system of meditation

I took a meditation class, and we learned the Triratna 4 stage mindfulness of breathing and Buddhaghosa 5 stage metta, done for 20 minutes. I love it so much that I kept going when others dropped out, and was invited to the sangha. Meditating with others was important in the beginning. 

6 months later I did a brahmaviharas retreat that blew my mind. I felt so healthy. I read about the puja and stopped thinking it was a cult. Anyway, now I think strong feelings engaged in the spiritual life is really supportive to it, but it won't make sense to people outside the tradition, and thus calling things cultish. For instance I think AA has cultish elements, but heck you might need some powerful emotional pulls to break the spell of addiction. 

I asked to be a mitra and asked for ordination in Triratna. I learned the prostration practice, and the refuge tree. I learned lots of meditation, including the 6 element meditation. 

Of course I had to sabotage myself and hurt others, but coming out of some craziness, beginning recovery I have found meditation again and I'm absolutely in love with it. I meditate 60-64 minutes every morning and then later in the afternoon.

I do a full minute, 4 minutes per stage 16 stage anapanasati. It took me a while to understand what mental formations were and for all the stages to come alive for me, but I'd say I started really going into about 8 months ago.

I do a 60 minute brahmaviharas, 15 minutes each for metta, karuna, mudita and upekkha. I identify the feeling about me, then others, then gradually radiate until it's infinitely radiating. This is a recent development in terms of evolving what was just a metta practice. 

I do a 60 minute 6 element meditation. I'm adding that one in after I do brahmaviharas so I'm positive enough to weather the storm.

Tune in each morning to see which one is most needed. Meditating online has helped, with teachers and friends. 

I'm not preparing for a sadhana, I don't have a connection to a guru in a lineage.

I do use nimitta to visualize Tara or Avalokita or Padmasambhava or Manjushri, and others when I feel the need. I can't really see them in my head, but I imagine I can see the thousand arms, or the crown of Tara, or the mustache of Padma, or the sword of Manjushri. The void, and other elements.

I bought a little print of Tara which I gave away to someone, but I felt a really strong connection to it when it was on my shrine. I sometimes read the 21 praises of Tara. I've skimmed some sandhana books about various Bodhisattvas, but I do feel a guru 

Pure awareness, just sitting, shikanza or formless meditation is used when I'm adding in an unplanned meditation in the afternoon or in the evening. The suggestion is that you alternate formless meditation with formed meditation, but I bet I only do it a quarter of the time. 

I spontaneously do pure awareness in formed meditation sometimes, I get lost, so I just sit, and let that happen for a while, and then I pick up mudita, or impermanence or space when I remember. I'm not a ruthless taskmaster with myself. I try to curb dreaminess and fantasizing, but I also just watch it sometimes, with my observing mind. Look at what my mind is doing now...

I feel these 4 fleshed out practices, are quite amazing. There's a kind of dynamism, and synergy, and they really flow into having a relinquishing readiness.

In one of K's recent interviews, asking about where the system of meditation comes from, and of course it comes from Sangharakshita, but I feel like he discovered it, as other have. It was shakes out in an inclusive ecumenical movement that doesn't have a lineage. You're supposed to not bring no lineage up, or Sangharakshita's sexuality or a lot of mistakes made along the way. I don't feel it needs to keep things hidden or shielded, let's talk about everything. We can talk about Chogyam Trungpa's mistakes, about scandals and exploitation in the guise of spirituality. That's part of it too. We are human. I found the 80's movement in rural Oregon by Bhagwan Rajneesh fascinating. It's all fascinating to me. Humans have a desire to push past the conventional or the Christianity of their grandparents. 

Of course everyone's practice is different because we're all so different. And there are different traditions and emphasis. I was visiting the Zen Mountain Center, and I asked the women if they had a system of meditation, but honestly we didn't talk further, so I never heard hers. I don't really know. 

You get these books like A Record of Awakening and Mastering The Core Teachings of the Buddha, but the system of meditation isn't talked about. I kind of feel like Sangharakshita has many amazing contributions to Buddhism, if it will be allowed as a lay movement in Buddhism, that is neither monastic nor lay. For me it's the system of meditation.

Add in the synergies and complementary practices of non-violent communication, focusing, feldenkrais, yoga, nature, poetry, arts, scholarship and activism and you've got quite a supportive package of development, to evolve. For the higher evolution. To be creative and not reactive. The community is really vibrant. I am grateful to have learned from them.

One year since the passing of Sangharakshita

I never met him personally, just skyped in a group with him. I met so many people who were influenced by him. I've read so many of his books and listened to his lectures, and participated in the sangha he created for 10 years. I'm not currently connected to the sangha. I learned so much in the 10 years connected to the sangha, that I've continued to feast off the experiences of sangha meetings, meditation, and retreats. I love the writings of others, but I have to consider Sangharakshita my root guru. He more than anyone else, has pushed me towards spiritual intensity, and through his actions, I have learned meditation and gone on retreat, through his teaching Vajramatti, Manapa, Nagabodhi, Dhammarati and Manjuvajra. I am eternally grateful for their attention and time spent together.

There is a spiraling downside to his experiments in sexuality, which he admits and regrets. It's nowhere near as horrible Chogyam Trungpa or others, but that doesn't make it OK. Lots of people left the order, and the continued negative press in England give it the air of a cult.

Of course when you become devoted to your guru, that devotion can be dangerous, and you should never suspend your critical faculties, and never do anything you don't wish to do. Never override common sense, even for the spiritual life.

