Early morning

Huang Er Chuan

My best routine is to wake up, read some, and meditate. Today I read Anamatagga Samuta (see below SN 15.3)

It's a full moon today. When the Buddha was alive, at one point, he told the monks to scatter, and teach the Dharma. Perhaps the area could not support so many monks easily. But they would gather on a full moon, stay up all night discussing the dharma. The popularity of the Dharma where the Buddha taught it is in contrast to the vicious battling of doctrines of Jesus. The Life of Brian captures it.

I had an image of a father meditating with his two daughters. One daughter meditated smooshed alongside the father. In a way, I do that with the Buddha. 

In my Buddhanasati, remembrance of the Buddha, I imagine the Buddha inviting me to meditate at a tree nearby him. He beckons me to meditate.

I always struggle with the neutral in metta, my attention easily wanders away from someone I little hate or love. But I also struggle with the enemy, the person I am in discord with. I think about the woman who would not stop honking even though I asked her to because my daughter was sleeping upstairs. She perhaps isn't confident backing out of the street, which is what I do when someone is blocking the street too long. But I forgive her easily, it was so long ago. People just have traits I despise in myself, like Trump's transparent narcissism. I loathe that in myself. So I can hate the traits I disown, and pretend are not part of me. But I can even forgive those. What is the true enemy? Is it my lack of willpower to meditate every day? That's even easy to forgive. I think metta really does work.

SN 15.3 Assu Sutta: Tears

At Savatthi. "Bhikkhus, this samsara is without discoverable beginning. A first point is not discerned of beings roaming and wandering on hindered by ignorance and fettered by craving What do you think, bhikkhus, which is more: the stream of tears that you have shed as you roamed and wandered on through this long course, weeping and wailing because of being united with the disagreeable and separated from the agreeable-this or the water in the four great oceans?"

"As we understand the Dhamma taught by the Blessed One, venerable sir, the stream of tears that we have shed as we roamed and wandered through this long course, weeping and wailing because of being united with the disagreeable and separated from the agreeable-this alone is more than the water in the four great oceans."

"Good, good, bhikkhus! It is good that you understand the Dhamma taught by me in such a way. The stream of tears that you have shed as you roamed and wandered through this long course, weeping and wailing because of being united with the disagreeable and separated from the agreeable-this alone is ​more than the water in the four great oceans. For a long time, bhikkhus, you have experienced the death of a mother; as you have experienced this, weeping and wailing because of being united with the disagreeable and separated from the agreeable, the stream of tears that you have shed is more than the water in the four great oceans. "

"For a long time, bhikkhus, you have experienced the death of a father ... the death of a brother ... the death of a sister ... the death of a son ... the death of a daughter ... the loss of relatives ... the loss of wealth ... loss through illness; as you have experienced this, weeping and wailing because of being united with the disagreeable and separated from the agreeable, the stream of tears that you have shed is more than the water in the four great oceans. For what reason? Because, bhikkhus, this samsara is without discoverable beginning .... It is enough to experience revulsion towards all formations, enough to become dispassionate towards them, enough to be liberated from them."

Haiku

Haiku isn't necessarily a Buddhist or Zen mode of communication, but you can't help but getting Buddhism with anything created in Japan, one of the countries that punished Christians trying to subvert Buddhism (see Silence 1966 novel by Shūsaku Endō or the 2016 Martin Scorsese film Silence). The samurai influence modern Star Wars movies, there's a hint of Buddhism in that because the samurai come from 12th century Japan.

My father does Haiku and other forms of Japanese poetry, and he just came out with a new book.

So when I saw this Natalie Goldberg book, I jumped at it because I've read Banana Rose. When you look at her publishing list, it's mostly about writing. Anyway, Haiku! Looking forward to read it.

Poem by Thoreau

 

Joy, delight and other positive emotions

I've never heard of Jill Shepherd before, but somehow I got hipped to this podcast. I particularly liked the idea that pain is like velcro and pleasure is like teflon. 

I've noticed that after about 10 minutes my mind settles, and there is a spaciousness. In the mindfulness of breathing, as I settle into my body, I listen for the rapture and bliss of stage 5 and 6 of anapanasati. My hope is to get better at hearing/feeling these subtle feelings. There is a kind of opening up of the positive side.

