going to the opera!

I fell in love with opera this summer when I saw La Boheme in Santa Fe.

I've always liked Philip Glass. He always plays at the Free Tibet concerts. I particularly enjoyed his collaboration with Allen Ginsberg, Hydrogen Jukebox.

So I'm very psyched to see Satyagraha at the Met in NYC.

Here's some info about it:

Philip Glass

SATYAGRAHA

NOV 4, 8, 12, 15, 19 mat, 26 mat, DEC 1

Don't miss Philip Glass's Satyagraha, the sold-out sensation of 2008.This extraordinarily moving work tells the story of Gandhi's development of his powerful philosophy of non-violent resistance -- one that continues to resonate today. The Met's breathtaking production, which the LA Times calls "a work of genius," returns for seven performances only.


"A profound and beautiful work of theater." - The Washington Post

"Hypnotic visual and musical magic." -The Wall Street Journal

"Breakthrough...a work of nobility, seriousness, even purity." - The New York Times

"A transcendent evening of theater." - Variety

Limited time offer:

Buy one ticket, get one 50% off! Use Promotion Code SATYA11

when you order your tickets through metopera.org, at the Metropolitan Opera Box Office, or by calling 212-262-6000.

compassion

MLK Quote

“Everybody can be great… because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”

Martin Luther King

Which I got here.

Guest Blog about movie Crazy Wisdom

As someone learning about Chogyam Trungpa for the first time I found Crazy Wisdom to be a very interesting moving. There were times during the movie where I felt a little put off by him and other times during the movie where I felt inspired and intrigued by him. I don't know if this was part of the intent, but it certainly kept me paying attention and wanting more.

I'm not sure if I really picked up on the Crazy Wisdom thing though. From what I understand Crazy Wisdom is the behavior and way of teaching that can occur in someone who is very spiritually mature. Behavior that is seen to be 'unconventional, outrageous, or unexpected'. To me this means employing such behavior in order to spread the Dharma. Thinking outside of the box, albeit very far outside of the box, in order to get the message across. Other than his habit of drinking, smoking and sleeping with many of his disciples, I didn't see much outrageous behavior and I certainly didn't recognize any of this behavior in his actual teachings. Maybe I missed it though.

There were beautiful scenes in the movie and it was really fascinating to see images of the monastery where Padmasambhava meditated as well as the burial/cremation ceremony of Chogyam Trungpa.

I think the thing that struck me most in this movie was the level of attachment that his disciples seemed to have towards him. Breaking the cycle of craving and attachment is the key element in Buddhism and yet, Chogyam Trungpa's disciples seemed so attached to him. So much so, that it was cultish. Maybe it was the time in which he was around. And though he was a great man, I believe it is important to recognize and acknowledge this because it does affect one's view of Buddhism and there are too many people out there who still believe that Buddhism is a 'cult' society. And we are to grow the movement and change that view, we have to acknowledge it.

Another key element for me, which was a purposeful part of the story line, was his realness. His pure comfort with who he was and the ease with which he existed. He was himself, he was laid-back, but passionate and serious about his beliefs and teachings and I think this is a large part of why he was so revered. He was accessible. Many of the people who were interviewed about him said that had a certain light and lightness about him, that there was just something about him that was enchanting and glorious. I saw it too. Regardless of whether or not I was put off at times.

It is said that in wanting to bring Buddhism to the west, he decided that he needed to immerse himself in the ways and customs of the westerners in order to determine the most appropriate way to teach them. And though I understand the intent, many times he seemed as though he was behaving recklessly, showing a lack of thought or concern for his disciples. Almost as if he just wanted to go and see how the other half lived, so to speak. Perhaps this is what Crazy Wisdom refers to. As I said before, there were times when I felt put off, this was one of those times. But at the same time, I really wasn't sure because there were always teachings and quite frankly, he made a lot of people happy and helped to grow the movement and so, he was successful. That's not to say that reckless behavior is okay, but sometimes things are hard to decipher and many positive things came out of it and for now, for me, that's okay. I'm going to read more about him and his contributions and perhaps refine my thoughts a bit more.

All in all, he is just too interesting to not learn more about. The conflicting actions and behaviors between Chogyam Trungpa's life and the traditional Buddhist teachings are almost a perfect lesson in Buddhism and therefore deserve nothing less than further contemplation.

by Cori Viles
http://undertheinfluenceoffood.wordpress.com/

Crazy Wisdom

Crazy Wisdom: This excellent movie is coming out soon. It's about the life of Chogyam Trumpa. For New York: "We're playing for one week at the Rubin Museum of Art in New York City! The film premieres on Friday, Nov. 25 at 6:30pm." For all the screenings click this line.

Chogyam Trungpa founded the first Tibetan Buddhist Center in the west, founded Shambhala, Naropa University. He's a powerful spiritual leader from the Tibetan tradition, who lived from 1939 to 1987

He's one of 13 survivors of the 300 who left his monastery in Tibet after the Chinese invasion. He went to Oxford and then founded a monastery in Scotland. He got married and then came to the US, founded a center in Vermont and then went to Boulder, where he spent the rest of his life.

He's a controversial figure in a way because he slept with his female disciples, while he was married and had children. I didn't know that he created a kind of Buddhist military. Thus the "crazy wisdom", which is part of the tradition.

I can't help but compare his life with my guy, Sangharakshita, who life is not uncontroversial. In a way I think when you're charismatic enough to start a movement, then you're bound to have some excesses.

Sangharakshita admitted though that his sexual experiments yielded nothing in his spirituality. Trungpa drank and smoked. Sangharakshita had wine with meals, until he drove through Europe and realized how much energy is put into wine, and felt he just didn't want to support all that energy into alcohol.

Chogyam Trungpa is a world religious figure, so in that way he's a basic element of our culture, and thus this movie is perhaps required viewing. Anyone with an interest in Buddhism or the spiritual life will also find this movie interesting. I find Buddhism's journey to the west an interesting subject. I wonder what took it so long. The teachings have only been here for a blink.

My one criticism of the movie, or maybe I would have liked to hear more about: what tradition Trungpa was trained in? Tibetan Buddhism isn't one monolithic thing, there are 6 main branches. He was trained in Kagyu and Nyingma lineages. I would find it interesting to hear a critic put his teaching in a context, not just people gushing about how wonderful he was. I think there's a place for a devotional appreciation. But as the first major feature about him, it could perhaps put him more into context.

It was a visually beautiful movie, and he seemed to touch on many people. Reading the press notes, there was a lot of work put into this by a lot of important people. I'm going to watch it again and report any follow up thoughts.

The best testament to the power of the movie was that when it was over my girlfriend said, "You have any books by him?" She was spurred and interested in it. I have Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism, and lent it to her. Here are some excerpts of that book.

So I would highly recommend seeing this worthy and important movie!

I asked them

The boys have been young, and then there was divorce to cope with, so I wasn't taxing them. But the divorce is winding down, it's going to be 2 years in Feb. since the separation. So my boys are 6 and 7. They're born 18 months apart, so half the year they appear 2 years apart and half the year they appear to be one year apart.

Anyway, today I said, "Can you guys handle me meditating for 20 minutes. They said yes. So I meditated! Now there is no reason why I don't meditate every day. I can't really blame my kids. Of course time and energy is still in limited qualities. And there will be mornings where it's hard, if I go to bed late, or we have to go somewhere.

