solitary retreat

57 e-mails, when I returned.

I had a great retreat, learned many things. I'll try to write more later. Thank you to all the well wishers.

partial book

I haven't read Bodhipaksa's book on Vegetarianism yet, but I bet it's good, and today I discovered he gives much of it away on his blog.

warp speed

My head feels like I've just come out of warp speed when I'm on retreats. Recently my mind/head has begun to feel that increased clarity and space before retreats, as a kind of anticipation. It's really quite amazing that somehow my mind begins to ramp up to a retreat. I'm beginning to get that feeling about the upcoming solitary.

Lots of new details for this retreat. I have to cook for myself instead of the communal cooking, or Dino's wonderful cooking. I determine the program and schedule. I've focused on what books to read. As always, I'm tempted to try to "catch up" on my reading without the kids around. Thank you to Vajramati for talking through some of my preparations.

I really look forward to this experience, but I'm feeling a little guilt and sadness about leaving the family for so long. I'm glad I took another week off to be with them to make up for it.

Fear

I'm going on my first week long solitary retreat. I'm scared. I've never done this before. Hitherto, I've always been on led retreats. Also, I hate leaving my wife and children, that is hard too. I'm also excited and really hope to recharge my spiritual battery.

Another blog to consider

This is an interesting blog, called Zen Habits. I'd describe in the positive thinking self help genera, but it's got some good things to think about. This post here is a good starting point to get a flavor of it.

changes in the heart sutra

Read here to find out the minor changes.

I haven't really fully memorized it yet, I am afraid to admit in public, but this will certainly put a wrench in my efforts. Jeeze, if the translation of the Heart Sutra can't stay the same, what can we count on in life? Just kidding.

speed linking

Bodhipaksa has been blogging more. I like this one.

Danny has a good post of a video of rap, that I think is funny.

Here's another cool video found: KD Lang singing L. Cohen

Nottingham Sangha Choir

Savanna hipped me to this CD. I've got to get it. Check out the YouTube

Pratītyasamutpāda

We had a lovely practice day with Chardradassa, where we chanted in pali:

Imasmim sati, idam hoti.
Imass’ uppādā, idam uppajjati.
Imasmim asati, idam na hoti.
Imassa nirodhā, idham nirujjhati

I don't know how to make the m with the dot under it, but that's missing in the above text.

The above pali is translated in the Wikipedia article as:

When this is, that is.
From the arising of this comes the arising of that.
When this isn't, that isn't.
From the cessation of this comes the cessation of that

It's about condition existance. If we just understood it, we would have insight.

Wikipedia has a good article on Pratītyasamutpāda

I've had intellectual discussions about this, but it was cool to chant and meditate about it. Very good.

organizing post

Because of the nature of blogging, things are posted in a way out of order.

I first posted on a essay by Karmabandhu here. I then posted a few posts, now out of order in a way. To read them all in order read it this way.

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

exploring possibility

He writes of his partner, "What do you think about having a child so late? “I would still have had him even though it is hard and would in some ways preferred to have had him at 24. I can see the sense of having a child when young, but I was very idealistic and riven. It would have logically been better to have gone for the family thing then and be freer now in my 40’s. However, the advantage of having a child late is that although I may not have the same energy and am probably tied up until I’m 60, I do have a lot more self-knowledge, spiritual practice, friendship, patience, and am happier in myself. I have a lot more to give my son by having him late. I see definite pros and cons.”"

I have wondered about having children when I was 37. I almost lament not having the energy of an 20 year old, like my parents, who had me while in college. But they struggled accepting the responsibility. I too struggle with that. My age helps in so many ways. I also lament that hey will be in college (hopefully) when I'm in my late 50's, if I live that long (I'm not morbid, I just can't assume anything, since life is so precious). The trade off in energy is gained by wisdom and self knowledge.

Wonderful stuff this essay. I have so many thoughts and feelings about it. My posts begin with this one.

another theme...

He writes about his partner, who says, "She added that it has also been a steep learning curve: “I have had forty years to do exactly what I want when I want, to be utterly self-regarding. I have realized how much more I could have used that freedom now that I don’t have it.”"

This is another point about the narrowing of possibilities. I sometimes don't feel the urgency and opportunity my single friends have. They don't know it. How do you know? Have it taken away from you. It's like your health, you don't appreciate it till it's gone. Or most of us don't, it's hard to cultivate gratitude for something you take for granted, though of course not impossible.

While the Buddha left his family, he also had a family. Perhaps that is where I want to follow the Buddha's model.