Sex and the Spiritual Teacher should be required reading for everyone. Hannah Nydahl has created more sangha in the west without scandal. Not that I'm aware of, but I thought Ray was pure, and someone corrected me so with all the breaking scandals it's hard to keep track. Shambhala is still reverberating from sexual scandals and even Rignald Ray is being buffeted by accusations and scandal. I couldn't be bother to watch Pema Chodron talk to Oprah. I sure she is deeply hurt by these scandals. Shoes At The Door is also a good book. Also The Buddha of Brooklyn. It's almost a main theme and not some sort of leitmotif. Watch out.

Having said that, I am truly truly grateful and feel lucky to have lived when Sangharakshita lived, and that I had the available resources to study in his Triratna Buddhist Community sangha for a time. The one year anniversary of his death is a good time to remember all that I am grateful for.

Just looked at my calendar and it has Nov. 18th as the death. Now I'm confused. Nope the calendar was confused. Wikipedia lists it as October 30th. 

Poem by Sangharakshita

The Minor Poets

Shakespeare, Milton, Wordsworth, Coleridge
Are godlike spirits; we are men,
And cannot always brook their splendour –
The Minor Poets please us then.

The singers of the lesser vision,
Who never soar beyond our ken –
When we grow tired of greatness, they,
The Minor Poets, soothe us then.

Oppressed by fears, by doubts bewildered,
From Melancholia’s cluttered den –
For all their charm, for all their solace,
The Minor Poets, we thank them then.

Faded bindings, dusty edges,
Words underscored by studious pen –
Rejoice to see them on the shelves,
And praise the Minor Poets then.













Came across this poem when I googled "Sangharakshita and Shakespeare". I love "Melancholia’s cluttered den". There was a guy who wrote on the r/Shakespeare subreddit about his depressed feeling in realizing he would probably not be able to surpass Shakespeare. I don't really worry about that, but I think in a way that "cannot always brook their splendour". Maybe not.

Not sure if Sangharakshita means to list his top 4 favorite poets. We can't ask him anymore because we lost him last year.

He died at the same age as my grandfather. In the refuge tree, we imagine all our fathers and mothers over our shoulders. In the refuge tree is Sangharakshita and his teachers in the "teachers of the present" 9.

Turning away from reading the Dharma is something I'm doing more and more. I've been reading through Shakespeare. At a certain point, everything is Dharma.

Mind In Harmony

I am consciously reading Mind in Harmony slowly, savoring it. It is the deep kind of book that hits me very deeply, inspires, shows a way forward and also helps one to see all the work I need to do and the importance of resolve in that journey. I know book reviews that bow down to a book that is very profound are often not helpful. What you want is the why to that, but unfortunately when something is much deeper than you, it's hard to articulate why. It's the emotional bowing down that feels significant to the reader. There is too much to express about it. I'm not even half way done with the book, but I know it will be my favorite book of the year, maybe my favorite book of the decade. I've quite enjoyed trying to wrap my mind around Know Your Mind by Sangharakshita. I have not so much delved into the Abhidharma tradition that this book is based off of, and the 51 mental events. This book finally boils this all down so that I can understand the importance.

Quote from Living Wisely

"We fear fearlessness in the same way that we fear nonviolence. To act non-violently certainly appears to make one more vulnerable. You are dropping your defensiveness, leaving yourself more open, more exposed. However, this very vulnerability can be disarming, and even when it doesn't succeed in disarming aggression, the lack of desire for retaliation and security renders you much less vulnerable at a mental and emotional level. You do not feed the escalating verbal aggression out of which most physical violence issues. At its most developed, non-violence is equivalent to non-ego, there is no fixed identification with the threatened self, and therefore no fear for it, and no violence in defense of it." (p. 37-38)

So many books so little time.

Tricycle magazine is awesome. It's launched the desire to read 4 books.

I loved the excerpt on boredom from Sangharakshita's latest Living Wisely: Further Advice from Nagarjuna's Precious Garland.

I read his first book on Nagarjuna's Precious Garland, and I want to read this one. Sangharakshita is my root teacher, to whom I'm eternally grateful for.

I enjoyed reading an excerpt by Shozan Jack Haubner from Zen Confidential: Confessions of a Wayward Monk.

What I liked about the excerpt was that it was genuine, authentic and honest. Nothing special.

I want to read Kyra Phalen's novel Siddhartha The Warrior Prince.

I want to reread Herman Hesse's novel, too. To compare and contrast the two books would be interesting for a book club. Maybe.

I want to read the poetry of Marie Howe, like in her last book The Kingdom of Ordinary Time: Poems.

I found the 3 poems quite good, in the magazine. In the interview she talks about taking care of her brother during his sickness unto death. She's supposedly the poet laureate of New York, my adopted home state. The Empire State. Not sure what that means.

And I enjoyed the teaching from Thanissaro Bhikkhu and Pema Chodron, two A list Buddhist teachers.

I'm grateful for this issue to arrive. The previous one didn't and it seems there's no amount of e-mails that can be written to fix the matter. This modern world; all kinds of technology with little glitches.

There's a lot of articles about technology in this issue that I haven't read.

I have to say that for me the experience of technology is at once empowering, intoxicating and frustrating. It seems like you can do things, but at the same time requesting the issue they never sent seems like an impossibility. Reminds of the movie Brazil where a fly causes the wrong man to be sent to jail.

I don't mean to whine about not getting the issue, I think I could replicate this experience countlessly. I have a swank car that somehow leaks inside. It's never been the same since someone smashed a window and stole my airbags, and a tire went flat.

My laptop has broken countless times, most of it my kids spilling water on it or dropping it.

My iPhone has had problems at times, I wasn't getting crucial text messages for a while there for no reason I could understand.