But the story that I have children and they are too young and I can't meditate because I am alone with the, is no longer a story I can tell.

When they were young, I thought it would take forever. But in the blink of the eye, they grow up.

You can look at death to help turn up the heat in your spiritual motivation. Or you could just look at how quickly children change. Life is short, children grow up quickly. Sometimes it feels like forever, and sometimes it goes too fast. But overall it feels too fast. And that just shows you how precious life is. We must make use of it.

ps. next is a review of the excellent movie coming out Crazy Wisdom.

quotes from Living With Awareness

This quote is about imagining enlightenment:

"...imagine a day of unfettered inspiration and free-flowing energy, a day in which you were able to be completely true and clear in your communication, a day in which you felt so real a connection with others that your own concerns ceased to loom so balefully over your life, a day in which you never felt as though you were banging your head against a brick wall or getting stuck in a rut. Imagine such a day of creative freedom and then imagine that freedom doubled or trebled, and continuing to expand, and you will start to get an idea of the nature of enlightenment." p. 153 of Living With Awareness by Sangharakshita.

Also, p. 153:

"Literal-mindedness is a great handicap in the spiritual life and we have to remember that we are prone to it."

Also p. 155:

"...You might notice that when you are experiencing craving, it always comes with a feeling of distress, and that if you stop feeding the craving, that distress will give way to a sense of freedom."

Kindle edition!

Somehow I missed that there is a kindle edition of Sailing The Worldly Winds! Been waiting for that. Supposedly Amazon squeezes the publishers and Windhorse is a right livelihood, and give workers 6 weeks off for retreats and sometimes subsidizes retreats. So the books prices are a bit steep sometimes. It's all for a good cause. I like to read the books generated, for the most part, from my order. And now it just got easier! Yay.

I Want To Die. How Can I Die?

Just read in Elephant Journal that the best way to increase traffic to a blog is to type in "I want to die". Also, "How can I die?" Here's the link.

Buddhism has infused my life with meaning, helps me cope with adversity and makes me want to help others on their journey, to share the Dharma, the teachings that lead to enlightenment.

Buddhism has some ideas about suffering, but if your spirituality is more appealing, go with that. I think any kind of spirituality can help. It's like when the Dali Lama was asked about Tiger Woods and his sex addiction. First they had to explain to him who Tiger Woods was. Then he said, "I think every religion is against that." Outside of well known illness, in their end stages, I think suicide ideas are a cry for help. It has to be taken seriously.

As a psychotherapist I've had to deal with suicidal ideas. Send them to the hospital and then the hospital bounces them because they deny it because they want to go home. You also need a plan and intent to carry out the plan, so just thinking about it is a sign of depression, but it usually means you're suffering. Just the idea doesn't mean you're going to follow through. Don't follow through.

And remember, when we suffer it seems like it's lasting forever, but life changes, so hang in there. Feelings don't equal truth, in this case. Use adversity as a wake up call and examine your life to operationalize your unhappiness, and then develop a plan to counteract the problems. It's never as bad as you think. Google something else, like suicide hotline.

Retreat

I was on the 2011 ordination retreat for men into the Triratna Buddhist Order. I've been on quite a few of these retreats, only missing them when my kids were wee, and they get harder and harder. It's partially harder because I understand more and more what it's all about and the beginners luck has worn off.

Beginners luck is when you get into deep meditations because you've not meditated before and you punch through some levels quite easily. But as you meditate for years and years, punching through a level gets harder and harder, sometimes.

Another reason the retreat was hard, was because my meditation practice, while improving and coming back, hasn't been consistant, and like being in shape, if you're out of shape, there's only so far you can go training intensively. Of course it's good, but there's a difference intensifying when you're got a kind of fitness.

So one upshot of my retreat experience is that I've got a lot of work to do.

Of course the new people see with fresh eyes how wonderful it is to have time off to devote to meditation, friendship, dharma study, vegetarianism and walking in nature.

My retreat was all men, and it's a rare thing for me to be with just men. I like that. I love women, I've gone on many mixed retreats, I've done mixed study and all that. I think it's cool to be with just men.

The retreat was on Subhuti's paper based on conversations with Sangharakshita about imagination in the spiritual life.

I know it's kind of spiritual materialism to enjoy collecting new meditation practices, but I do like to learn new practices. We learned the practice where you call to mind the qualities and being of the historical Buddha Gotama.

I alternate between metta and mindfulness of breathing, and just sitting. Sometimes I extend that, or throw in a 6 element or prostration practice.

Btw, I finally heard an explanation of why people don't like the word "spiritual". I've heard many people say they don't like the word, but I never heard anyone say why. In Paramananda's lovely book, The Body, he says that spirituality has an implication of raising above, which can lead to getting away from the body and the muck the lotus needs to grow in. He prefers soulful. Works for me. Still, I use the word in contrast to materialistic or worldly. Even though I want to stay in the body, and I have to be in the muck, still, I do like going beyond somehow. Beyond and grounded.

One of my friends said I got my smile back.

I really appreciated the people who got ordained recently joining the retreat. I worked on my doubt with them--I have subtle and vague doubts that need to be rooted out. Doubt is fine, but it can undermine your practice if you don't examine it, process it.

Anywho, I got a lot from the retreat, and feel that it's a really wonderful thing for everyone. I wish I could do a week every two months, but my life doesn't support that idea, so I might as well either work towards it, or banish it from my mind.

In the safe setting you can talk about your meditation experience, and hear others. That's wonderful.

Lotus Photograph

IMG_1279, a photo by sheyco on Flickr.

sacrifice

I was listening to a talk that played an Aimee Mann song in it, and I liked it so I was listening to some of her stuff and then I went on Wikipedia to look at her entry, and I came up with this little tidbit: "Mann played the role of a German nihilist who sacrificed her green nail polished little right toe in the movie The Big Lebowski." Wow.

December - Nagaloka's Walking Buddha

December - Nagaloka's Walking Buddha, a photo by Triratna Photos on Flickr.

January - Taraloka Prajnaparamita

January - Taraloka Prajnaparamita, a photo by Triratna Photos on Flickr.

March - Buddha at Shantikula, Johannesburg

March - Buddha at Shantikula, Johannesburg, a photo by Triratna Photos on Flickr.

October - Prajnaparamita Sanctuary in Devon

October - Prajnaparamita Sanctuary in Devon, a photo by Triratna Photos on Flickr.

July - Buddhafield's giant 1000-Armed Avalokitesvara

July - Buddhafield's giant 1000-Armed Avalokitesvara, a photo by Triratna Photos on Flickr.

February - Valencia's new Buddha rupa

February - Valencia's new Buddha rupa, a photo by Triratna Photos on Flickr.

test

this is a test to see if I can finally post--don't know why it's not working

from the Santa Fe International Art Market

From Going For Refuge

shorts?

I was hoping to connect with the Upaya Zen Center in Santa Fe but I only brought shorts because American Airlines charges $25 for a bag to check in and I had tight space in my backpack. A pair of jeans would take up a lot of room, and I don't expect to wear them. Upaya's website says, "Please do not wear shorts of sleeveless tops." I find myself asking, "what does that have to do with meditation?" And they want you to wear dark colors. I'm so curious what the thinking is behind this rule, and how these traditions cropped up. If anyone knows who reads this, please comment.