Shepherd talks about surprise at opening up to the positive side of meditation because of people's questions when she became a teacher, and how she was prone to focusing on the ascetic aspects, but that it was the Buddha abandoning the ascetic path that allowed him to have his memory of Dhyana. 

Links

Scroll down for her bio.

She's not to be confused with 2007 Miss Utah.

Grogu and refuge tree

This is the opening of Barak Obama's presidential memoir, which I'm reading right now.

 

I know "the force" isn't exactly Buddhism, it's more like the Zen influenced Samurai, but I like Grogu, even if he eats frog eggs and frogs. My daughter got one for Buddhamas and I put it on my shrine because she didn't watch Mandalorian and I have. It's kind of funny to me, but also expresses that when Star Wars came out in 1977 and I was 10 years old, I really liked it, and the hero's journey is important to me. I know all the stuff since Empire Strikes Back has been watered down milking of a franchise, but I still enjoy Star Wars stuff.

The refuge tree is more important to me, size wise. My preceptor gave me the refuge tree. I appreciate our time together even if we are estranged at the moment. 

The Friend by Sigrid Nunez

I'm reading Sigrid Nunez's The Friend and she's describing a woman she knew who was a good writer, but took a meditation retreat, and lost her interest in writing fiction for others. Never heard of that, but

Happy Buddhamas

 

Reading up on Yule

I'm a Buddhist who loves mythology, anthropology, Jungian archetypes, non-Jungian archetypes, and all kinds of thinking, not just emotional or rational.

Wikipedia Is German about the collective female spirit Dis, and for Anglo-Saxons it's Mōdraniht.

The Dises by Dorothy Hardy

For the Celts they had Des Matrona

For Anglo-Saxons it's Mōdraniht, or Mother Night. For the Romans it was Saturnalia.

The tradition is Dongzhi in China and throughout Asia. There is a connection to yin and yang. 

Makar Sankranti in Hindu India, which is January 14/15.

Yaldā Night in Iran, where they can read Hafez, the height of Persian literature, late into the night.

Vegan memes

 

 

Poem

I sit and Look Out by Walt Whitman

I sit and look out upon all the sorrows of the world, and upon all oppression and shame 

I hear secret convulsive sobs from young men at anguish with themselves, remorseful after deeds done,

I see in low life the mother misused by her children, dying, neglected, gaunt, desperate 

I see the wife misused by her husband, I see the treacherous seducer of young women 

I mark the ranklings of jealousy and unrequited love attempted to be hid, I see these sights on the earth 

I see the workings of battle, pestilence, tyranny, I see martyrs and prisoners, 

I observe a famine at sea, I observe the sailors casting lots who shall be kill’d to preserve the lives of the rest 

I observe the slights and degradations cast by arrogant persons upon laborers, the poor, and upon negroes and the like;

All these-all the meanness and agony without end I sitting looking out upon,

See, hear, and am silent.

Book of the Year 2020

My Dharma reading has focused more on the Pali Canon, but I did read a wonderful book called The Circle of the Way, and it filled me in on historical Buddhist figures I'd never heard of before.

The meaning of Buddhamas

We make up the world with our minds. Syncretism is the one true religion. We weave together a bunch of traditions that we experienced. I grew up in a Christian tradition. I pulled a Christmas tree down on me as a toddler. I remember the joy and wonder of an electric train set. 

On one level it's a celebration to stave off the depression of winter solstice. Saturnalia, and our pagan roots were co-opted by Christianity. 

Winter equinox is different for every location on this earth. We choose time zones so we can find a common time. With 5 time zones, we choose it as a country to focus on the 25th of December. Also there are north and south issues, Florida is sub-tropical and inland north, you can get quite brutal winter conditions. Where you are is important. I spent an Xmas with a friend and his family in England when I did my year abroad and I'm forever grateful to him for inviting me. Very kind.

Then I guessed that Santa Clause didn't exist. The disappointment in my grandmother's face. The loss of innocence. 

I was a jerk about a present I didn't like from my uncle. He was nice enough to think of me, and I wasn't mature about it. 