The wifi in my apartment goes out inexplicably, and you don't know whether it's the host server, lots of traffic on the internet, my provider having heavy traffic, my modem having a problem, my router having a problem, the airport in my computer or my computer. When it doesn't work, I've just mentioned 6 possible weak links, and there's probably others, like my battery dying on me, or the human element that I've just done something wrong--but I inherently feel that technology should work for me, not the other way around, that I have to work for it.

And my work life has been computerized somehow. When I first got into social work it was hand written files. Now it's all computer programs: EPIC, CONNECTIONS, PROMIS

I remember when the mother of my children was giving birth there was a nurse who sat in the room inputting stuff into a computer. She never even really looked at us, she was just there to tend to the computer's needs.

Technology just seems so inevitable, like that's the way it's got to be, the whole shebang is a runaway train that you just need to step off the tracks, do not try and stop it.

Yet I'm so bewitched I'm writing a blog.

‪Dilgo Khyentse‬

I watched Brilliant Moon today, (which is there on my last post), about the great Dilgo Khyentse.  Lots of good footage in the movie. He wrote 25 volumes.  He was a tall man.  He was a non-sectarian teacher.  He got married and had two daughters.  I love the picture of him when he was 25.

I would recommend spending the time to see this movie for free on line on Vimeo, before you see Yanghsi, which is playing at the Ruben this month, click on the link to find the times.

Curious to see what my teacher said about him, I picked up Precious Teachers: Indian Memoirs of an English Buddhist, and read the last chapter about Dilgo Khyentse.

As the movie points out as well, he always made people feel welcome, and Sangharakshita felt welcome when he visited him.  On the 9th of May 1963, Sangharakshita received the phowa or 'conciousness tranmission' of Amitabha, an oral transmission of the Nyingmapas.  Dilgo Khyentse visited Sangharakshita's vihara in Kalimpong, and later gave him the Kurukulle sadhana, the dancing red form of Tara, that same year.  Sangharakshita was guided by Yogi Chen to seek these out, and you can read all about why in Precious Teachers, and the circumstances of those times in Kalingpong.

In Moving Against the Stream: The Birth of a New Buddhist Movement, Sangharakshita writes that Dilgo Khyentse came to Kalingpong in 1959.  He adds that he got the Jhambhala sadhana, which he didn't directly state in Precious Teachers, instead saying it wasn't really Buddhist, that it was more Bon.

When Shangharakshita was planning to return to England permanently, he went to get the blessing of Dilgo Khyentse, who was then living in Darjeeling in 1965 (p.360).

I know I can flit from one text and teaching to another, but I really think I should read Dilgo's books and read more about him.  He seems like a really warm human with a deep practice and lots of knowledge about the tradition.  I did really enjoy The Hundred Verses of Advice: Tibetan Buddhist Teachings on What Matters Most (Shambhala Pocket Classics).

Before Dawn

Before Dawn by Sangharakshita 
(p.583 of Essential Sangharakshita)

Cut off from what I really think and feel,
The substance of my life becomes ideal.
A whited sepulcher, a plaster saint,
Is not much use however bright it's paint.
Dreaming, awake, I must do all I can
To join the inward and outward man.
Death Stares me in the face:  I watch and pray,
So near the goal and yet so far away!







I don't really like to comment, the poem stands on it's own, but I have thoughts, and I want to communicate how the poem affects me.

I think what he's pointing at in the first two sentences is narcissism. When I take a hard look at myself, I see some narcissism. I think I was brought up to push hard questions under the rug, or when I heard that message, I found it something to internalize and not reject.  But reading the beginning of Stephen Johnson's Character Styles (which was lent to me once, and taken from me once, so I've never finished it), he has a sort of accepting curiosity necessary to look at what for me isn't easy to look at.

I saw my son crumple when I pointed out that he didn't live up to a standard in completing his homework. Instead of righting the ship, he crumpled into emotional unavailability.  It annoyed me.  I hate that trait in myself.  I've done something wrong and I need to fight to make things better.  No matter that it doesn't easily yield to solutions.  That's another little character issue I have with myself, I want to not just crumple like Ned Flander's parents, who say, "we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas."  (I can't find it on YouTube, but that's irrelevant.)

I like the line by Shantideva, where the warrior, when he sees his own blood fights harder.

I like the Milarepa line where in the spiritual practice you don't chase the sticks like a dog, but like a lion you turn and face the stick thrower.

I like the way the Buddha looked at old age, sickness, and death, and chose to become a spiritual seeker, in the legend of his life.  I like the way you can take a cold hard look at the three characteristics of existence.  Goldstein says in Breath by Breath that people often don't attend the lectures on impermanence, it's a kind of inconvenient truth.

What I hear Bhante saying is that when you lose connection with reality, you build up ideals that are unrealistic, that perpetuate the narcissistic disappointment, and leads to not moving in a positive realistic  direction.  You can get stuck.  Pema Chodron drums on this drum:  Start where you are.  Where you really are.  I suppose I'm one of the silly people she keeps talking to.

I can usual spiritual lingo to not change, hide my flaws, etc.  I've always loved the talk Dharma and Denial.  That talk has always spoken to me, and yet, I'm frustrated I'm still working on the same issues. I used to tell patients that it's a spiral, that you engage the problems at a higher level, hopefully.  I need to take my own advice.

So little time lift. "Death Stares me in the face" the poem says.  The stakes are high.

When I drop my children off, after my time with them, I often cry.  I cry for a million things, least not just pure not wanting to drop them off. But I also cry that I'm not a better man, and yet I need to keep asking myself what I am doing to work in that direction, and not just wallow in narcissistic self pity. It means something, I've got work to do.  Without blinders.  "I must do what I can."

