Devotion

What is the queasy feeling I feel when I look at the rupa I've meditated in front of for almost 20 years? The Buddha got up and bowed to the tree he was sitting under. I love imagining the Buddha beckoning me to come meditate with him.

Anandi gave me the mala. I leave it on the rupa. The Tibetan elements have dropped away from my practice, but I do love mantra and puja. 

The feeling I feel when I look at the representation of the refuge tree for Triratna, with its teachers of the past, it's bodhisattvas and arhants. The archetypal Buddhas.

All coming out of the void.

One time I was at a Chicago museum and when I saw a statue of the Buddha (rupa) I wanted to throw myself down onto the ground and prostrate, lay down and put my hands over my head and back again, like the prostration practice I've done visualizing the refuge tree. 

It's so easy to just learn the vocabulary of Buddhism and just keep doing what you want. The bite of trying to be more, different, can have uneven results. I'm mostly screwed up my life, but there are some things I'm proud of. 

I get a feeling when I read sometimes, like I'm looking at Indra's net as clearly as my foggy vision will allow me.

So many memories of fellowship along the way, conversation, discussion, listening, sharing. 

I'm having a practice day. My daughter is going camping and I'm freed of the responsibility of caring for her. I haven't meditated this much in a long time. I feel very grateful and hope I can put this mindfulness to good use with others. 

My outdoor meditation spot: