walking meditation

I focus on the body in motion, as an object for the concentration exercise. If you move slowly, it's easier, but I was also walking for exercise. Added degree of difficulty the path was well trod on and there was lots of slipping and sliding. 

What Are You Going Through by Sigrid Nunez quote:

"there are two kinds of people in the world: those who upon seeing someone else suffering think, That could happen to me, and those who think, That will never happen to me. The first kind of people help us to endure, the second kind make life hell."

Metta meditation today

When I'm disciplined, I meditate before my daughter wakes. I stopped meditating for a while because I was sad a friend did not write me back. It's more than that, with the usual distractions and problems. I have been reading a lot lately and when I meditate, I don't want to read as much. I read slower. 

So my daughter was sitting pretty quietly, watching Noddy: Toyland Detective. So I went into my room and sat down at my shrine. I put the cushions into a comfortable position and started my insight timer. 

My daughter came in. Apparently her recent spate of feeling comfortable alone had ended. So I told her what I was doing. "I'm doing a metta meditation, universal loving kindness. In the first stage I cultivate metta towards myself, remembering happy times, and hoping for the conditions of feeling safe, loved, stimulated, all my emotional needs were met, I problem solve and communicate well, and I have insight into myself, circumstances, and remember the goals of Buddhism to be kinder and more mindful."

"In the second stage I think of my friend Cliff who is off boondocking in Arizona, running, eating vegan food, sleeping in his car, pooping in a hole he dug. I have had so many wilderness adventures with him, hiking, canoeing, driving, biking. I wish him well where he is. I hope he is happy in his heart of heart. What would block me from feeling metta towards Cliff?"

I go silent as my daughter uses my back to drape a small blanket over me, and she lays in the tent she has built. The cat, excited by the action, keeps head butting my hands. My daughter quietly mutters to herself. Then she decides to use the chair to make a fort, and then she lays down frustrated. The fort hasn't come out the way she wanted it to. It did not meet her expectations. She tells me she is sad. I ask her if she needs some help.

I tell her I wish her well, wish her happy in her heart of hearts, and she is a little touched by that and rubs my arm back and forth in a warm gesture. But she wants help making her fort. I try all I can to keep focused in metta, and move to the enemy, the person who irritates me, annoys me, disappoints me, and who is in conflict with me, expresses anger towards me, lets me know they are disappointed in me. 

But my daughter is ramping up to be more assertive. She wants help is making her unsad. I try a little longer but after committing to a 40 minute meditation, after 28 minutes I give up, and help her build a fort. But my back hurts so I go and lay down, and she comes with me to the room that has her show. I sit and write about my attempt to meditate. She is hungry, she wants some pasta with butter and salt. I go prepare it for her.

I was writing my second novel, a sort of sci-fi Buddhism thing that I enjoy, but I don't think would be too comercial, and family has not thought it so fantastic it needs to be published. I'll put it up when I have the trilogy finished. I'm halfway done with the 3rd one too. I was writing about meditating and wanted to meditate. When i have the urge to meditate, I follow that urge. So I gave it a try but the circumstances were not conducive. I'll get up early tomorrow before my daughter gets up.

Three simple lines by Natalie Goldberg

 

My father writes haiku and related forms, and I've read a little Basho, but never a whole book about the form. There's a kind of connection, as there always is in Japan, with the poetry and Zen, a form a Buddhism.

Natalie Goldberg is the bard of Santa Fe, famous for writing one novel, and a zillion books on writing. I just learned she also was a student of Kataguri, and then later after finding out about sleeping with female disciples, another book, called The Great Failure. They need to update Wikipedia to add this book, Three Simple Lines, because I'm a quite enjoying it.

She travels a lot to Japan on a pilgrimage to the three main haiku poets Ginsberg said: Basho, Buson and Issa. Also Masaoka Shiki. Then she finds Chiyo-ni.

Such a fun book to read!

 

No more priests by Walt Whitman

 

Beard

 

Dickenson poem

This poem feels a little Boddhisattvaey to me.

"If I can stop one heart from breaking" - Emily Dickinson

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.

 

Offline 24 hours

I did the offline challenge from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. 

I read a lot more, but the reading of the books I wasn't able to look up historical people and now I'm not as motivated to look them up. Not sure which is better for reading, reading without stopping or reading enhanced by the support of Wikipedia. I couldn't ask questions to the hive mind: I wanted to know if a certain book was worth reading. They'd steered me away from a book too late the last time too. But they recommended the group bio of the Transcendentalists I'd gotten.

I finished a book on Margaret Fuller by Megan Marshall that won the Pulitzer and I highly recommend. I also finished James Shapiro's book on Shakespeare in a Divided America. Really good book too. Now I'm reading Goldberg's book on haiku, and traveling in Japan, called Three Simple Lines. I don't really like it pretend that they have the insight always that we're not separate, but speak the language of insight, which Goldberg does, but I do like travel books, and it's good on the history of the three major Haiku poets according to Ginsberg. Goldberg is also traveling with Joan Halifax, whose Fruitful Darkness I thought was amazing, though so far she hasn't had a conversation included in the book, with her.

Not seeing the news wasn't bad. I could probably get away from reading the paper every day. I'm definitely going to do it once a week, but I'm tempted to do it every other day.

I defined my offline to include being offline but downloaded previously or the radio. I wasn't going to touch my laptop, phone, ipad or radio. It was for the silence. I mean I could download a book and read it on my iPad, but I'm also tempted then to look things up online on wikipedia. Radio isn't online, but in a way it's technology that distracts me. My point was to no have technological distractions beyond books, which I know is arbitrary. A harder fast, I'm not ready for yet, includes books. No text. I might have to work up to that. 

A buddhist friend said "yuck" when I said I did something for the renunciation of something. I think renunciation is good. I remember one person presenting a book that included renouncing elevators and hot water. I don't travel on that many elevators, and cold showers are not something I'm ready for though I'm celibate for the time being.