Now maybe all the life of the Buddha story is parable and myth. I don't know. It's been suggested that we know nothing about the actual historical Buddha. I'm inclined to lean towards the idea that his story in the pali cannon is not pure fiction. So anyway, we must take that into account.

More comments..

He writes, "Her first point is that it is too general a question as motherhood is not a constant thing, but rather it changes all the time as the demands change. She then went onto say that, “I have never known such love for another human being as I have experienced for Thomas. It’s as if it has opened a whole other aspect of my humanity. I know what it is to love another so much that I’d lay down my life without any hesitation.” However, it has been very demanding: “I have never worked so hard, never engaged with anything that is so totally demanding and constantly full-time…a 24 hour job…. I didn’t realise it would be that hard. But then I think he is quite an active baby as well.”"

Here are two themes, learning about love through parenting and the challenges and difficulty of parenting. As the metta sutra says, "just as a mother loves her only child," you get a feeling of parental love. How do you know that feeling of parental love without having children? I wouldn't say it was impossible.

In creating a new society, you have to take into account children, otherwise it's a sterile revolution.

More comments...

Karmabandhu writes, "How do you go forth while living the family life? Prasannavira was adamant here, stating that, “Times have changed [since the Buddha]. There is great individualism, which is maybe what we really have to go forth from. In some ways family can do that. Maybe Bhante [Sangharakshita] is missing a trick here.” He then talked about his Sufi shiatsu teacher, a man who has been practising in that tradition for 30 years, who advocates excelling in all areas. On reflection, Prasannavira thinks that his previous position was to some degree one of naïve idealism and is happy to stand on the ground he now occupies."

I think this is a problem too--how do you "go forth" in the family. I think there is a lot that could be said here. Maybe "going forth" is also a "going into" of experience in a way that shakes things up. Some people may find it easier to go into themselves by changing circumstances. You can move to India, but you are still yourself. The same problems and dynamics of your own psychology will follow you. Not that you might have transformative experiences there. My point is that the phrase "going forth" may disguise some of the features of it. I think it's more a "going into".

I remember a Padmavajra talk where he reports that Bante said, and I'm paraphrasing from memory, "maybe you should have a family to help grow up," So I don't think Bante is not blind to this, the transforming potential in parenting.

more on Karmabandhu's essay

Karmabandhu write about a friend, "Anyhow, having decided to marry and start a family, Prasannavira says that he realised that his ideas of the spiritual life had to change. Speaking to me, he was clear that, “you can practise as effectively with a baby as without one”. He said that the first thing for him was to keep up some sort of meditation practice along with Tai Chi. It has also become much more apparent that “spiritual life is the whole of life”. “In a way it is more intense. It is a potent situation if I can engage with it.” He described how his options have narrowed and that some preferences and ideas, such as travelling, have had to be shelved."

I comment on the "narrowing of options" in my essay. That was the things that helped me to realize how important the sangha, dharma and meditation is for me. I don't know if I would have known that. Perhaps I'm romanticizing the situation. But I do feel it has clarified something for me.

Just read Karmabandhu's essay

Here is an essay by Karmabandhu on the FWBO news web site.

Here is one quote from his essay, "Obviously, we can and indeed have to practise in any situation, but it would be obtuse to argue that it is going to be as easy to meditate with two children crawling around watching telly tubbies on the TV as it is with a couple of friends who are also meditating. Conditions can either help or hinder us. If they didn’t, what would be the point of ever going on retreat? We might just as well go down the pub."

My response to the above quote is that I had children before the dharma sank in enough for me to understand that. But I also don't see it as so black and white, that I absolutely love my boys, and don't really want to change things, even if I do feel this renunciant pull. I've always wanted life to be more easy. And I've chosen a harder path, perhaps. I suppose I have patience that when my children grow up, and if I'm lucky to still be alive, then I will have my opportunity. My life has a kind of momentum, and I really must honor the choices I have made.

My niece overheard me say once, in a moment of desperation, "The boys have ruined my life." She was horrified by the notion and talked to her mom about it. I have to admit that I have felt that way at times. Adjusting to parenting is very hard. Nobody can imagine how much energy and time it will take, before hand. And I have two children. But that's a moment of desperation. What about all the other moments? I have great moments of love, tenderness, pride, excitement to see little being grow and develop. I have wildly optimistic comments the other way as well.

