So many rich teachings, you can get indigestion. Don't get gout from your spiritual consumption.

"Don't' quit before the miracle." Now I don't buy into the the whole Christian scheme of things, but I do like it as a metaphor. A miracle is something that happens that we don't quite understand how, but we really like it. That's a crucial aspect to a miracle. We don't understand quite a lot of things, but when something really good happens we want to understand how, so we can make it happen again.

NYCFC had an amazing come from behind, end of game winning goal. For the long suffering fan--I say that sarcastically because the team is only in it's 6th season--but for someone who has watched live or on TV the 159 MLS regular season games, plus 10 so far this year, plus playoff (mostly losses) and US Open cup and CCL games. Materialistic Yankee fans are used to 27 championships, but I'm a Mets fan with 2 championships. Yankees fans call up WFAN and ask for a trade for Mike Trout when they lose a few games. An original 6, the Rangers only have 4 Stanley Cups. The Islanders got 4 in a row in the 80's. 

Atlanta United has a MLS Cup, but NYCFC doesn't. The hopes of a fan are bound to be dashed. You can't always win. I was watching NYCFC play. They have great passes, they link up, build up an attack, but often flounder and can't get a goal. That is soccer, not just NYCFC. Real Madrid, the greatest soccer team, has that happen all the time. My team Barcelona even more. Batting in baseball is a great example. If you hit 2 out of 10, you're almost out of the league, but if you hit 3 out of 10 you're a great player. In between those two results is all of baseball. Well, Ty Cobb hit .366 lifetime, so he hit better than 7 out of 20, but he played last in 1928. Shoeless Joe Jackson is the only other player to hit over .350 lifetime. But I digress. Sports is about coping with failure more than it is about triumph.

I think the suffering also creates the joy of an amazing comeback win. NYCFC has had some hard losses to DC and NE. But they beat DC yesterday in an amazing comeback win. 

Plastic fans tuned out, quit watching at 80 minutes. Plastic fans wrote on Reddit, "should I watch the game?" And my feeling is "Don't quit before the miracle." 

Sports are a distraction, but it's a parallel that I respond to regarding practicing Buddhism.

 

"With great power comes great responsibility" Meditation and psychotherapy can integrate you, help you learn to process your emotions, give you confidence. But you can use those things to be more ruthless, or follow the Sith path. This is why I think ethics is the first teaching in Buddhism, the heart of Buddhism. And not because I'm some perfect moralist--I'm actually giving advice to myself here. Ethics is the groundwork of everything. I love the positive precepts because it's about what to do, not what not to do: With deeds of loving-kindness I purify my body.

Worldly winds and Scott Stringer: Trump can argue with Epstein about who raped the 16 year old girl tied up in the bedroom first, Biden can stick his finger inside a woman without her consent, and they're president. Scott Stringer grabbed his girlfriend, and 20 years later she felt the need to tell everyone during his campaign for mayor, and his lifetime dreams are dashed. There's an article about it in the NY Times. Life is about coping with the worldly winds. Lets see what he does from here. How do you handle setbacks and adversity. It's quite possible the person who wins will be miserable. de Blasio has been crucified while Mayor of NYC. One of the central teachings of Christianity is to not be taken up by superficiality, you will be crucified in this life in a million different ways. You have to look past superficialities. When people use superficial Christianity to manipulate the masses it drives people crazy, but it works. Public opinion should not lead us, that is a paradox of democracy. We need integrity in our leaders, not poll followers, but if you don't at least look at the polls you're going to instantly be to unpopular to succeed in politics. It's all contradictory dialectics. People take a teaching intended for a certain kind of personality at a certain point in the path and they say, "oh, that's not true, that's too weird, therefore the whole of the teachings are not true." It's not always easy to take things the right way. So many rich teachings, you can get indigestion. Don't get gout from your spiritual consumption.

"First of all, I'm taller." AOC points out reality to MTG's comment that she's a "little communist". The facts are pretty inconvenient to the Trump led Republican party, they undermine the sales pitch, the scam. You can raise to the highest office in this country even if you're a business failure, you cheat charities to steal money from the needy, and rape your way through life. Everyone else is an object of your gratification, not subjects with feelings of their own. I hate Trump because he has the traits in myself that I hate. He's represents my shadow, America's shadow.