The dawn in the birth of a new person.  Change is hard, but it is possible, and it's even more possible when you try and do something realistic about it.  And watch for entitlement and narcissism, two character traits I wish to move away from.  I wish to be humble and clear sighted.  I must tolerate that the electricity that comes through Sangharakshita's writings often only shocks me for a little bit and I move onto the next thing, and yet see if there's anything I can do about keeping the pressure on, tuning the lute strings appropriately.

The Bodhisattva's Reply by Sangharakshita

The Bodhisattva's Reply

What will you say to those
Whose lives spring up between
Custom and circumstance
As weeds between wet stones,
Whose lives corruptly flower
Warped from the beautiful,
Refuse and sediment
Their means of sustenance -
What will you say to them?

That woman, night after night,
Must sell her body for bread;
This boy with the well-oiled hair
And the innocence dead in his face
Must lubricate the obscene
Bodies of gross old men;
And both must be merry all day,
For thinking would make them mad -
What will you say to them?

Those dull-eyed men must tend
Machines till they become
Machines, or till they are
Cogs in the giant wheel
Of industry, producing
The clothes that they cannot wear
And the cellophaned luxury goods
They can never hope to buy -
What will you say to them?

Or these dim shadows which
Through the pale gold tropic dawn
From the outcaste village flit
Balancing on their heads
Baskets to bear away
Garbage and excrement,
Hugging the wall for fear
Of the scorn of their fellow-men -
What will you say to them?

And wasted lives that litter
The streets of modern cities,
Souls like butt-ends tossed
In the gutter and trampled on,
Human refuse dumped
At the crossroads where civilization
And civilization meet
To breed the unbeautiful -
What will you say to them?

`I shall say nothing, but only
Fold in Compassion's arms
Their frailty till it becomes
Strong with my strength, their limbs
Bright with my beauty, their souls
With my wisdom luminous, or
Till I have become like them
A seed between wet stones
Of custom and circumstance.'

Sangharakshita on the Sciences within Triratna

Guest Post: Reflections on my Ordination and Ordination in General

Below is a letter sent by my friend Mike.  He's writing to communicate his approach (and struggle) in the ordination process of the TBC.  I think he achieves clarity.  

I've always been impressed with Mike's ability to medititate, he's got good posture, doesn't move.  I wiggle and fidget, struggle with posture.  So to see him meditate is awesome, inspiring.  He's traveled around a bit, and see the movement outside the USA.  He's also a very authentic and honest man, and this letter is yet another example of his forthrightness.  The more I think about responding to this, the less I want to--I think it's grown on me, and I think it needs no response from me.  I think it's pretty awesome. 

Reflections on my Ordination and Ordination in General 

      For many years now I have been reflecting on, brooding over, and clarifying: why I want to be ordained?  And what are all of my reservations and resistance to ordination all about?  This compilation of reflections is not complete or definitive in that not much of anything is complete or definitive, but they are some of the key questions and points of clarification in this process for me as of late. 

      While most everything that ordination is said to stand for I feel whole heartedly behind in principle, I have had serious concerns about the spiritual benefits of having a label or a mark threshold that one crosses and then becomes what we call effectively going for refuge.  One of the potential pit falls of marking peoples effectivity with this label is that people can begin to rely on others to tell them what effective practice would look like, rather than having the individual study, meditate, and engage in dialog with others about what effective practice would look like in there lives.  I am not saying that people are not necessarily taking personal responsibility to some degree for sorting out what effective practice looks like in there own lives, but creating this system where you develop your practice and wait for someone to give you the stamp of approval can put too much of the emphasis on looking to other people to tell you what you should be doing.  I am sure that this can feel just as awkward for the prospective order member as it is for the order members involved in making the decision about someone readiness for ordination.  Over the years of going on GFR retreats I have seen a lot of people become too focused on what they need to do to get ordained rather than focusing on what they need to do to develop a more effective practice.

      The human tendency to attempt to reefy an identity while being blown around by the worldly winds is indeed very strong.  I feel that ordination can become just another way to firm up our sense of self and appropriate the dharma in a way that completely contradicts the teaching on see through a fixed sense of self.  While it seemed like I saw this type of spiritual materialism happening around me I was unaware that it was indeed having an effect on me as well until I had my first kula meeting two years ago.  Most of all the feed back that I got at this meeting was very encouraging, but there was a bit of a concern about the stability of my highs and lows in practice and I was not given the stamp of approval of being seen as ready for ordination.  A very painful psychic storm of the worldly winds fallowed this meeting.

      The strong emotional reactions that I had after this meeting made it very clear that I was not exempt from having some degree of spiritual materialism behind my intention to be ordained.  That as much as I wanted my ordination to not be about seeking some validation for who I was as an individual it was a part of what was happening.  This sent me into a long period of questioning whether or not it would be beneficial or not to be ordained.  Pretty quickly I decided it would be best to put the whole issue of whether or not I had crossed this threshold of effective practice aside and just focus more clearly on what I needed to do to develop spiritually.  This turned into a very productive time of developing confidence in my own commitment to the three jewels and clarifying my own intentions in practice.  It is arguable that witnessing my own spiritual materialism through the ordination process lead me into this place of developing confidence in my own commitment, but it is hard to say if this was not just bound to happen of its own accord.  I think there was also a certain cost involved in not being validated as effectively going for refuge sooner in that until your spiritual friends give you this validation to some degree this is a passive vote of no confidence.  These are the unescapable stakes of setting up the ordination process the way it has been, and I believe that these issues will be important to keep in mind when considering some ones readiness for ordination.  For me personally it has not felt helpful to get encouraging or critical feedback with someone standing over me with a stamp of approval. 