There is one stark fact about children. No matter how many feelings you have one way or the other, once they are born, they are the parents responsibility, and you harm them by putting that responsibility on others. Others can support, but I feel it's best to have the biological mother and father as the leaders in parenting of their children. My fathers left, and I felt the loss. Am I OK now? Yes. I survived it. But I feel it is the defining mark of my life that I come from divorced parents. My stepfather is wonderful. My stepmother is wonderful too, for that matter. And I can't just smoosh my parents back together. But it's best to intentionally have children and then take care of them. That's self evident. We were trying for 8 years before we had children, so we were overjoyed. Nevermind that in that time I found Buddhism and my sensibilities began to turn in another direction. Life has a kind of momentum, and out of respect for myself, I want to stand by my choices, even if now I value free time and quiet in a new way because of the dharma. Out of respect for my children, I want to wholly embrace my choice. They do not deserve my ambivalence when things get rough for me. It's the first ethical principle, to try and do no harm and violence to others.

They deserve a wholly committed father, and that is what I'm committed to.

coffee, meditation and truth (520 words)

A stolen moment, Diana is up and I'm going to take a blog break, from organizing, cleaning and parenting.

In college I used to argue about the truth existing, independent, discoverable. Now I see it as an aspect of a perspective, not outside a perspective, and I'm pragmatic about what the best perspective is. Experience is more relevant to me.

Regarding coffee and meditation, I don't presume to know what others should do. I know what my case is: I've been drinking coffee since I was 18, when I went to college, and I was able to stay awake and study, pay attention in class. So it seemed.

Now I'm 40 years old, and I think coffee causes me anxiety, tension, wangs up my autonomic system, and makes it harder for me to relax. Twenty two years of addiction. Any gains in wakefulness are lost in warding off the feelings of tiredness, are lost in the negative side effects. You can’t get something for nothing. As a therapist I know the importance of tolerating your emotions, and yet I don't tolerate mine. I use a drug to take away a feeling, and I've blinded myself to it out of addiction.

I'm using a harm reduction model to move towards recovery. Last year I tried the abstinence approach. I set the goal of quitting for 14 days and I got through 8. I wasn't waking up and meditating. And if you've read my recent essay on Wildmind, you know meditation is the last thing I want to give up. I would not have known that without children. Anywho, so I went back on coffee, and decided I couldn't quit.

Now I know about the harm reduction model that works more in the grays instead of black and white and appreciates how hard addiction really is. I'm not comparing coffee addiction to some shipwreck addiction that ruins life. As we know the addiction that can fly under the radar of functionality are acceptable in our society. But it is similar enough to give me insight into others.

So I've tried to cut down, use less, and really just notice when the craving hits me. What are the complext rush of feelings and self states that provoke me to reach for the coffee? Aside from waking up quickly, I don’t really need coffee. And I don’t need much to do that.

I actually do feel more alive not using coffee as much. It's been an easier struggle through harm reduction and I am making progress, I didn't quit quitting. I average half a cup a day, and that is some good progress. More promising is that I feel like I'm recovering my true self, I feel more me, and that's a real test for me about whether something is working.

So for me, getting off coffee is a help towards meditation. In meditation I don't move or consciously distract myself. I have to feel my emotions, and they wash over me, move on, when I don't cling to them. It's therapeutic to meditate, is very complimentary to psychotherapy. It’s all about waking up.

another tag

I'm flattered to be recognized for writing an essay in Wildmind, on the FWBO/TBMSG news website.

Jumping the shark

I just read about this phrase in wikipedia. I like the phrase. In a Buddhist context it could also denote a lot of authenticity. The moment when people went through the motions and sold out in a way.

I got to that phrase through looking up Danny's use of the phrase Cousin Oliver.

I was flattered to be tagged in a request to do a Proust Questionnaire. Wish I had the time to do it now. Gotta go to work.

my friend's video

essay on parenting

With the help of many, I wrote an essay on parenting and the dharma.

zen dad

I found another buddhist father.

More MP3's

It's an ocean of dharma. A fellow sangha mate alerted me to these MP3's on the eight fold path by Smritiratna. Goto the download section of the Edinburgh Buddhist Center website.

Crestone

I've never been there, but a friend has, so it's interesting to read an article about it in the NY Times.

Apology and thanks.

I apologize to Danny Fisher for writing in a past post that he'd not given attention to the Dalit conditions. He's got 2 posts, one, two. I thank him for correcting me.

What I did was unskillful speech. Before I make such a statement I really need to make sure that it's true. My original comment, I hope, had metta in that I was disappointed by high expectations. My expectations were only confirmed by the revelation that he has covered it twice. He's got a great social consciousness. I admire his blog. And I hope to learn to tighten up my speech, and avoid such slander in the future.