Being reality oriented seems to be a dying art these days. I got injured, but not at work, but everyone told me to get workers comp, though I was a chump for being honest. It takes more energy to enforce compliance with the laws, our society relies on people following the rules. Driving on the right side of the road (in the USA) is a rule we follow easily because it just doesn't profit to break the rule, but you bet when you can profit from breaking the rules, that's what people do in a greedy materialist society. Is the phone you're reading this on built on the child slave labor of children in poor countries? You say you love animals, do you eat them too?

Yes, you can joke about going to hell because you drank almond milk, make fun of the "woke culture". Go ahead, stay selfish and fend off all those worrying qualms. I think that is why Trump can suggest to men to grab women by the pussy, even if they are married, and he's still been a one term president of the USA. Nobody cares, nobody is paying attention. 

The idea of power is more attractive than the idea of integral sustainable growth, lovingkindness. What a nightmare when things I have done, were done to me, and they seem wrong now that I'm on the other side. We're just waking up to the gap in empathy with others and how important it is. Tissa can criticize others, but can't take criticism about himself. You wake up one day to find yourself a cockroach. Pema Chodron made a living out of beating the drum: Start where you are. Where you really are, shedding the narcissistic story you need to get out of bed. When you read the lofty statements from evolved beings, you can mouth the same insights, and nothing happens. You need to feel the words in your body, you have to do the work to even understand it in your body. Real compassion is an ongoing struggle. You can hide away in a monastery, you can indulge in spiritual individualism, but the harder path, the path the Buddha took, is to move out into the world with your insights. 

That's why a lot of people quit psychotherapy or meditation. They take a look and don't like what they see. So just stop looking. 

The teaching that it's better to stick your dick into a snake's mouth, doesn't get much press. Chastity is probably the least taught aspect of Buddhism. John Wellwood isn't going to make it rich teaching about spiritual bypassism, people want more sexy teachings, to reinforce your lifestyle. What I appreciate about reading Sangharakshita is that it's quite challenging--not intellectually, though there is that too but to actually do. Deep teachings that hurt, are the opposite of superficiality, quitting before the miracle, the worldly winds, pragmatic lying.

Tissa

The Buddha's cousin is sitting there, "...miserable, sorrowful, with tears streaming down..." The other monk's sharp words towards him have hurt him. The Buddha points out that he can admonist others, but can't take it back. He supposedly utters the following poem:

“Why are you angry? Don’t be angry!

It’s better to not be angry, Tissa.

For this spiritual life is lived

in order to remove anger, conceit, and denigration.” (SN 21 9)

Tissa is fragile, brittle, can't take criticism, but he likes to criticize others. 

Tissa is the Buddha's cousin. In another episode (SN 22 84 (Sujato)

, Thanissaro Bhikkhu) he feels drugged with sloth and torpor. The Buddha teaches him about the lust for the aggregates, the 5 skandhas, a basic foundational teaching. The Buddha compared the untutored person with one who practices the Dharma. The Buddha is there to guide Tissa. "Rejoice, Tissa, rejoice! I’m here to advise you, to support you, and to teach you.” And I guess Tissa is inspired, and goes back to his dedicated practice.

It's a glimpse of the Buddha pushing people to keep going. The Buddha can guide us too, with the preserved words and stories. We can support each other on this difficult journey. That is the hope for sangha, and why I take refuge in the sangha jewel. It's the opportunity to give to others, focus them, inspire them, reinforce them. Sometimes you need help from others.

Do you agree with this quote from the Dalai Lama?

 "...all religions are in general agreement. They all teach love, compassion, forgiveness, nonharm, contentment, self-discipline and generosity." From Approaching The Buddhist Path by The Dalai Lama and Thubten Chodron.

I don't really agree with that. I think a lot of so-called Christians don't believe in nonharm, and have practiced the opposite. Prime examples are the Crusades, to voting for Trump who did nothing to stop the spread of Covid that has killed 600K so far. People quibble about what percentage of those deaths are responsible for the inaction of a leader, but to me his holding the Bible up represents the death cult aspect.

I think there are many pagan religions that are willing to do harm. 

Before monotheism you prayed to a god in hopes that they would favor you, give you more power, and hurt your enemies. Whoever have the more powerful god won the war. Mostly though you hoped to not get trampled in the doings of the gods, like an ant. 

I think love was a later addition to the Bible. 

I'm not sure if the sectarian elements, the proselytizing elements are about contentment.

I wish all religions thought that way. I wish there were not so many counter examples. 

You could say that priests raping the young isn't a religious act, it's a worldly act, and doesn't touch spirituality, but they do use the word religion, and not spirituality, so I think religion has to bear the weight of actions done by it's representatives. That the church shielded, avoided justice, has meant it is now dealing with financial crushing, and the loss of real estate and influence.