      Having recently reread Sangharakshita's definition of what effectively going for refuge is: I found that he essentially defines it with the word commitment, which I find to be a much more clear and inspiring way of looking at ones spiritual development.  I am however unsure about how possible it is to accurately say when someone has crossed this threshold of commitment to spiritual practice.  The conditions that are at play in ones life are vast and unfathomable and for some one else or one self to be able to clearly weigh these conditions and access whether they have crossed the threshold, it seems unlike that this could be done all that accurately.  Commitment to spiritual practices is of course something that is only done in real time, and all we can do is develop a growing understanding of the actions that we take of body, speech and mind that are committed and which are not.  I believe this would be a more helpful and beneficial way of framing the discussion around commitment to practice.

      Probably the part of ordination that I am most apprehensive about is potentially putting myself in a place where I have to access someone else's readiness for Ordination.  That said, I do think that it is possible to go through the Ordination process with more of the light and shadow aspects in view, and that a bit more emphasis on some of the potential shadow aspects that might crop up for people could be quiet helpful.  It does seem that some people are able to navigate this process without overtly glorify or idealizing ordination,  seeing the benefits without thinking that they have staked some claim to some type of attainment.  More open discussion about how much these issues may be at play for people in the ordination process may be enough to rectify some of these issues.  Continuing to down play the focus of the ordination process being about ordination I think would also be helpful.  This has happened some what over the last few years and it has made me feel more comfortable about the process.

      Now for some of the more positive reflection that I have had about ordination.  Ordination has the potential to be a beneficial act of the imagination through building up a connection between associations of lived spiritual commitment to the well fare of all beings, with this symbolic ritual act of being ordained.  But it is important for people to be clear that ordination has no inherent value and is only significant to the extent that it is significant in the mind of the person being ordained, and only as powerful as ones capacity to link their clarity of intention about what is valuable, with there lived experience through ones imagination.  My initial desire behind wanting to be ordained was set in motion by my response to hearing the stories about the life of the buddha.  The resonance with the Buddha's example was clearly then, as it is now, the most valuable thing that can be done with ones life energy.  It is an act of imagination how I turn this resonance into another living example of what the buddha discovered and taught.  Greedy, hatred, and delusion; generosity, love and wisdom this is the playing field of the conditions of my contingent self.  Am I committed? probably but no one can know for sure.  These are my associations with the significants of the private ordination.

      Though I have had my doubts about how beneficial certain courses of action within the order and by order members have been.  I have undoubtedly benefited great from the examples of some order members and through the friendships and communication that I have shared.  I intend to have my public ordination mark my solidarity with all of the fruitful interaction that have been, with all the fruitful interactions that now are, and with all the fruitful interactions that could be.  This is not to say that I intended to turn a blind eye to actions within the order that appear to me to be potentially harmful, but that I intend to focus most of my energy on ways of engaging that I believe to be most helpful and  beneficial.  Unless I feel like I have some constructive criticism that would be helpful I intend to not worry about actions that are taken within the order that I disagree with.  I hope to be able to give people the benefit of the doubt that they are engaging with practice in a way that makes the most sense to them given their conditions.  I hope to be able to skillfully offer my opinion and leave people to make the decision that seems appropriate to them.

      My final practical reason behind why I want to be ordained is because I want to be involved in the ongoing discussion about how to most effectively establish the dharma in our modern day context, and that I intend to play some part in sharing my understanding of the dharma with others in some form.  Being ordained I feel will help facilitate an engagement with the other people within the order which I hope will benefit myself and others.

      The clarity that has emerged around what I believe to be the value and potential hazards of ordination are the conditions that now allow me to more comfortably say that I am ready to be ordained.  Seeing the form of ordination like the forms of all things to be empty and the potential for the form of ordination to be an expression of the impermanent dynamic flow that is its emptiness, is as important as seeing the form of self to be empty without negating the value of that form.  This is the view that has given me peace of mind around the tension that I have held about the form of ordination.  It is a degree of insight that I hope to continue to apply to all the forms around me to further develop and strength my own peace of mind and the peace of mind of all beings.

Ratnasambhava mantra on YouTube

Also I have a new essay on Wildmind on an excellent book. A book I had to read 3 times to review, Sangharakshita's book on Milarepa. And when I say "I", I use that loosely. Bodhi is a great editor, he really deserves the credit for it's readability and clarity in many ways.

new interview with Sangharakshita

On his website, Sangharakshita published his latest conversation. I found out about it from the FWBO/TBMSG News Website.

Here is a sample quote:

"I find it very easy to venerate, to look up: I enjoy looking up to those who are better or more advanced than me in this or that respect. I found it easy to look up to my own Buddhist teachers and I find it easy to look up to the great religious figures, philosophers, poets, and artists of the past. I am very glad that there are people who have been much greater than me: I would hate to think I was the summit of human evolution – that would be a terrible thought. Of course, I have no problem looking up to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas."

Here is another related quote:

"I am not happy with cynicism and debunking or anything like that and I strongly dislike the tendency to that sort of thing in the Movement and the Order."

In these quotes he expresses his credulity, his receptivity to others, his lack of cynicism, his positivity.

I think a major interest is in his discussing his own homosexuality activity, a word he doesn't so much like to use (I'll let you read why in the interview yourself). Others have accused him of internalized homophobia, which he denies, but he empathizes when others struggle with it. He goes into quite depth in his sexual evolution and can be quite specific at times. He's also sensitive to how this is all perceived in India, where a large part of the movement exists. I was interested in whether he had a relationship with Terry, and he explicitly denies it. But it's much more than about sex, it's also about his rejecting monasticism.

He also discusses his drug use, I'll let you read about that in the interview

He also discusses Muriel Paine, whom he got the communication exercises from.