Pema quote

"The Buddha taught that flexibility and openness bring strength and that running from groundlessness weakens us and brings pain. But do we understand that becoming familiar with the running away is the key? Openness doesn't come from resisting our fears but from getting to know them well.

Rather than going after those walls and barriers with a sledgehammer, we pay attention to them. With gentleness and honesty, we move closer to those walls. We touch them and smell them and get to know them well. We begin a process of acknowledging our aversions and our cravings. We become familiar with the strategies and beliefs we use to build the walls: What are the stories I tell myself? What repels me and what attracts me? We start to get curious about what's going on. Without calling what we see right or wrong, we simply look as objectively as we can. We can observe ourselves with humor, not getting overly serious, moralistic or uptight about this investigation. Year after year, we train in remaining open and receptive to whatever arises. Slowly, very slowly, the cracks in the wall seem to widen and, as if by magic, bodhichitta is able to flow freely." (From the book "The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times" by Pema Chödrön

train your brain

In a way, it's thrilling to see that in Train Your Brain to Get Happy: The Simple Program That Primes Your Grey Cells for Joy, Optimism, and Serenity that in chapter 5 Meditation is seen as one of the key ways.

Now I'm not sure if happiness is the goal, I mean, you can get happier with more mindfulness, but you can also be more aware of other's suffering and it's hard to keep the deep shadow of that off your happiness. I do think life is more meaningful, more vivid, clear and full.

I think there's been a revolution in embracing secular mindfulness by the mental health community, from Marsha Linehan, and on and on. And that's really cool. I certainly use it in my job.

But for my money, going into the BuddhaDharma adds so much more to mindfulness. I feel the same way about Mindfulness For Dummies (Book + CD). It's a wonderful thing if you've used mindfulness. But that's getting off at the first stop of Buddhism, why not go along for the whole ride.

That's what I want personally, but of course I believe in pluralism and the individual respect that everyone is responsible for their own spiritual path.

4 sights

I can trace my conditions of meditation and learning about the BuddhaDharma back to the Buddha.

I've been thinking about the 4 sights. The Buddha may or may not have lead a sort of hedonistic lifestyle, but the legend is that his father gave him different pools for different colored lotus flowers, and different "palaces", one that had female musicians. I bet it was fun. But he saw an old person and a sick person and a dead person and a renunciant, a person who had gone forth. Now most people see these things all the time. But Siddhartha Gotama went a bit further, followed his thoughts, developed them. How can I get beyond these problems, transcend them? Can you really transcend them? I think the Buddha did. I think the Buddha saw deeply and pursued his mission. He was given the keys to the ashram twice when he surpassed the teachers of the time, and he passed. Na, there's something more.

The Buddha had some kind of follow through, he was driven in a certain kind of way. You got to admire that. You know, maybe Jesus or Mohammad are your guys, but still, you got to admire the Buddha. (I admire the other guys.)

There are lots of spiritual idols, heroes.

I think about Sangharakshita going forth. He gave up everything, and went off into India. He wanted to go to Sri Lanka but since he'd given up his passport, he couldn't. I wonder if the Triratna community would have been more Theravadan if that had happened. I'm sure he could have gotten a passport if he wanted to.

The Chutzpah of starting a new Buddhist order.

For manjuvajra to come to Boston and then to found Ayraloka. For him to call upon his friends to come and help him.

For someone to come to NYC and try to start up a Buddhist community, like Vajramati did and does. To devote yourself to the good of the Dharma. To teach so many people meditation.

Then I was open to it. My friend signed me up for the class! I'd watched my stepfather meditate twice a day for many years. I was relatively open and free to appreciate it.

Bhante Quote

"To begin with, when we come - I might even say staggering along - to out first meditation class, maybe from the office, maybe from home or wheresoever, we don't have any real individuality. We are usually just a bundle of conflicting desires, even conflicting selves, loosely tied together with the thread of a name and an address! Desires and selves, both conscious and unconscious, so what does mindfulness do? Even the very limited mindfulness that we practice when we practice Mindfulness of Breathing, it helps bring them together to bind them together; it at least tightens the string a little bit, so that they aren't so loose in the middle; it makes more of a definite bundle of these different cravings and selves, more of a recognizable identifiable bundle. And if we practice it a bit more, carry it a bit further, the practice of mindfulness helps to create real unity and real harmony between the different aspects, as they have now become, of our self. In other words, it is through mindfulness that we begin to develop, begin to create, true individuality."

(from A System of Meditation)

p. 79 drawing by Saddharaja

From Going For Refuge

This Being, That Becomes: The Buddha's Teaching on Conditionality (Buddhist Wisdom in Practice)

Quote

"we live at the quivering center of a web of conditions so complex that while we can believe that it is all dependently arisen, exactly how or why any particular thought or feeling arises is mostly beyond our capacity to understand." p19 This Being, That Becomes by Dhivan Thomas Jones

Udemy

I've been toying with creating a course on Udemy, but of course I'm too busy with children, work and my own personal life. But this might be a place I could go to teach some Buddhism, which is really a presumptuous thing to do, but I really think teaching is the best way to learn. I might have to do it if someone else doesn't step up and present an introduction to Buddhism class.

There's not much Buddhism at Udemy, but there is a world literature class, and there's a lecture on Han Shan by Andrew Neuendorf. The talk is 20 minutes. Andrew Neuendorf's qualification is that he has a MFA in Creative Writing. Seems he's been a teacher in college for 11 years. There's also a lecture on Wang Wei, which I haven't listened to.

saw this rupa at a fair, he wanted $170

Have you ever seen this mudra?

From Going For Refuge

beautiful?

Chapter 5

Buddhanussati is the imaginative practice of imagining the Buddha. It was mentioned by Pingiya (search his name to get the scriptural source).

I remember once at a practice day we were asked to go out and buy something to put on the shrine (that we could keep later) and to imagine the Buddha with us. I felt a sort of awe at a greater consciousness and empathy, it was hard to just walk past people on the street, and disengage. I bought bubbles, which I later gave to my kids.

Also sometimes when I drive, I try to imagine I'm the Buddha.

I have read a lot on the Buddha, done retreats on the Buddha jewel, chanted the Sakyamuni mantra. I think this is an interesting practice. I have never really read a development of the practice, except in Ratnaguna's lovely book, The Art of Reflection.

The Art of Reflection

On p. 105 Ratnaguna discusses how to work with ideals. Don't compare yourself and feel inferior. Just use it in your becoming.

Bhante quote

"A single smile of Beauty can bring about greater transformation than all the frowns of Righteousness."

P.292 The Essential Sangharakshita, (from The Religion of Art, p113).

Quote

"In owning up to my foolishness I liberated my natural flow of energy." p. 55, The Art of Reflection by Ratnaguna.

The art of reflection

I liked this book when in the first chapter Ratnaguna talks about papanca.

Reflection and doing nothing isn't a new idea to me. In talking to me about my solitary retreat, my friend suggested that I do nothing, not even meditate.

I've been thinking a lot lately that quitting blogging, twitter, Facebook, and other social media might be the best way I could simplify and open up my life to more spaciousness. I'm afraid the mello steve that move to NYC 21 years ago has succumbed to the hyper kinetic New Yorker intense way of being. Rushing is a way of life, where people honk before the light changes so you look up and see the light change.

I do like written public journal like reflection.

Anyway, chapter one was a good chapter. I feel like this is a ground breaking book, and that it's reinforcing the obvious. I don't know if I've been indoctrinated into the TBC/O way of thinking, which also encourages one to break the mould and think independently.