I had a friend that aspired to be a Shabbat goy, and I notice that this offline thing aligns with the orthodox Jewish people in my neighborhood who walk a lot outside with family, and say "Shabbat shalom". I even envied this practice of avoiding technology. But I'll use the stove, and phone. 

I did call my son to check in with him, and let my daughter talk to him. And I was tired and I ended my fast 23 hours, an hour early. But I'll get there in the future. 

I went for a walk I might not have gone for, but I felt my Covid symptoms come back, so it wasn't a happy walk for me. My breath was short and I got a headache. That's why I indulged in watching TV before I went to bed early. Covid is no joke, it sucks. 

Pure Land Image

 

Kizil Caves

I was reading the Kassapa Samyutta, and I wanted to learn more about Kassapa. There was a particularly interesting photo of a cave drawing of Kassapa:

It turns out the Kazil Caves in Baicheng County, Aksu Prefecture, Xinjiang, China have lots of amazing cave art. This area used to be a hub in the silk road, the kingdom of Kucha. The Wikipedia article on the Caves is very long and has lots of amazing art work. Check it out.

Kassapa led the sangha after the Buddha's death, and supposedly focused on the vinaya. I was listening to a biography on Ajahn Chah and he was focused on the vinaya. I heard the term "householder vinaya". So I googled it, and lo and behold there is a book you can buy or get a free PDF. Haven't been able to get to it yet, I'm still bewitched by a biography of Margaret Fuller, but I hope to get to it soon.

spiritual superiority

 "The researchers found that, after meditation, self-centrality in meditation-relevant domains was exacerbated, not diminished, and self-enhancement in meditation-relevant domains was augmented, not curtailed."

from "The Science of Spiritual Narcissism" in Scientific America.

They define spiritual superiority as the following beliefs:

six items:

    •       I am aware of things that others are not aware of.

    •       I am more in touch with my senses than most others.

    •       I am more aware of what is between heaven and earth than most people.

    •       Because of my education and experience, I am observant and see things that others overlook.

   •       Because of my background and experiences, I am more in touch with my body than other people.

    •       The world would be a better place if others too had the insights that I have now.

Researchers conclusion:

"“Our results illustrate that the self-enhancement motive is powerful and deeply ingrained so that it can hijack methods intended to transcend the ego and instead, adopt them to its own service.... The road to spiritual enlightenment may yield the exact same mundane distortions that are all too familiar in social psychology, such as self-enhancement, illusory superiority, closed-mindedness, and hedonism (clinging to positive experiences) under the guise of alleged ‘higher’ values.”"

Not the best article conflating yoga and meditation as the same thing, quoting Hindu teachers (for Buddhist meditation?) and quoting Chogyam Trungpa, who exemplified spiritual materialism more than he taught to transcend it (Children snorting coke at the party?). But it does bring up an interesting topic. 

I would argue that that is why you don't just teach secular mindfulness, you surround it with the teachings, including the importance of ethics, and the Bodhisattva Ideal.

It's a huge problem: to incorporate the teachings into what you want to do already without actually changing.  It's well know in the spiritual community (sangha).

I suppose the spiritual life is just like other parts of life. There are dangers and traps and ways to pervert teachings and wrong turns everywhere. There is never a reason to suspend common sense. I would argue that the spiritual life reinforces common sense. Just stepping into a room doesn't solve all your problems.

Also metta meditation helps to develop empathy. It's essential on the spiritual path IMHO.

Today's hinderances

Sense desire: I think about sex and have a desire for intimacy. I know by experience, that I just have to let it drift away. The traditional idea of focusing on the grossness of the body doesn't really work because the mind is attracted to the attractive bits and thoughts. Then food. I also like ideas. I've been studying the Transcendentalists. Margaret Fuller, Emerson, Thoreau, Hawthorn and Alcott. Margaret is moving to New York in my biography of her. Wonder how she likes New York City. I want pleasure, I push away pain, reactively.

Ill Will: If people would just do what I want, I would be so much more happy. I have hatred of myself, for mistakes I've made in the past. That quite naturally leads to ...

Anxiety and restlessness. In the book I'm reading about the Hindrances, it talks about remorse in this section. I'm utterly filled with remorse. Eject it, and move forward positively. I've also had a lot of restlessness too. I didn't drink coffee, and I was still restless. Must be in my body. 

Sloth and Torpor: I need energy to stick to it. I almost quit 28 minutes into my 40 minute sit because my legs hurt, I'm uncomfortable. No. I will fulfill my commitment. 

Doubt: It is doubt that tells me that I could quit meditating and it wouldn't matter. 

Methods: Identify and investigate.

Britney Spears wants to meditate more.

Kimbila

 

Kimbila (Thag 1.118) 

As if sent by a curse,

it drops on us —

   aging.

The body seems  other,

though it's still the same one.

I'm still here

& have never been absent from it,

but I remember myself

as if somebody else's.

Hakuin's Song of Zazen

(Produced by the Zen Buddhist Order of Hsu Yun)

From the beginning all beings are Buddha.

Like water and ice, without water no ice, outside us no Buddhas.

How near the truth, yet how far we seek.

Like one in water crying, "I thirst!"

Like the son of a rich man wand'ring poor on this earth we endlessly circle the six worlds.

The cause of our sorrow is ego delusion.

From dark path to dark path we've wandered in darkness,

how can we be freed from the wheel of samsara?

The gateway to freedom is zazen Samadhi.

Beyond exaltation, beyond all our praises the pure Mahayana.

Observing the Precepts, Repentance and Giving,

the countless good deeds and the Way of Right Living, all come from zazen.

Thus one true Samadhi extinguishes evils. It purifies karma, dissolving obstructions.

Then where are the dark paths to lead us astray?

The Pure Lotus Land is not far away.

Hearing this truth, heart humble and grateful.

To praise and embrace it, to practice its Wisdom,

brings unending blessings. bring mountains of merit.

And if we turn inward and prove our True Nature, that

True Self is no-self, our own self is no-self, we go beyond ego and past clever words.

Then the gate to the oneness of cause-and-effect is thrown open.

Not two and not three, straight ahead runs the Way.

