pushing past others at times, people bump into your, you have to alter you vector, take others into account. It's annoying maybe at times, but it's also comforting in that you know others exist and you're not all alone. Some people really don't like feeling alone. I've come to enjoy feeling alone. In some periods of my life all I wanted was to be left alone, there were so many people, I had a rather rich life. There are other periods of time where nobody calls, nobody emails, nobody visits. I'm all alone. When you sit down and the chatter settles, that can be scary in a way. It's also quite a relief and can be gladdening too. This is a state you will have to become comfortable and open to in the practice.

Doing the 16 steps of anapanasati has been interesting, contemplating things I don't naturally contemplate. I don't really contemplate equanimity directly. I often think like many of the contemplations in anapanasati that equanimity gets short shift, and could stand some actual meditation time.

Sitting with K on zoom, he's abandoned the think of a person in metta, in favor of locating that quality and then just radiating it, amplifying. I suppose if you can't find it, you explore the barriers. I've been surprised to come across a rill I hadn't seen before. That style of meditation lends, in my mind, to a 4 stage Sublime Abodes meditation that doesn't give equanimity short shrift. You can do a 4 stage Sublime abodes practice, 40 minutes, 10 minutes for universal loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. 

One image for equanimity is a circle that just touches a horizon. You don't want the circle away from the line, not touching the world. And you don't want to be engulfed with the world, such that you're overwhelmed. It's a fairly simple image, but a powerful one to explain equanimity. 

Where you go there, if it gets sidetracked or too complicated, you can always reset with that. Just like when I get lost in metta, I think, "may you be happy, may you be well," like a sheep herder that gathers the herd. The whole point of meditation to me isn't to stop thinking or calm the mind, though that can happen in spurts, it's more to notice what the mind is doing and apply various things to funnel it towards the meditative focus. (Also tune into the body and feelings and indeed insights.) In equanimity there will be questions of what equanimity really is, how does one get it, what is false equanimity, what are acceptable methods of striving for it? So many questions. Sometimes it's about the questions and not pat answers. It's similar to the insight tetrad, indeed, it might be the insight quadrant of the sublime abodes.