He has an interesting aphorism: "Where there is trust, explanations are unnecessary. Where there is no trust, explanations are useless." He discusses why he didn't respond right away to the Yashomitra letter. He was sick, and he felt that people judged him quickly and would not listen to him. Earlier in the essay he says he does not even remember an encounter with him, which is certainly interesting.

I love Sangharakshita for founding the order, teaching my friends, writing all those wonderful books. I don't agree that he was equal to his sexual partners, even if that is how he approached people. As humble as he is, he's denying himself as the leader of the order.

He admits people had projections towards him, and insofar as he does that he's not relating to someone as an individual. He says that when you get Sangharakshita you get all of him, not just the good parts, you can't reject the bad parts, it's not helpful to see good and bad sangharakshita. He wants to be met more intimately. It's all from the same person. He never sets himself up as perfect. I think there's a lot of interesting stuff here, but in the end, it's like Subhuti's withdrawn book, a lot of fancy dancing, but for what? In this case, we get to know Sangharakshita quite a bit more, and for that I'm grateful.

More information hasn't really shed light onto the Yashomitra situation, because he can't remember it. It puts it more into a personal context, from his perspective. I don't hear him say it's unfortunate that Yashomitra took things the way he did, and that by no means did he mean for them to go that way. Of course he can't remember the incident, so I suppose it's hard to apologize for something he can't remember. As I say, while I helps one to understand what Bante was doing at that time, it still doesn't really shed light on the incidents that Yashomitra discuss, and the impact it had on him.

He does go on to say that his sexual exploration were a good thing, in that it was an exploration of sexuality within the Dharma life, and that for him the key was not to create children that would distract one from the Dharma life.

You can read Yashomitra's letter and the Guarding article on the FWBO Files, a anti-FWBO website produced by a former member of the order (which I don't feel like linking, but have in the past). I won't go into what is said about the author of the website, either.

Finally there is a lot about the nuclear family. He sees family life as in competition with the full time Dharma life.

I have to admit, children have taken a lot from me, my personal present Dharma malaise is related to my crushing responsibilities, my need for sleep, the need to provide for my family. My single friends are however under a similar crush with their careers, the struggle for self actualization and paying rent. It's not clear in NYC that I'm less committed than the single mitras and friends. Perhaps that's more a statement about the NYC sangha than parenthood and leading the Dharma life. I also wonder about integrations of family and Dharma life. Perhaps that's up to others to explore.

So on the whole a very interesting and informative letter. I recommend it to all those interested in the FWBO/WBO/TBMSG. In many ways it says things that haven't been said before. I am very grateful it's been shared.

retreat

If you have not been on retreat I highly recommend it. My first week long retreat is the deep experience that made me want to be a mitra and ask for ordination into the FWBO. (btw here's a blog entry about becoming a mitra.)

So the retreat was lovely. Here is a brief post about the kalyana mitra ceremonies that were performed.

Here's a video of Sangharakshita promoting Jai Bhim!. He's a bit cheeky. Sangharakshita clearly enjoys reading the book.

So Aryaloka is a lovely place, I always enjoy everything: food, green spaces, friendship, meditation, Dharma. It takes me 4.5 hours to drive there alone from Queens NYC. I listened to some lovely Dharma talk on Free Buddhist Audio on the way up and down. Going up I listened to What Is Enlightenment by Jinapriya. When he talked about a friend's feeling of concentration as he flew threw the air, being in the moment, I thought of my own recent skydiving adventure. (Photos on facebook.) Anyway, it's a lovely talk that I highly recommend. I first listened to it on a solitary retreat at Aryaloka and well, what a lovely thing to listen to.

One thing I did on this retreat was to process past retreat, especially my last solitary retreat. Since then I haven't been able to wake up and meditate when I don't have enough sleep. Hitherto I'd forced myself to. I think I tuned into myself in such a way that I was no longer going to not honor my experience of being tired. I'd heard the advice to push myself, but I wasn't quite honoring my experience. At times I see that as a step back, not meditating every day, but reflecting on it in the company of spiritual friends, I see it's a good thing.

I think I also invalidate myself by expecting more from my circumstances than are really possible. I had that mirrored back to me a few time. It's especially hard, as I noted when I was reporting out, that I am susceptible to Mahayana hyperbole. The first two days were on the first three chapters of Santideva's Bodhicaryavatara

The final day was, as noted above, on spiritual friendship. We can gossip, in a positive way about people we know. Among other things about this news.

So it was cool to be with just men. It's interesting to see how I feel as in comparison to being on a mixed retreat.

They have beautiful postings at Aryaloka and you can see this one which includes a friend's shrine on it.

And of course it's cool to dip into the library and read the latest periodicals. I read this article, about Harold Ramis.

So well done everyone, thank you for your hard work: Danakamala for his cooking, Steve Sloan for his organizational work, Steve Cardwell for his organizational support and the running of the book store. Thank you to Nagabodhi for coming across the pond. Thank you to Bodhi for dropping in to give a short talk. Thank you to Narrotama for his leadership and wonderful presence. Thank you to everyone who made the retreat so special.

I listened to a favorite talk of mine on the ride home. Manjuka talks about aping being a good Buddhist instead of being authentic. Buddhism isn't any specific content in the mind, it's an approach to that content. I'm not sure if emotions are givens that are exempt from asking of they are skillful or not. I think you can frame things in an unskillful way, and that that will lead to feelings, and you can change that dynamic, but I get his point that we really need to figure out what is going on before we work towards fixing it, and be careful not to pretend to be good while denying what is really going on. A lovely talk that I put at the top of my list of talks to listen to.

May you be happy, may you be well.

Living Ethically: Advice from Nagarjuna's Precious Garland

Sangharakshita has a new book Living Ethically on Nagarjuna's Precious Garland.