The sexual scandals in Buddhism has crushed it's authority in America, and makes it seem like a sex cult. 

To say "True Religion" is to add an ad hoc wiggle. Either religion is what the people do in the name of it, or I don't even know what it is. It's not what you say, it's what you do. Are people imperfect and sinners? That's a version of Christianity. OK, so we're all sinners. Do the Christian sinners behave any better than others of other religions or atheists or non-religious people? Not sure how you would measure that. Do religions bind communities, provide support--quite often. There are many good aspects to religion, I'm not saying they're all horrible. I'm just not sure I agree with that quote.

Embracing the devil, or Mara in Buddhism, is about owning your shadow, not pretending that the dark side is isn't present. Padmasambhava pinned the local demons down, to get Buddhism into Tibet. You look at them in the full light of day, accept them, and work with them to act in your own best interest, in the interest of your community.

Now I am not giving the full quote. Here is the full quote, it makes more sense:

There are two aspects to each religion: one is transformation of the mind or heart, and the other is the philosophy that supports that transformation. I believe that in terms of transforming human beings’ minds and hearts, all religions are in general agreement. They all teach love, compassion, forgiveness, nonharm, contentment, self-­discipline, and generosity. No matter the religion, a person who practices it sincerely will develop these qualities. In every religion, we see many examples of ethical and warm-­hearted people who benefit others.The difference among religions occurs mainly in the area of philosophy.

What does it mean to be a man?

There are those that go deeper into the mystery of transitioning from female into male. They have information for us. Thomas Page McBee writes about his experiences in the NY Times, and it's an interesting read. Here are some quotes I liked (with commentary):

"I was a man and I was born trans, and I could hold both of those realities without an explanation that could be written on the back of a napkin."

Trans experience invites us to challenge conventional and easy narratives.

"Lost jobs and a slow recovery from the Great Recession created a shake-up of gender roles in homes and workplaces across the country, leading to what some experts termed a “masculinity crisis” — a widening educational achievement gap between boys and girls, the high rate of male suicides and other “deaths of despair,” and single women dropping out of the marriage market rather than partnering with low-earning men. It all led to much gender anxiety and hand-wringing. What, I wondered, might it mean to ask a new question: What makes a man, at all?"

Buyer beware.

"...if we found ourselves at all, it was often in others’ bad translations..."

Who wants that? Seems reasonable. We all want to be happy, minimize suffering. That's a basic connection.

"We are, all of us, in a constant stage of negotiation with the political and cultural forces attempting to shape us into simple, translatable packages."

Yes, yes, yes.

"What might it mean for all parents if “mother” and “father” were not such distinct categories in child-rearing?"

Yes, yes, yes.

"Despite the growing interest in our lives over the past decade, being the trans flag bearers of the “future of gender” usually made us the subjects, not the authors, of our narratives."

We write our own narratives.

About media coverage: "“Don’t look at them as a monster,” suggested the wife of a trans woman in a network TV news story."

Yesh, the media coverage proves how uptight our thinking is.

"Today, only three in 10 Americans say they know a trans person, and experts and advocates twin the continuing epidemic of violence against trans people (especially Black trans women and other trans women of color) with those dehumanizing portrayals of our lives." 

Comment: Remember when Ross Perot said he didn't know anyone who was gay--that is much more prevalent. Gender critical feminists don't accept transwomen in their space because their experience is that they are too pushy and insistent, like a man, and they want women only spaces. I had a similar experience when I was working with male to female trans who insisted I wanted them--I was seeking to work with them as a psychotherapist and whether or not I was attracted to them (I was not) would not be acted on anyway. I was tempted to work with this population, but the accusations and insistence wasn't pleasant. I know intellectually that when oppressed populations try to get out of the victim position, they often fall into a victimizer position. And I did have one patient who seemed present and open to the process. And I felt very strongly for one patient who struggle to live outside jail, away from the privileged position she had in jail as the girlfriend of the top dog. 

Every year they read out the names of all the trans people who died that year in NYC at City Hall. It's quite harrowing, the violence, they don't often die of "natural causes", violence is often present, and the violence of poor medical treatment, and the self violence of suicide. Not a lot of media coverage about that--many people's underlying feeling is probably--"good". We need to confront that aspect of the death cult.

"...violence against trans people continues to hit record highs, with 2020 being the deadliest on record"

Not sure why that isn't the lead in every trans story.