Ratnaguna on The Art of Reflection

The Art Of Reflection from Clear Vision Trust on Vimeo.

I got the book yesterday and started reading.

Looking around there are other videos of Ratnaguna



While I was eating my leftovers omelet this morning, with leftover beans salad from the falafel place, I watched this (I know, multitasking, not good...) and really enjoyed it. Here's what I wrote as a comment on video sangha:

"Awesome. I really like the idea of turning inward, and I hope to convince my patients in psychotherapy that turning inward will be, in part, a solution to what ever reason they came in for.

I just got his book, and I've listened to his talks, but I thought I'd just see what else is out there about him, and I'm really pleased to have run across this lovely video that has a whole talk! Thank you."

He's also got some awesome talks on Free Buddhist Audio, where you can learn the Dharma and get to know Ratnaguna (as much as you can by watching a video and listening to a talk). I listened to his talk, again, on Shinran, as I drove through the night in Virginia. It helped me to keep awake while I transported precious cargo from visiting my grandparents in Georgia, coming home to NYC.

watched this the other day

Lokabhandu discusses his early experiences with Bhante:

4 book comments

So I'm in the process of trying to do a review of this book for Wildmind: Mindfulness For Dummies (Book + CD). I'm not against this kind of secular mindfulness. I think you can apply it to everything: stress, relaxation, pain management. It's a good thorough book.

Speaking of application of mindfulness, I've been reading two Thomas Bien books, applying mindfulness to psychotherapy and happiness. The Buddha's Way of Happiness: Healing Sorrow, Transforming Negative Emotion, & Finding Well-Being in the Present Moment is the book I was sent, and then that made me realize I had Mindful Therapy: A Guide for Therapists and Helping Professionals on my book shelf. There's a lot of good stuff in these books. I love the integration of psychotherapy and Buddhism.

And finally, I've finished Awakening Kindness which is a lovely exploration of metta. You can't get enough of this stuff, reading a book helps me to put my mind into thinking about this head space.

I've just bought The Art of Reflection (Buddhist Wisdom in Practice) and I look forward to reading this book. Supposedly it's the only book on reflection as a spiritual practice in the Buddhist tradition of English language books. I can't verify that that, but I became interested in it when Vajramati had us reading an excerpt to discuss on a rare sangha night that I could actually attend.

Skydiving videos

Skydiving is a very spiritual thing. I went last summer. Here are some videos:

A little bit on the ground:



Walking to the plane, take off, and in the air over Long Island:



On the plane and just before jumping, you see the cameraman.



I fall out the plane



A bit of a remix of the falling



Open the chute:



Landing:



After landing:

Poem

Are They Shadows

BY SAMUEL DANIEL

Are they shadows that we see?
And can shadows pleasure give?
Pleasures only shadows be
Cast by bodies we conceive
And are made the things we deem
In those figures which they seem.

But these pleasures vanish fast
Which by shadows are expressed;
Pleasures are not, if they last;
In their passing is their best.
Glory is most bright and gay
In a flash, and so away.

Feed apace then, greedy eyes,
On the wonder you behold;
Take it sudden as it flies,
Though you take it not to hold.
When your eyes have done their part,
Thought must length it in the heart.


(thanks to Vishvapani for posting this poem)

spiritual materialism

We have big selves and small contracted selves. The small contracted self wants to get ordained, to check that off this list, want to acquire a new name and meditation practice, join the club.

My big self wants to go deeper into my practice, is using the ordination process to go deeper, to challenge myself.

Dhammarati always says, it's the gold not the stamp on the gold that makes it valuable (quoting Burns supposedly).

One friend couldn't ask for ordination--would warp them too much, they have such an urge to please others.

Another friend said they would do nothing to get ordained. I wasn't so sure they were so independent.

Another friend says you don't have to do anything to get ordained. I think you do have to deepen your practice and connect with the Boddhisattva ideal, and work for the good of the Dharma in some way, any way, but some way, so in a way I do think you have to do something.

My preceptor says sometimes a person does everything right, but then it turns out they were just putting on a show. There are stories where people gave ordination and then later the person somehow showed they were not really ready for it. Bhante is supposed to have said, "if you're going to ordain them in 6 months, why not do it now?"

Why do I want to join the Triratna Buddhist Community? I have to be honest and say that being part of the club, hanging out with other order members, would be conducive to deepening my practice. But isn't in that idea something to suggest that I am not complete in and of myself. "Look at yourself man, you've got a lot of work to do." Yes. I could go it alone. And I do have the community's support, whether or not I get to go on order conventions. But what I respect about the order is the spiritual depth. Joining the order is not about getting, it's about giving. True, but you can also get. Others get from others in the order, no problem there. Merely to join, that's not why you get in. Someone and others witness effective going for refuge. What is effective going for refuge? There's a kind of momentum in one's practice, it doesn't get sidetracked. It does all these things like meditation, ethics, study and fellowship, but it also has a kind of inner fire, the organizing principle is the three jewels. How are the three jewels not my organizing principle. I go to false refuge to a few things, but don't I have a practice that is sending me on my way? I think I do, but it needs to be witnessed, and I could always go deeper.

The harder the ordination process the stronger the order is. It's a trial, that makes one stronger. My impatience maybe spur me on towards the good or not, it's up to me.

Yet I tell you now, I wish to go deeper. Not for the sake of acquisition. Not for the opportunities, a new name, a new meditation practice. But for the depth, shortening the distance between me and the Buddha, to be kind to others, to help the sangha grow. Not to get something, but to have my close spiritual friend to witness my real progress, which is a kind of external validation, but never the less, would be good. It has to be obvious to others, and that really means it's there.

Vidyajoyti

Petal to the metal

Petal to the Metal

There were 2 movies that very much influenced my early thinking, that I saw as a prepubescent impressionable child. One is Animal House. I wanted to go to college because of Animal House. Peer pressure was another reason. Everyone I knew was going. Of course when I went off to college, I was anti-frat, and Animal House didn’t have any meaning for me. I guess it’s a sense of playfulness that I really liked about Animal House. I think play is really important. But I digress.

The second movie that influenced my impressionable mind was Smokey and The Bandit. In this movie, Burt Reynolds plays a foot loose and fancy free man who has a fast car. They get paid to make a quick truck delivery and he runs a distraction from the truck. Police go after him and thus the truck gets to keep speeding. The Reynolds character drives a Trans Am. I still think that’s a cool car, maybe some day I will try driving one. I wonder if I could rent one for a week. I don’t really need to own one, it’s probably a gas guzzler. Anyway, I digress.

One of the ideas in Smokey and the Bandit is, “put the petal to the metal,” meaning put the accelerator to the ground of the car. In those days I suppose carpeting wasn’t standard the way it is now.

So for me putting the petal to the metal in my spiritual practice is an interesting idea. I always think about Bhante’s point that a little effort is like stretching a rubber band. It just snaps back. Be he also talks about trying to split a bolder in half. If you hit it 19 times, do those times not count, when it splits on the 20th? So in another way, I wonder if you can’t make real progress as a worldling. Can I take advantage to what has been given to me. Some spiritual leaders will say ordinary life provides good opportunities for practice.