I could be wrong about this, but my feeling of my order, is that you're not supposed to be a good Buddhist. You work to follow the dharma and that means that you can expose where you fall short of the ideals, because it's all about the growth and the process, and not about mere superficial appearances.
Someone said to me the other day, "no religion is perfect." I had to think...I mine? Of course not. Read about the struggles within the FWBO on it's discussion page. But the fact that such a page even exists!!! It's written by people within the order. Can you imagine such things existing in other religions. I want to be careful not to slander another religion? Perhaps I don't know. I haven't studied it. But my feeling, which is relevant and important, is that some institution were more concerned about appearances, and not what is underneath it. That was my experience of some other religious institutions. That is something that has pushed me away. Maybe no religion or sect or order is perfect, but some are more honest, transparent and alive. I'm not putting anyone down, I'm grateful to have found a place that makes me feel comfortable. I hope others can find their place, where ever it is.

Parenting Quote by a noted blogger

"Speaking as a father (and a Buddhist), let me tell you: there’s no worse suffering than watching a sick child choke in her sleep. It’s heart-wrenching to see their cute faces sleeping, then to wake up coughing and crying. Little kids can’t take care of themselves the way we adults can, and it’s easy to forget that until you take care of them" by The 8th Level Buddhist

Dial the Dharma

I haven't tried it out, but it's the first phone Dharma message I've heard about. For more info click here.

5 Favorite Dharma Books

Danny Fisher had a link about his 5 favorite books. He spurred or was spurred by Tom Armstrong, Loden Jinpa, C4Chaos, Ryan, & Brondu.

Here are the ones I would want to take if I was trapped on an island with only 5 Dharma books allowed:

A Survey of Buddhism by Sangharakshita
Meeting The Buddhas by Vessantara
Middle Length Discourse of the Buddha
Bodhicharyavatara
Vimalakirti Nirdesa
Ten Thousand Songs of Milarepa

If I could go to 10, I would add:
The Long Discourses of the Buddha
Dhammapada
Know Your Mind by Sangharakshita
The Life of the Buddha: According to the Pali Canon By Bhikkhu Nanamoli
Buddhism Without Beliefs by Stephen Batchelor

Favorite Links

Favorite Links in 2007

I've thought about my favorite web sites for Dharma, and give awards. I don't claim to be objective, I love the FWBO/TBMSG, and the people I know in the movement. Then there are some conventional favorites. Anyway, here they are.

Over All Winner:
I think the world is changed by Free Buddhist Audio. I could riff for hours about 20 of the talks there. Very profound and deep stuff, which I listen to while driving in my car. Falling asleep to a Dharma talk is not quite as good for retention. But it's not just awesome Dharma talks it's also the written seminars of Sangharakshita! It's truly an ocean of Dharma. I think Chandradasa does a good job on the site, and the people before him that made it possible, are to be noted for their efforts. A true gem of the Dharma world. You want to do something to support it aside from donating money (which is something worthy)? You can cut up the tracks, or transcribe one of the talks. You can volunteer for the site to, and be part of something great.


Best New Site: VideoSangha. Funny, reminiscent, and informative.

And: Discussion. Talking about the FWBO/TBMSG can be an endless discussion. Here's some interesting history. It also draws from this lovely web site, I believe.


Favorite News Site:
FWBO/TBMSG News. OK, so I'm a bit of sycophant for FWBO/TBMSG.

Runner Up: BNN, now known as the Buddhist Channel.


Favorite Non-FWBO Blogs: It's a 4 way tie!!

Danny Fisher. He's so good that it hurst when he doesn't talk about the Dalit situation in India, because he seems to cover everything else. Nobody can disappoint you if you don't have high expectations. I hope he can look at the videos on YouTube about the Dalits and comment. He's brought my attention to so many things, and is compassionate.

Another Winner: Trycle Editor's Blog. It's almost a news site, but it integrates the blogshere. It reads other blogs and is very knowing about the whole Buddhist world.

Another winner: Buddhist in Nebraska. I enjoy this one.

Another winner: I like this one quite a lot: The Level 8th Buddhist.


Favorite Buddhist Parenting Blog: Conscious Mom. Ok, so I adore Maia, know the father, and am acquainted with the mother. Still, I like this blog. And it's my awards, so they win.


Best Written Dharma Site: Access To Insight. Here you can get a sutra right away, not delayed gratification, and sometimes multiple translations. This almost wins the overall category because of it's greatness in sharing the Dharma. Read the advice to Bahiya, or the Karaniya Metta Sutta. It's all there in it's glory, and more! Read stuff by Ayya Khema or Edward Conze.


Best Photography blog by a Buddhist: street:haiku. I don't know this woman even though she lives in New York (you mean I don't know all 20 million people?). But I enjoy looking at her photos as a break from my work. I think she's an artist. I wish her well.


Best Encyclopedia site about the Dharma: Wikipedia. A blessing to humankind.


Best On Line Meditation Site: Wildmind is more than about meditation, but you can also get support meditating, if you're in a remote place, without meditation teachers. A true treasure to the world. There are book reviews, and there's a collection of articles about meditation in the news. Unfortunately it doesn't sell meditation supplies any more, but it has a listing of suggested sites to go for that now--Bodhi doesn't leave you high and dry. This is a well managed site. Buy a CD on meditation or download one. You won't regret it.


Best listing of links: Tie: Integral Options Cafe has an often daily Speed Linking entry on his blog (a find blog beyond that). Also Worst Horse has cool links, and some interesting content.


Favorite FWBO people sites:

Kamalashila. Talks and biography by a meditation master.

Vessantara. Amazing pujas by this wonderful writer of the great book Meething The Buddhas.


Best Sangha Website: Vajramati is the master. See the FWBO-NYC site. Smooth graphics, high technology, and even links to meditation timers.


My biggest blogging pet peeve: I don't understand why people post the daily dharma dew from Tricycle, and either don't attribute it, or don't comment on it, just past it in like it's new content, or both! Just click here and put this into your reader instead.


There's a lot of great Dharma on the web, and these were my favorite sites in 2007. I'm sure I've left out some great stuff--that's my limitation. I wish everyone well.

Powerful video about Dalits

Part 2



Part 3



And here's another disturbing one:

buddhamas

I found this interesting post on being a Buddhist and celebrating Christmas.

some things to look at

I'm afraid I'm just noting the links I've explored in this blog. I suppose I hope to add some unique content beyond.

I've been struggling in my meditation with the stress and demands of the holidays. I slept late this morning, but got in a sit. The boy will sleep later because William doesn't have to get up for school.

I'm working on an essay with the strong editorial assistance of Bodhipaksa, for his lovely site.

I hope to see Vajramati today.

Anyway, here are some links I've looked at recently of interest.

Here is an interesting article on American Buddhism.

Visible mantra is one I've been looking into.

Naming Ceremony

We had a lovely ceremony a few weekends ago. Rosa's buddhist name is: Akusita (alert,
careful, mindful).

Made me think a lot about my own son's naming ceremonies. I especially love the circle of protectors. We tie a string or yarn around everyone's wrists, and you wear it till it falls off. I still have mine for Trebor and Jen's daughter. Non-Buddhists who came would tell me when theirs fell off, it connected with them too. It's a lovely lovely ritual. I recommend it to all Buddhists who have children. The ritual says, "hey world, we have a baby."

I found a family retreat at IMS, but Diana can't go, and I don't want to take my kids alone. So I won't be going on their family retreat, but I'm going to keep looking for them. I look with envy across the pond at England and all their rich activity, where the FWBO is strong.

Support Buddhist Artists

There are two free mp3s of the artist Ravenna Michalsen on the Worst Horse web site. She's also featured on Danny Fisher's site a few times.

Life is Suffering

Interesting stories in NY Times

Some women just were more mindful and that changed their health.

Kyozan Joshu Sasaki Roshi, a 100-year-old Buddhist Zen master of the Rinzai school has an interview here.

There's another article about him, lays out his background. I thought this was an interesting quote from the article: "Her deputy here is an 18-year-old Albuquerque high school graduate, Emily Robinson, who has put off college and advanced so quickly that she has been offered priesthood, though she is now hesitating. “I always thought I wanted to be ordained until the day I found out it was available to me,” she said."

Pali Chanting

Here's a link to pali chanting of sutras, like the metta sutra.

funny video

this looks like family fun

buddhist_america

buddhist_america
Originally uploaded by Jamzer

another cool one.

greenbuddha

greenbuddha
Originally uploaded by Jamzer

I found another interesting flickr photographer, check out these photos by clicking on the highlighted link below the photo.

support for family oriented sanghas

I found this interesting link today, which I will be exploring.

It has this interesting article.

Worst Horse

Worst Horse is a blog that has good links. There's a cool link on lookalikes amongst old Buddhists and current starts.

double bubble

double bubble
Originally uploaded by Steve took it

Another cool Flickr discovery! Click on the link under the photo to see more!

heavy metal and dharma

I posted a kind of guilty appreciation of what I saw as dharma in a heavy metal song. I fond today a post about heavy metal and the dharma.

Burma

I haven't been following Burma so closely. I have enough problems in my life, I can only take in so much suffering. But I work with people with HIV, and this article affected me.

BNN has an article too.

Book review

I reviewed a book!

Chuang Yen Monastery

Chuang Yen Monastery
Originally uploaded by thatwaszenphoto

I got this off a lovely blog, the name is underneath the photo. I just think this is a beautiful photo. See the web site for a description by the photographer.

Beauty

An appreciation of beauty is mindfulness.

I like the photos on this woman's blog.

My cousin has a photo blog as well, which is interesting.

good post on being green

I think after the Tricycle Blog, which is mostly about other blogs and info, Danny Fisher has the best Buddhist Blog where he provides some interesting content. His latest one on being green is good.

I also like this blog on being green.

dharmic?

I may be stretching it

I may be stretching it, but I think Metalica lyrics for Wherever I May Roam, could also be about going forth. The video isn't so much about transcendence, seems very worldly, but I append it to the end of this blog entry. At age 40, with all my sophistication, I still feel a visceral reaction to heavy metal.

More MP3s in the ocean of dharma

One skill in being a Buddhist to cultivate is to learn to discriminate on how to take in information. I post things willy nilly, that I hope to listen to. I've just discovered some lectures by Bhikkhu Bodhi, who's stuff I've read before. I can't vouch for them yet, but I do like the stuff I've read of his before.

I found these lectures through this lovely blog.

mens GFR retreat 2007 09 30

mens GFR retreat 2007 09 30
Originally uploaded by sravacitta

I need to remind myself of the power of this retreat. I keep forgetting it. I'm a worldling who loses touch with the dharma at times. I want to be a constant flow of compassion and creativity, but I'm not. The process of trying to get there is what it's all about. And then men support that process. Thank you guys!

Parenting Quote

Sometimes we are focused on developing concentration or investigation or some other quality. New Parents have to work hard at cultivating and maintaining a lot of spiritual qualities: patience, generosity, renunciation (as they give up so much of their freedom and time). But the gift that they receive is love, as well as what’s called mudita, or appreciative joy. There’s no work involved, no effort in developing metta and mudita for our children, they just blossom. Appreciating that this is happening for us can help us to be easier on ourselves when other aspects of our practice seem to be crumbling.

(Kevin Griffin in One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps, P.216)

49 reasons to be a vegetarian

I found a cool web site to help explain my vegetarianism, click on this line.

Oceans of dharma

I've listened to most of the talks on Free Buddhist Audio, which is my first stop for talks. So to freshen things up and get to know the city, I've been listening to talks by Enkyo Roshi, which she generously shares here.

Sita on Zoroastrianism

Sita Mani is mentioned in an article on Zoroastrianism.

another blogger on going for refuge

A blogger of the Jodo Shinshu school, "True Pure Land", founded by Shinran, has an interesting blog on "going for refuge".

This is my least studied sect of Buddhism, but there is an interesting talk on Free Buddhist Audio, called Shiran and Kobat-Zinn.

free coloring books

My boys are into coloring, and I found a place to download stuff for coloring of Buddhist themes.

ask a buddhist

Clear Vision has a new section called Ask A Buddhist.

I wrote a review for a DVD on Amazon

I wrote a review of Meditation for everyone on Amazon.com.

Pictures of Nalanda

I found a site with modern pictures of Nalanda.

video link of Vajramati

Vajramati talks about his early experiences in the order on the video sangha.

Sita regarding Andres

Sita regarding Andres
Originally uploaded by sravacitta

puja

I suppose I'm a bit materialist about collecting pujas. But I've discovered another version of the Bodhicaryavatara puja the standard FWBO puja is based on, with a Bodhicitta emphasis. (That brings me up to 11, 9 of which are on line and blogged about here.)

Here is the page where the puja is. Or this is the link to the actual puja.

I'm looking for more pujas so if anyone has any leads, I would greatly appreciate it.

We had a lovely confession puja last Sunday in our mitra study. That's a very powerful one for me. I never thought I would like puja, but I really do.

Zen

An interesting commentary on the new liquor product called Zen.

No to censorship

No to censorship
Originally uploaded by riopel2dali

Kumbum - Milarepa

Kumbum - Milarepa
Originally uploaded by Vessantara

Vessantara has a lovely public slide show of his trip to Tibet, that I just looked at it. Click on the name Vessantara under the photo to go and look at it.

More Pujas!

I just found on Vessantara's beautiful web site, 5 more pujas to female Buddhas!

I'm also going to try the readings of Sangharakshita's books, like Widsom Beyond Words, in MP3 format.

How cool is that!

I'm following through blogs, Maia. She got to meet Johnathan Edwards! How cool is that.

Vajramati and Sita

Vajramati and Sita
Originally uploaded by sravacitta

We had mitra study last night at Sita's. I really appreciate these two.

I've been listening to two talks in my car as I drive. The first is an excellent talk by Kulananda called Mindfulness of Reality. I know mindfulness can be broken into 4 parts, the last and most slippery one being about reality. This clear talk is just the kind of talk that I tend to think, "and that's the heart of the Dharma." Until I find the next one.

To develop friendship with Vajramati, is to also deepen one's knowledge of Padmasambhava. There happens to be an excellent talk on Padmasambhava by Davavira It is at once very personal and architypal. A very authentic talk that evoke authenticity. It's very poetic, and forecefully given at times. It has me chanting the mantra at work, where I'm a little in the closet about being a Buddhist out of consideration of my clients and my role as being there for them--my usual mistake. I hide myself out of misguided projected rationalization on others--probably out of fear of rejection and difficulty.

Everything--my psychoanlaytic training at ICP, the people that support me in the GFR process, all my spiritual friends, my friends period, scream out to me "BE AUTHENTIC!!!" It's weird that at age 40, that is what I'm hearing. Am I so artificial. Can I even be natural around my own lovely children? I hope so, and that is the ideal to which I lovingly strive for and lovingly accept when I fall short.

I saw a great/disturbing video on you tube, about animal fur. I'm starting to gather momentum toward reducing the use of milk products, egg products, I don't think vegetarianism is enough for me. I need to move towards being a vegan. Meanwhile I get more and more out of step from my fellow Americans and the intensely meat eating culture.

I found the video on a new blog I'm checking out call "no impact man." File under taking the not given envirnmentally. What world will I be leaving my kids?

Quote from Sangharakshita

If we just regard the spiritual community as a convenience for our own spiritual development, we are living in accordance with a very narrow spiritual ideal. This narrow ideal becomes self-defeating, because you cannot really help yourself without helping others. If you think in term of helping yourself to the exclusion of helping others, you have a very rigid idea of self and others, and as long as that fixed view is there you can’t even gain Enlightenment for yourself.

Quote

To file under the category of perfection of energy and vigor, from Theodore Riek (not to be confused with Wilhelm Reich, another psychoanalytic writer) from his essay "New Ways in Psycho-analytic Technique":

"It is easy to be energetic, less easy to know whither our energy is to be directed."

NYC sangha 2005

NYC sangha 2005
Originally uploaded by sravacitta

I'm not there, but it's a good photo.

The Inner Pillar

Jennifer Sokolov has a lovely web site, that collects her interests together. Available on the web site is her essay on how Pilates can support your meditation practice, from Tricycle.

video sangha

I've just begun to explore the interesting web site video sangha. I really laugh at Karuna Carpenter, plus there was a video about whether an OM thinks she's enlightened, and one by a fellow who met Bante, and what that was like--all very interesting videos. But there seems to be much much more. I think our sangha needs to put something up so we are known somehow. I have some videos of Vajramati on You tube. Vajramati said when he was at the convention many people mentioned they'd seen it, which is interesting. It's a way of connecting and seeing what's going on with people.

mens GFR retreat 2007 09 30

mens GFR retreat 2007 09 30
Originally uploaded by sravacitta

The wonderful men who were on my retreat! I felt so lonely in the car driving back.

Arjava & Bodhana

Arjava & Bodhana are the correct spelling of ex-Buddy and ex-Dave's new names. Congratulations again! Well done gentlemen.

quote

From p. 78 of What Makes You Not A Buddhist by Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse:

"When some of us become parents ourselves, even a little understanding of interdependence effectively softens our expectations of our children, which they may interpret as love. Without that understanding, we might have good intentions to love and care for our children, but our expectations and demands can become unbearable."

Retreat

I have asked for ordination in the FWBO. Once a year in North America, there is a week long retreat, aimed at helping people move towards ordination. This year the retreat was at Aryaloka, a beautiful retreat center in New Hampshire. Aside from meditation and spiritual friendship, the retreat's study theme was the ten pillars, the precepts you take upon ordination, the basic ethical principles.

The retreat was lead by Dhammarati, Nagabodhi, and was attended by many order members, including Vajramati. There were many illustrious fellow retreatants as well, including a photographer, who has a good audio file about why he's a buddhist.

Also on the retreat was a a culmination that lead to a public ordination on Saturday. I'm going to wait for the correct spelling to write the names of ex-Buddy and ex-Dave. But to my count there were 28 order members, 30 after they were publicly ordained.

It was a historic event for the American order, because for the first time an American born preceptor ordained Americans. Now the order transcends nationality, but in terms of development of an order and taking on a kind of national identity as a kind of mark of maturity, it was a historic event.

Maia, the baby was there at the private ordination, I got to finally hold, and smile at the baby I've been reading about.

Unfortunately during my retreat, there's been some monk led rebellion in Myanmar that has been brutally repressed.

Four Seals

There's an excellent book by Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse called What Makes You Not A Buddhist. In it he elaborates on the four seals.

The Four Seals according to him are as follows:

1. All compound things are impermanent.
2. All emotions are pain.
3. All things have no inherent existence.
4. Nirvana is beyond all concepts.

These are all very deep and intense truths which he elaborates in his book, challenging many assumptions about American culture and the American dream. Reading it on retreat has been a deep and profound experience for me.

puja!

I love and have done the standard puja (which you can get at the FWBO-News resources site). But today I found my 4th puja, which is a mindfulness of breathing (Anapanasati) puja by Viveka. Yippie.

Free Book Content

From Kulananda's book on Wildmnid, about the ocean of interrelatedness.

Interesting movie

When I told a work friend I correspond with a dharma brother in prison, he said, "of course you do." Like it's in character to be compassionate that way. I think he was a bit sarcastic. I'm proud he said that, though.

Now there's a movie about dharma in prison. The NY Times reviews the movie and you can watch the trailer.

video on Ambedkar

It's over an hour, and I haven't been able to watch it yet, but anything on Ambedkar is interesting because of his influence in the revival of Buddhism in India.

FWBO NYC is official

We're an official non-profit! Our sangha received the following message recently: "I wanted to let your know that your nonprofit corporation was formed in the state of New York on 08/29/07. Congratulations! We mailed the filed documents out to you today."

This is wonderful news! Now to get down to work of building the sangha!

Good talks, good photos

Here's a link to Parami's site that has a lot of photos of Nagabodhi's wedding.

I've heard 3 very good talks recently.

The first is on violence.

The second is on enlightenment.

The third is on self.

Milarepa

The Movie

FWBO Photo Link on Flickr

There is a huge collection of photos of Flickr of the FWBO.

Top Ten Myths About Meditation

Bodhi has another interestnig article on his lovely Wildmind site.

Wildmind's Book Reviews

A friend has written a book review on Wildmind a while ago. I've recently written a book review that Bodhi has accepted. The newsletter in not on line, nor is it in the book review section. So I offer Vidhuma's book review.

an interesting page on religious tolerance.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/buddhism.htm

Buddha gets a biopic!

According to the New York Times arts section today:

Buddha Gets a Biopic

Born into a princely family in the sixth century B.C. in Kapilavastu on the border between present-day India and Nepal, Gautama Buddha abandoned luxury for spiritual enlightenment. Now the life of this man, who founded Buddhism, will be the subject of a film, Agence France-Press reported. Based on research by the Sri Lankan scholar Nimal D’Silva and others, the film will be shot in India and Sri Lanka by Shyam Benegal, an Indian director, for release in 2009. It is a venture of the Light of Asia Foundation, based in Colombo, Sri Lanka, and Beyond Dream Entertainment, based in India. “The message of the movie gives answers to global crises of conflict and environmental problems,” said Navin Gooneratne, chairman of the foundation.

Sangharakshita's autograph

Sangharakshita's autograph
Originally uploaded by sravacitta

Vajramati went to the convention in England and he brought me back a book that's not even out yet, signed by the author!

I feel very excited about the autograph. Sangharakshita is the founder and kalyana mitra to many of my friends who are order members. Or their KM's kalyana mitra. He's the heart and founder of the F/WBO and it's incarnations in different countries and different languages.

It means a lot to me that Vajramati brought that back for me. He and Vidhuma are going to be my Kalyana mitras. Vajramati is my private preceptor. I hope to have a ceremony at the next GFR retreat in September at Aryaloka with Vajramati and Vidhuma.

Happy Birthday Alyssa

Happy Birthday Alyssa
Originally uploaded by sravacitta

And happy birthday Urgen Sangharakshita! I wish Alyssa and Bante many more.

Pirate Alyssa

Pirate Alyssa
Originally uploaded by sravacitta

My other blog

I've artificially seperated my life into spiritual, fathering and mental health, for blog purposes. My fathering blog includes this fetching picture of me and Andrew, my youngest son. My mental health blog is more notes on what I've read about mental health in the newspapers, magazine, and other on line resources. It's my least written or commented on blog.

If you don't know, you can always click on the link "view my complete profile." That shows all 3 blogs. I often use that to navagate between the blogs.

I think Buddhism informs my parenting and work as a psychotherapist. But as I say, they're artificially separated.

James

James
Originally uploaded by sravacitta

The NYC sangha says goodbye to James, who returns to London and his home sangha of the LBC. We had a lovely 2 month visit from him and it was nice to have another male mitra around in August. I wish you a safe journey home, we're going to miss you when you leave.