At first I didn't want to write a review because I'm not an expert on the Precious Garland. I've read it, and had parts read to me on retreat, but in no way do I feel I can judge whether Sangharakshita is true to the text or not, whether I agree with his interpretation. But in the end it's Sangharakshita riffing off of Nagarjuna's Precious Garland, and updating it with his unique vision for modern Buddhists. Whether you like his vision or not, will inform whether you find this book useful.

I would categorize with book with his Mahayana commentaries, Tranforming Self and World, The Inconceivable Emancipation, and The Drama of Cosmic Enlightenment. I might add The Yogi's Joy.

I would also connect it with Sangharakshita's book Ten Pillars of Buddhism in that much of the book is also an exposition of the Ten Pillars:

1. I undertake to abstain from taking life.
2. I undertake to abstain from taking the not-given.
3. I undertake to abstain from sexual misconduct.
4. I undertake to abstain from false speech.
5. I undertake to abstain from harsh speech.
6. I undertake to abstain from useless speech.
7. I undertake to abstain from slanderous speech.
8. I undertake to abstain from covetousness.
9. I undertake to abstain from animosity.
10. I undertake to abstain from false views.

There are also positive ones of these (which I have modified a little):

1. With deeds of loving-kindness I purify my body.
2. With open-handed generosity I purify my body.
3. With simplicity, stillness and contentment, I purify my body.
4. With truthful communication I purify my speech.
5. With words kindly and gracious I purify my speech
6. With utterances helpful, I purify my speech.
7. With utterances harmonious, I purify my speech.
8. Abandoning covetousness for tranquility I purify my mind.
9. Changing hatred into compassion, I purify my mind.
10. Transforming ignorance into wisdom I purify my mind.

So the above ideas of how to move towards skillful actions play a large part in this book, and I feel the exploration is positive and helpful. He puts it this way:

"Ideally, we should act spontaneously, with ease and flexibility, rather than acting out of a sense of being hedged in on every side by self-recrimination or out of fear of transgressing some immutable moral law. Having said that, our wider aim should be to reach out beyond our personal happiness towards what is of profounder concern to us, namely, benefiting others. If you succeed in doing this, you are being a true friend to yourself." (p. 18)

There is also references in the book to monitoring mental states closely, so as to try and cultivate positive states, which makes me think of Know Your Mind, which is based on the Abhidharma, and it perhaps one of Sanghrakshita's most complex books.

So categorizing aside, this book has many strong messages. In my 7th year or reading Sangharakshita, I'm noticing the theme of intensity. Being a Buddhist is more than just reading books, more than just meditating, there has to be a real translation into action, and not just an ethical action, but also action that takes into account others, the boddhisattva ideal. Of course this book is less intense than The Essential Sangharakshita, because those are the edited highlights of his whole career, and Living Ethically is just one edited seminar. By the way you can find the seminar or seminars this book was based on at Free Buddhist Audio.

For a sample of the intensity and clarity, consider the following quote about vows:

"You might want to make a vow. A vow is a very simply a statement - usually a public statement - to the effect that you will do or not do, something either for a certain period of time, or for ever. Not that you'll try to, not that you promise to: you will. When you make a vow it is already accomplished, and there is no question of your breaking it. To make the vow is to keep it. Even if you don't say it in front of other people, you say it in front of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, and you call upon them to witness your vow. For example, you should know yourself well enough not to make a vow out of self-hatred, just as a way of making life difficult for yourself, although even if you did this, you would still have to keep the vow. Should you break a vow, it means you didn't really make it in the first place, and this wills how that you are not an emotionally integrated person." (p. 22)

I found this very helpful about vows.

Consider this quote:

A Buddhist should be a walking paradox in the eyes of the world: he or she should be obviously happy, even in the absence of financial security, social status, luxury consumer goods, or a sexual relationship - all of which are commonly regarded as being essential to human happiness. The sight of such a person would make people wonder, 'How can this be? Perhaps ideas about life are not the whole story.' It is what a Buddhist is that speaks to people, far more than clever presentations of Buddhist Doctrine." (p92)

And this:

There is never going to be a kind of spiritual welfare state. The goal for everyone is to be oneself a creator of a Pure Land, not an endless consumer of spiritual goodies." (p112)

The intensity is provocative. Am I a piker? I've got to get down to it!

There's a lot of really good stuff in this book, and I could have easily produced 3-4 longer quotes that meant a lot to me. I recommend reading this book. And may you be happy, may you be well.

The Essential Sangharakshita bio sketch

I read the biographical sketch, which is a new one. I suppose if you read the same one in his many books, it's cool to read a new one. I think it was very good. It didn't gloss over things.

I recommend The Essential Sangharaskhita, for those who haven't read anything by him, and for those who've, like me, read most his books.

The Essential Sangharakshita

Wisdom Publishing has come out with The Essential Sangharakshita, I got mine in the mail today. I'm very excited. I read the bit about it in the FWBO News.

He's got so much to read, we really need this volume. A Guide To The Buddhist Path is perhaps a collection of teachings that tries to collect a larger vision into one volume, but in no way can be compared to this.

I would go so far as to say this book should be amongst any respectable Buddhist's library.

My favorite books of his are A Survey Of Buddhism, Know Your Mind, The Three Jewels, Living With Kindness, Living With Awareness and The Yogi's Joy. Also Crossing The Stream, which are his early essays, are quite awesome. There are many other great ones. I haven't liked few. I've heard he really likes The Priceless Jewel, which was OK to me, but I didn't really think was that great.

I'm really interested into looking into this book. I expect to be writing more about this.