I say, put the petal to the metal.

flowers on a shrine

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Honeyball Sutta

Another theme gleaned from Free Buddhist Audio and Triratna Buddhist News, is that the so called Honeyball Sutta has been read a bit. I enjoyed the talk by Maitreyabandhu yesterday and I'm going to listen to other talks today. I'm having a practice day of meditation and Dharma study at the Rego Park Buddhist Center in Queens NYC, USA. It's a warm up for the practice day for the NYC sangha in 2 weeks.

Here is a video of Subhuti talking about the sutta:


Watch nlbc - honeyball sutta 9th april.mp4 in Activism & Non-Profit  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

rereading "Re-imagining the Buddha"

Going to study the essay that came out in December 2010.

So I've been rereading it. Looked up the Nagaloka statue.

It's not a giant Buddha.

Makes me also think Dharma Burgers, the way advertising uses Buddhist images to sell things.

Anyway, so there's a lot in Re-imagining the Buddha, but the most important thing is that it puts the Pali Cannon and the Buddha above later developments in importance, which isn't really a surprise. Supposedly someone asked in India, about the TBC, "what yana do you practice?" The fellow answered, "Buddhayana".

So this essay is also accompanied by talks by one of the movement's leaders, Subhuti. You can find them on free buddhist audio. Click on this sentence for a lead meditation based on the Tiratna Vandana.

Photo

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opportunity cost

In every decision there is an opportunity cost. By doing one thing, you can't do another thing. And by having children, I can't do this excellent thing at the Rubin, March 5th. I wish I could sleep under some artwork there, and then have my dreams interpreted the next day by a psychoanalyst. Alas, it's my weekend with the kids, and I'm going to honor my commitment.

That got me thinking. If we are to simplify our life, so we can devote it to the spiritual life, isn't having children about the worst thing you can do? Children and having a career are about the most complicating thing you can do in your life.

And yet, I can't see my children as a hindrance, I'm not about to name my son Rahula, which some say means hindrance. In the Mahayana you're allowed to be of the world, be in the world, it's more your approach to things. Everything is an opportunity to be spiritual.

And yet, setting up circumstances to support the spiritual life is not to be underestimated. Having free time for friendship, for meditation, study, and working for the good of the Dharma is unquestionably important to the spiritual life.

Patience is important in the spiritual life. I think with children, I just have to wait to enter, time wise, more fully into the spiritual life as defined by meditation, friendships and working for the good of the Dharma. Sometimes it's good to build up tension in waiting. And anyway, it's dualism to think spiritual/unspiritual.

Leshan Giant Buddha

Leshan Giant Buddha
Originally uploaded by Wilson Loo

Leshan Giant Buddha

Leshan Giant Buddha
Originally uploaded by Sarmu

I want to go here sometime, been looking at the list of big Buddha statues on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Colossal_Buddha_statues

empathy

recipe

Retreat oatmeal: because there are a lot of people you can get an exciting array of add on ingredients. From nuts to fruits, to milks and yogurt, plus sweetener.

I favor all the nuts, fruit, soy or rice milk, yogurt but no sweetener. Such a wonderful way to start the day.

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Dana

The Power of Half: One Family's Decision to Stop Taking and Start Giving Back

I got a review copy of a above book where a family starts giving away their wealth and working with poverty issues. They sell their big house and move into a smaller one and then give the money away for poverty problems. Occasional volunteerism wasn't enough for them, and part of the journey is what is the most effective way to give. Philanthropy is not easy. They were leading a yuppy lifestyle, and then decided to address problems. The book has sections with the teenage daughter writing her perspective. The book seems to be sincere--the author talks about losing friends, and admitting he might have gotten a little self righteous at times about what he was doing. But he did it anyway and he provides a honest account of a incredible journey of upper middle class generosity.

I think giving more than money, like energy, time, an ear. To not rush a friend who wants to get something off their chest, and who has called at an inconvenient time, but you decide, what the heck, I'll drop everything and listen with my whole being. You don't have to hit a home run all the time you can bunt the runner over sometimes.

I have a friend who has devoted spare time to doing a prison ministry. Amazing. Another who donated time raising money and fixing up Aryaloka, which used to be a sad building until came along. Another takes photos for the amazing work in India with the ex-Dalits. Another works to build a sangha in New York City. Another is making a retreat center for his sangha, and runs that sangha. Another learned to teach yoga so he could bring it back to the sangha. I know a few people who raise money for the Dalits in India--amazing work.

Giving in general is good, but giving the gift of the Dharma is seen as best. Spending a weekend with the poor is great, but a weekend leading a retreat is great because it deepens people's spiritual practice. I don't think work for others is diminished by saying working for the good for the Dharma is better. If you truly believe in the project of enlightenment, then helping others on the way is the best thing you can do. (OK, so maybe that's a bold statement that I can't justify right now.)

The spiritual life is a balance between going for your own spiritual development and trying to help others. It's no good just working on yourself. And it's no good just throwing yourself into others problems--that can lead to idiot compassion. Everyone has to find their own balance. Some people are better in the world. Some people need more alone time and alone work to build them up to be int he world. Everyone is different.

With children, I'm mostly devoted to my children and working for them, and working to help my patients. I'm a worldling, who often gets swept up in the tide of events, and yet I feel my life is infused with the Dharma. I see my life through the terms of the Dharma. I've not renounced the world yet. But I go on retreat to deepen my practice and I hope some day to turn more towards working for the good of the Dharma more directly.

I find it courageous when someone comes through New York and they've quit their job and they're on a Dharma tour and they don't know what they're going to do when they get back. Amazing. I know a few people who have spent their life in the TBC movement. Amazing. I don't know if you literally have to go forth, like Sangharakshita did, and just have a few possessions, and wonder all over India, begging for his meals. Amazing stuff. But when I challenge the way I see the world, when I challenge myself to walk into scary grounds and challenge myself in other ways, I metaphorically go forth.

There's a great talk a friend gave, I hope they can get it up on FBA some day. Maybe I need to volunteer to go up there and get some talks off the hard drive. Sometimes you can see other's projects, things you wish others would do, but alas, what I do is the most important thing.

So Dana is one of the 6 perfections. I work to cultivate a generous spirit by meditation, noble friendships, reflection and appreciating the exemplification of my fine Dharma brothers and sisters.

retreat

I've been on a million retreats, and at this moment, I think I need a solitary retreat. But I made the most of the precious opportunity and it's given me the meditation feeling of deeper meditation, clarified and boosted my motivation for my spiritual life.

The retreat was on the 6 perfections, we did the last three: virya, dyana, prajna. I could riff on these three virtues, energy, meditation and wisdom. Maybe I'll do that in further posts. I'm not with a internet connection these days, so I have to cadge one here and there.

I will note a cracking talk by Padmavajra on Virya.

So if you've never been on a retreat, I recommend going on one. The vegetarian food is good, the company is wonderful, being in nature is nurturing, having the peace and time to explore yourself in a warm and friendly environment is spectacular. We chant devotional stuff (optional) and meditate.

I feel more healthy, centered, connecting to what is important. I feel it brings out the best in me, and I feel very seen and appreciate by the people there. I'm seen for the person I want to be, less what I can do for others. My spiritual life is most at stake, and there's a felt sense that what ever individual I end up being is fine, conformity isn't valued.

There's a lot of discussion on this particular retreat, as we work through the experiences and concepts, and you get to know other people pretty well. In a way, that's what's so exhausting for me as a psychotherapist. I need to connect to myself, not so much others, but that's where I was so I made the best of it. And I realized I need to take more responsibility for my meditaiton practice and I need to take more time out to nourish myself. And I'm glad I could at least do that for a weekend up at Aryaloka.

