The meaning of Buddhamas

We make up the world with our minds. Syncretism is the one true religion. We weave together a bunch of traditions that we experienced. I grew up in a Christian tradition. I pulled a Christmas tree down on me as a toddler. I remember the joy and wonder of an electric train set. 

On one level it's a celebration to stave off the depression of winter solstice. Saturnalia, and our pagan roots were co-opted by Christianity. 

Winter equinox is different for every location on this earth. We choose time zones so we can find a common time. With 5 time zones, we choose it as a country to focus on the 25th of December. Also there are north and south issues, Florida is sub-tropical and inland north, you can get quite brutal winter conditions. Where you are is important. I spent an Xmas with a friend and his family in England when I did my year abroad and I'm forever grateful to him for inviting me. Very kind.

Then I guessed that Santa Clause didn't exist. The disappointment in my grandmother's face. The loss of innocence. 

I was a jerk about a present I didn't like from my uncle. He was nice enough to think of me, and I wasn't mature about it. 

Then there is the turn, watching others and thinking of others. Turning towards generosity. I struggled with that and gave my first wife crappy presents. 

One time at the at the institute for psychotherapy the teacher asked if anyone didn't like the holiday season. Nobody raised their hands, so I raised my hand to just say something. I disliked the obligatoriness of gift giving. The teacher said I was selfish. Merry christmas to him, my present to him was to give him that smugness. 

In 2002 I shifted from atheist to Buddhist. Bodhi Day celebrates the Buddha enlightenment on December 8th. I read the Dharma, meditate, try to teach my daughter about Buddhism, and congregate with sangha when not in a pandemic. I suppose I try to keep that going.

Another tradition is making merry and feasting. I'm an alcoholic and a drug abuser, so I can no longer imbibe in alcohol or marijuana. That's another loss of innocence, of sorts. I was not up to facing life sober, and it caused a lot of trouble. I have mental health issues, depression. Alcohol doesn't help that either but it seemed to get me through challenging times. There's a part of me that still misses the ability to numb myself during the holidays, even though I know that is forbidden to me now. 

The lack of sun triggers a kind of seasonal affective disorder. Celebrating during the winter solstice is hypomanic response to this challenge. Let's make merry in a sober way. Kiss the joys as they pass by. 

My 4 year old daughter's mother wants her to know she's buying the presents, not Santa Clause. 

Because negative reinforcement isn't the best, Krampusnacht isn't emphasized. I told my daughter since she's a good girl, Krampus didn't come get her. 

We had elf on a shelf for my sons, not sure what they got out of that. 

I kind of worry about my daughter's greed, but it's fairly innocent. I look forward to watching her open all her presents. 

My stepfather is a secular Jew, so we also had a menorah. The festival of lights. I live on the edge of a Jewish neighborhood in NYC. So we are not just in a Christian atmosphere, there are other Abrahamic religions. Muslims are about. I forget the number I saw, but there are many religious festivals around this time and my awareness of that leads me to say "happy holidays". 

As a Buddhist, we have a tree, and will be giving my daughter presents. It's a special time of the year. 

I was watching Community, where Abed's mother can't meet with him, and he must find a new meaning of Christmas. Every year I find a meaning of Buddhamas. These are my thoughts this year. 

I have lots of great memories, and for that I am truly grateful. I've led a lucky life. A pivotal movie is It's A Wonderful Life. Would the world be a better place without you? Of course not. Sometimes the dark undertow can threaten to sweep me out into depressive waters, but in my heart I know I am worthwhile, and I provide goodness into the world. We have a negativity bias, because that helps us to survive, but in the end I am a net good person. 

I am very grateful for so many things, but during the holiday season it's for family. I love my family. Just like winter solstice, the point at which you experience it is different for everyone, so to, the point in a family is different for everyone. From the youngest to the oldest, in those near and those far. Family isn't just blood relatives, it's also friends. 

I'll kiss the delights as they pass by this year. 

May everyone be happy, may everyone be well.