"“Am I sexist?” As a newcomer to this fraught landscape, I reckoned with my own masculinity in a very public experiment: I learned how to box, spending months grappling with other men in a Manhattan boxing gym, learning the rituals of the men’s locker room and asking sociologists and biologists and psychologists every “beginner’s mind” question I had about masculinity along the way. I became the first trans man to fight in Madison Square Garden."

Women box too, but is pugilism an aspect of masculinity? I have not boxed.

“...toxic masculinity” had become part of our national lexicon, and trans and nonbinary artists, advocates and activists were leading powerful conversations about gender diversity, intersectionality and the limitations of the gender binary."

"Dangerous gender-reveal parties sought to reaffirm genitalia as the de facto definition of gender, no matter how many people got hurt or killed in the process"

Yea, that's pretty crazy, right?! As someone who isn't super gender conforming, to witness that is pretty disturbing.

"Trans people who either don’t want or can’t get medical interventions remain vulnerable to both the existential threat of erasure and the often-physical violence of gender policing."

Gender policing is a thing, isn't it. I'm horrified.

"Visibility, of course, is not the same as belonging. Language creates nuance, but not necessarily legislation. Stories save lives and also, paradoxically, endanger them. Seeing ourselves reflected in the broader culture may have given us more models of how to navigate the crushing weight of transphobia, but increased awareness of our existence also inflamed gender fundamentalists, who initiated a moral panic about trans kids duped into gender variance by predatory trans adults. Their rhetoric reminded me of the same sort of anxiety straight people had about gay kids like me in the late ’90s."

Gender fundamentalists is a thing. I'm horrified.

"...supposed “competitive advantage” of trans athletes..."

I kind of believe this one, male to female trans. 

"When I left my doctor’s office that June day in 2011, trans visibility was still a nascent strategy in the struggle for our civil rights. The prevailing advice to trans men on hormone replacement therapy was to focus on “passing” as cisgender men — even if that meant leaving your past behind. According to this myopic logic, being trans was not its own identity so much as a swift journey between two gender poles."

Powerful expression.

[end of quotes]

I read an article that cognitive flexibility isn't measured very well currently by psychology intellectual tests. To me the test in listening to transgender experience is a lesson in cognitive flexibility. I am confronted with something that doesn't slot into my mind easily. Born in the wrong body gender? Is that conception offensive? Why is it offensive, it's not said in the article. What could that even be like? What does that mean? I want to get away from the gender expectations, not rush towards the other one. 

As a man I want to be free to be emotional, dependent, caring, accepting. I don't want to have to assertively thrust myself into leadership and domination. I don't want to be a woman, I just want to be free from the gender police.

I'm OK with people with different experience, and all I want is to hear about other people's experience, not make their experience conform to my expectations. I value different experience, because it tests my cognitive flexibility, proves my empathy. I don't want to be limited to what I can imagine, I want to flow, naturally, unimpeded.

Thank you Thomas Page McBee for sharing your experience and insights!

The dude abides

"This is called, bhikkhus, a noble disciple who neither builds up nor dismantles, but who abides having dismantled; who neither abandons nor clings, but who abides having abandoned; who neither scatters nor amasses, but who abides having scattered; who neither extinguishes nor kindles, but who abides having extinguished." SN 22 79

What is Buddhist Fiction?

I've been following an excellent blog, Buddhist Fiction for quite some time now. I love fiction and I read as many of the books that I can.

Recently r/Buddhism had a post about buddhist fiction. I can't find it now, so maybe it was another subreddit. Anyway, someone recommended The Possibility of an Island, and I read it. I felt like the idea of Buddhism was discussed, and there were interesting questions about cloning and reincarnation, but in the end, I didn't feel like it was a Buddhist book. There were some interesting parallels and I'm glad I read the book, but I don't feel like it was Buddhist Fiction.

Contrast that with Zorba The Greek, where the ideas of Buddhism were seriously considered by the narrator, I felt like that was Buddhist fiction, even though the narrator didn't meditate. 

I honestly don't think the ideas of Buddhism are that interesting. More important, you meditate to expand your mindfulness and all that comes from that, realizing in your body that we're one with everything. Understanding ethics is important for meditation. Understand kindness is easier when we feel interbeing. All the talk and writing is just inspiration to be in a Buddhist zone, to inspire me to meditate, study and commune with my brethren. 

But I still feel like Zorba was buddhist fiction somehow.

Buddha Da is Buddhist fiction because it's a modern person engaging with the ideas of Buddhism. For me that will always form the central example of Buddhist fiction.

