Sunday musings

Sunday is kind of a sacred day even if you're not Christian. My secular Jewish stepfather would play classical music. I would watch football. I spent my summer with my religious grandparents. One grandfather was a Baptist minister. The other was Episcopalian. At the time I wasn't really into it, but I have fond memories now. 

I cranked on a 48 minute anapanasati, doing all 16 stages. I've been doing shorter meditation, and more formless meditation the previous two days. I sometimes wonder if my life isn't supportive enough for more intense meditation, but I must not believe the question because I go for it sometimes, and work to intensify. I'm writing a bit about my thoughts on anapanasati, and I'm not sure if I'll share it, but I think it's good to develop my thoughts. I share my thoughts to close friends, and my journal. Don't want to be too confessional. 

It's overcast, so I couldn't see the moon. It's a waning crescent (7%), new moon on the 12th. It's like the turtle that meditated with me, seeing the moon out my window is an auspicious sign. Then the clouds got pink, and then orange. It was quite beautiful. 

In the gladdening stage I felt the contradiction of wanting beauty and the stabilizing stage of wanting wanting less input.

I've always loved the phrase utmost wondrousness. The mind has to be stable enough to cope with whatever comes up. 

I was kind of shocked that no self is also not true of Buddhism, there was a quote in Buddha Nature from What The Buddha Taught, from MN2. 

"The view I have a self arises in him as true & established, or the view I have no self... or the view It is precisely by means of self that I perceive self... or the view It is precisely by means of self that I perceive not-self... or the view It is precisely by means of not-self that I perceive self arises in him as true & established, or else he has a view like this: This very self of mine — the knower that is sensitive here & there to the ripening of good & bad actions — is the self of mine that is constant, everlasting, eternal, not subject to change, and will stay just as it is for eternity. This is called a thicket of views, a wilderness of views, a contortion of views, a writhing of views, a fetter of views. Bound by a fetter of views, the uninstructed run-of-the-mill person is not freed from birth, aging, & death, from sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair. He is not freed, I tell you, from suffering & stress."