Effective Practice

You don’t need a lot of initiations or shelves groaning with Dharma books and Sanskrit dictionaries to make your practice effective. Just reflect on what it really means to go for refuge to the Buddha, Dharma and the Sangha, and do you best to live in accordance with that. Perform the puja and try to absorb and really feel what you are chanting and saying. Reflect on the five or ten precepts and use them as a touchstone to see how your practice could be improved. Cultivate spiritual friends. Meditate regularly. Just one or two practices are enough: the mindfulness of breathing to develop clarity, and the metta bhavana for positive emotion. Perhaps you could reflect on the Noble Eightfold Path, and specifically on how to put it into practice. You might have a string of mala beads and one or two pictures, plus a few books, including one or two anthologies of the sayings of the Buddha, and a few favorite lectures on tape or disk. This is all you really need by way of intellectual equipment to take you as far as you want to go. If your practice does not keep pace with your theoretical understanding, if what you read is not being put into action, all that reading is probably hindering your practice. Milarepa goes on to explain that ‘in the teaching of Marpa’s line’ – the Kagyu or ‘whispered’ lineage – special emphasis is placed on actual practice as opposed to any kind of verbal proliferation.

(p.196-7 of The Yogi’s Joy by Sangharakshita)

He also writes later in his document "What is the Western Buddhist Order?" also known as his last will and testament:

"My teachings pertaining to method, and therefore those of my disciples, all centre,
directly or indirectly, on the act of going for refuge to the Buddha, the Dharma, and
the Sangha. These comprise all the practices that I have myself taught: for instance,
the observance of the Five or Ten Precepts; the performance of the Sevenfold and
Threefold Pujas; the practice of meditation, in the framework of the System of
Meditation; the group study of the Buddhist scriptures; the cultivation of spiritual
friendship, and the enjoyment of poetry, music, and the visual arts as aids to the
spiritual life. These teachings pertaining to method are connected, directly or
indirectly, with the Buddha’s teaching of pratītya-samutpāda through the sequence of
positive, spiral nidānas, for all these teachings contribute, in one way or another, to
my disciples' progress to ever higher levels of being and consciousness, even from
the mundane at its most refined to the transcendental. Looked at from another point
of view, they contribute to the deepening of my disciples' going for refuge, so that
from being provisional it becomes effective, and from being effective it becomes real
in the sense of being irreversible."

From that I take the basic of practice is meditation in accordance with his system of meditation, following the precepts, group study of the Dharma, Puja, cultivating spiritual friendship and enjoying beauty.

Dhammapada

The Dhammapada is a book of saying from the Pali Cannon. The Pali Cannon is what the monks could remember of what they memorized from what the Buddha said, written down hundreds of years later.

The Dhammapada was the first book from the Pali Cannon that I was introduced to. It makes excellent reading for a father at the park with his children, because I can read a few sentences, walk away and return. Of course more concentrated reading of it is advised, but of all the Pali Cannon, I find it the best for going to the park. I took a picture of my copy against the playground.

There are over 50 translations listed on the Wikipedia entry about the Dhammapada, but they don't list the free one by Sangharakshita that can be gotten here. It is a PDF file.

My reading style, because I'm a parent and character style, isn't as concentrated. When Sangharakshita wrote A Survey of Buddhism, his famous magnum opus, he talked about looking at the breadth and depth of Buddhism. I'm afraid I'm not as deep and insightful, but I am more able to follow the breadth of study. I like to read a lot. I am working to read more deeply and closely, to linger and not be so fickle in my reading. But reading (potentially, possibly) the words of the Buddha (in translation) is for me a way of keeping my eye on the Dharma. I am a worldling, and worldings forget, they get wrapped up in the world, forget the dharma. The Dhammapada addresses the motivation and concentration one needs to keep the continuity of purpose to work towards closing the distance between the Buddha and me, which is my goal.

As I finish off the book today, I know it will come back in my rotation soon, because it's pithy sayings fit nicely into my spending time at the park with my kids. I hope I can linger more, work to grok the sayings. Some feel more true than others, some energize me more. So I'll use those, but I'll also strive to glean more out of the ones I don't really cotton to, yet. There are 423 sayings in Sangharakshita's translation to choose from. It's been said if you really understand even just one of these sayings, you can become enlightened. So I shall strive for greater depth.

This is also in line with the idea that I probably have been exposed to enough Dharma to be enlightened, I just need to really understand it. "More and more of less and less," is one of the mottoes of the FWBO. We live in an age of probably over 60 English translations of the Dhammapada. I only need one.

Having said that, study is an important part of my practice. Not so much what I learn, but in the deepening of my understanding of the way things really are.
The process of grappling with what past and present masters have written is a way of keeping my head in the game, as they say. I like it that the FWBO is ecumenical, meaning inclusive and nondenominational. I can read all the Buddhist literature, and don't define a small subset as the true Dharma.

And yet I do like to go back to the Pali Cannon. And I do go back to Sangharakshita's teachings as a touchstone. I choose his translation over others. I have not had much time to explore other movements, as much as I am interested in reading leaders books. I have spent my Buddhist life inside the FWBO, and while it's not perfect, I had a feeling the other day that I have such strong, long and deep connections with friends in the FWBO, that I'm not really looking for another sangha.

Vessantara and Kamalashila have talks on Free Buddhist Audio about the dangers and virtues of exploring other teachers and sanghas. Kamalashila suggests investing 10 years at least in one sangha in his talk. Vessantara has always consulted with Sangharakshita, and been given permission to explore other teachers, he reports in this talk.

I think feeling the tension of opposite ideas is a key that you're onto something. Depth vs. breadth, fidelity vs. promiscuity, engagement vs. withdrawal, self vs. others. Sangharakshita warns against premature synthesis.

I hope to highlight verses from the Dhammapada that I liked, in the future, but I wanted to write a general bit first about the Dhammapada.