Looking at the list on the blog, I've not read that many Buddhist fiction. I'm going to have to try and read more of them.

Impermanence, Impermanence, Impermanence

I don't automatically think impermanence makes pleasure somehow not important. I easily accept that impermanence is true, but that you can't aim for pleasure, I guess you go the middle way, and don't desperately go for pleasure. A hedonist will know all too well how impermanent pleasure is. 

It's OK to enjoy the pleasures of meditation. I can never really be part of a Buddhism that bans music and other enjoyments because somehow seeking pleasure is bad. I do know that when you move towards the middle from asceticism it's a different experience than moving to the middle from hedonism. Kiss the joys as they pass by, is the oft quoted Blake sentiment.

The Triratna culture isn't to talk a lot about impermanence, and some people can become obsessed by it in weird ways. The phrase grabbing the firebrand by the wrong end is used a lot in the TBC when I was hanging around and listening to it. Who knows what has happened in the past 10 years. Even the TBC is impermanent. I read someone on Reddit who didn't even think the cult was Buddhism, but I'm pretty sure it's Buddhist, and while intense movements will have cultish aspects, when some grab the firebrand by the wrong end, I think it's a valid new movement. NKT is also branded for it's newness, as though being a new movement is a bad thing. Time will tell. With Buddhism being more than 2500 years old, there's bound to be some need to update, and there will be flash in the pan sects. In the end, there is a lot of latitude for the insights of Buddhism, the Dharma, to be integrated into different cultures, and to be developed along different lines. IMS is a fascinating movement, creating a lay movement among the Theravada is kind of interesting. The criticism is that it's not much of a sangha, it's more of a teaching vehicle doesn't mean you can't find or create sangha there.

Speaking of impermanence, Beck's Odelay is 25 and Joni Mitchell's Blue is 50. It's hard not to see the transience of pop culture, but I think both of these albums are great, and Blue and Odelay will hopefully live a long time. That later generations are appreciating Blue and Odelay is wonderful. I'm not comparing the two albums, Blue is I think transcendent, and Odelay is a really catchy album rooted in art. 

Anicca is one of the marks of existence. We are always disappointed when good times end (dukkha), and of course this also applies to the self (anatta), it's not impermanent. Giving up "soul" has been hard for me, it's a great metaphor for being deeper, beyond superficiality. 

Hereclitus is famous for saying you can't step into the same river twice. It is this reaction that gets Plato to create his impermanent forms, that reality takes part in.

My mother was lamenting that a friend had severe arthritis and she had to do all the cooking on a vacation she and my pop took with another couple. I think it's a gift when you let others take care of you, and we're only all temporary abled. I'm sure my mother has lost a lot of friends in her life, I know I've lost friends. 

I think every day about my friend Scott Hamilton. (His scholarship fund) My uncle Charles Thanhauser passed away this time of year, years ago now. My grandparents have been a huge loss to me because I used to spend my summers with them. I got to know them as an adult, but I still feel like I was a knucklehead. The difference in ages is a sort of time travel. 

Grief and loss are everywhere, find a house that isn't touched by loss. That's the mustard seed story. 

I think about relationships with people I never see any more, the relationship is dead. Maybe I'll see the person. When I studied special education, I volunteered in the hunter learning lab. One of the teachers downplayed goodbyes, but the professor leading it said not to do that. Denial of ending relationships doesn't give a person a chance to really mourn the loss with the person. We get uncomfortable. How many times have I chosen not to say goodbye?

And then a relationship ended a long time ago, yet I find the tendrils of clinging. I finished up the last of her hemp hearts. She's going camping with my daughter, and I feel something about them going without me? I have no right to invite myself on the trip. So what if camping was our thing. That is over now. And yet the tendrils of clinging teach me of another opportunity to let go. Letting go turns out to be quite a skill.

My health and beauty fade. My grandfather wouldn't stop talking about death, it was quite annoying. One of my grandmothers thought she would be an angel with wings, and I hope that is true, I hope she believed that enough to get comfort from the idea. My daughter graduated from preschool, and it signals that I'm that much closer to my end. Everything is a signal of our own end. Death isn't talked a lot about in our society, as though pretending it's not there helps us to reconcile with the impermanence of our very own life. The Denial of Death is a root text for me. It won the Pulitzer Prize in 1973. While it's not a Dharma book, it's more about the psychology of Otto Rank, it opens up into the modern culture about impermanence of life, in the fairly current social context. 