I don't know you, but I recommend you take some time out and connect with yourself in a supportive way free from distractions. And if you've already done that, well, good job then, I hope it was good for you. Feel free to post a comment about your retreat experience! Or any thought!

BTW here's the most recent talk on FBA, and it's on a solitary retreat.

shrine

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Kuan Yin

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Aryaloka

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Guest Blog

Thank you, Steve, for inviting my experience. I parsed your suggestions into reflections on the Three Jewels--

On the Buddha:
I have been ‘officially’ practicing now for almost 3 and a half years, though my awareness of Buddhism started eleven years ago. I was living in Spain at the time, and a friend had invited me to sit in on a practice night. I also had a chance to see the Dalai Lama speak that year. But like all good things that take incubation before illumination, I left the experience generally unmoved, but astounded by the simple statement, “When the pupil is ready, the guru appears.”

And so, many years later I have had many teachers and continue to grow from my own experiences, learning to understand myself deeper and deeper over time. My relationship to the Buddha has changed as I have played with different understandings of the world and my place here. I remember when I was in San Francisco (at the beginning of my regular visits to the then FWBO), I struggled with the idea of bowing to the Buddha. I’ve never related much to the idea of Buddha as a man who lived, whose achievement could be inspirational. But, I grew to like the idea of Buddha-nature; of the idea that I was already enlightened; and that slowly over time I am merely working to lift the self-imposed veils from my experience.

At first that, too, was problematic—thinking, “If I am enlightened, why would I not just experience enlightenment with effort of will alone?”, “How did I get started on the wheel of suffering, if I started as an enlightened being?” But, over time, my understanding of this, too, has changed. I read a translation of the Dao De Jing by Ames and Hall that blew my mind wide open. Later, combining ideas from this book with those in Conversations with God by Walsch, I came to appreciate my participation in samsara as ‘expressed curiosity in knowing myself as Creator.’

Today, I am content with the understanding that my experience is exercise, and that my nature is rest. Perhaps if I become fully mindful, I may participate in a way unmotivated by greed, hatred or delusion. This is what I understand as Buddha-nature.

On the Dharma:
Not exactly my strong point! I can’t get myself to read too many books—especially the classics. Ugh! But I enjoy Sangharakshita’s writings a lot. And I have read some by Chöki Nyima Rinpoche that blew my mind. Actually—maybe I have done more reading than I thought… wow, now I’m kind of touched. Here I had been flogging myself [mindfully ;)] earlier this month, and now I realize my situation’s actually not that
bad. I suppose it’s important to me that I read what speaks to me, and moves me further along the path. Even if they’re not the books I think I “should” be reading, that doesn’t necessarily make them books I “shouldn’t” be reading. So, my top picks:

(1) The Essential Sangharakshita, by Sangharakshita

I really enjoy this book for its ability to capture nuggets of insight, and deliver them as tasty morsels. Good for food-for-thought—not too overwhelming, just right. Sangharakshita is playful in his delivery of important points for clarity in practice.

(2) A Few Words of Heart-to-Heart Advice, by Chöki Nyima Rinpoche
What a way with words! I feel like Chöki Nyima Rinpoche is able to pierce straight to the point with delicate words that both softly and directly communicate powerful truths. I feel like there is a precision with his words that is invaluable.

(3) Anger, by Thich Nhat Hanh
This book might have been my first introduction to true metta. He describes at one point treating one’s anger like an infant--holding it, caring for it. I remember the first time I read that I just cried and cried. I couldn’t imagine holding my pain with that much loving-kindness. Just introducing the very awareness of the possibility of deep, connective loving-kindness in a time of intense pain was transformative. It took me years to read that book—every 20 pages I’d start bawling my eyes out. Lol!! You can imagine—I wasn’t very motivated to finish!!! Nonetheless, it was a very good start to something integral to practice.

On the Sangha:
This is where I really feel my heart warm and my chest soften. Triratna has been an incredible resource when it comes to establishing and nurturing the spiritual community. I was first introduced to the then FWBO in San Francisco when a friend invited me to sangha night. I had been practicing qi gong and reiki for a few years by that point, and thought it was a natural progression to try proper meditation. There was a lot on my mind at the time, as I had just taken my national boards after graduation from Chinese medicine school. So, while waiting for my results, I started going to sangha night.

The joke is, I think ‘what initially brought me there was blah blah blah, but what kept me there was sangha [said with a very stern and sure face, like ‘another car sold!’]. But the truth is, isn’t what brought me there… sangha? It was a spiritual friend, inviting me to explore and accept the spiritual friendship of others, and to give the same of myself to others. The trouble was even after living on the West coast for four years, the New York attitude was still in my veins—I had no idea what community was!! Lol!! I used to pride myself in the ability to do everything by myself—to buy single serve anything in a city that served millions of single people doing whatever served their individual purpose in a given minute. It’s true! So, discovering community, like it were a new continent—I was unsure, but felt I was onto something….

Three Triratna centers later, I can say for sure, I was onto something!—something really, really good!! Each had their particular personalities, but the same feeling: warmth, interest and kindness. San Francisco in a lot of ways was like a beacon of information. I loved the dharma talks and all the handing off of the baton from one member to the next. With each discussion and introduction, was a new perspective on
the same truths. Spending time with the sangha was like discovering the many facets of a gem. Each beautiful, and a completely different approach from the other. I will always think fondly on the San Francisco community.

Next, I lived in NY and had the pleasure of practicing under Vajramati’s tireless effort. The NY sangha taught me much of moving the ‘idea’ of sangha into practice. While in SF I saw myself as having a place in the sangha (i.e. feeling I ‘belonged’), in NY I started forging a relationship to the individuals within the community. It was no longer a relationship of me to the whole, but me to that which makes up the whole—seeing the value and relationship of the members of the spiritual community as integral to the practice. I recognized I needed them as much as they needed me. That’s the spiritual community: Equanimity. A tremendous learning that resulted in my asking to become a mitra.

Today, I practice with the Seattle sangha. I miss the people in NY, but their dedication inspires me. The Seattle sangha is two to three times as large; and I appreciate being back with such a fullness in the room. Though we have only one ordained member as well [compared to NY], we get quite a few visitors from San Francisco and Vancouver. It also makes a huge difference that we have a place to our own here. It feels so good to have a space dedicated to learning and to practice. We have a small library and ‘book store,’ as well as a place for tea and treats. Somehow I feel Aryaloka seemed closer to NY than our closest retreat center here; but that may also be due to Danakamala’s welcoming invitation to forge stronger ties between the East coast communities. Nonetheless, I miss that sense of active connection to other communities—the reminder that though we are apart, we work towards the same goals, taking the same steps one at a time.

I feel fortunate and grateful for this opportunity to explore my relationship to the spiritual community. I’m not sure anything less than all the big-picture, close-up, absent, and knee-high experiences could have woken me out of my stupor. The reminder that we are participating, that we are seen and heard is integral to choosing how we want to participate. And watching how others participate is integral to learning how we want to participate. The sangha is this—the mirror and the reflection, an invaluable resource for the cultivation of loving kindness and our much-needed support towards enlightenment.

Thank you, to my teachers and to my friends.