Then there is the turn, watching others and thinking of others. Turning towards generosity. I struggled with that and gave my first wife crappy presents. 

One time at the at the institute for psychotherapy the teacher asked if anyone didn't like the holiday season. Nobody raised their hands, so I raised my hand to just say something. I disliked the obligatoriness of gift giving. The teacher said I was selfish. Merry christmas to him, my present to him was to give him that smugness. 

In 2002 I shifted from atheist to Buddhist. Bodhi Day celebrates the Buddha enlightenment on December 8th. I read the Dharma, meditate, try to teach my daughter about Buddhism, and congregate with sangha when not in a pandemic. I suppose I try to keep that going.

Another tradition is making merry and feasting. I'm an alcoholic and a drug abuser, so I can no longer imbibe in alcohol or marijuana. That's another loss of innocence, of sorts. I was not up to facing life sober, and it caused a lot of trouble. I have mental health issues, depression. Alcohol doesn't help that either but it seemed to get me through challenging times. There's a part of me that still misses the ability to numb myself during the holidays, even though I know that is forbidden to me now. 

The lack of sun triggers a kind of seasonal affective disorder. Celebrating during the winter solstice is hypomanic response to this challenge. Let's make merry in a sober way. Kiss the joys as they pass by. 

My 4 year old daughter's mother wants her to know she's buying the presents, not Santa Clause. 

Because negative reinforcement isn't the best, Krampusnacht isn't emphasized. I told my daughter since she's a good girl, Krampus didn't come get her. 

We had elf on a shelf for my sons, not sure what they got out of that. 

I kind of worry about my daughter's greed, but it's fairly innocent. I look forward to watching her open all her presents. 

My stepfather is a secular Jew, so we also had a menorah. The festival of lights. I live on the edge of a Jewish neighborhood in NYC. So we are not just in a Christian atmosphere, there are other Abrahamic religions. Muslims are about. I forget the number I saw, but there are many religious festivals around this time and my awareness of that leads me to say "happy holidays". 

As a Buddhist, we have a tree, and will be giving my daughter presents. It's a special time of the year. 

I was watching Community, where Abed's mother can't meet with him, and he must find a new meaning of Christmas. Every year I find a meaning of Buddhamas. These are my thoughts this year. 

I have lots of great memories, and for that I am truly grateful. I've led a lucky life. A pivotal movie is It's A Wonderful Life. Would the world be a better place without you? Of course not. Sometimes the dark undertow can threaten to sweep me out into depressive waters, but in my heart I know I am worthwhile, and I provide goodness into the world. We have a negativity bias, because that helps us to survive, but in the end I am a net good person. 

I am very grateful for so many things, but during the holiday season it's for family. I love my family. Just like winter solstice, the point at which you experience it is different for everyone, so to, the point in a family is different for everyone. From the youngest to the oldest, in those near and those far. Family isn't just blood relatives, it's also friends. 

I'll kiss the delights as they pass by this year. 

May everyone be happy, may everyone be well. 

Bodhi Day December 8th 2020

The day before Bodhi Day, I meditated metta (universal lovingkindness). I realized (again and again and again) the hard one was neutral. I spin off quite easily. But recently I'd seen that a 16 year old never went to online class without his infant sibling on their lap. I thought of all the teenagers who the weight of responsibility has shifted to, because of the circumstances of Covid.

For me, the enemy is usually my shadow, the pervert, liar, power mode instead of love mode, exploiter, insensitive, unempathetic, stupid. I hate in others traits that I have in myself. I wrote a friend who I'd complains and complained about Trump, how I was like him.

Life happened slower with the Buddha. There were fewer screens. He had very different circumstances. But we can do what he did. We can meditate to gain insight into our own suffering and work to transcend the normal. 

The Buddha became enlightened. December 8th we celebrate that. May all being be happy may all being be well.

I listened to a talk by Bob Thurman on abuses, and thought it was a really good talk.

Links:

NPR with Takashi Miyaji: Miyaji is a Shin Buddhist Professor. They have a special service in Shin Buddhism, where they chant. He chants on the 6 minute interview.

Happy Krampusnacht

 

Tonight the Krampus roams about punishing naughty children.

My daughter reports Krampus didn't visit her. She's a good girl.

Parade