You really don't need to read books to be a Buddhist, but I think in America at least, it opens a rich vein of thought that is being well mined. I like to read, and they joke about how you can just incorporate Buddhism into your language and not really even change. I think that's true of all spiritual traditions. The bit of really trying to become more, is too much really. And it also needs to be alongside acceptance, in the dialectic of personal development. 

Doing it instead of talking about it, might be a critique of this blog. I don't care, I use the blog as a kind of public journal about my journey, it's quite easy just to not read it if you don't like it. People who complain about certain books or websites or TV shows--I don't get commenting on it, just ignore it. Not for you. Some day this blog will be taken down. The internet thrives on a lot of illusion hype, like that it's permanent or true or democratic or free. It's not free.

So practice while you can. I'm going to go meditate. May you all be happy, may you all be well.

Juneteenth

 

Slavery still exists, but the ending of legal slavery in the USA is significant. 

Buddhism quizzes and how I did

This Britannica quiz I got 5/6, I missed the question of who brought Buddhism to Korea. I won't give away the answer.

I got 86% right on this How Stuff Works website, the average is 70%. Not sure how I got so many wrong.

I got 94% on this one. It doesn't say which ones you got wrong. I didn't like the question about the two main Buddhism, I think there are 3.

100% on this one.

Didn't like the interface of this one: https://quizizz.com/admin. It wouldn't let me guess the answer and keep my score, and if I toggled see the answer, when I clicked to the next one, it would show the answer. Maybe some good quizzes. Plus you have to sign up for this bad interface.

David Loy Links

There are no reviews of Nonduality because it's a monstrous book, and to be qualified to comment on it, in the review format wouldn't be easy. So here are some links brushing around it.

Patheos James Ford

"The Work of David Loy" Tasshin's Blog

Insight Journal "The Many Faces of Nonduality"

Kensho

If Kensho is the experience of oneness with everything, the unseparateness, the nonduality of reality, then there are gradations of that experience.

Is my first memory of feeling gravity pulling the tricycle on the pedals an experience of the universe, understanding that I was not separate from all?

Is the swing, rowing together in a 4 on lake Mendota, an experience of ultimate harmony?

Is those experiences where you lose yourself in exercise, dance, a movie, art, whatever?

Is flow at work, where you forget yourself, because you're focused on a task, a glimpse at the ultimate nature?

At the time I thought it was a delusion, and because of the culture of Buddhism, I didn't even talk about, but I felt I was the wind in the tree, I was the tree, I was the roots in the soil, the soil, the water, the earth, the space--on a walk on a deep intensive meditation retreat.

David Loy in Nonduality writes about how Neruda, TS Eliot and Simone Weil describe kensho type experiences. He speculates that it might be fairly normal human experience.

I want to learn more about how this relates to enlightenment and what the Pali Canon says about it.

New Book

 

Look at the cool new book!

KWL: Nonduality

 P. 40: “…sense perception has really always been nondual.”

It's what we add to perception that both expresses our commitments and desire, and separates us from the universal consciousness.

Bahiya got enlightened with the idea "...in the seen only the seen..." from the Buddha. 

Which brings me to the idea of universal consciousness, something I've become interested in reading this book. This article in Popular Mechanics says, "Kleiner and Tull are following Penrose’s example, in both his 1989 book and a 2014 paper where he detailed his belief that our brains’ microprocesses can be used to model things about the whole universe. The resulting theory is called integrated information theory (IIT), and it’s an abstract, “highly mathematical” form of the philosophy we’ve been reviewing."

"In IIT, consciousness is everywhere, but it accumulates in places where it’s needed to help glue together different related systems. This means the human body is jam-packed with a ton of systems that must interrelate, so there’s a lot of consciousness (or phi, as the quantity is known in IIT) that can be calculated. Think about all the parts of the brain that work together to, for example, form a picture and sense memory of an apple in your mind’s eye."

Unrelated but maybe related is the idea of dogecoin. Could you accumulate wealth and then pay for the meme kindness to flood the memeosphere, and would that actually change anything in the world (besides wherever dogecoin resides).

P83

KWL: Nonduality

So what do you do when you don't completely understand a book. You can linger, reread, and really struggle. Or you can just cut your losses, and move onto something else that is more meaningful. 

I like to struggle to acquire meaning. But I also like to drop a difficult book because I have about 30 minutes for struggle, and then I like something smooth, easy to digest. Too many rich foods give you gout, indigestion. 