--Melissa Dana
May all beings be well; may all being be happy.

talk I keep listening to

free buddhist audio : : free mp3s and texts on buddhism and meditation

Click on the above link to listen to a talk by Atula, who's been a Buddhist for 30 years and a psychotherapist for 20. He discusses what to do when a practice goes flat.

poem

My heart overflows
Squandering energy
I could use at a later time
I can't staunch the eruption
It's not disciplined, unruly
But is this display truly wasteful?
Won't the geyser erupt again?

Some day it will go dormant
Only evidence of a past will tarry.
Then even that will go
Into the great unknown
Of my lack of consciousness.

Sangharakshita on what book you should read

Of course he doesn't know you, but regarding Buddhism he favors the Pali cannon, Mahayana sutras and prefection of wisdom sutras.

Final comments on Endless Path

So I've finished up Rafe Martin's Endless Path: Awakening Within the Buddhist Imagination: Jataka Tales, Zen Practice, and Daily Life

As I've written before, I'm into the Jungian imaginary part of the spiritual life, and I found this a great addition to the stories of Buddhism. I think my favorite Jalaka tale that Martin told was "Gentle Heart", but I also liked "Five Weapons". I liked them all really, though some seem more experience far, the ones where you sacrafice your body (The Tigress and The Monkey King).

Rafe Martin quotes from the Talking Heads and other pop culture, and seems to be extremely well grounded in the Zen literature (as might be expected because that's his tradition). I got a good list of Zen books to read while reading this book, seems I have some more reading to do.

The illustrations are interesting and evocative, and it seems Richard Wehrman is a good friend of Martin's.

I'd say you could maybe read some of these stories to children (maybe not my favorite Gentle Heart, but others). Supposedly Rafe Martin is a storyteller and you can hire him to come tell a story.

The commentaries are interesting and organized around the 10 Paramitas. You can join me on retreat up at Aryaloka (or down if you're in Maine) in Newmarket New Hampshire.

He introduces the Jatakas and in the concluding chapter gives his own personal pithy understanding of the Bodhisattva vows, 4 noble truths, 8 fold path and the 10 paramitas.

So with regret I finished this lovely book, and highly recommend it to you if you're interested in some good story telling, some Dharma discussion from a Zen perspective and some good writing.

Akshobya at Vajrasana

Akshobya at Vajrasana
Originally uploaded by edburton

Akshobya for Achalapriya

Akshobya for Achalapriya
Originally uploaded by edburton

Invitation

I invite you to do a guest blog on my blog. I am interested in spiritual experience, not necessarily Buddhist, not necessarily deep.

I've decided to ask my friends to guest blog as well, when I see them in person.

May all being be happy, may all beings be well.

Vidyajyoti

Vidyajyoti's funeral took place on Thursday 6 January 2011 at the London Buddhist Centre.

Some good photos are on the website, including some of her artwork.

The Essential Sangharakshita

I've decided I'm not going to put images of books up any more, just hot links. But I wanted to put this last one up, because I frequently begin my day by reading this excellent book, that in my opinion, maybe 500 years from now will be a great Mahayana sutra. Right now it's an awesome book that just keeps slamming away at me. I've read it before and I've read most of it before it was all collected into one place, and I'm still constantly impressed by it, feel the intensity of his challenge to deepen my spiritual practice.

I've been sick with a nasty virus for 3 weeks, and before that I was going through some major changes in my life, which are ongoing and I don't want to go into them, but I've drifted a little.

Sangharakshita says you shouldn't make a vow unless you're already doing it, but I want to just say publically (though surely fairly ingnored), that I'm aspiring to reconnect with the bedrock of my spiritual practice--meditation. As Sangharakshita says in the System of Meditatation lecture, the Buddha's enlightenment experiences comes from meditation, he was meditating when he became enlightened. Meditation is key in a more serious practice.

It's OK to be an ethnic or a nominal Buddhist, but I want more, to follow the Buddha Dharma laid out by the Buddha and his inspired deciples. Of course ethical and Dharma spreading actions are very useful (vegetarianism is one among many practices that promote less harm in the world). Sangha and relationships with spiritual friends is very important. Studying the Dharma and understanding the tradition are important. Chanting inspired thoughts in a puja is very important. Reflecting and thinking in general and about the Dharma is very important.

And I am not saying anything about someone's practice, who doesn't meditate, but for me, meditation is the bedrock, the foundation of my practice. And I want to get more back to that. That is really important to me.

imagination

As I pointed out in my last blog post, there was a new paper by Subhuti about imagination, that has a lot of things in it. It clarifies a lot of stuff, which is good. It's a bit hard in the beginning to get into, like many of Subhuti's papers, but once I got past the cultural history of why were are a bit dead in the imagination at this point, which was true but somehow made it hard to get going on the essay for me, the essay hit on a lot of interesting point.



I've become more interested in the Jungian, imaginative world lately, reading Endless Path, which is wonderful in many ways, and because I've been reading The World Is A Waiting Lover, which is an interesting memoir and and journey into the self. Trebbe Johnson fell absolutely in love with someone even though she was in her 50's, happily married, and she rationally knew it wasn't the thing to pursue. Her husband was quite the trooper and didn't stand in her way, and she went on an interesting journey, where she comes to the idea that in many ways we're not open to our world because we get scared. She's very much into vision quests and connecting with the environment. Anyway, I'm simplifying and not really doing justice to a book my friend told me about on retreat. My friend told the story really well, and then wove in his own stories and it was really cool. He's met Trebbe Johnson and you can too if you want to go on a trip with her. I think I might want to do a School of Lost Borders adult vision fast if I can ever gather the money and time together.

Supposedly the Jungian institute in NYC is the most expensive. I didn't go to the most expensive, nor have I had a Jungian analysis, but I am interested in this line of thinking.



So this paper coming out seemed well timed in my life, encouraging me to pursue a line of interest: Imagining the Buddha. I was once at a day retreat where we were told to go outside and imagine the Buddha was walking with you. I remember feeling a huge awesomeness, something really large, profound, overwhelming and yet gentle and kind.

Also in working with the TBC Puja, and the 7 moods, in the first one is worship and I've thought about pampering the Buddhas, an assemblage of archetypal and historical Buddhas and great Buddhists. I imagined washing and feeding them, caring for them.

You've probably heard the story of Tibetans going to a museum and prostrating before a rupa. I've always wanted to do some big devotional thing in front of a Buddha at a museum to freak people out because it might not be expected at a museum.

Another point I enjoyed reading from Subhuti and Sangharakshita, was the idea that enlightenment must be a goal for someone wishing to join the order. I've heard many friends say something like, "well, I don't know about enlightenment, but I want to be more mindful and kind." I suppose that's alright, and not bad. But to me that's like wanting to go to an amusement park and not wanting to go on the biggest and baddest roller coaster. Of course you have to do the biggest and baddest roller coaster when you go to the amusement park. Not that the spiritual life is like going to an amusement park.

Of course it's scary to imagine, the countless lives it took even Gotama to become enlightened, if the Jataka tales are to be believed literally. It might even seem over confident to imagine you could become enlightened, or even weird considering I don't really put in the time meditating right now being sick, working and having children. You have to bust ass, if you'll excuse the profanity. There's talk of a rubber band snapping back, you have to break through somehow. That is scary. But becoming a stream entrant is seen to be possible in a lifetime, a realistic goal. Break the first three fetters, and you've created a certain kind of momentum that won't be shaken.

Now if you're not so sure about rebirth, like I am, then you've kind of got to do it Milarepa-like in one lifetime, which makes things even harder. I can't say I know it's not true, and I have to keep an open mind because my spiritual betters often talk about it, but I have no experience of it myself.

There is a part of me that feels that just closing the distance is important, whether or not I actually achieve the goal might not matter, and being very goal oriented makes you not achieve the goal apparently. So on one level, I do just feel good moving in that direction, but you can't get rid of enlightenment, you can't just say moving in a positive direction because then it's just a glorified self help movement without the transcendental.

In the ordination verses, you accept ordination for the sake of enlightenment, so that's a key part of the acceptance verses.

So for many reasons, and ones I don't even know about, imagining enlightenment is important.

new paper

There's a new paper by Sangharakshita and Subhuti that I've been reading.

The paper is about a lot of things centering around the use of imagination in the spiritual life.

The way I think about enlightenment, the best way I can make sense of it from my unenlightened perspective, is that enlightenment is creative and not reactive. It takes imagination to be creative and not reactive. The imagination is very active in creativity, because you have to be able to imagine without confining habits.

So as far as I know they don't say that in the essay, but that puts this essay in context for me. I'm reading the essay slowly because my life is fractured, and because it's a difficult essay at times.

I found the part below quoted interesting. He writes here something that was very similar to what I wrote the other day:

"Of course it is very difficult to feel the life in nature when living in the midst of a great city, in which the natural world has been held at bay – albeit overflowing with other humans. The whole trend of life today towards technologically mediated experience in the artificial environment of a city alienates us further and further from the natural world and therefore from our innate empathy with it." (p. 16-17)

trip to Chinatown NYC

I went to Chinatown to help a friend look for a Kuan Yin. We found quite a few from $300 to $25, but she didn't find any she liked. I found a few stores I might like to look in when I'm looking for my next rupa. Rupa means form, and that is what they call a statue. So we went rupa hunting.

We saw a lot of Buddhist organizations, at least 4. None seem to be inviting when I looked in, they felt ethnic, they had signs that I could not read. I love my order, but after that the most welcoming place I've been to is the Ch'an Center in Elmhurst Queens.

further musings

On retreat finding a feather is like finding a gift from the sky, from the ancient past. Birds are what's left of dinosaurs. They are ancient survivors. Forget how puny we are in the universe of space, think how puny we are in time.

I forgot to mention the TBC Eco Dharma center. I just know what's on the website, but I hear this is a leading new cutting edge organization in the the TBC.

Musings

I watched Grizzly Man yesterday, a documentary on a Timothy Treadwell who spent time with Grizzlies in Alaska. While a fascinating character, the story is a tragedy because he and his girlfriend get eaten by a bear, and the bear is killed as well. One fellow interviewed said that bears and humans are not supposed to mix, and Treadwell himself says he should camp out in the open to the bears can see him and steer clear of him. I thought the fact that he had terrible substance abuse problems until he went camping in the wilderness, that his mission of helping the bears was part of his recovery from substance abuse. In a way, that puts his efforts into context. The horrible thing of it was that his girlfriend also gets eaten and you can hear him saying, "run, get away," and she obviously chose to try and save him at the cost of her life. She didn't really believe in his mission, but payed the ultimate price, her life. It's a fascinating documentary and Werner Herzog does a good job of making a film of it.

(I think of all the lovely nature films, like Winged Migration, and then I think of the films and books where human hubris is explored like Into Thin Air and Into The Wilderness. The Edge talks about dying of freight in the wilderness.)

Then today I'm reading chapter 6 of Endless Path by Rafe Martin, an excellent book. The book is organized around the ten paramitas, and Jataka Tales. I read the crow jataka, where a crow poops on the "holy" man, who then says the solution to a problem is to kill crows. There's another element in the tale where a woman guarding the grain wants to keep a goat away for good and causes a fire that hurts the elephants. In a way, the tale is about human hubris and the animal world.

I felt the connection between Grizzly Man and the crow jataka, that of human hubris.

I love nature and live in a big city. The people who love nature and then carve out a house and road where there was none before may love nature, and will be in it more by doing that, but ultimately they hurt the wilderness by living in it. I think the single best thing you can do for the environment is live in the city.

Now there's a problem with living in a city. Living in the city you get alienated from nature. Getting in the car, and driving two hours for a hike doesn't exactly help the environment either, but it does restore a connection a little bit.

When I go to rural places, I experience some people as a bit wacky, they have a kind of grandiosity of not rubbing up against a lot of people, like you do in the city (not everyone of course, no more than the city, but wackiness takes on a different flaver where ever you are).

Take a look through a telescope and you get a sense of your place in the universe. We are puny, my friend says. It's hard to get our minds around that. And I've also heard it said you need a little bit of grandiosity to get out of bed every day.

So in a way, I see the Tredwell story as one of suffering. We don't really know why he turned to drugs, as an athletic B student who came second to Woody Harrelson for that part in cheers. In the candid shots, he seems to take the grizzly situation to extremes, and wonders why women don't like him. He takes multiple takes, like he's some kind of actor. I see his suffering and attempts to make a life. Certainly devoting himself to the grizzlies was better than having substance abuse problems, but he took it to an odd and tragic place, that led to the death of his girlfriend as well.

I think of Rich Bass book where he looks through scat to see if he can find evidence of grizzlies in Colorado. This is a more realistic idea. You can get out in nature and have a good time without drifting past the line. Treadwell keeps saying he's humble, but was he really humble invading the bears space, trying to have a relationship with a wild animal and the way he was always filming himself, the way he pit himself against others?!



In the Wise Crow Jataka, the king honors the crow leader, and puts an end to the crow slaughter and even offers to have the crow lead his kingdom with him. The crow wisely does not accept the offer.

As snow tumbles past my window, I feel humility in the face of nature. New York City was paralyzed by a blizzard a few weeks ago. I pay humble respect to the forces of nature. On my shrine is a view from Algonquin in the Adirondacks, it reminds me of a lovely backpacking trip that I took with a dear friend.

Try to connect with nature in the least invasive way, and think about the environment, the larger picture of connectivity. We are all interconnected. I sincerely hope our environment hurting behaviors are not some run away train that we cannot stop. I really hope my children don't live in a kind of Mad Max or Waterworld kind of world. Pick any future disaster dystopia scifi film. We are beginning to imagine other ways, of stopping this run away train. The earth will eventually be swallowed by the expanding sun, as it goes supernova, but until then I would like my children's children to live in a beautiful world in harmony.

parinervana

Metropolitan Museum of Art New York City

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Final comment

I've been reading Living As A River for a while, and I finish it on New Year's Day. I started it on a camping trip, I've read it on retreat, and through various times in my life. It's a deep and relentless book that pounds away at important Buddha-Dharma points.

I find it refreshing that elements of parenting were seen as a spiritual opportunity and not just a hindrance to the spiritual life. Perhaps we are truly building a "neither monastic nor lay" movement.

As he writes about developing a vision as one of the ways we develop spiritually, I suddenly had the feeling that I needed to do a puja. For me the TBC Sevenfold Puja is my mission statement (Which can be found on this page). It's derived from Santideva's Bodhicaryavatāra, a great Mahayana text.

So I vote for this book as the best book of 2010, as 2011 starts and I have a renewed sense of purpose, as I reflect on my life on New Year's Day. May you all be happy, may you all be well.