First off, there is a lay/monk split in the world. Monks can go for it, and the lay just means you're not a monk and you can go for it, but it's less likely since you haven't renounced the world. Improving circumstances is supportive of the path.
My question, if you have these deep meditative states that are fragile and depend on isolation and supportive conditions, do they evaporate when the supportive conditions aren't present?
I think the point is to develop a level of insight that sustains a practice back in the world.
A mendicant is a wandering teacher. That means they have given up the home life if they wander. They have gone for refuge. Can you get teachings from a lay follower? There are plenty of these.
It's important to get teachings from good teachers, of course.
Ethics is important. Start the spiritual life and neglect ethics, and you'll find you can't really go deeper, because everyone is criticizing you and it interferes with your mental state. But the biggest critic is yourself, and you people can justify anything. I saw Ghislaine Maxwell didn't seem to be remorseful, that contributed to her getting 20 years. I've been reading about the Manson Family. There's a kind of entitled I can do whatever I want attitude, based in the wild west of trauma reactions. Manson had a horrible childhood. When you get into the real adversity of childhood, you can see how people would have something missing. It's not clear why the followers had something missing, but I'm more interested in virtue than forensics.
The rise in narcissism is a function of the capitalist system of neglect, where parents have to work all the time, and child care doesn't pay. If America really valued itself, children would be invested in. The right's response is family, not government. You don't have a stable family? I guess we're all shit out of luck. Parenting used to be easier, you fed them, clothed them, and gave them some prompts, but school and outside took care of the rest. Now children aren't alone outside, and you're supposed to be an expert of sensory integration, nutritionist, reading teacher, homework helper, media educator, and a million other things. Now it's an impossible project. In the age of information, parenting is often about how you fall short of some crowd sourced expectation. Despite it all children are raised well, despite the formidable new and old obstacles.
Every problem in my life can be attributed to a breach of ethics I didn't understand. Live and learn. Patience, humility, empathy and willingness to learn can go a long way.
Trusting the tradition enough to seek them out is another important aspect. In this day and age you have to evaluate the quality of the source of information. The guru system is about identifying leaders, and getting into a personal relationship with them, where they guide your learning and development.
I don't set myself up as a teacher, but I do like to articulate my attempts at understanding.
Question: Does wanting a teacher signal dependence, and an unwillingness to trust your own experience and ability to navigate your own development?
I spent 10 years in the belly of the sangha and 10 years hermit solo, and I miss other's natural checks, but I don't miss other's trying to enforce their personality, in the mistaken idea that there is only one way to be.
For every person who's excited by Alan Watts videos on YouTube, there are people who seek out the teachers who are really doing it, and aren't as dynamic communicators because they articulate a difficult path, and aren't about accumulation of attention for material gain. These unsexy humble teachers will be the best.
The marketplace in America rewards popularity and saying things that get you popular. It's hard for their to be a really merit based system when the consumers are learning. This is why I like the system of not having to pay for the teachings. The teachings are free. A retreat perhaps covers the rent and supplies, fees can cover the room for sangha night, but I don't see money being needed. I've really benefited from the retreats at Aryaloka, but I don't have the money or time for retreats, and I really feel it. When things are scarce you savor memories. I have feasted on memories the past 10 years. The independence I have developed is my silver lining. Here is a quote from the Pali Canon:
Dhammapada 329: If for company you cannot find a wise and prudent friend who leads a good life, then, like a king who leaves behind a conquered kingdom, or like a lone elephant in the elephant forest, you should go your way alone.
We're more "connected" through the internet, but I feel like it's just helping us to realize how alone we are.
Taking responsibility for my spiritual life, it behooves me to get the best support available.
Lots of questions on Reddit are quibble questions. If there's no self, what is reborn? How can you become desireless? How do you know the Buddhists gods are the one true gods?
The principle of charity means you imagine the other person is onto something and isn't just blowing smoke because you're not familiar with it. It's also from the other side called the benefit of the doubt.
I redirect people to connect with sangha, and develop from there. If you're exploring Buddhism to prove your other path is the right one, then that's not really an exploration.
It's weird, if life you come to conclusions and think about things and imagine you've settled them. I've decided I've not made up my mind on this crazy abortion debate going on in America. I don't want to take anything off the table. And I'm not impressed by people expressing certitude. There was a fascinating article in Tricycle, where a lay woman gives her views, and I found it to be interesting, and important because it was a woman expressing her opinion, instead of the men enforcing their narrow views where they feel entitled to take things off the table, declare it's settled. Followers often follow such sure people, but not me.
Reddit seems to be split between people living in Buddhist countries who assume they don't have to modernize or update the teachings, and new age hippy dippy anything goes western liberals. These two don't mix well, and by bombing social media one side or the other can seem to win. Discussion isn't so much about winning and losing though, IMHO, and more about sharing of experience.
Once again I feel like we're at a place where people are trying enforce personality, and not really support other people's practice. Spot the polarization and pick a side. I'm learning to resist that temptation more and more.
Beginner's mind is important when approaching study, teachers, and sangha relationships. The Bible really thumps on humility, but the Pali Canon doesn't as much, it's much more sprinkled with a variety of virtues. Still humility is important. As someone who rejects Christianity, it's tempting to go in the other direction, but that's reactive and not creative.
Sometimes I want some spice. I recently got interested in Jiddu Krishnamurti. Sometimes it feel claustrophobic to only read the pali canon. There have been some developments since the Buddha 2500 years ago. Lots of ideas. The best teachers update and integrate the teachings, and yet somehow hold onto the tradition, if I can get away with having it both ways. I try to read at least a few sentences of pali canon every day, to keep in touch with the teachings. That's why I'm doing this sutra today. Being focused on the teachings of the Buddha is an important trait of a Buddhist. In a way I think it leads everyone to be a scholar and a monk. So be it.
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