Loy seems to be asking a question, or I'm getting a question reading the book: Do you need to avoid sense perception or can you just try not to seek or attach to it? There seem to be shifting answers in various parts of the tradition.

I think it's impossible not to be human and humans seek out what they don't have. It's why we go to the Moon and Mars, it's why we hate the rich, and why even though being alone is better, we seek out partners. The desire for justice might be a sisyphean journey. The desire for a sane stable government might be a fight between two personality type projections vision of that government. The X in the sentence "I would just be happy if x were present," is an ever shifting target just beyond our reach. 

I don't like the asceticism of the Theravadan tradition banning music, dancing and general merriment. I like ecstatic dance. I like to listen to music. I like to taste rich foods. Their idea is to act enlightened, you might move towards it. But I think appreciation for the beautiful is what attracts us to the spiritual life, so that we can't ban the arts. I would be constantly writing poems, and creating sculptures, and wanting to read scripture, if I were meditating in the forest. To ban books and writing on a solitary retreat might be torture for me. You can restrict yourself in so many ways: sleep, food, socializing, art, entertainment, comfort, modern amenities, and on and on, but even if you're just trying to live your life, there's always a feeling of deprivation, because we always want what is just beyond our reach, and we like to work towards putting things within our reach.

The path is simple. The path is hard and subtle. Both statements are true.

 

volition

Volition is one word on a continuum. A wisp of a thought, and urge, an impulse are at one end. And resolve is at the other end. Maybe stubbornness. Insistence. Goals are clarifying what impulses you want to channel your energy towards. Radical Acceptance, popularize and greatly articulated by Tara Brach is a goal I am striving for.

I resolve to increase my daily minutes of meditation. I tried to just force myself but it turns out it has to happen more organically, building up slowly, that feels better than just willfully forcing myself. And isn't that strange that is better, or maybe it makes all the sense in the world. (I'd be really interested to read about other's efforts to increase their gross number of minutes in meditation, and the quality and effort.)

I want to create the least harm when I eat. But eating is sometimes social. And when you eat from a food pantry, from charity, you can't choose. "You get what you get and you don't get upset" is a motto of preschool, which I have adopted midlife. Put another way, "beggars can't be choosers." So I eat what creates the least harm. If I can choose to not eat meat, then great. If I can choose to be vegan, even better. A vegan will ask you, why not just do the least harm always? They buy all their food, and control their social situations. So I'm a least harm-atarian, which is omnivore with kindness strivings.

Buddhism, the Buddhism I love, the one that works for me, is one that is more about looking at yourself and not pointing a finger. People go onto r/Buddhism all the time and ask if "x,y and z are OK?" There is no pope. There are many sects in the Buddhism marketplace to choose from. I'm going to work hard on myself. The vibrancy of a spiritual tradition is to help you to take responsibility for yourself. That is not easy because you have to choose that. How do you help someone to choose that? By exemplifying virtue. People see the goodness, and want that. 

The whole aversion to "woke" culture is a kind of spiritual jealousy that isn't very aware. Why not be as woke as you can be? I guess their reason is that they're doing the best they can, and they can't be bothered with all these extra concerns. So don't be bothered by them. But to attack others who are trying to evolve, what is that? I go the other way. I want to support people who are trying to positively evolve, create greater empathy and kindness towards others. I vote for the party that will create the fewest deaths by their policies. I choose life! I like humans. 

Fine, so people posture. Aversion to virtue signaling is another example of jealousy towards those who are striving to evolve. Maybe they have tried to be good and quit, and have embraced the Sith path. Can't other people strive to improve? OK, sometimes people are giant flaming hypocrites. But I don't think it's horrible if a politician drives an expensive but environmentally conscious car. An American socialist can actually like nice things, they just want the system to evolve to preserve more life! That's the real pro-life party, not some manic reparation aimed at women's body control. Universal health care would preserve more life. That seems uncontroversial, but if you don't make health care dependent on employment, then there's a kind of death threat to work. Why do you have to have a death threat to make people work? Is it because it's stealing? Anyway, our country is a mixture of communism and capitalism. We all own the roads, we all love it when society takes away the trash. We need business, socialists aren't asking for 5 year plans and state controlled business. It's a matter of extremes, and America acts like the wild west is the best option. I don't think so, society evolves and takes care of everyone to the best of it's abilities. There are limits and we should not look to the government to to solve all our problems. But can government at least be good, please?! Why run for government just so you can wreck it up and prove that it doesn't work? That's hypocrisy and a self fulfilling prophecy. I want good government, you should too. 