Our form now being no-form, in going and returning we never leave home.

Our thought now being no-thought, our dancing and songs are the Voice of the Dharma.

How vast is the heaven of boundless Samadhi!

How bright and transparent the moonlight of wisdom!

What is there outside us? What is there we lack?

Nirvana is openly shown to our eyes.

This earth where we stand is the pure lotus land!

And this very body, the body of Buddha.

44 Effacements

From MN 8

Now, Cunda, you should work on self-effacement in each of the following ways.

‘Others will be cruel, but here we will not be cruel.’

‘Others will kill living creatures, but here we will not kill living creatures.’

‘Others will steal, but here we will not steal.’

‘Others will be unchaste, but here we will not be unchaste.’

‘Others will lie, but here we will not lie.’

'Others will speak divisively, but here we will not speak divisively.’

‘Others will speak harshly, but here we will not speak harshly.’

‘Others will talk nonsense, but here we will not talk nonsense.’

‘Others will be covetous, but here we will not be covetous.’

‘Others will have ill will, but here we will not have ill will.’

‘Others will have wrong view, but here we will have right view.’

‘Others will have wrong thought, but here we will have right thought.’

‘Others will have wrong speech, but here we will have right speech.’

‘Others will have wrong action, but here we will have right action.’

‘Others will have wrong livelihood, but here we will have right livelihood.’

‘Others will have wrong effort, but here we will have right effort.’

‘Others will have wrong mindfulness, but here we will have right mindfulness.’

‘Others will have wrong immersion, but here we will have right immersion.’

‘Others will have wrong knowledge, but here we will have right knowledge.’

‘Others will have wrong freedom, but here we will have right freedom.’

‘Others will be overcome with dullness and drowsiness, but here we will be rid of dullness and drowsiness.’

‘Others will be restless, but here we will not be restless.’

‘Others will have doubts, but here we will have gone beyond doubt.’

‘Others will be irritable, but here we will be without anger.’

‘Others will be hostile, but here we will be without hostility.’

‘Others will be offensive, but here we will be inoffensive.’

‘Others will be contemptuous, but here we will be without contempt.’

‘Others will be jealous, but here we will be without jealousy.’

‘Others will be stingy, but here we will be without stinginess.’

‘Others will be devious, but here we will not be devious.’

‘Others will be deceitful, but here we will not be deceitful.’

‘Others will be stubborn, but here we will not be stubborn.’

‘Others will be arrogant, but here we will not be arrogant.’

‘Others will be hard to admonish, but here we will not be hard to admonish.’

‘Others will have bad friends, but here we will have good friends.’

‘Others will be negligent, but here we will be diligent.’

‘Others will be faithless, but here we will have faith.’

‘Others will be conscienceless, but here we will have a sense of conscience.’

‘Others will be imprudent, but here we will be prudent.’

‘Others will be uneducated, but here we will be well educated.’

‘Others will be lazy, but here we will be energetic.’

‘Others will be unmindful, but here we will be mindful.’

‘Others will be witless, but here we will be accomplished in wisdom.’

‘Others will be attached to their own views, holding them tight, and refusing to let go, but here we will not be attached to our own views, not holding them tight, but will let them go easily.’

Imbolc is a Gaelic traditional festival marking the beginning of spring.

Imbolc lands about halfway between the winter solstice and the spring equinox, Feb. 1st.

I just like the pagan culture because of it's love of nature, and curious collection of traits a god will have. Brigid the early deity of Ireland, "is considered the patroness of poetry, smithing, medicine, arts and crafts, cattle and other livestock, sacred wells, serpents (in Scotland) and the arrival of early spring."

"Brigid was said to visit one's home at Imbolc. To receive her blessings, people would make a bed for Brigid and leave her food and drink, and items of clothing would be left outside for her to bless. Brigid was also evoked to protect homes and livestock. Special feasts were had, holy wells were visited, and it was a time for divination."

Links

Brigid (Jones' Celtic Encyclopedia on Way Back Machine.)

Brigid (Wikipedia)

Imbolc

Goddess Brigid Chant (Soundcloud)

Cailleach is a divine hag, a creator deity, a weather deity, and an ancestor deity. In modern Scottish folklore studies, she is also known as Beira, Queen of Winter.

 

 

 

 

Stillness Flowing: The Life and Teachings of Ajahn Chah by by Ajahn Jayasaro

Luang Por Chah is known as Ajahn Chah (1918 – 1992) was an influential Thai Forest tradition teacher.

There's an audiobook of the biography that I'm listening to.

One of his early teachers was Ajahn Mun. He spent 7 years in the wilderness. The tradition follows great austerity, the 13 Dhutanga. They had basic clothing, ate one meal a day that they got from lay people offering the monk food, not only going to rich houses, but to all houses. Living not in a house, but under a tree. Living near charnel grounds is good. Sleeping rough, wherever, though never laying down. Only sit, walk or stand. Pretty intense practices.

Like many revitalizing practices, this movement was a reaction to a kind of watering down of the tradition.

Like all teachers, a basic common sense and a kind of intensity seeps through the teachings. Ajahn Chah ran a tight ship for quite a long while at his monastery. His disciples found that he exemplified what he was expecting from others.  

For whatever reason, after my upbringing in the Triratna Buddhist Community, I've been attracted to these teachings the most. And I find the biographies interesting. Heroes to admire.

I don't feel the need to resolve contradictory urges (I am large, I contain the multitudes). I also have the urge for self reliance, inspired by Emerson's essay. What I think and feel matters most. But I like to be inspired by others exemplification. 

On the mend

My symptoms are decreasing after 9 days. 

I think it might have been a mistake to take nyquil because it has alcohol in it. 

I'm still tired, congested, short of breath, but I never got the lost of taste or smell. My headache was in part due to quitting coffee. I went 3 days without coffee, and I'm back on a cup when I wake up.

Glad I had a pulse oximeter so I would know if I needed to go to the hospital.

Thank you to the city for offering a hotel room, offering to run errands outside so I didn't have to break quarantine. I used none of those services, but if I'd needed them they would have meant a lot to me.

