I have Covid, I'll record the journey here, to the extent I can.

Today is MLK Day 2021, a Monday, January 18.

Two days ago I had a headache, consistent with past sinus infections, but the cold didn't come down. My body was achy, but my doctor friend said that might be aging achiness, or heart failure. He's kind of sarcastic, and retired. I wasn't having any chest pressure, or trouble breathing. I had a sore throat, but two nights of nyquil had that OK, and I'd been sleeping 12-14 hours a day. But I ran out of nyquil and woke up this morning with a really sore throat, and now I can feel a light pressure on my chest. My oximeter is on the way to help me determine if I need to go to the hospital. Maybe I'll borrow someone else's if it doesn't come.

We've been fairly quarantined. I did leave the house and go the library, pick up a book on a table and check a book out. Wore a mast there. And the day before I went to the park with my daughter for 2 hours but I didn't get close to anyone, and wore a mask.

My co-parenting partner was angry that I didn't tell her immediately, but I wasn't sure I was sick and I wasn't sure if I was just being paranoid. I spent a few hours saying goodbye to everyone in my head, and then felt that that was foolish. If I've ever met you, I really loved our time together and am just really grateful for all the wonderful experiences I have had. 

I felt worse after she went to work and then told her the next day. She wanted me to address the situation quickly, but I did not know she needed documentation to avoid work, and quarantine with me. I also wasn't sure how sick I was and/or I was sick and not thinking clearly. 

Anyway, we went to the local library which was set up as a testing center. Waited in line outside in the cold--I'm sure that didn't help my health, and it also didn't spread it being outside, socially distanced and with a mask on.

I got the results today that I tested positive for Covid-19. Coincidentally I feel worse today. Now it's all calls to my doctor and others trying to figure out what to do.

When we were tested they told us alkaline water, Mucinex and vitamin C

I honestly only felt slightly ill the previous two days and I did spend some time in close proximity to my daughter and co-parenting partner. I really hope they don't get it. My daughter's test results haven't come through but she was tested on Saturday. My co-parenting partner tested negative. She came in and told me to not touch our cat, the cat can carry it to them.

In College I read The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker, a fascinating book about Otto Rank that won the Pulitzer prize. Since then I have read many books on death and dying, took a course in social work school on the topic. 

I don't know how much of the above prepared me for the Buddhist acceptance of death and dying as a natural thing. One time I told my father that we come into the world pretty mellow. He said no we don't, thinking about attending my birth. I meant conception, being inside. That's when we begin, though we're not separate from our mothers then and shortly after birth for a while. Mother and child are one for a while, I learned in social work school, studying attachment theory. Being born is a trauma that we must recover from according to Otto Rank. 

Anyway, I think it's Buddhism that says the arrow is in the air and will fall to earth. Also the bubble, and even waves are metaphors for life. The only surprise of death is in association with denial. I sometimes wonder if we would have a more sane politics if people were more aware they would die. Would more people be like Atwater who regretted his politics at the end of his life?

I have a lot of regrets in my life, of hurting people through greed, selfishness and delusion, but I don't really feel like I need to experience more life at this time. I'd had an awesome life.

I really hope my children are OK, and if anyone is in a position to help my children or their mothers, I greatly appreciate that. I am prepared to die to some extent, though I may be kidding myself. I'm always wary of kidding myself, aping spiritual advancement that hasn't happened. Start where you are, right?! Avoid spiritual bypassism. 

In the USA mortality rate is below 2 percent if I can make out all the graphs and numbers. My age, my HTN and my obesity contribute to an increased chance, not sure how much. So I like my chances. This is by no means a death sentence. 

And there is no place you can go that makes your immune to death. I've read science fiction that had the fantasy of one day technology solving all the aging issues, but that is not here yet. I see tantalizing articles about discoveries about aging, but I'm not seeing anyone reversing it yet. 

I'll update with anything interesting.