The opposite of good government has woke me up. I'm paying attention and I vote. And I'm talking about it.

The goal of never being frustrated with my children or impatient is not a winnable goal, but I still shoot for it, to minimize. Always choosing to respond with compassion, maximizing the learning potential, with empathy, is somehow really hard. And yet this is the muscle I really enjoy learning how to flex.

I got plenty of nothing, and nothing is plenty for me

I'm watching Porgy and Bess today on the Met Opera site today. I'm also thinking about how many things I've thrown out trying to Konmari my home. From my perspective of poverty, I live in a society obsessed with buying objects that can't make you happy. 

I don't agree that there's no use complaining. I know that's what people say, and it's not the preferred mode of socializing. But it is pre-problem solving, problem identification. Sometimes there's no easy solution and we come back to the problem looking for solutions but there just aren't any. I guess that's the wisdom in phrase--we've gone over this, and there are no easy solutions. Accepting things as they are is important, spinning your wheels wastes energy. But it can be a door to the larger questions.

Chess

The pandemic made me look for online chess and I found it. I play 3-15 games a day now, with people from all over the world. You can have an international flag, but most people choose a national flag. I get excited when I play someone from Africa or Samoa. 

I watch my projections about various countries. I watch what my mind does when I win. I watch what my mind does when I lose. 

I beat someone from Ireland, Hungry and Canada today. I lost to someone from France, Brazil, Mexico. I beat someone from Mexico, France, Sudan, India, Indonesia. I lost to someone from India and Samoa. And on and on and on. I play someone in Russia, USA, Costa Rica, Chile, New Zealand, Poland, Pakistan, Argentina, Serbia, Estonia. I wasn't into geography when I was school age, but I'm fascinated about what is going on around the world now. There are many countries I have not played yet. 

(It's a bit like the world cup, it's all about nations. USA played Honduras last night. They get to play Mexico in the finals on Sunday now for CCL Nations League. USA has players in the top leagues in Europe, on the top teams. For a sport that isn't very popular in the USA, it is getting a lot more popular. The MLS started in 1996, and has expanded quite rapidly. I would argue that's why there's so much parity at the moment, with expansion it's hard to concentrate talent. But my team, NYCFC has just gotten a bunch of new players from South America.)

Sometimes I play a bunch of chess games where it's a tightwire. I've by my hands on their throat and they've got my throat in their hands. Who can be defensive enough to really attack. Being on the offensive really is the best defense, and I can't figure out how to play defensively. Sometimes I'm just on and stomp people, one after the other. Sometimes I can't buy a win. The worldly winds can't control my concentration and the quality of my opponent, or just the luck of me stumbling on an opening I'm not familiar with, or whether or not I see mistakes. I don't look at the analysis too often, they tease it to make you pay for the free service, but sometimes I see I have blunders and missed checkmates. I have started to see those, and I think just playing over and over there's a kind of learning and increased comprehension. 

I try and be like a goldfish when I make mistakes, just keep playing. Sometimes I play it out to the end, sometimes I just resign. Sometimes I win on time, and by resignation. I usually play 10 minute games (Rapid), but sometimes I play 5 minute games (Blitz). I should try a 30 minute game, but I'm too impatient and impulsive. I do like to study the game, but mostly I just like to play.

I come up with theories. I tend to lose more as the day goes on, I'm at my best early morning. But too early, before 330am, and I lose. Sometimes I want to play and I don't care if my ranking goes down. But I want to raise my ranking. Globally I'm ranked #2,129,235 in the 67.5% in rapid chess. My ranking was higher before I got Covid. I see playing as a way of measuring my cognition. 

Since it's online, I don't know my opponents, but sometimes they miss obvious strong moves, and then I start to formulate ideas about that player. One person talked smack in the chat, I didn't like that. You can rate your opponent as a good sport or a bad sport, but that's only on the desktop version. I also play on my phone sometimes. I tend not to play as well on my phone.

Sometimes I go for the win right away, but most of the time I just pluck low hanging fruit and try to exploit weakness. There is no perfect structure. Sometimes I am a bit wild in sacrifice, and I don't lose enough to win. Sometimes I'm left with few pieces, and feel hopeless. That feeling of not having any good moves is quite terrible and I don't quit and linger in that feeling. Sometimes I just quit with a bad move, better to move on.

I play on chess.com but some like lichess.org. I saw a hack so you could analyse your game on lichess.org by exporting it from chess.com. Chess.com wants you to pay for more than a few game analysis. Looking at lichess.org they have over 90k people playing.