I forgot to wash my hands before I pet the cat. Opse. Hope Ella doesn't get it. Apparently you can give Covid to your cat. Be careful and mindful. One little slip of mindfulness could mean another's death.

I've been outside to move my car, and to put out the trash, but I didn't go near anyone.

I'm not some dope drinking a bottle of water to prove that I've survived it, that it wasn't deadly to me. I didn't get any drugs to speed my recovery, I didn't get any high tech medical care unavailable to the masses. Just texts from a city monitoring my progress. I did have the support of a loving family. Thank you.

Back to Buddhism. Buddhism lost another teacher in Joanne Friday. 

May all beings be happy may all beings be well.

Covid update

The whole house has it, the baby is just sneezing, maybe she doesn't have it. Partner was throwing up all last night.

My throat just keeps getting more soarer and soarer. I took a steamy shower and that helped. Tylenol. 

Lots of different advice. My aunt told me to get up and walk around every 2 hours. 

I got an oximeter from a relative. Dr. said goto hospital if it stays around 92.

I have high blood pressure, and I haven't gone in to get a new prescription. One thing or another comes up. My doctor doesn't return my pages. 

But My Chart from NYC has a talk to a doctor online feature, so I got a doctor online without waiting too much. So my son is going to get my meds, get some supplies and deliver them. 

Lots of family and friends reaching out, I feel loved. I wish everyone well. 

My analysis of why Trump is guilty of murders of American people

Trump's failures around Covid will be debated into eternity. You can't put every death at his feet, even in the countries that did it right, there were deaths. If you compare the graph for New Zealand Covid to the graph of USA, I can't help but see the initial bump that was the worst for New Zealand, is just a small bump for America, which keeps getting worse wave after wave. New Zealand did it right but still 25 people have died from Covid. Adjust that for population and that's about 1,673 cases would have been in USA if we'd been as effective as New Zealand. Now maybe it's harder to control more people, and there are a billion other reasons why New Zealand could do well, and the USA could not, but if you subtract say 2K from the USA total, we would only have 396K instead 398K dead recorded today. Well, that 2K, wildly exaggerated round up, would not be much of a drop in the bucket compared to nearly 400K. OK, maybe he is guilty of pretty much murdering 396K odd people so far. 

Could the USA president have done what the New Zealand Prime Minister did? Is the USA's ideas of freedom make wearing a mask feel like a totalitarian move that the right wing would resist? Was Trump's inaction really just rubber stamping what the right wing would have done anyway? Is there more travel to the USA, is a larger population harder to control? We'll never know. What we will see is how much Biden's leadership and actually addressing the issue will mean to driving down numbers, past expectations, which is another metaphysic.

Some people say Sweden didn't enact measures and hoped for herd immunity. They say that is a valid strategy. High stakes games.

Basically if you drank Trump's kool aid, then you don't see it as his fault. If you hate Trump like I do, you do see it all as his fault. It's hard to figure out where the objective truth lies. The post-truth era of Trump has decreased the size of shared reality. I'm not sure what to do with that. 

The Civil war was 650K, but I bet we get close to that, and for that I blame the south.

I have Covid, I'll record the journey here, to the extent I can.

Today is MLK Day 2021, a Monday, January 18.

Two days ago I had a headache, consistent with past sinus infections, but the cold didn't come down. My body was achy, but my doctor friend said that might be aging achiness, or heart failure. He's kind of sarcastic, and retired. I wasn't having any chest pressure, or trouble breathing. I had a sore throat, but two nights of nyquil had that OK, and I'd been sleeping 12-14 hours a day. But I ran out of nyquil and woke up this morning with a really sore throat, and now I can feel a light pressure on my chest. My oximeter is on the way to help me determine if I need to go to the hospital. Maybe I'll borrow someone else's if it doesn't come.

We've been fairly quarantined. I did leave the house and go the library, pick up a book on a table and check a book out. Wore a mast there. And the day before I went to the park with my daughter for 2 hours but I didn't get close to anyone, and wore a mask.

My co-parenting partner was angry that I didn't tell her immediately, but I wasn't sure I was sick and I wasn't sure if I was just being paranoid. I spent a few hours saying goodbye to everyone in my head, and then felt that that was foolish. If I've ever met you, I really loved our time together and am just really grateful for all the wonderful experiences I have had. 

I felt worse after she went to work and then told her the next day. She wanted me to address the situation quickly, but I did not know she needed documentation to avoid work, and quarantine with me. I also wasn't sure how sick I was and/or I was sick and not thinking clearly. 

Anyway, we went to the local library which was set up as a testing center. Waited in line outside in the cold--I'm sure that didn't help my health, and it also didn't spread it being outside, socially distanced and with a mask on.

I got the results today that I tested positive for Covid-19. Coincidentally I feel worse today. Now it's all calls to my doctor and others trying to figure out what to do.

When we were tested they told us alkaline water, Mucinex and vitamin C

I honestly only felt slightly ill the previous two days and I did spend some time in close proximity to my daughter and co-parenting partner. I really hope they don't get it. My daughter's test results haven't come through but she was tested on Saturday. My co-parenting partner tested negative. She came in and told me to not touch our cat, the cat can carry it to them.

In College I read The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker, a fascinating book about Otto Rank that won the Pulitzer prize. Since then I have read many books on death and dying, took a course in social work school on the topic. 

I don't know how much of the above prepared me for the Buddhist acceptance of death and dying as a natural thing. One time I told my father that we come into the world pretty mellow. He said no we don't, thinking about attending my birth. I meant conception, being inside. That's when we begin, though we're not separate from our mothers then and shortly after birth for a while. Mother and child are one for a while, I learned in social work school, studying attachment theory. Being born is a trauma that we must recover from according to Otto Rank. 

Anyway, I think it's Buddhism that says the arrow is in the air and will fall to earth. Also the bubble, and even waves are metaphors for life. The only surprise of death is in association with denial. I sometimes wonder if we would have a more sane politics if people were more aware they would die. Would more people be like Atwater who regretted his politics at the end of his life?

I have a lot of regrets in my life, of hurting people through greed, selfishness and delusion, but I don't really feel like I need to experience more life at this time. I'd had an awesome life.

I really hope my children are OK, and if anyone is in a position to help my children or their mothers, I greatly appreciate that. I am prepared to die to some extent, though I may be kidding myself. I'm always wary of kidding myself, aping spiritual advancement that hasn't happened. Start where you are, right?! Avoid spiritual bypassism. 

In the USA mortality rate is below 2 percent if I can make out all the graphs and numbers. My age, my HTN and my obesity contribute to an increased chance, not sure how much. So I like my chances. This is by no means a death sentence. 

And there is no place you can go that makes your immune to death. I've read science fiction that had the fantasy of one day technology solving all the aging issues, but that is not here yet. I see tantalizing articles about discoveries about aging, but I'm not seeing anyone reversing it yet. 

I'll update with anything interesting. 

Correct me if I'm wrong

I've always been surprised that Sangharakshita didn't like the Transcendentalists. It's the perfect foil for puritanism. An appreciation of high art and nature. Striving for the best things without the metaphysics of it all. 

On the other hand, the writings are not easy to read. 

On the other hand, Emerson was quite into friendship.

A response to Christopher Titmuss

I like Christopher Titmuss' talk on FBA. But his post after the attempted coup, clangs with me. Of course you can always point out the delusion of delusions, the American dream for one. But I just don't see that that is the apt point at the moment.

I don't know how provocative he's trying to be. He takes talking points of conservatives when he points out that black lives mattered when Obama was president, ignoring the increase in police violence, and the increase in the police force of right wing people acting not just as police, but also judge and jury, and the permission that Trump gave these people to be out in the open with their white supremacy. 

Yes, if you're looking for a perfect world in the political realm, you're likely to be very frustrated. The Buddhist path is a path that will bring great rewards.

Here is my response:

A president can't harness every instinct in America. He has to choose. Biden was hoping to inspire law and order, after a president that is historically criminal. I don't think you have to take care of and account for the Trump supporters when you become president. Most Americans accept the political process, but those who stormed the capital did not, and are being punished for their crimes.

I'm not sure if that's the time to point out that the American dream contributes to people's suffering. I wouldn't go to a school after a gunman shoots down people and tell them that well, in the end, you're suffering if you don't start the Buddha's path. There's a bit of a clang there. Of course we can empathize with how people got to the point where they felt compelled to do such a thing, and I have enough empathy for everyone, but read the room dude.

 

Devotion

I challenge you to put Mahasuka's mantra in the background for a little while and not find yourself singing it later. I was just in the kitchen washing dishes and making some food and I found myself 

I cleave towards the secular Buddhism, and I dislike religious metaphysics, and theology. I find reading Buddhism to inspiration to meditate, and meditation is the key to Buddhism. For me. I don't make any claims about how Buddhism should be. I believe in exploring what works for you. And what working for you is something you know in your heart, and don't have to define it, though it would help to work it through with trusted friends.

It was to my utmost surprise when I fell in love with the puja, devotional chanting on my first retreat, and in conjunction with reading Sangharakshita's book on the puja. 

I believe that a mantra can put you in an adjacent mindful head space, call to mind a head space when you were on retreat and chanting a mantra. I am forever grateful to the guys who helped me to record an Amoghasiddhi mantra that I loved. I am grateful to a friend who sent me a copy of someone chanting a longer mantra, a purifying mantra. I also am grateful to a friend who gave me a CD of choral mantras. I am grateful to another friend who shared with me an Amitabha mantra. These sounds feel precious to me, important, helpful. I take refuge in the sangha.

I've never met Mahasukha. I haven't gone on a Buddhafield retreat. I hear they are wonderful. He has albums on the above link to Bandcamp and he has links to other stuff like his YouTube page. But I greatly appreciate his sharing of beautiful mantras. I just watched this video on Avalokita mantra; He explains, meditates for 7 minutes, and then the mantra begins around 9:30. It's an interesting version. 

Sedition and Coup attempt

I was pretty upset with the attempted coup. I rarely watch the news, but I streamed some CBSN and CNN. As always I read the NY Times, check in on Google News and Reddit. I listen and read Heather Cox Richardson on Facebook and in her emails.

I'm not sure if I want detachment and equanimity on such days. I called my friends. My friend was blase, and my parents talked more about the quarantine and their friends. I went for a walk. 

I asked what my ideas were about America that made me think sedition and pathetic coup attempt were so horrible.

The idea that keeps coming back to me is the idea of equality before the law. To me that means that it doesn't matter who you are, we are all equally responsible to follow the laws of the land. Nobody is above the laws. Trump wrote a executive order that sought to punish protesters of lawful government, that will apply to this protest.

If America doesn't want this to happen again, they were prosecute the people who broke the law. It's not a political matter. And there's no moving on or ignoring the laws. I know a lot of laws are not enforced. I'm pretty sure everyone who drives speeds at some point. There are people who don't drive, how do they break the law? Most people fib, but that's not against the law. Most people are fairly law abiding.

I have found a selfish reason to be ethical. Experiments in free flowing ethics have lead to difficult meditating. Because we are all connected, it's considerate to follow the laws. I've found that selfishly, being kind and considerate is very important to me. When successful it can even lead to the gladdening. The Gladdening is when you haven't created a karmic debt, and feel good about your contribution to the world. Veganism adds to my gladdening. I have too many regrets in my life to feel the gladdening personally, but I wish to cut down on my regrets, and move forward in a positive way. I just feel better when I try to be nice. It's easy to imagine you have exception to the rules, but it's quite complicated to really justify breaking the rules.

I do support peaceful protests, attempts to improve governance. I don't experience the attempted coup, to interrupt the certifying of the presidency as a protest. With 5 people dead, that's not a protest, breaking the law to interrupt a fair election, one that the idea of "stealing" is preposterous, that's a coup, and Trump's words were seditious and a factor in that. 

(I find it funny that Trump told Pence he's not his friend any more like some toddler. He's going to want a pardon soon, so maybe he should be nicer to Pence.) 

Also terrible is the woman who called up C-Span and asked if it wasn't true that the election was stolen. It took people dying for her to question the death cult spin she'd previously accepted. There has been a systematic effort at disinformation that is pernicious as well. The volume of crimes and lying by the president is disheartening even for people who remained in the republican party. Most people with integrity resigned from the republican party. I respect those people. The cabinet members who resigned after the attempted coup were like the people who unbuckle their seatbelts on a plane just before it stops, they've already gone for the ride.

In my opinion, Trump is responsible for the 350K+ deaths in the USA. New Zealand had 25 deaths, and projecting it out to the USA population, that's much less than 2K. So you can basically say that Trump is responsible for whatever number we have minus 2K, which seems insignificant. Basically he's responsible for not leading the country towards a non-New Zealand result. Maybe no US president could have steered the USA to such a good result. Maybe we're too stupid or too uncontrollable or whatever it is that would make us unable to get New Zealand results. Maybe. That Trump did not try put the consequences at his feet. 

Two days later, we see book deals canceled, attempts to identify and bring to justice those who have participated in this attempted coup. 

To those who make light of it, say they just certified in the evening what was interrupted in the afternoon. There have been efforts to say it was left wing people trying to pin trouble on the right--that is disproven, and shows that perhaps they do that on the other side. It's a question how much of the protests have been right wing thugs trying to smear left wing protests. That certainly happened in Nazi Germany, and recently in America. The parallels to Nazi Germany were not lost on many. The wannabe dictator Trump has been voted out of office. On the larger level, democracy worked, but to many it seems slow and reluctant to figure out what crimes a sitting president has commited. 

Of course we don't want lawsuits and whatnot to plague a sitting president. That is a republican move to depower a president, bring up indictments that are in fact baseless. Clinton's emails come to mind. The Hunter Biden narrative comes to mind. Bill Clinton getting a blow job comes to mind. The 20+ sexual assault cases brought against Trump will have to wait for him to leave office. Perhaps that is one of the reasons he doesn't want to leave office.

Most of the republican dirty tricks are perhaps not illegal. Ballooning the deficit and then turning into deficit hawks for Democrats is one. They don't want to roll out entitlements the people get used to, so they look like they're taking them away when they eventually come back into power.

My question is will he be removed before his time is up? And will he remain in America and where will he go if he doesn't remain here? He committed more crimes than Nixon, for sure, and Nixon resigned so he could get pardoned. 

Will the pardoning laws be rewritten? Will the electoral college be abolished, so the popular vote isn't even in question? Of course some bozo can come along and challenge the vote count, but from what I've heard this last election was a quite good one. There's not even a question that Trump lost, but yet there are people that believe that because he said it, and he has claimed the mainstream media is never truthful, only he speaks the truth. So there's no checks and balances if you just listen to him.

In the end, I think what I've learned from the politics of the Trump administration is that we can't turn our gaze away from politics, as repugnant as it can be. Tolerating frustration and not knowing is a key skill in this.

I also need to understand why it appears so upsetting. In a very real way there's a confrontation of the abstract and the real. There are paradoxes between freedom and rights. The freedom of speech does not include sedition. The ideals overlap, and can be contradictory at times. The judgement to negotiate these guideposts is what governing and politics is all about. Politics is a weird combination of the abstract and the concrete. That's why it befuddles me so much.

One of the touchstones I retreat to in a crisis is the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. The Buddha doesn't have anything that is specifically relevant to this situation. But I have to admit that I lost some equanimity on January 6th. I had techniques and skills to regain my equanimity, and I was careful not to act out and base serious decisions on my upset state of mind.

Two days later I can process in public some of the happenings. I am in favor of punishing the coup attempt actors to the full extent of the law. They just certified the election in the evening instead of the afternoon, and Biden can be said to have no impediments for anyone to object to, to assuming the presidency January 20th. Five people died as a result of the shenanigans, so I don't see any reason to trivialize this event. Once again Trump's rhetoric was underestimated. America's exceptionalism in foreign policy is dead. I'm not sure if I even believed in it, but to me, it's clearly not even a question. 

I want to add that I'm disgusted to the level of political debate the country has sunken to. Up to the Trump presidency the political discourse mostly was at a higher level. I hope we can go back to debate, reason, common sense and concern for all Americans and minimize paranoid delusions and conspiracy theories. As far as I can tell the Trump administration stood for undermining public discourse, the press, enriching the rich and incompetence in federal government.

For me the heroes are the women who brought the sealed ceremonial electoral vote documents with them when they had to flee.

For me the hero is Heather Cox Richardson putting all this into historical context. I just got another email in my inbox, I'm going to read now.

To me the republican party is dead, they have betrayed "rejects monarchy, aristocracy, and hereditary political power; expects citizens to be virtuous and faithful in their performance of civic duties; and vilifies corruption." They will need a new leader to move forward. My hope is that at least the sedition and attempted coup forbid Trump from keeping power of the republican party and running in 2024. That is yet to be determined.

Ajahn Chah quote

 Like and Dislike

"If we still don’t know like and dislike as they arise, there is still some concern in our minds.  If we know the truth of these things, we reflect, ‘Oh, there is nothing to this feeling of liking here.  It’s just a feeling that arises and passes away.

Dislike is nothing more, just a feeling that arises and passes away.  Why make anything out of them?’ 

If we think that pleasure and pain are personal possessions, then we’re in for trouble, we never get beyond the point of having some concern or other in an endless chain.

This is how things are for most people."

Ajahn Chah

Early morning

Huang Er Chuan

My best routine is to wake up, read some, and meditate. Today I read Anamatagga Samuta (see below SN 15.3)

It's a full moon today. When the Buddha was alive, at one point, he told the monks to scatter, and teach the Dharma. Perhaps the area could not support so many monks easily. But they would gather on a full moon, stay up all night discussing the dharma. The popularity of the Dharma where the Buddha taught it is in contrast to the vicious battling of doctrines of Jesus. The Life of Brian captures it.

I had an image of a father meditating with his two daughters. One daughter meditated smooshed alongside the father. In a way, I do that with the Buddha. 

In my Buddhanasati, remembrance of the Buddha, I imagine the Buddha inviting me to meditate at a tree nearby him. He beckons me to meditate.

I always struggle with the neutral in metta, my attention easily wanders away from someone I little hate or love. But I also struggle with the enemy, the person I am in discord with. I think about the woman who would not stop honking even though I asked her to because my daughter was sleeping upstairs. She perhaps isn't confident backing out of the street, which is what I do when someone is blocking the street too long. But I forgive her easily, it was so long ago. People just have traits I despise in myself, like Trump's transparent narcissism. I loathe that in myself. So I can hate the traits I disown, and pretend are not part of me. But I can even forgive those. What is the true enemy? Is it my lack of willpower to meditate every day? That's even easy to forgive. I think metta really does work.

SN 15.3 Assu Sutta: Tears

At Savatthi. "Bhikkhus, this samsara is without discoverable beginning. A first point is not discerned of beings roaming and wandering on hindered by ignorance and fettered by craving What do you think, bhikkhus, which is more: the stream of tears that you have shed as you roamed and wandered on through this long course, weeping and wailing because of being united with the disagreeable and separated from the agreeable-this or the water in the four great oceans?"

"As we understand the Dhamma taught by the Blessed One, venerable sir, the stream of tears that we have shed as we roamed and wandered through this long course, weeping and wailing because of being united with the disagreeable and separated from the agreeable-this alone is more than the water in the four great oceans."

"Good, good, bhikkhus! It is good that you understand the Dhamma taught by me in such a way. The stream of tears that you have shed as you roamed and wandered through this long course, weeping and wailing because of being united with the disagreeable and separated from the agreeable-this alone is ​more than the water in the four great oceans. For a long time, bhikkhus, you have experienced the death of a mother; as you have experienced this, weeping and wailing because of being united with the disagreeable and separated from the agreeable, the stream of tears that you have shed is more than the water in the four great oceans. "

"For a long time, bhikkhus, you have experienced the death of a father ... the death of a brother ... the death of a sister ... the death of a son ... the death of a daughter ... the loss of relatives ... the loss of wealth ... loss through illness; as you have experienced this, weeping and wailing because of being united with the disagreeable and separated from the agreeable, the stream of tears that you have shed is more than the water in the four great oceans. For what reason? Because, bhikkhus, this samsara is without discoverable beginning .... It is enough to experience revulsion towards all formations, enough to become dispassionate towards them, enough to be liberated from them."

Haiku

Haiku isn't necessarily a Buddhist or Zen mode of communication, but you can't help but getting Buddhism with anything created in Japan, one of the countries that punished Christians trying to subvert Buddhism (see Silence 1966 novel by Shūsaku Endō or the 2016 Martin Scorsese film Silence). The samurai influence modern Star Wars movies, there's a hint of Buddhism in that because the samurai come from 12th century Japan.

My father does Haiku and other forms of Japanese poetry, and he just came out with a new book.

So when I saw this Natalie Goldberg book, I jumped at it because I've read Banana Rose. When you look at her publishing list, it's mostly about writing. Anyway, Haiku! Looking forward to read it.

Poem by Thoreau

 

Joy, delight and other positive emotions

I've never heard of Jill Shepherd before, but somehow I got hipped to this podcast. I particularly liked the idea that pain is like velcro and pleasure is like teflon. 

I've noticed that after about 10 minutes my mind settles, and there is a spaciousness. In the mindfulness of breathing, as I settle into my body, I listen for the rapture and bliss of stage 5 and 6 of anapanasati. My hope is to get better at hearing/feeling these subtle feelings. There is a kind of opening up of the positive side.

Shepherd talks about surprise at opening up to the positive side of meditation because of people's questions when she became a teacher, and how she was prone to focusing on the ascetic aspects, but that it was the Buddha abandoning the ascetic path that allowed him to have his memory of Dhyana. 

Links

Scroll down for her bio.

She's not to be confused with 2007 Miss Utah.

Grogu and refuge tree

This is the opening of Barak Obama's presidential memoir, which I'm reading right now.

 

I know "the force" isn't exactly Buddhism, it's more like the Zen influenced Samurai, but I like Grogu, even if he eats frog eggs and frogs. My daughter got one for Buddhamas and I put it on my shrine because she didn't watch Mandalorian and I have. It's kind of funny to me, but also expresses that when Star Wars came out in 1977 and I was 10 years old, I really liked it, and the hero's journey is important to me. I know all the stuff since Empire Strikes Back has been watered down milking of a franchise, but I still enjoy Star Wars stuff.

The refuge tree is more important to me, size wise. My preceptor gave me the refuge tree. I appreciate our time together even if we are estranged at the moment. 

The Friend by Sigrid Nunez

I'm reading Sigrid Nunez's The Friend and she's describing a woman she knew who was a good writer, but took a meditation retreat, and lost her interest in writing fiction for others. Never heard of that, but

Happy Buddhamas

 

Reading up on Yule

I'm a Buddhist who loves mythology, anthropology, Jungian archetypes, non-Jungian archetypes, and all kinds of thinking, not just emotional or rational.

Wikipedia Is German about the collective female spirit Dis, and for Anglo-Saxons it's Mōdraniht.

The Dises by Dorothy Hardy

For the Celts they had Des Matrona

For Anglo-Saxons it's Mōdraniht, or Mother Night. For the Romans it was Saturnalia.

The tradition is Dongzhi in China and throughout Asia. There is a connection to yin and yang. 

Makar Sankranti in Hindu India, which is January 14/15.

Yaldā Night in Iran, where they can read Hafez, the height of Persian literature, late into the night.

Vegan memes

 

 

Poem

I sit and Look Out by Walt Whitman

I sit and look out upon all the sorrows of the world, and upon all oppression and shame 

I hear secret convulsive sobs from young men at anguish with themselves, remorseful after deeds done,

I see in low life the mother misused by her children, dying, neglected, gaunt, desperate 

I see the wife misused by her husband, I see the treacherous seducer of young women 

I mark the ranklings of jealousy and unrequited love attempted to be hid, I see these sights on the earth 

I see the workings of battle, pestilence, tyranny, I see martyrs and prisoners, 

I observe a famine at sea, I observe the sailors casting lots who shall be kill’d to preserve the lives of the rest 

I observe the slights and degradations cast by arrogant persons upon laborers, the poor, and upon negroes and the like;

All these-all the meanness and agony without end I sitting looking out upon,

See, hear, and am silent.

Book of the Year 2020

My Dharma reading has focused more on the Pali Canon, but I did read a wonderful book called The Circle of the Way, and it filled me in on historical Buddhist figures I'd never heard of before.

The meaning of Buddhamas

We make up the world with our minds. Syncretism is the one true religion. We weave together a bunch of traditions that we experienced. I grew up in a Christian tradition. I pulled a Christmas tree down on me as a toddler. I remember the joy and wonder of an electric train set. 

On one level it's a celebration to stave off the depression of winter solstice. Saturnalia, and our pagan roots were co-opted by Christianity. 

Winter equinox is different for every location on this earth. We choose time zones so we can find a common time. With 5 time zones, we choose it as a country to focus on the 25th of December. Also there are north and south issues, Florida is sub-tropical and inland north, you can get quite brutal winter conditions. Where you are is important. I spent an Xmas with a friend and his family in England when I did my year abroad and I'm forever grateful to him for inviting me. Very kind.

Then I guessed that Santa Clause didn't exist. The disappointment in my grandmother's face. The loss of innocence. 

I was a jerk about a present I didn't like from my uncle. He was nice enough to think of me, and I wasn't mature about it. 

Then there is the turn, watching others and thinking of others. Turning towards generosity. I struggled with that and gave my first wife crappy presents. 

One time at the at the institute for psychotherapy the teacher asked if anyone didn't like the holiday season. Nobody raised their hands, so I raised my hand to just say something. I disliked the obligatoriness of gift giving. The teacher said I was selfish. Merry christmas to him, my present to him was to give him that smugness. 

In 2002 I shifted from atheist to Buddhist. Bodhi Day celebrates the Buddha enlightenment on December 8th. I read the Dharma, meditate, try to teach my daughter about Buddhism, and congregate with sangha when not in a pandemic. I suppose I try to keep that going.

Another tradition is making merry and feasting. I'm an alcoholic and a drug abuser, so I can no longer imbibe in alcohol or marijuana. That's another loss of innocence, of sorts. I was not up to facing life sober, and it caused a lot of trouble. I have mental health issues, depression. Alcohol doesn't help that either but it seemed to get me through challenging times. There's a part of me that still misses the ability to numb myself during the holidays, even though I know that is forbidden to me now. 

The lack of sun triggers a kind of seasonal affective disorder. Celebrating during the winter solstice is hypomanic response to this challenge. Let's make merry in a sober way. Kiss the joys as they pass by. 

My 4 year old daughter's mother wants her to know she's buying the presents, not Santa Clause. 

Because negative reinforcement isn't the best, Krampusnacht isn't emphasized. I told my daughter since she's a good girl, Krampus didn't come get her. 

We had elf on a shelf for my sons, not sure what they got out of that. 

I kind of worry about my daughter's greed, but it's fairly innocent. I look forward to watching her open all her presents. 

My stepfather is a secular Jew, so we also had a menorah. The festival of lights. I live on the edge of a Jewish neighborhood in NYC. So we are not just in a Christian atmosphere, there are other Abrahamic religions. Muslims are about. I forget the number I saw, but there are many religious festivals around this time and my awareness of that leads me to say "happy holidays". 

As a Buddhist, we have a tree, and will be giving my daughter presents. It's a special time of the year. 

I was watching Community, where Abed's mother can't meet with him, and he must find a new meaning of Christmas. Every year I find a meaning of Buddhamas. These are my thoughts this year. 

I have lots of great memories, and for that I am truly grateful. I've led a lucky life. A pivotal movie is It's A Wonderful Life. Would the world be a better place without you? Of course not. Sometimes the dark undertow can threaten to sweep me out into depressive waters, but in my heart I know I am worthwhile, and I provide goodness into the world. We have a negativity bias, because that helps us to survive, but in the end I am a net good person. 

I am very grateful for so many things, but during the holiday season it's for family. I love my family. Just like winter solstice, the point at which you experience it is different for everyone, so to, the point in a family is different for everyone. From the youngest to the oldest, in those near and those far. Family isn't just blood relatives, it's also friends. 

I'll kiss the delights as they pass by this year. 

May everyone be happy, may everyone be well. 

Bodhi Day December 8th 2020

The day before Bodhi Day, I meditated metta (universal lovingkindness). I realized (again and again and again) the hard one was neutral. I spin off quite easily. But recently I'd seen that a 16 year old never went to online class without his infant sibling on their lap. I thought of all the teenagers who the weight of responsibility has shifted to, because of the circumstances of Covid.

For me, the enemy is usually my shadow, the pervert, liar, power mode instead of love mode, exploiter, insensitive, unempathetic, stupid. I hate in others traits that I have in myself. I wrote a friend who I'd complains and complained about Trump, how I was like him.

Life happened slower with the Buddha. There were fewer screens. He had very different circumstances. But we can do what he did. We can meditate to gain insight into our own suffering and work to transcend the normal. 

The Buddha became enlightened. December 8th we celebrate that. May all being be happy may all being be well.

I listened to a talk by Bob Thurman on abuses, and thought it was a really good talk.

Links:

NPR with Takashi Miyaji: Miyaji is a Shin Buddhist Professor. They have a special service in Shin Buddhism, where they chant. He chants on the 6 minute interview.

Happy Krampusnacht

 

Tonight the Krampus roams about punishing naughty children.

My daughter reports Krampus didn't visit her. She's a good girl.

Parade